Guilty Hearts

by Jade Winters

  “Going somewhere?”

  “Yes ... away for the weekend with my ...” the words caught in her throat, “husband.”

  “That’s nice,” Rachel replied as she walked back to the bed and scooped up her top, pulling it over her head. “I’m sorry for just now, I thought ....”

  I ... I,” Kathryn stammered, not knowing what to say out loud but inside, her heart was pounding. She wanted to tell Rachel that it was what she wanted as well, but she could never do that to Gareth, not as long as they were married. “I really care about you, Rachel.”

  “But?”

  “But nothing can come of this, I’m sorry,” Kathryn said as she hurried from the room. Reaching the front door, she nearly collided with a tall woman who was closely followed by Cody. Kathryn gasped as she looked into Cody’s eyes before fleeing past her and down the stairs.

  CHAPTER 24

  “I can’t bloody believe it.” Cody shook her head, laughing. “I would never have believed it.”

  “I would,” Zoe said, unzipping her black biker jacket and carelessly throwing it on the sofa.

  “I am here, you know,” Rachel interrupted by waving her hand in the air. “You’re both talking as though I’m invisible.”

  “I’m aware that you’re not, you sly cow. What happened to not muddying the line?” Zoe said.

  “I didn’t sleep with her, if that’s what you think.”

  “Well, you did something to her. She looked like a deer caught in the headlights. That’s exactly how I felt after I was deflowered by my first lover.” Cody grinned.

  “I find that hard to believe,” Zoe said, rolling her eyes.

  “It’s true,” Cody replied. “I haven’t always been this experienced, you know, it took a lot of practice,” she said, encircling Zoe’s waist, “but I’ve never been so in lust before.”

  Cody began nuzzling Zoe’s neck but Zoe squirmed awkwardly and she released her. “And what happens when the fire has gone?”

  “Who says it has to?” Cody asked, smirking.

  “Okay,” Rachel said, interrupting as she pushed herself onto her feet, “as much as I’d love to hear you two having a domestic. I think I’ll go to my room.”

  “No, don’t go,” Cody said quickly, grabbing Rachel’s arm as she passed her. “I want to know what happened.”

  Shaking free of her grip, Rachel turned to face her. “Like I said, nothing happened. She came up for coffee and that was all.”

  Cody looked at her suspiciously. “Nah, I don’t believe you, if I hadn’t have seen that look in her eye, I may have believed you, but,” she shook her head, “something physical happened, I would bet my house on it.”

  “I didn’t take you for a loser, Cody, but this is one bet you’ll definitely not win,” Rachel said.

  “Don’t worry if you think I’m going to say anything, she’s still my boss, as far as I’m concerned I didn’t see her here.”

  “Why don’t you go wait in my room?” Zoe said, sensing Rachel was at the end of her tether.

  “Okay, but hurry though. I’ve only got a couple of hours to spare.”

  “That’s nothing new,” Zoe said under her breath, but smiled sweetly at her. “I’ll be five minutes.”

  “Okay.” Cody reluctantly walked to the door. “You need to give me some of your tips, Rachel, I’m obviously falling short somewhere.” She grinned broadly as she left the room.

  “Are you okay?” Zoe asked.

  “Yep, great.” Rachel flashed a smile. “Never better.”

  “Do you want to talk?”

  “No thanks, counsellor. I think you have more pressing issues that need attending to,” Rachel said, jerking her head towards the door.

  “She can wait, it might do her good,” Zoe said glumly.

  “Don’t take her too seriously, Zoe. She’s just messing with you.”

  “That’s the problem, everything is like a joke to her. Anyway ... did something happen?”

  Rachel shook her head. “I kissed her but she pulled away — she seems to take her marriage vows very seriously.”

  “That’s good, I’m glad to hear it. So I take it that means there isn’t any talk of a future rendezvous outside business hours?”

  “No, but it does leave me in an awkward position. I have to see her, not once but twice, at the kittens’ home coming then the party,” Rachel said with a sigh as she collapsed onto the sofa.

