Pulled Back Again

by Danielle Bannister

  Slowly, he turns me around to face him and moves his hand from my mouth but keeps his grasp firmly on my hips, not giving up an inch of his hold on me. His eyes warn me not to scream. I’m not sure if I could anyway. My vocal cords seem to have shriveled up.

  His eyes rake me up and down. An expression of disbelief and awe covers his face when he meets my eyes again.

  “God, I’ve missed you,” he says, pulling me into a tight embrace. What little air I had in my lungs is squeezed out in his viselike hold.

  Against his inescapable grasp, I try again to form a sentence. “Hawk, what are you doing here?” I try my hardest to sound casual. I can’t let him see that he scares me. He’ll use it against me if I do. Staying indifferent is the only card I have to play.

  He releases me to tip up my chin to lock eyes with his. “I’ve come for you. Like I promised.” His thick lips form a perfectly wicked smile.

  Something inside me snaps.

  “Well, I don’t want you. Now let me go,” I hiss, pushing hard against his grasp.

  His smile fades into a hard line and he snickers.

  “Yes you do. You just don’t know it yet.”

  I wriggle against him again, growing angry.

  “Hawk, let me go or I’ll scream!”

  He lowers his lips to my ear. My body goes rigid at his touch, so foreign and cold.

  “No, you won’t.” He kisses my forehead and I cringe. “I just want to see my daughter. Then I’ll go. I promise.”

  He releases his grip on me enough so I can see into his eyes. A genuine look of longing is there—and not for me, but for the chance to see his daughter.

  “Come on, Jada, you owe me this much. I have the right to see her. Just one visit and I’ll go. I just—I need to see her. Please, Jada.”

  The man standing before me looks so broken and sad. His shoulders have grown slack and bags of sleeplessness droop under his eyes. Is it so wrong for him to at least see his daughter? She may be the only family he’ll ever have... It would be cruel to deny him this.

  “Fine. But just for a few minutes. Got it?”

  Hawk’s eyes brighten. For a moment, I catch a glimpse of the boy I new in high school. Maybe all he needed was a second chance. Someone to believe in him, someone who wouldn’t abandon him like his own parents and friends had. He lost everything the day he saved me from my father’s abusive hand. He’s right. I do owe him this visit.

  “Thank you, Jada.” A tear seems to form in his eye, but he blinks it away before it’s allowed to fall.

  He links his arm in mine and I lead him upstairs to meet his daughter.

  Chapter Five

  Tobias

  I’m in the bathroom, madly throwing toiletries into a pillowcase, when I hear the door open downstairs.

  Thank God!

  I close the cabinet and rush down the stairs. “I’ve got us almost packed. We can leave anytime now—”

  My feet almost fall out from under me while I descend the stairwell as my eyes find Jada’s—and Hawk’s. His arm is latched on to hers.

  “Where are you going this time, Jada?” Hawk probes. She sputters to try and come up with an answer when she’s cut off by another voice in the room.

  “Daddy!” Janelle screams, jumping off the couch where just moments ago she’d been humming some tune I’d never heard. She runs toward Hawk, who’s just as shocked as I am that Janelle just called him “Daddy.”

  Janelle rushes and attaches herself to his leg. Hawk looks quickly at Jada, then at me. A wicked smile seeps across his face for just a second before he turns his attention back onto Janelle.

  “She’s beautiful,” Hawk whispers, resting his hand on her head of curls.

  “Don’t you touch her!” I growl, ready to rip off his arms.

  “No! It’s okay,” Jada says, holding up her hand to stop my attack. “I invited him up.” She swallows. “It’s only fair he meets her.” She looks down at Janelle, who raises her hands, wanting to be picked up by Hawk. I have to force my feet not to move as he lifts her and holds my daughter to his chest.

  “He just wants to see her,” Jada says. “Then he’ll go.” She glances at Hawk, who’s rubbing his nose against Janelle’s.

  He’s not going to just leave after meeting Janelle. No chance in hell.

  “My beautiful girls,” Hawk coos. “Daddy’s home.” He nuzzles his face against Janelle again, and I can’t help it. I lose it.

