Guilty Hearts

by Jade Winters

  “Feel free.” Kathryn waited until she was seated. “Did she send you here?”

  “No, she didn’t, I came of my own accord.”

  “There’s nothing you can tell me that will change my mind.”

  “I’m not here to change your mind, I’m just here to tell you the truth. What you choose to do with it is your decision.”

  Kathryn leaned back in her chair, taking the time to study Zoe — she could understand why Rachel was close friends with her, she seemed like a genuine person.

  “First of all, let me be clear that I am not making excuses for her. What she did with your husband was despicable, there’s no way around that.” Zoe’s neutral expression softened. “But you have to understand where Rachel was coming from — her whole life, until a few years ago, was all about caring for her mother. She didn’t have a normal life in the sense that she never did the normal things young people do. She never dated, it was all about her mum. Knowing Rachel, if she had the choice to do it all again she would, because that’s the kind of person she is.”

  “I can believe that,” Kathryn said softly.

  Encouraged, Zoe continued, “When her mum went into the home, it was like letting a bird free from a cage,” she said, smiling. “Yes, she was a bit of a player but the people she got involved with were willing participants. She never made any promises and she never broke any, which brings me to you.”

  Kathryn shifted in her seat, crossing her arms as she did.

  “At first she thought she was just going to be helping out someone in need —”

  “But —”

  Zoe held up her hand. “I’m not saying that was the only reason she went through with it, but it was one of them. But after meeting you, her feelings changed.”

  “So why didn’t she tell me the truth?”

  “That’s something I can’t answer — embarrassed, ashamed, I don’t know.”

  “Why are you telling me all this? Why does it that matter now?”

  “Because she loves you and she needs you. I might be just guessing, but I think you love her too.”

  “What do you expect me to do?”

  “I don’t expect you to do anything. I just thought you would appreciate hearing it from a third party.”

  “And now you’ve told me, what do you think I should do?”

  “If you’re asking me if I think you should forgive her, I would say yes. If you’re lucky enough to find genuine love, I would grab it with both hands and never let go.”

  “Is that your professional opinion?”

  “Yes,” Zoe smiled, “and you just got it for free.”

  ***

  When Kathryn closed her eyes she could picture Rachel’s face etched in pain as she demanded to hear her side of the story. She surmised the sorrow in Rachel’s eyes would have been hard to fake. Could she be telling the truth? That what had started off as a meaningless act had turned into something they both hadn’t expected. They had fallen in love.

  Kathryn rubbed her forehead with the tips of her fingers, as if doing so could rid her of the pain, that ache that seemed to be a constant companion. She had only seen an honesty in Rachel that was so rare. She didn’t hide her true self. What you saw was what you got. The combined sense of hurt and betrayal began to ebb away as she recalled the touching moments of her interview when she had laid herself open to Rachel without any fear.

  She was going to trust her gut instinct which told her Rachel was telling her the truth. Kathryn went over the scenario of their first meeting in her head. Rachel had not made any advances towards her. In fact she had just been friendly, and Kathryn was completely unaware at that point that Rachel was even gay. She hadn’t probed her for information outside the scope of her work life. In a moment of weakness she couldn’t help but wonder what the future held for her if she turned her back on Rachel and never gave their relationship a chance. Rachel had said she loved her. She had said it from her own free will. She stood resolutely. She wasn’t going to make the same mistake again and travel down the road of restraint. It was time to throw caution to the wind and follow her heart. The nagging doubt that it might be too late to make things right with Rachel was short lived when her mobile began to ring.

  She flipped open her phone. “Hello,” she said.

  “It’s me,” Rachel said. “Please, I need to talk to you. I need to explain everything. We can’t leave things like this — I don’t want to lose you.”

  “Where are you?”

  “I’m outside your office.”

  Several moments later, Kathryn opened the street door to her office. Rachel stood there with her hands stuffed in her pockets.

  Kathryn stepped back and remained silent as Rachel entered and closed the door behind her. Rachel tugged her hand through her hair, her eyes downcast and sad. “Thank you for seeing me,” she said, slouching against the door.

  Kathryn wanted to go to her, to hold her in her arms and banish the look of sadness from her eyes. But she remained rooted to the floor. She had to hear Rachel’s side of things before she gave herself to her completely. The air had to be cleared once and for all. She didn’t want what had happened to remain the focus of their relationship.

  “What happened was not how your husband made it out to be Kathryn.”

  “Soon to be ex-husband you mean,” Kathryn interrupted.

  A slight smile reached Rachel’s lips before she carried on. “Yes, I went on dating sites and yes, I may have been a little flirtatious.”

  At this Kathryn cocked her head and raised her eyebrows

  “Okay, okay, I wasn’t a saint.” Rachel held up her hands. “But I had no reason to be. I was single and relationships were the last thing on my mind. When ....” She smiled. “… Your soon to be ex contacted me, there is no way in this world I could have imagined that this would have happened. I was meant to do a little flirting with you then report back. As simple as that. I wasn’t supposed to seduce you and take you to bed like he said. He just wanted to know if his suspicions were right.”

  “But why didn’t you just tell me the truth?”

  “Because I didn’t want to lose you. The night we met, I went home and emailed Gareth straight away. I told him nothing happened. I then deleted my account from the site. I wanted nothing more to do with it. If I could turn back the clock I would but I can’t, so all you have is my word that I love you and I would never lie to you again.”

  “If that’s all you’ve got that will have to do,” Kathryn said, stepping towards her and raising her hand to smooth back Rachel’s hair.

  Rachel’s eyes widened. “Does this mean what I think it means?”

  Kathryn nodded as she drew Rachel’s face near as a burning desire swept through her. Within seconds, their lips found their way instinctively to each other. The kiss sealed what she knew her heart had been telling her all along.

  “So where do we go from here?” Rachel asked softly.

  Kathryn looked her over seductively, then took her by the hand and led her up the stairs. “I’ve always wanted to try out the sofa in my office,” she said to the woman who had unlocked her heart and soul.

  Rachel laughed. “You’re crazy.”

  “Only about you Rachel.”