The Lilith Trilogy Box Set

by Kim ten Tusscher

  Because she didn’t want to disturb the pattern, Ghalatea walked around it to the door. She started when the king appeared in the doorway. He stopped and inhaled the scents while Ghalatea curtsied. She hoped he would be smiling when she looked up, but he wasn’t. He gave her a displeased look and walked on. He apparently had already been informed of the events of the night before. This made things a little bit easier.

  “Lord, I’d like to ask you to reconsider Ferhdessar’s judgement.”

  “Which judgement?”

  “That I’m no longer allowed to go near Lilith.”

  “Absolutely not, the decision is completely justified.” He shook his head disapprovingly. “I’d never imagined you would do such a thing. For almost thirty years you’ve done what Merzia’s rulers asked of you. You haven’t once ignored my wishes. Should I ascribe this to a fit of insanity?”

  “It was so hard to decide what was right in this case.”

  “That was my decision to make, all you had to do was follow my orders.”

  At that moment Ferhdessar entered. His clothes left a smudge on the herb carpet. “I’m about to pay our prisoner a visit, Yvar,” he said.

  “What is it you want from her!” Ghalatea suddenly yelled. Yvar raised his eyebrows. “Just leave her alone. She’s been punished and she’s going to work to repay her debts. She doesn’t owe Merzia anything else!”

  Only now, did the sorcerer look at her. “The prisoner can tell us more about the situation in Naftalia. Maybe she knows something about the attack on Peschi’s city. I’m sure you understand how important it is for us to get that information,” he said in a patronizing voice, as if he were talking to a child.

  Because Ghalatea didn’t know how to hide her discomfort, she folded her arms. Yvar joined in on the conversation.

  “Forget her, Ghalatea. She isn’t your concern any more.”

  “Forgive me for saying this, but I think you’re making a huge mistake by handing her over to the sorcerer. She won’t tell him anything.”

  “I have means to make her talk,” Ferhdessar said smilingly.

  “And I wouldn’t be surprised if she was able to withstand them. Please, give me another chance, lord Yvar. She trusts me, I can get her to talk.”

  This was the only way to keep Ferhdessar away from Lilith. Unfortunately, it meant that she would have to do what the sorcerer wanted, but everything was better than letting Lilith fall into his hands. Ferhdessar snorted, but the king seemed sensitive to her arguments. So Ghalatea upped the ante.

  “The most obvious assumption is that this woman is on the run from Margal’s priests. That means I have something in common with her. Maybe she’ll talk once she realizes we’re not like the Naftalians.”

  “You might be right. Fine, I’ll give you one last chance. Get the prisoner to talk. If you fail to do this within a reasonable period of time, Ferhdessar takes over.”

  “Thank you, lord,” Ghalatea said. She had great difficulty repressing a smile.

  Ferhdessar was staring straight ahead with a sour expression on his face but suddenly he turned his gaze to Ghalatea. “Maybe lord Yvar is right. Tell Lilith she’d better tell you her story, Ghalatea. It might be an incentive to know that she’ll have me to deal with if she doesn’t.”

  Ghalatea shook her head in irritation.

  “Has the treatment been successful?” the king suddenly changed the subject. Ghalatea told him that Lilith had been out of bed for a little while that morning. “Good, then she can start paying off her debt today.”

  Ghalatea wanted to object but decided it would be wiser to keep her mouth shut, so she agreed.

  Lilith was intrigued by the movements of the Ancilla Princeps, who was filling a washbasin with hot water. All Ghalatea’s actions were carried out at an even pace and when their eyes met, the woman gave her a reassuring smile.

  “I thought I wouldn’t see you again,” Lilith remarked.

  “Thankfully, the king realized that Ferhdessar made the wrong decision. He, however, did decide that you have to start paying off your debt this afternoon.”

  “That’s fine.”

  Ghalatea turned around in surprise.

  “I feel well enough, as long as I don’t have to bend over.”