  Lunging toward him with all my strength, I crash into him, but not before he pushes the girls aside. His shoulder takes the brunt of my blow, but it doesn’t knock him over.

  “So that’s how it’s gonna be, is it?” Hawk shouts at me. The muscles in his neck bulge out so I can clearly see the blood coursing through his veins.

  Behind me I see Jada pulling Janelle safely into her arms.

  “You’ve seen her. Now get out of my house,” I spit back at him.

  Hawk has the gall to smile at me. “Or what? You’re going to make me? Don’t forget, Tobs, I’m the stronger one here.” He takes a step forward. It’s small but intentional. “I don’t want to hurt you. Besides, I have every right to be here. She’s my daughter, not yours.”

  I try not to let the truth of his words affect me. I know I’ll get the shit kicked out of me if this were to come to blows. I don’t want Janelle to have to see that. But, then again, maybe getting into a fight will distract Hawk long enough for them to get out of the apartment. It’s not much of a plan, but it’s the only one I have. This time, I take a step forward.

  “Tobias, stop!” Jada shouts, stopping my advance. “Let’s not get crazy here.” Janelle squirms in her arms, her bottom lip quivering. I hate that she’s scared, that I’m the one making her scared.

  Hawk seems to relax his posture a bit, but I keep my guard up. I’m not taking any chances.

  “Why are you here?” I ask Hawk as calmly as I can.

  Hawk gestures toward my family. “I came to see them, of course.” He takes a few steps closer so we’re practically nose to nose. He towers over me, as he always has, but it’s somehow more intimidating now. His once-perfect hair that I’d always been jealous off is still shaved short from prison, adding even more menace to his look. After a mini stare-down of his icy blues, he leans in so only I can hear what he has to say.

  “They’re mine, and you know it. That’s why you’re so scared.” He draws back. His eyes are cold and unflinching, territorial.

  “I want you out of my house, now.”

  My hand digs into my pocket for my e-port. Enough of these games; I’m calling the cops. Hawk smiles at me. “Looking for something?” He shakes my e-port in his hand. He must have lifted it from me a second ago.

  “Give it back.”

  He reaches out his hand as though to hand it over but then drops it to the ground before he crushes it with the heel of his foot. The cracking of the screen into shards echoes in our tiny apartment.

  Beside him, Jada gasps while Janelle cocks her head looking up at Hawk and then down at the shiny bits now on the floor. In that moment, I know this isn’t going to end well.

  Jada

  I watch in disbelief as bits of metal crunch under Hawk’s foot. Janelle is clinging onto my hair, pulling it, as though afraid to let it go.

  As Hawk turns to smile at her, I catch a glimpse of something tucked in the back of his pants—something sinister lurking there. From this angle it looks like the handle of a very large hunting knife.

  This is a game changer. My breath stops. No longer do I believe that he has any plans of leaving here peacefully. I was a fool to bring him up here! I trusted him. I felt sorry for him, and all this time, he was just using me to get to my daughter. He won’t touch her. Not while there is breath in my body, which means I’ll have to get him away from my family. But how? I got us into this mess; it’s up to me to get us out, even if it means using myself as human bait.

  “Tobias,” I say. “I actually think Hawk and I should talk. Privately,” I add. B
eside me, I feel the burn of Hawk’s eyes on me; I can almost sense the smug smile creeping onto his face.

  “What? No way, Jada!” Tobias tries to take a step toward me, but Hawk stops him easily with his outstretched hand. Tobias tries to bat his hand away but isn’t successful. Things will get ugly if I don’t get the two of them away from each other.

  “It’s okay, Tobias. We need to talk. Alone. I owe him that much.” I do my best to telepathically communicate to Tobias that he needs to use this time to get Janelle out of here. “We could go for a walk. Maybe down by the water?” I direct this last sentence to Hawk.

  I feel his calloused hand slink inside mine. Goosebumps, and not the good kind, cover my skin.

  “I would like that.” He smiles at me.

  Keeping on my forced smile, I turn my attention back to Janelle and rub her nose with mine.

