Guilty Hearts

by Jade Winters

  “Oh my God,” Gloria said when they were out of hearing range. “She really is more beautiful in person — oh my, if I was gay.”

  “If you were gay what?” a voice asked from behind them. Gloria spun around, smiling to the owner. “Tony darling, I was just saying if I was gay I’d never had met you,” she lied, closing in to kiss him.

  “I believe you,” he said, smiling at Rachel before embracing her. “How are you, darling?” he said, his voice deep and manly.

  “Good, and you?”

  “Oh, I can’t complain. So...” he said, looking around, “where is she? The one who is going to stop us going bankrupt.”

  Rachel nodded towards Kathryn. “With her husband at the table at the front.”

  Gloria encircled her husband’s waist. “Look at all these people, Tony. Can you believe Kathryn has this much clout? Normally I couldn’t even speak to these people on the phone, let alone get them to come to a party.”

  Tony planted a kiss on the top off her head. “Don’t worry darling, your time will come soon, then they’ll be begging for you.”

  Gloria beamed. “Let’s hope so.”

  “So am I going to be introduced to Ms Kassel any time soon tonight?” Tony asked, looking from one woman to the other.

  “Of course — Rachel, would you do the honours please?”

  “Sure,” Rachel said, waiting while Tony gracefully took a glass of champagne from one of the waiter’s trays.

  “Follow me,” Rachel said, looping his free arm and leading the way through the crowds to Kathryn’s table.

  Kathryn was seated next to a stocky, balding man wearing an expensive dark blue suit, his arm casually resting on the back of her chair, their heads inclined, engrossed in conversation. Rachel’s eyes searched the room for Gareth and, realising he was nowhere to be seen, stood beside Kathryn’s chair, waiting until there was a natural break in her conversation before placing a hand on her shoulder. Kathryn excused herself and rose.

  “Kathryn, I’d like to introduce you to Tony, co-owner of the magazine.”

  “Kathryn, I must say due to your appearance on this month’s cover we have been inundated with calls.” He leaned forward to kiss her on her cheek.

  “I’m glad to hear it but I think the success is more to do with the great writers you have working for you,” Kathryn said, glancing at Rachel.

  “Well, yes, without a doubt but it didn’t do us any harm running your first interview in years,” he continued, stroking his chin. “We’re all very grateful at the magazine that you chose us.”

  “I’m glad I did, I really enjoyed working with Rachel,” Kathryn said, looking at her, their eyes meeting and holding for the first time.

  Rachel felt as though she would melt under her gaze.

  “Would you mind awfully having some photos taken?” Tony asked.

  “No, of course not,” Kathryn said, reluctantly tearing her eyes away from Rachel.

  “Rachel, can you make sure everyone is well taken care of?” Tony said, before whisking Kathryn off into the crowd.

  “So Pandora,” a raspy whisper sounded behind her. He stood so close she could smell the sour odour of whiskey on his breath. She whirled around to look up at him and froze. His presence overpowering her. This interaction wasn’t in the safety of her own home, behind her computer screen — it was in the real world and she felt a little more than intimidated by him.

  “Have you been fucking my wife?” he spoke as innocently as you would talking about the weather.

  At first she wasn’t sure if she had heard him correctly but when she looked into his steely green eyes, she knew she’d heard right the first time.

  “Um, no, no I haven’t. As I explained to you in my email, nothing happened then or now,” she said, her voice shaking.

  “But you wished it had,” he said.

  Outraged by his comment, she felt a renewed confidence rise within her.

  “You know something, I really felt sorry for you, I thought you were a decent man, evidently I was wrong. If you’ll excuse me I’ve got guests to attend to.”

  His hand clamped her shoulder gently as she went to walk away. “After tonight I want you to stay away from my wife.”

  “Is that what your wife wants?”

  “Don’t get ahead of yourself, you don’t know who you’re dealing with.”

  “Oh, but I think I do,” she said, looking him in the eye defiantly.