  To prove she was ready, Lilith let her legs slide off the bed. She used the edge of the bed to push herself up. Then she staggered towards the Ancilla Princeps, who was shaking her head as she was observing Lilith.

  “I’ll help you wash,” Ghalatea said.

  Lilith used her hands to scoop water out of the bowl and wash her face, while Ghalatea washed the rest of her body.

  “How did you get those scars?” the woman asked totally unexpectedly.

  Lilith grew rigid. Of course she hadn’t been able to hide them from Ghalatea, but the woman had always kept silent about her scars, until now. Lilith had been so relieved to think she would never mention them. She searched for a fitting explanation but before she could stop herself she snapped, “That’s none of your business.”

  She felt her face freeze into a stiff mask. She also saw Ghalatea flinch when she looked up at her.

  “You shouldn’t feel ashamed of them.”

  “That’s rich, coming from you,” she snarled.

  Ghalatea looked away. Lilith hadn’t meant to hurt her but she hadn’t known how else to silence her. Her plan worked, because the Ancilla Princeps helped her into a loose-fitting, beige dress without saying another word.

  After that, Lilith walked to the mirror. She saw herself for the first time since her escape. Ghalatea had cut her hair above shoulder length the other day, because she hadn’t been able to disentangle it without pulling clumps of hair out of Lilith’s head. The result was disappointing.

  “I’ve never thought of myself as beautiful,” she said out loud.

  She touched the mirror with her hand. The glass was cold and hard to the touch, which corresponded with the image she saw in the mirror.

  “Maybe I expected to look different now. Maybe I thought that I’d really left everything behind. It’s strange how one can fool oneself. I can’t run away from the past, I will always carry it with me. It’s written on my face and my body. These scars are a diary, they recount exactly what my life has been like. But no one understands which words they are forming.”

  “But your eyes reveal the person who’s hidden behind the hard exterior,” Ghalatea added.

  Lilith closed the shutters of the mirror, so she didn’t have to look at the cold, angry face any longer. “There aren’t many people who are willing to look that far,” she answered. Then she turned around and grabbed hold of Ghalatea’s hands. “I’m sorry. Just like you, I feel uncomfortable when someone sees my scars. I’m not proud of them.”

  Ghalatea smiled in relief, but her face darkened when she whispered, “People who do these things to others are scum.”

  Lilith nodded and limped to the table. Leaning on a chair, she looked at the food that was set out. For the first time since her arrival she was given something other than porridge. On one dish big pieces of fresh bread were laid out and on another lay a variety of dried fruits. Steam rose up from a decanter. When she cautiously leaned forwards and held her nose in the steam, she smelled the faint resinous scent of herbs. She grabbed a glass and poured herself some tea. Then she took a piece of bread and shovelled it into her mouth; it was still warm and deliciously soft. She immediately shoved in a piece of fruit as well. Because her nose was still stuffed up, she started to chew with her mouth open.

  Lilith was confused. Even though the food on the table was very simple, she hardly recognized what everything was. Almost her entire life, she had eaten porridge and sometimes a piece of stale bread on the verge of growing mouldy. But she had also seen what the prisoners’ food had consisted of. It was never much and always worse than what she got. But here she was a prisoner herself and she was given a meal fit for a king. She didn’t understand it, but when she made a remark about it to Ghalatea, the woman
asked, “Is there anything the king should know about you, Lilith?”

  “Such as?”

  “I don’t know, but I can imagine him being curious about you. About how you ended up in Merzia for instance. Or why you left your own country and came here, in the middle of winter, without any possessions. Why are you so skinny and frightened?”

  Lilith looked at her with fear in her eyes. Then she looked away and said softly, “I wanted to start over.” She sighed before she continued, “But I don’t seem to be able to put that which I escaped from behind me. Where can I hide? Where in the world will I be safe? Here? How can I believe that, after the reception I’ve been given? But apart from that, a group of men followed me. I heard them when I crossed the mountains. How long will it take them to discover that I’m here?”

  “Who are after you and why?”

  “I can’t tell you,” Lilith whispered.