  “Nell, baby, Mama’s gonna go for a little walk. I need you to stay here and finish cleaning up breakfast with Papa.”

  Janelle juts out her bottom lip. “Don’t go with Daddy, Mama. Stay with Papa!”

  I bite my lip hearing her call Hawk that.

  “I can’t believe you told her about me,” Hawk says, almost in awe.

  I look up and see that Tobias is practically crawling out of his skin. His fists are clenched and his eyes are fixed on Hawk. I have to act fast before things get worse.

  “Tobias, can you call work and let them know I won’t be back in today?” I say, handing him my e-port.

  Call the police. Get Janelle somewhere safe, I plead silently. The smallest flicker of recognition shifts on his face. His jaw clenches as he seems to process what I’m asking him to do.

  If he knew Hawk had a knife on him, there’s no way in hell he’d let me leave, so I have to get out of here fast before either one of them does something stupid.

  “I’ll give you ten minutes, but no more,” Tobias spits out. “If you’re not back by then, I’m calling the police.”

  “Fine,” I say before Hawk can protest. Ten minutes should be more than enough time to get them out of here.

  “Nell, honey. Mama will be back in ten minutes. Then we’ll play babies, okay?” Janelle just shakes her head but then pulls the fistful of my hair to her lips and kisses my hair, and not me, good-bye.

  I put her down and do my best to keep tears at bay. She can’t see me crying. She can’t know how scared I am.

  She returns to Tobias, who scoops her willingly into his arms.

  Hawk has re-laced his hand in mine, so I yank him to the door.

  I give a final glance at my family. Janelle is hugging Tobias’s neck with a small pout on her face while Tobias tries to bottle his rage.

  I can only pray they’re both long gone before we return.

  Tobias

  As the door closes behind them, my heart hardens. Jada’s “secret” message to me was as clear as day: get out before we return. Too bad I’m not about to let her out of my sight. I don’t trust Hawk. He’s up to something. Jada was scared. She saw something. There’s no way I’m leaving her alone with him.

  I press my ear to the door, waiting for them to clear the stairwell. Once they’ve gone, I scoop Janelle up in my arms.

  “Wanna go visit Ms. Skillings?”

  “Yeah!” she says. Janelle loves playing with Ms. Skillings, even more than children her own age.

  I open the door and walk down the hall and knock. Ms. Skillings is always home. She’s an elderly lady that lives just down the hall from us. She’s always happy to look over Janelle.

  After I get Janelle settled, I’ll follow them to the water. Jada must think I’m insane if she expects me to leave her alone with that man. No way in Hell.

  Jada

  I close the apartment door behind me and feel suddenly cold. Maybe this wasn’t the best idea.

  “Shall we?” Hawk says, grinning down at me. He loops his arm around my waist.

  I nod slowly. I’m stalling. I have no clue what I’m doing right now. “There’s this great picnic area we could go to.” A very public area. This time of day always hosts lots of moms in the park. And police.

  Instead of answering me, he just smiles a strange half smile. When we get to the lobby door, he tightens his hand on my hip and leads me through.

  “Hawk...” I say, trying to find my backbone. “You’re kind of hurting me.” I glance down at his hand that’s slinked around me, hoping he’ll take the hint and let me walk on my own.

  “I know.”

  He doesn’t look at me but focuses dead ahead.

  “So let go of me,” I hiss. I’m feeling braver knowing he probably won’t try something out in the open.

  He laughs but doesn’t remove his hand.

  “Hawk, I’m serious. Get your hands off me!”

  Stopping suddenly, he turns his head, cocks it to the side, and glares at me.

  “We can either do this my way, or we can go back to your place now and we can talk about my custody rights.” His jaw sets in a menacing scowl. I do not want him to take me back. We’ve only been gone a couple minutes. I need to stall for more time. If it means he puts his hand on my hip, then I guess I need to live with it, at least for a few more minutes.

  “Fine,” I spit. “The park is right across the street.”