  “No doubt Mr Kassel will be accompanying her.”

  “Without a doubt. Oh God what a bloody mess,” Rachel said, burying her face in her hands.

  Cody put her head around the door, wearing Zoe’s pink dressing gown. “Can you girls gossip later? I’m kind of lonely in here.” She pouted.

  Rachel smiled at Zoe. “Go on, I’ll speak to you tomorrow. I’m going to bed to read, then have an early night.”

  “Okay,” Zoe said, squeezing her shoulder before walking into Cody’s eager arms.

  CHAPTER 25

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to call the doctor?” Gareth asked, concern etched in his face.

  “No,” Kathryn said. Is there a cure for guilt? Another wave of nausea hit her.

  “Is there anything I can get you?”

  Rachel. “No I think I just need to sleep.”

  “Okay, call me if you need anything.”

  “Thank you ... and Gareth?”

  “Yes?”

  He turned to her at the door.

  “I’m sorry we had to cancel this weekend.”

  “So am I, but it can’t be helped. You weren’t to know you’d be ill all night.”

  She smiled weakly. “Thanks for being so understanding,” she said, rolling onto her back.

  “Sleep now, I’ll bring you some chicken broth in a while.”

  She waited until she heard his footsteps receding down the hallway, then let out a long sigh.

  In her state of confusion, there was no way that she could have gone along with their plans to go away for the weekend. The thought of being in a hotel room with Gareth with no distractions sent a chill down her spine. Had he been capable of making her body feel as though it was going to explode into a million pieces, she may well have been tempted, but she doubted anyone, other than Rachel, could make her feel like that. She was still reeling from the shock of her emotions during their brief encounter. The guilt of her enjoyment still overwhelmed her as she thought of what the future now held for her and Gareth.

  Feeling restless, she tossed the quilt away from her and sat upright. Glancing at her phone on the bedside table, she was tempted to call Rachel or at least text her to apologise for the way she left. There had been too many conflicting emotions going on inside her and she had needed to get away. Bumping into Cody was the icing on the cake. She was the last person she expected to see there. Was she dating the tall woman who must have been Rachel’s flat mate? She wouldn’t have blamed her if she was, as the woman was gorgeous.

  Reaching over, she clasped the phone in her hand and held it up to her mouth for several seconds whilst she mulled over her options. She was going to have to see Rachel again the following week and if she didn’t make some kind of contact, things were going to be pretty awkward between them. She flipped open the phone and typed in a message apologising for the previous night and asking if they could discuss it after Ellie’s next week. She quickly pressed send before she changed her mind. Within seconds her phone bleeped.

  She leaned back against the headboard, tilting her head upwards as the nausea slowly subsidised now she knew Rachel didn’t harbour any hard feelings towards her. She was tempted to text back and ask if Cody had mentioned anything, but she knew that would be a stupid question. She knew she would have. She’d had guilt written all over her face when she had seen both women. Things were going to be tricky at work with her, she thought dismally. She had fought for so long to keep her personal and work life separate, now they both seemed to be colliding.

  CHAPTER 26

  Rachel couldn’t bel
ieve the room she was standing in was the same one from weeks earlier. It had been transformed from a blank canvas into a cats’ dream home. All of the many guests had been in awe of Kathryn’s design and a tad jealous of the felines who were going to inhabit it. Rachel bent down to stroke the small leopard looking kittens that were circling around her ankles. She’d heard that cats didn’t have expressions but these two were definitely in seventh heaven as they moved away from her to chase each other up the scratching post, finally delighting in the walkways high in the air.

  “Can you all just stand a bit closer? Lovely, just one more and we’re done,” Mike, the photographer said, addressing Kathryn and Ellie as they posed for pictures for the magazine.

  “Kathryn, darling, you’ve excelled yourself,” Ellie said, patting her on the shoulder.

  “Thanks, Ellie, that means a lot to me to hear you say that.”

  “I only give credit where it’s due, my dear.”

  Kathryn smiled gratefully.