  “If they are followers of Margal, you don’t have to be afraid. You’re safe here, no one in Merzia will help them. Many people who live here fled from the priests as well.”

  Lilith frowned and shook her head.

  “What did happen then?” the Ancilla Princeps asked.

  Lilith shrugged and contemplatively stared into the distance. Images of burning villages entered her head and she heard people screaming in terror. She felt her own fear which had taken hold of her the moment she had decided to leave everything behind and which hadn’t disappeared since.

  “It’s too awful,” she whispered. It was hard enough to admit that much, let alone relate in detail what had happened.

  “It would be best if you started talking, Lilith. The king thinks you have important information for him.”

  “What does he want to know?”

  “Everything you can tell him about Naftalia. Ferhdessar thinks you know more about the struggle for power going on there.”

  Lilith staggered and sought support from the table. How did the sorcerer know she was involved?

  Ghalatea caressed her upper arm. “I don’t really want to ask you all these questions, but if I don’t ask them, he will come to drag the answers out of you. I’m sorry, I don’t want to scare you but…”

  Lilith stood aghast. The Ancilla Princeps didn’t finish her sentence but continued, “It’s hard for me to force you. I know I’m Ferhdessar’s puppet right now, but I have my back against the wall. He has me exactly where he wants me. I don’t want him near you, so I have to find out what’s going on with you. But actually it’s none of my business, is it?”

  Lilith’s wristband started to glow. “I’m sorry that you keep getting into trouble because of me, Ghalatea.”

  The Ancilla Princeps shrugged.

  Lilith turned away. She pressed her hands to her eyes. “It hurts so much,” she sighed.

  Ghalatea reached out to comfort her, but Lilith froze up as soon as she touched her.

  “This isn’t right,” Ghalatea sighed. “I’ll leave you in peace, Lilith. I’ll listen to your story when you’re prepared to tell it. I’m not going to keep asking you questions that make you nervous, but you’re going to have to make a decision soon. I don’t know how long the king is willing to wait before he gives Ferhdessar a chance to interrogate you.”

  Lilith nodded gratefully. “What kind of work do I have to do?”

  “There’s always laundry that needs folding. I think you’ll be able to do that. For today at least. When your health improves, you’ll be charged with other duties as well.”

  “Let’s go then. I want to pay off my debt as soon as possible. The sooner I’m out of here, the better it is for everyone,” Lilith said as she walked to the door.

  “Shouldn’t you eat something first?” Ghalatea called after her.

  “I’ve had enough.” Then she turned around. “How long will it be before I’ve repaid my debt?”

  “That’s up to the king to decide, but it could very well take two years.”

  “That long?” Lilith sighed, crossing the threshold. Ghalatea joined her, and the two guards followed them at a distance. Lilith briefly glanced at them, but then decided to accept their presence.

  The Ancilla Princeps walked slowly, so Lilith could easily keep up with her. Lilith was intrigued by everything she saw and took it all in. She raised her arm but lowered it when it was only halfway up.

  “Where does that light come from?”

  “Ferhdessar invented it. It has something to do with water falling down the rocks on which Nadesh is built.” Ghalatea shrugged. “I don’t understand how it works. Water that doesn’t extinguish fire but fans it? He claims it’s plain science, but I think there’s magic involved. There must be.”

  “Science? My master told me that science is bad. It moves people farther away from God.”

  “God?”

  “Lord Jakob,” Lilith nodded.

  “And the other Gods?” the Ancilla Princeps asked intrigued. Lilith gave her a suspicious look. Ghalatea apologized, “I didn’t mean to interrogate you. It’s just that I’m very interested in religion.”

  Lilith smiled in relief, “What other Gods do you mean? Not Margal?”

  In the mean time they had reached a bridge to another part of the palace. It was covered but moved slightly because of the powerful wind that had free play at this height. The windows on the left side were snowed shut, but Lilith could see the blue sky through the windows on the other side. It was one of the rare moments that it wasn’t snowing.

  “Goodness, no. I mean Gaia, Phoibos or Ischa, to mention a few.”