  “I knew you were a smart girl,” he whispers, gripping my side with what I know is intentional force. I’ll have a bruise there for sure. I clamp my mouth shut, refusing to let him see the pain his grip inflicts. I won’t give him the pleasure.

  When we get to the crosswalk, I press the button to get to the park, but the second I’ve pushed it, he pulls me away.

  “I don’t want to go to the water,” he says. “I have a better place in mind.”

  Annoyed that he’s continuing with his little power trip, I follow along with him. At least the direction he’s leading me will put more distance between us and the apartment, and right now that’s my main objective.

  “Okay... so no water. Where are we going instead?”

  He squeezes my hand. “You’ll see.”

  A moment later, he’s pulling me down the Metro stairs. The Orange Line. Where in the world is he taking me?

  Tobias

  After closing the door to Ms. Skillings’s apartment, I too descend down the stairwell that Jada and Hawk just took, flying down the steps two and three at a time. I have ground to make up.

  I try not to pay attention to an old tug against my lungs. I just walked too fast, that’s all. My asthma is not returning. Just because Jada isn’t with me doesn’t mean it’s coming back. I’ve been fine when she’s been gone to work... but then again, she wasn’t in danger then.

  Outside the apartment, I head toward the water. I know exactly what spot Jada was talking about. It’s a great little place right along the riverbank. There’s a small children’s playground and a sandbox that Janelle could waste the rest of her years playing in. We take her here every weekend, rain or shine.

  As soon as I cross the main drag, I should be able to spot them. Of course, I’ll have to hide myself behind the line of trees that border the picnic area. If I’m lucky, the wind will work in my favor and I might be able to pick up some of their conversation.

  After I cross the pothole-laden tar, however, I don’t easily spot them. I just assumed they would sit at the bench we always use, but right now, it’s empty.

  Walking closer to the playground, I scan the crowds for Hawk’s telltale bleach-blond hair, but all I can make out is the typical Franco-American sea of brunettes.

  That’s when the panic starts to creep in. What if they’re not here?

  I run now, not caring in the least if I’m spotted or even about the weakening of my breath. I just want to make sure she’s here and okay. With my heart starting to thrum in my chest, I look from table to table. Nothing.

  Closer to the water, there’s still no sign of them. I stop mid-stride when it hits me. She’s not here, Tobias. Can’t you feel it? Can’t you tell she’s nowhere c
lose to you anymore?

  I hate to admit it to myself, but I can tell. I’ve always been able to sense Jada, always able to find her when she was in danger. Each time, my feet have pulled me to her, but now... now I feel nothing, nothing except an ache building inside my lungs. A dangerous ache.

  Two thoughts enter my mind at the same time: either he’s taken her far away where I can’t feel her, or she’s...

  No. I can’t think about that option. I just can’t.

  All I can do now is return home and wait for them to return. Hawk wouldn’t be crazy enough to have me call the cops. When they do come back, however, I’ll be prepared.

  Chapter Six

  Jada

  As we descend the stairs into the Metro, the darkness swallows us from view and I feel strangely claustrophobic all of a sudden. Even though we’re surrounded by other passengers, the tunnel is somehow more intimate.

  I find myself looking up at Hawk as people form around us, talking in rapid-fire succession in their native Canadian French. He seems to have a bit more color than when I saw him last, but perhaps he just looked so pale then because of the lighting. His hair, although still short, has managed to maintain the sun-kissed look he had in high school. Oh how things have changed since then. As he stands beside me, I can’t help but see the lines etched into the corners of his eyes. Lines not formed by laughing, but from anger and frustration. Lines formed by years in solitude.

  “How’s Ms. G doing?” Hawk asks. “I stopped hearing from her a while ago. Guess she gave up on me, too.”

  My mouth opens. He doesn’t know she died.

  “Hawk, she didn’t give up on you... She passed away, three months ago.”

  Hawk whips his head around to me.

  “What?”

  “It was her heart. She went in her sleep. She wasn’t in any pain.”

  His face contorts and grows red.

  “And no one bothered to tell me?!”

  The anger in his voice draws the attention of a few people beside us, and instantly he pulls himself together.