Redeemed Love

by M. S. Brannon

  I look back to Reggie and answer as honestly as I can. “He died a long time ago.”

  After my outburst, Jake and Reggie don’t know how to treat me. They both look at me like a wounded puppy, and the sight of their pitiful eyes pisses me off.

  After I quickly stand to my feet and snatch my t-shirt off the ground, I yank one arm inside the cotton before Reggie stops me. He wants to know more; I can tell without even looking at him. However, I’m not saying shit. My temperament is too sensitive right now. I’m not in a good place, and I need to go. I need to get away from them and be by myself. I’ve been by myself for a long time and that’s the only way I can calm down right now. Rage and hate have been keep me alive and with my unstable character, I could feel myself teetering on the edge of something dangerous and regretting.

  “Wait.” As Reggie grabs tightly to my arm, I finally look up at him. He is eyeing my body, getting a good look at the roadmap of my gruesome past embedded in my skin. “Did you get these in prison?” Although, I’ve received new marks on my skin, most of them were received before I was locked up.

  I continue to breathe deeply in an attempt to calm myself down. I pull my shirt over my head and painfully slide my broken hand through the fabric. “No, not all of them.”

  “Tell me, Jeremy. What happened to you? You have to make me understand because, any way I look at it, I can’t make myself comprehend why you did it to begin with.” Reggie is pleading with me, doing what Reggie does—trying to fix a situation that’s broken. He’s being the big brother who’s always done what’s right to protect his family, but I doubt he will understand that’s what I was doing initially.

  I want to talk to my brothers, all of them. I want them to know I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful and greedy. I just wanted to help our family get out of this place. I just wanted to leave and never come back. I want so much to tell Reggie how I really feel inside, yet I’ve kept my true feelings inside for so long I’m not sure how to form a single phrase.

  I look over to Reggie and Jake. They are my brother’s, my blood, and I’ve let them down in more ways than I can count. But right now, I can’t do anything. I can’t even muster up a word without exploding from the inside out. I’m too angry and the beast is too present to begin trudging through my fucked up past. “I… I can’t talk right now. I just need to be alone.”

  Reggie nods his head and Jake disappears back into the house. I stand in uncomfortable silence with Reggie before Jake starts running back downstairs. He walks over to me and hands me a ring of keys. I recognize them immediately. Man, has it been a long time. I can’t hide the small glint of delight on my face because all I’m thinking about is getting in my ride and driving. I want to be alone, and getting into my car is the fastest way it’s going to happen.

  “It’s parked in the garage out back. Come on.” Jake leads me to a small, one-car garage behind his auto body shop and unlocks the door. When he opens up the garage door, my baby is covered in a tan drop cloth, ready to be unearthed.

  My hand still hurts like hell, however I need to get behind the driver’s seat again. I need to connect to something positive, and this is it. I’ve never been more myself than when I am behind the wheel of my Challenger.

  I started not caring about driving, racing, and anything that had to do with my car the more I was distracted by the double life. But nothing right now could get me back into a different frame of mind than my car.

  I walk around the steel and notice it’s been beat to hell. The hood is covered in large dents and it’s pretty apparent it wasn’t in a car accident. Someone purposely beat my car. I look over to Jake as he rubs the back of his neck.

  “Drake.” It’s all he needs to say. I understand and I’m not angry. He was seeking his vengeance, and in the absence of me, he took it out on my car.

  I open the driver’s door and put the keys in the ignition. Then, like a moth to a flame, my attraction to my car overwhelms me when I fire it to life. The roar of the motor vibrates my seat and awakens my soul. It awakens the part of me that’s been dormant for too long—man, does it feel good. I keep pushing my foot on the accelerator, revving the engine and slowly bringing Jeremy Evans back to life.