  “There you are Rachel,” Gloria said coming into view. “Is everything alright?” she asked, suspiciously eyeing Gareth.

  “Yes it’s fine,” Rachel replied, relief coursed through every inch of her body.

  “If you’ll excuse us,” Gloria said, “there are a few people who I want Rachel to meet.”

  ***

  Kathryn scanned the crowd of party goers, hoping to catch a glimpse of Rachel — she had barely seen her all night. On the one hand, she was thankful as there was less chance for Gareth to suspect anything between them, but at the same time she longed to be near her.

  “Enjoying yourself, darling?” Gareth asked.

  She nodded her head. “Yes, tired though. If it’s okay with you, I’d like to call it a night soon.”

  “No problem,” he said, downing the remains of his drink. “You haven’t seen much of the journalist, what’s her name again?”

  “Rachel.”

  “Ah yes, Rachel, I thought you two had become close, what with you baring your soul to her.”

  “I don’t think it was that extreme,” she said, smiling as a passer-by waved at her.

  “Shall we go then?” he said, standing.

  “Gareth,” boomed a merry voice coming from the throng of people directly in front of them.

  He squinted his eyes, then widened them as he recognised the owner of the voice. “Lilly! My God it’s been years, it’s so good to see you,” he said, hugging her tightly. “You look wonderful.”

  “Yeah right, I look like a baby whale, I still haven’t managed to lose the baby weight,” Lilly said as she brushed a cloud of copper red hair out of her eyes.

  “No, you don’t,” Gareth said, laughing. “A bit of weight suits you.”

  “It’s done wonders for my chest,” Lilly said confidently. “I do actually prefer the way I look now.” She swirled around, showing off her buxom figure squeezed into strapless chiffon gown, revealing her high-perched breasts.

  “So how long have you been back in London?” he said, looking at her up and down appreciatively.

  “A few months — I finally left Marcus and now I’m home for good,” Lilly said with dramatic flair.

  As if finally coming to his senses, he turned towards Kathryn. “Where are my manners? Kathryn,” he said, “you remember my old University friend Lilly?”

  “Less of the old,” Lilly said, playfully punching his shoulder, before spinning around and looking down at Kathryn in her chair. “Good to see you again, Kathryn, quite a bash they’re having here, isn’t it?”

  “Yes it is,” Kathryn said politely. There was no love lost between the two women. When they had met many years ago, Lilly had made it quite obvious that she thought Gareth was making a mistake marrying Kathryn — believing he should have married her instead. In a way, Kathryn wished he had.

  “You don’t mind if I whisk your husband off for a quick dance, do you? All the men here move like robots.” Lilly laughed loudly.

  “Not at all,” Kathryn said, looking up at her.

  Gareth looked past Lilly. “Are you sure?”

  Kathryn nodded her head. “Positive.”

  “This will only take a minute, then we’ll leave, I promise,” he said as Lilly propelled him onto the makeshift dance floor.

  “Alone at last,” Rachel said, slipping into the seat beside her.

  “Have you been spying on me?”

  “No, just admiring you from afar.”

  Their eyes met with growing intensity.

  “Tonight has been a great success. Gloria i
s over the moon,” Rachel said.

  “And you?”

  “Is that a professional question or personal?” Rachel asked with a weak smile.

  “Personal.”

  “It’s harder than I thought, watching you with him,” Rachel said, as she turned her attention to the dance floor to watch Gareth.

  “I’m sorry,” Kathryn said as she slid her hand under the table and put it over hers.

  “So what happens now? Am I going to see you again?”

  “I don’t know, Rachel, this situation we’re in isn’t that easy.”

  “Anything worth having never is.”

  “Is that what you really believe?”

  “Don’t you?”

  The music faded and Rachel saw Gareth making his way back to the table, Lilly hanging onto his arm, both laughing like a young couple in love. She stood up ready to walk away, when Kathryn caught her by her arm and pulled her down towards her.