  “I don’t know them. Do you believe in that many Gods?”

  “I believe there are twelve Gods, all with their own tasks.”

  “I only serve Jakob, I know that He’s the one true God.”

  “Is He a good God to you?”

  Lilith stopped and stared into the depth below her. There wasn’t much to be seen there.

  “To be honest, I’m not really sure,” she confessed. She silently prayed for forgiveness. It felt wrong to doubt Him, but at the same time she had so many good reasons to do so. Her master was driven by his faith in Jakob and he had used her in His name. “Do you believe in Jakob as well?”

  “Yes, Jakob is one of the twelve Gods. Everything we can’t explain or isn’t the domain of the other Gods falls under Him. Apart from that, Jakob has helped the other Gods with many of their tasks. Gaia gave life to all creatures, but Jakob created mankind and the animals. Phoibos is the Goddess of purity. Water is an important element for Her, but Jakob was the one who created riverbeds and craters for seas and lakes, so the water doesn’t sink back into the ground where we can’t reach it.”

  “Jakob created the world and its inhabitants,” Lilith agreed.

  They had crossed the bridge and now entered the washing room. The air was warm and humid. The room was tiled, causing the sounds of the machines and voices to reverberate shrilly off the walls. When the maidservants noticed the soldiers they fell silent and closely observed Lilith. Some girls leaned into each other and started whispering. They weren’t as yet pointing at her, but it was obvious that they were talking about her. Ghalatea had given Lilith the impression that everything was normal, but of course she was still a prisoner. The Ancilla Princeps yelled some orders over the loud thumping of the machines and gave the maidservants a penetrating gaze. Everybody immediately went back to work.

  Ghalatea guided Lilith farther along the washing machines that were driven by waterpower. They consisted of cylinders of several yards in length with various loading doors. As long as they were spinning, nobody needed to pay attention to them. Therefore, the maids were occupied with other duties: mangling the sheets, which also largely happened with the help of machines, or hanging out the damp laundry. Along another wall stood a row of tables where women were ironing and folding. Ghalatea halted there.

  Lilith inquisitively eyed the young woman who was folding laundry next to her. She estimated her age around the mid-twenties, only a few years younger than she
was herself. The woman stared back. When their gazes locked for a second, Lilith was struck by the contempt in her eyes. She quickly turned around. Ghalatea reached down past her and pulled a sheet from the pile.

  “Again, Aida,” she ordered as she unfolded the sheet. There was a double crease all the way down. “You know I don’t approve of this.”

  “Of course, Ancilla Princeps. My apologies, Ancilla Princeps.”

  Lilith observed the girl from the corners of her eyes. Her cheeks were glowing red and the contemptuous look in her eyes had disappeared. She hurried to the ironing table while Ghalatea pulled two sheets from the basket. Lilith paid close attention to what the Ancilla Princeps did. She didn’t want to be reprimanded like Aida. So she meticulously imitated every movement, earning a proud nod from Ghalatea.

  The days after that, Ghalatea took Lilith to the wing where the Royal Guard was housed. Lilith’s main task was sweeping the long corridors. She wasn’t able to perform any other duties without help yet. Ferhdessar sometimes came by to observe her, but whenever Ghalatea stopped by to check on Lilith, he disappeared.

  The soldiers treated her with contempt. It was no secret that she was a prisoner who needed to be watched. The men constantly got in the way, forcing Lilith to step aside. They also often dropped things in places she had already swept and then she had to start all over again. But nothing was worse than their remarks. They called her names and laughed at her. Sometimes Lilith thought that she recognized the voice of one of the executioners, but she was never sure. Even though she had seen the face of one of them, she couldn’t call it to mind any more.

  A group of soldiers came out of another corridor. Lilith wanted to step aside but tripped and fell flat on her face. The men started to laugh.

  “Watch where you’re going!”

  She tried to get back up, but it felt as if her wounds had been ripped open again. The men kept laughing. Furious, Lilith banged her fist on the tiles.