  Jake comes to my side and gives me his trademark smirk. He claps me on the shoulder and laughs a little, greedy laugh. “Glad to see you back, brother.” I know he’s referring to my happy state, and I’ll have to admit, it’s good to have my old self back, too. Even if it’s only for this moment, it does feel good. The feeling makes me happy when not too much does anymore.

  “Hey, where you going?” Reggie asks when he comes to the side of the car. “I don’t think it’s a good idea to leave.”

  “I’m just taking her out for a spin,” I say as I rev the motor one more time.

  “After you get done reacquainting with your girl, you better get that hand looked at. It’s pretty messed up.” I forgot about my hand the moment I laid eyes on my car, however the pain jars me back into the present. I can tell it’s broken, but I need to drive for a while. I nod to Jake and start moving the car forward. “Where you staying?”

  “I don’t know. Probably right here.” I point to the back seat. I don’t have anywhere else to stay.

  “You can sleep out here if you want. I mean, it’s not much, but the garage has electricity. Or you can stay in the house with Delilah and me. We have an extra room. It’s just filled up with Mia’s shit right now, but we can make space.”

  “Does she live with you?” I ask, wondering why my niece has a lot of her stuff at his house.

  “Nah, Drake needed a night away, and Mia thinks she needs her own space when she’s at my house. Her auntie makes sure she is good and spoiled, too. Plus, Delilah likes the girly time.” He rubs his head and looks back to Reggie. They share quick glances with one another, but I don’t want to know what they’re thinking. I just want to disappear and drive away from here. Today has been a hell of a day already.

  I decide to take Jake up on his offer. I really don’t have a choice. I need to call my parole officer in the morning so he knows where I’m staying, for the surprise visits and shit. “Sure, I will stay here. I don’t want to be a bother, but I need some place to give my parole officer. I’ll stay out of the way, though.”

  I start to ease my car out of the garage and pull it around to the front of Jake’s shop. I rev the engine one more time before I drive down to the street. Once there, I pull out onto the highway and slam my foot down on the gas. My body presses against the back of the seat as I hit ninety miles per hour, driving the only way I know how—fast.

  I can feel my life on a collision course with something major, and it will either resurrect me or kill me for good. The feeling is that intense. Everything from this moment on will change who I am, and I only hope it’s for the better.

  ***

  The sun has been up for a while, after having spent the remainder of the night driving my Challenger. I have yet to fall asleep, and I’m not sure I can. The adrenaline is pushing through my veins. It’s keeping my eyes wide awake and the thoughts running ramped through my head.

  The day has been a big one. I’ve managed to see two of my brothers, and the future is looking up for me. They both seem to want something to do with me. I can’t say they understand me yet, but they at least haven’t given up on me fully.

  I think about the glance Jake and Reggie shared with one another, and I know it has to do with Drake. I’m sure his life is awful right now and has been since Presley died. Nothing will give him greater pleasure than beating my head senseless. I wonder how he will feel knowing Jake and Reggie are speaking to me. Maybe they are trying to decide how to break the news to him that I’m home. It won’t take long. I’m sure he will come looking for me, and when the time comes, there will be a battle of indescribable fury.

  If I don’t get ahold of myself, there will be no stopping once I start. Drake’s vengeance may fuel him for a while, but I’ve been an assassin for many years now. I’ve
killed in ways that will make a person ill. Anything Drake does to me, won’t keep me down. Therefore, some much needed aggression needs to be discarded before I even step in a room with my brother.

  My hand is starting to throb, definitely needing some medical attention. Not to mention the gash on my arm. It stopped bleeding a while ago but should be properly cleaned out.

  When I park the car in the emergency room parking lot and find my way in to the waiting room, it’s packed. I doubt I will be in to see a doctor for at least an hour. I walk to the counter and give my name to the lady then find a place to sit. Thirty minutes into my waiting, they bring in a couple of people on stretchers, and I know it will be even longer.

  I decide not to waste time and find a pay phone off to the side. I pull out the business card of my parole officer and dial his number. When the phone picks up on the other end, I hear a deep, commanding voice speaking back to me.