  “Yes, I think I do,” she said, quickly cupping the side of her face, before Rachel pivoted on the spot and disappeared into the crowd.

  CHAPTER 28

  Even the fresh sunny day could not raise Rachel’s dampened spirits. For the first time in her life she knew what it felt like to be heartbroken. Even the sorrow she had felt when circumstances had forced her to put her mum in a care home couldn’t compete with this.

  “Staring at the phone isn’t going to make it ring,” Zoe said, snapping Rachel out of her trance.

  Rachel smiled faintly, looking away from the phone on the worktop. “No, it’s not,” she said as she resumed washing the dishes.

  “How long has it been since you heard from her?” Zoe asked, squeezing herself beside Rachel, then drying the dishes as she passed them to her.

  “Two weeks.”

  “Oh well, that’s not too long,” Zoe said, inspecting the plate. “You’ve missed a bit.” She pointed at the mark and returned it to her.

  “What?” Rachel asked distracted.

  “I said you haven’t washed it properly.”

  “Oh sorry,” Rachel said, putting the dish under hot running water before giving it a thorough clean with the dish cloth.

  “There was never going to be any winners in this, you know,” Zoe said, taking a sideward glance at Rachel.

  “Yeah, I know. At least Gloria has come out of this happy. Sales of the magazine have skyrocketed and there have been so many companies wanting to advertise she’s had to hire more sales staff just to cope.”

  “That’s brilliant. I’m really pleased for her — for you both. At least you get to keep your job.”

  “And a pay rise.”

  “You’re lucky being in a job that you love.”

  “Don’t I know it,” Rachel said, washing the last remaining dish then drying her hands on some kitchen roll.

  “I wish I could work for myself, instead of working for people who care more about money than our clients. The government is making cutbacks and guess who got the biggest cut — outsourced counselling for the NHS,” Zoe said, following Rachel into the living room. She stood by the window, looking below. “Ahh another one bites the dust,” she said, referring to a grieving family being led towards the funeral parlour’s door. “I swear this has been the month of death,” she said before clamping her mouth with her hand. “Sorry, that was a bit insensitive.”

  “Zoe, I wish you would stop it.”

  “Sorry.”

  “And stop bloody apologising,” Rachel said, throwing a cushion at her. Zoe ducked in time and it went straight through the open window.

  They heard a shout from below before breaking into laughter. “Oh shit,” Rachel said.

  They waited a few tense minutes, and when no knock came at the door they fell back on the sofa and put their feet up on the table.

  “You know,” Rachel said, putting her hand on Zoe’s shoulder. “I don’t know why you don’t you work for yourself. What’s stopping you?”

  “How would I be able to afford to rent a property? Rob a bank?” Zoe asked, raising her brows.

  “Nothing so drastic, Zoe. You can use one of the downstairs rooms as your office. Loads of therapists work from their own home.”

  “Are you serious? You wouldn’t mind?” Zoe said, jerking forward, swinging her body around to face her.

  “Of course not.” Rachel laughed. “It’s as much your home as it is mine,” she said, picking up several sheets of paper from the table. “All you have to do is let your clients know that you’re moving on, I’m sure some of them will follow you.” She still couldn’t believe the house was theirs.

  “That’s a bit unethical,” Zoe said, frowning.

  “No, it’s not. They’re free to see who they want. All you’ll be doing is giving them a choice. Isn’t that what counselling is all about?” She leafed through the particulars before returning them to the table.

  “Yeah, I s’pose you’re right,” Zoe said, rubbing her hands together. “Do you really think I could do it?”

  “Zoe, I know you can. If you ever needed convincing, look at the good job you’ve done with me,” Rachel said, fluttering her eye lashes.

  “I don’t think using you as an example would give me much creditability, Rach,” Zoe said, smiling fondly at her.

  “No, I s’pose not, but if it wasn’t for your presence in my life, I could have been a lot worse.”

  “I doubt it,” Zoe said, laughing.

  Despite her low mood, Rachel joined in with her laughter.

  “So ... are you going to give it a go?”