  “But tell me, dear, have you been burning the candle at both ends? You’re looking rather tired and thin, if you don’t mind me saying so.”

  So I’m not the only one that’s noticed. Rachel walked over to join them.

  It had been five days since Rachel had last seen Kathryn and she was shocked by her appearance. Though still beautiful, the gloss seemed to have disappeared from her features. She looked as if she hadn’t slept or eaten for days.

  “I’m fine, I’ve had a tummy bug, nothing serious.”

  “I’m glad to hear it. Now the photography is finished, you get yourself home and into bed.”

  “I will,” Kathryn said, bending down to give the old woman a kiss on the cheek.

  Rachel shook Ellie’s hand. “I can’t thank you enough for letting us cover this project. I will send you a copy of the magazine as soon as it is printed.”

  “Thank you, dear, I appreciate it.”

  ***

  Once outside, Mike, tall and gangly with blond cropped hair, caught up with Rachel before she got back into Kathryn’s car.

  “Hey, Rachel, I don’t need a lift back to the office. I’m going to have a look round Harrods.”

  “Ooh the last of the big spenders,” she teased him.

  “I wish! No, I’ll just be hanging around like the sad git I am, watching other people spend money I haven’t got.”

  “One day, Mikey, your photography will take off and you’ll be the one doing all the spending in Harrods.”

  “Yeah right, one day, anyway.” He leaned into the open door. “Bye, Kathryn,” he said before turning back to Rachel. “I’ll see you later, and please don’t tell Gloria where I’ve gone. She’ll have my balls on a plate if she thinks I’m skiving.”

  Rachel laughed. “I won’t.”

  “Are you okay?” Rachel asked once they were seated in the privacy of Kathryn’s car.

  “Do you want the truth?” Kathryn’s grip tightened on the wheel.

  “Yes.”

  “No I’m not okay, in fact I’m about as far away from okay as I ever imagined,” Kathryn said, clenching her jaw until it hurt. She kept her gaze focused on the Rolls Royce parked in front.

  “Because of the other night?”

  “Yes, because of the other night,” Kathryn said as Rachel reached over and gently turned Kathryn’s face to hers.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “This might be old hat to you but this has never happened to me before,” Kathryn said, removing Rachel’s hand from her face but still holding it.

  “Is there anything I can do to make things better?”

  Kathryn held her gaze as she fought the urge to lean over and kiss her, instead she said, “Apart from disappearing, no?”

  “Is that what you want?” Rachel asked, the hurt evident in her tone.

  “No, of course not,” Kathryn said, unable to deny what she felt for her any longer. “I’m not going to lie, I do have feelings for you, feelings that I shouldn’t have but it’s just not that simple.”

  Kathryn turned away from her. The thought of what it might feel like to be in her arms again was proving too much for her to bear — she needed space and she needed it urgently.

  “Do you want to come back to my place to talk?”

  Kathryn hesitated a moment. “No.”

  “So what do you suggest we do?”

  “I don’t know, I really don’t,” Kathryn whispered tentatively. “I mean, I don’t even know if I can stay married to a man knowing that I have stronger feelings for someone else.” She paused. “I don’t love him, at least not in the way a wife should love her husband.” She would never have imagined saying these words out loud to anybody — not in a million years, but here she was, spilling her heart out to the woman she truly wanted to be with.

  “I’m not going to put any demands on you, Kathryn, whatever you do has to be your choice,” Rachel said, resting her hand on her knee.

  Every part of Kathryn’s body tightened at her touch. She tried to ignore the sensual impact the feel of her hand had on her. She shut her eyes, trying to banish the image of Rachel’s body pressed against hers, feeling the nakedness of her skin. “I know,” she finally managed to say.

  “We can’t leave things like this.”

  Kathryn shrugged. “I have nothing to offer you at the moment. You’re just going to have to give me some time to work things out in my head.”

  “Will you still be coming on Friday?” Rachel asked.

  “Yes, and to make matters worse, Gareth is coming to the party with me.”