  “This is Jeremy Evans. I need to set up my appointments with you.”

  “Evans, got it. Tomorrow morning at nine. I will meet you at my office. The address is on the card. Don’t be late.” As the line clicks off, I’m still holding the phone like an idiot. The conversation was cold, telling me it will be hell meeting with his guy for the next two years.

  I go back to my seat and wait for my name to be called. My mind is still driving at ninety miles per hour, but my body is finally getting exhausted. I lean my head back and close my eyes for a second.

  Some time later, I must have been out for a while because a security guard is poking my leg, waking me up. I startle awake, and five minutes later, a nurse walks to me and asks if I’ve been seen. I shake my head no, and she leads me back to a room then pulls the curtain closed. She doesn’t speak to me or even ask my name. I find it odd, but at least I’m one step closer to getting my hand looked at.

  Just as I’m about to doze off again, the curtain slides open and vibrant, brown eyes that kept me alive for all those tormenting years are staring back at me. I lose my breath and forget why I’m in the hospital to begin with. She’s standing in front of me, her face masked in shock.

  Every little thing I love about Cami floods back to me in that instant. I haven’t spoken a word. I only look into her eyes and I’m happy. Suddenly, the peaceful side of me starts to unthaw, and for the first time in years, I don’t want to be frozen to life’s happiness. I want to be warm and thriving. I want to be alive to all life can offer. I want to have a purpose, and this beautiful girl has to be it. I’ve collided with my fate, and it’s led me straight to Cami.

  Work is impossibly busy today, but not in the outpatient area where I normally work. The emergency room has been overloaded, so I’ve volunteered to go down there to help. I have never been so excited in my career. This is what I wanted to go to school for initially before I got pregnant with Hunter. I wanted to be an emergency room nurse, and today, I get my first glimpse of the chaos I’m attracted to. I’m going into the triage rooms, checking in the patients, cleaning, and basically doing whatever they ask me to do.

  Dr. Daniels, the attending physician, worked in the outpatient surgery area when I first started. He mentored me, so to speak, and is a great man. I was glad when I walked into the ER that he’s working today. He isn’t afraid to tell me what to do, therefore I’ve basically been tagging alongside him all morning. And now, I have a front row seat to the action as they work on resuscitating a life before sending them to the operating room.

  There were two major car accidents and three men came in within the hour, complaining of chest pains. We are swamped and I’m stupidly happy. The rush of adrenaline and excitement for every case is allowing my feet to push harder and move from patient to patient. Is it a little morbid that I’m really getting an enjoyment out of this? Probably. However, I’ve never been so excited as when they wheeled in one of the car crash victims knowing I could see Dr. Daniels help temporarily mend him.

  Once the patient is stabilized and moved from the room, I get busy cleaning up. Now, with all the major injuries and illnesses out of the way, we can start seeing the other patients.

  As I’m cleaning, I think of my future and get a new sense of hope. This has been sign; I am so sure of it. I believe everything happens for a reason, and it was God’s choice to have me in here today. He’s reminding me not to give up on my dream.

  After cleaning up the room, I walk to the front desk where I see Madeline. She used to work with me in outpatient surgery but moved to the ER to make more money.

  “Hey, Maddie. This is insane.” A huge smile is covering my face. “I love it!”

  “I know, we are so busy today. This isn’t normal for the middle of the day. Usually, we get the crazy shit at night, but it goes to show ya how quickly life can change for people.” A familiar feeling settles in my gut.

  Her very statement reminds me of Jeremy. The night he found me in the alley was a night that forever changed my life. If I hadn’t been there that night, I would have never met Jeremy, and today, I wouldn’t have my son. Just when I thought life couldn’t get worse, my angel came from the shadows and saved my life. I can’t ignore the sudden feeling of loss. I miss him every day. I hope he’s okay. I hope he finds peace someday. I pray for this every night. I pray for God to look over Jeremy and Hunter.