  Zoe paused for several seconds, before a big smile formed on her face. “You know what, I think I will. What have I got to lose? I can start by doing weekend appointments while I still work, until I get the business on its feet.”

  “Exactly.”

  “That’s why I love living with you, I never know what’s around the corner.”

  “That’s the beauty of life.”

  “So what are you going to do about Kathryn then?”

  Rachel shrugged. “Dunno. My head is telling me to let her go and move on, but my instincts are saying otherwise.”

  “And what do you think will win over?”

  Rachel fell back against the sofa, letting out a deep sigh. “My instincts, obviously. The last time I saw her, she said she’d be in touch, so I’m just waiting for her to make the next move.”

  “Talking of moving, have you finished packing yet? I’ve still got loads to do,” Zoe said, pushing herself up from the sofa.

  “Yep, I’m almost done. I’ve just got to pack my books and stuff.”

  “I can’t believe that this time tomorrow we will be in a new place,” Zoe said, placing a hand on her hip as she looked around the room wistfully.

  “I know, I’ll miss this place in a funny way.”

  “I know what you mean. We’ve had some good times here.”

  “Well, it’s up to us to make sure we have even better ones where we’re going next,” Rachel said as Zoe helped her up from the sofa.

  “Amen to that.” Zoe gave her a high five.

  “Are you inviting Cody over?”

  “Yes, she said she’d help us unpack tomorrow.”

  “As well as other things?”

  Zoe put her face in her hands. “She just drives me crazy, I just can’t make her out. I never thought I would ever be attracted to someone who was so ...” She paused to search for the right word. “Erratic — I like order and she’s one big mess.”

  “Come on, Zoe, she’s not that bad.”

  “Says you. Considering you’re so much alike, I’m surprised you two didn’t hit it off.”

  “She wasn’t my type. It would be like going out with my twin sister.”

  Zoe grinned. “Yeah, I s’pose it would.”

  CHAPTER 29

  The three bedroom mews house was situated close to Battersea Park. The ground floor alone was bigger than their previous flat. A large reception room with bay windows led onto a small well-maintained gar
den at the back of the house. The open-plan kitchen had several skylights, letting in a stream of natural light onto the modern appliances including, most importantly, a built-in dishwasher.

  “This house is impressive,” Cody said as the three women sat amongst large brown boxes and suitcases, which they had dumped in the front room. “Much better than your old place.”

  “There’s no comparison,” Rachel said, taking in her spacious surroundings. The two-storey house was in pristine condition and had obviously been maintained to a high standard.

  “How did you manage to get your hands on a place like this?”

  “Inheritance,” Rachel said, omitting from who.

  “Blimey, I wish someone would leave me a place like this. Whose was it? A long lost aunt or someone?”

  “No, my dad.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise.”

  “Don’t worry about it.”

  “Cody, why don’t we start unpacking?” Zoe said, sliding a box over to her.

  Cody looked over at her and gave a puzzled look as Zoe frantically shook her head.

  “What?” Cody asked innocently.

  Zoe rolled her eyes. “Jesus,” she hissed under her breath.

  Seeing their exchange, Rachel laughed. “It’s okay, Zoe. I’m not that fragile. I won’t break if someone asks about him.”

  Zoe gripped a large box in her arms. “Alright, enough with the talking. How about we get these boxes sorted then I’ll go out and get us an Indian for dinner?”

  “Good idea,” Rachel said.

  Hours later, the three women sat on the wooden floor eating Indian out of foil containers and drinking beer out of bottles. The atmosphere was calm after a hectic day spent trying to arrange their new home. It was surprising how the big the house was — even with all of their belongings in place, it still looked half empty.

  “Well, that was an easy move,” Cody commented, putting the last remains of food in her mouth.

  “Only because we didn’t have that much stuff. Most of what was in the flat belonged to the landlord.”

  “At least now we get to buy what we actually want,” Rachel said.

  “That’s what I love about working for Kathryn —”