  “Kathryn, I would never say anything to him,” she said quickly.

  “No, I know you wouldn’t, but he knows me. If anything’s out of kilter he will pick up on it like a shark sensing blood.”

  “I can always give the party a miss if that will help.”

  “No.”

  Kathryn turned the key in the ignition and started the car. “Let’s just get Friday over with,” she said, edging the car out onto the road. “Are you going back to work?” she asked, her attention focused directly on the road ahead.

  “Yes ... unless, like I said, you want to come back to mine?”

  Kathryn’s face broke into a faint smile. “No, I’ll drop you at work. I don’t trust myself being alone with you at the moment.”

  CHAPTER 27

  Kathryn applied the last of her makeup with a generous coating of the lip gloss she always wore. Her stomach was in knots as she walked into the bedroom.

  Gareth whistled as he looked at her appreciatively. “I am one lucky son-of-a-gun,” he said, admiring the black cocktail dress she wore with ankle strap stilettos. “You look mouth-wateringly delicious.”

  “Thank you,” she said with a small curtsy. “You look quite dapper yourself.”

  And he did. Dressed in a black Armani suit and crisp white shirt, he looked as if he had just stepped out of a glossy magazine. The earthy scent of his aftershave hung in the air, overpowering her more subtle Chanel No 5. Why can’t I just love him? Life would be so much easier. She took her coat from the hanger on the back of the door and put her arm through, as Gareth held it for her. Closing in behind her, he pulled her to him. “I love you, Kathryn,” he said close to her ear.

  “I know,” she replied, stroking his smooth cheek. “We’d better get a move on, the guest of honour can’t be late,” she said, disentangling herself from his embrace.

  ***

  Gloria had hired an exclusive venue located in the heart of London. The elegant hall was filled to its capacity. Each of the thirty round tables, covered in pristine white table cloths, had an array of the best wine money could buy, as well as waiters walking around with trays of champagne for those unseated. Rachel was impressed with her efforts — Gloria had pulled out all the stops to make sure that the evening would be a successful one. She watched from afar as Gloria glided through the aisles, stopping to speak to someone for a few seconds before leaving a trail of laughter behind her as she moved on to the next perso
n. This is what Gloria excels at. Rachel smiled to herself.

  “It’s her,” a petite woman called out excitedly, as a black Mercedes pulled up outside the venue.

  Most, if not all, the guests had already arrived and were busy mingling. Hearing the commotion at the door, Rachel looked over to see Kathryn and Gareth make their grand entrance. Watching them took her breath away. They looked perfect together and complemented each other in a way that she thought near enough impossible. They were both smiling in unison as people rushed to greet them. The respect and admiration from their peers was evident.

  “Come on, girl, let’s get this show on the road,” Gloria said in her ear. She hadn’t even realised she was standing there.

  “I don’t think I can.”

  “What do you mean?” Gloria asked impatiently. “What’s happened between you two?”

  “Nothing, I just —” It was one thing seeing them together in a photo but seeing him with his arm around Kathryn tore at her heart.

  “Rachel,” Gloria said in a low voice. “You promised me you wouldn’t get involved with her.”

  “I didn’t. I’m just a bit nervous — I’ll be fine,” Rachel said, regaining her composure.

  “Good, now let’s go.”

  Heart in her mouth, Rachel walked with Gloria to join the queue of people waiting to greet the couple. Eventually a space became available and Gloria gently pushed Rachel into it.

  “Rachel, lovely to see you,” Kathryn said, as if she were one of her acquaintances. “I’d like you to meet my husband Gareth,” she said, turning towards him.

  “I’ve heard great things about you, the interview was classy,” he said.

  “Well, that’s what we’re aiming for. I’m Gloria.” She thrust her hand to Kathryn. “I’m so pleased that you could attend tonight.”

  “It’s my pleasure.”

  “Your table is up front, I’ll have drinks brought to you right away.”

  “Thank you,” Gareth said as he laid claim to his wife, holding her around the waist as he guided her to their seats.