  Maddie pulls two clipboards from the desk and fastens paperwork under the metal clip. The desk is a mess and the waiting room is full. We still have a room full of patients to see, and the doctors are scrambling to get everyone taken care of.

  “Here.” She hands me the clipboards. “Can you go verify these patients have been checked in? It’s such a disorganized mess back here. I think Vicki said they moved them to rooms three and four, but who knows.”

  I grab the board in my hand and smile. “Sure.”

  After I walk away from the desk and head down to the first room, I round the corner and pull back the curtain. “Hi, si—” I am stunned speechless when I see him. When my eyes connect with his, I know I have to be dreaming. If I’m not, then I’m staring at the man who’s been haunting my dreams for the last four years, and he’s alive.

  As the clipboard crashes onto a metal tray holding instruments, the sound is deafening and startles me right down to my core. I can’t think clearly. I am standing in this small room, looking at the man who left me four years ago. He is here, sitting right in front of me, yet I cannot move. I am frozen to the floor. I want to run to him and feel his body against mine; I want to make sure he’s real and not a figment of my imagination, but I can’t seem to make my body work. All I can do is stare at him in wonder.

  “Cami,” Jeremy says my name, and the sound of his voice unearths tears, astonishing us both.

  My eyes gloss over, blinding my vision. I don’t move, though. I just stand still, thinking about all the years I’ve spent longing and waiting for him to come back to me, and here he sits. I want to touch him, I want to confirm he’s real, but I don’t know if I should.

  Time has taken its toll on me, and I have a son to think about. Too much has changed between us, and falling all over him like I once did cannot happen. There is so much more to consider. For example, has prison really changed him? His arm has a fresh wound and his hand is doubled in size and purple. The sight of him now angers me.

  Didn’t he learn anything when he was in prison? Did he not learn that fighting will send him back to jail? Or is he working with my father again? Why would he go back to a lifestyle that was so hard to get out of in the first place? Why would he risk going back to prison? Questions upon questions are populating my head, and the more the questions arise, the angrier I get.

  When I open my mouth to speak, I want to scream at Jeremy and tell him what a stupid idiot he is for fighting. I want to yell at him for not finding me when he got out. I simply want to scream! I want to scream until I’m hoarse from my onslaught of frustration. I’m livid.

  I choke back the angry tears and attempt to speak to him, but as soon as I make a sound, Dr. Daniels
slides open the curtain, interrupting my internal struggle. I pick up the clipboard and hand it over to Dr. Daniels. I need to get the hell out of here. I’m suffocating right now, and I need fresh air. I need to be away from him and go back to the life I had five minutes ago.

  “Cami, will you stay and help me with this?” I stop and turn my attention back to Dr. Daniels then nod my head.

  I want to turn, but I have a great opportunity being presented in front of me. If I want to work in the ER, then I need to impress the attending physician. I will have to bite the bullet and just make my way through this awkward situation.

  “Okay, Cami, will you collect his information?” Dr. Daniels hands me the clipboard then turns his attention to Jeremy’s wounds. “Tell her your information, son, and she will fill it out.”

  “Name?” I ask with a short, angry tone.

  “Jeremy Evans.”

  “Do you have your insurance card?”

  “I don’t have insurance.” Of course he doesn’t. He’s never had a real job in his life and drug dealers typically don’t get their own health plans. I feel stupid for asking the questions, knowing the answers already, but I have to keep up pretenses for Dr. Daniels.

  “Address?” This one I’m curious about.

  Jeremy pulls out his phone with his good hand and starts searching on Google. When he’s finished, he pulls up a Yellow pages search result for Evans Brothers Collision. I look up to him then back to the phone. He’s staying with Jake?

  The tears begin to form in my eyes when I realize he is trying to change. I don’t think his brother would have allowed him to stay at his house if he were still in the life. My heart swells for Jeremy as he starts his journey back home, but it soon breaks.