Running Deep

by Bette Hawkins

  “You can count on it.”

  As she strolled away, she looked back over her shoulder. Angie was watching her go.

  Hannah wanted so badly to stop leaving her. If she had her way, she’d never walk away from her again.

  Chapter Twenty-seven

  Hannah rapped faintly on Angie’s hotel room door. When Angie opened it, she appeared in a bright red silk robe, her hair fashioned into a messy bun.

  The instant Hannah was inside she molded her hands over Angie’s waist. She was walking Angie back toward the bed, tongue flicking devilishly into her sweet mouth when something caught her eye.

  On the nightstand, there was a stuffed toy, a mermaid with a purple clam-shell bra and bright pink hair.

  “What’s that?”

  “Oh, that?” Angie replied with flushed cheeks. “I wanted to get you something. I just thought it would be funny for you to have something to take back with you to Melbourne. You can cuddle it and think of me, or whatever.”

  Hannah picked it up, biting her lip and smiling. She moved the arm on the mermaid, making her wave. “This is so cute.”

  “I know it’s a little silly. But mermaids always make me think of you.”

  “She’s not silly, I love her,” Hannah said, propping the toy against the lamp.

  Hannah perched on the mattress, patting it until Angie sat next to her. Angie put an arm around Hannah’s shoulders. “Big day. Biggest day, really. You did it. I’m so happy and proud of you.”

  “It’ll sink in that it’s over in about a week.”

  “How are you feeling about…”

  “Go on,” Hannah said softly.

  Was Angie going to ask her about their future, at last? On the one hand, Hannah was sure Angie felt the same way as she did. Her emotions were parceled up in every touch and kiss, and her eyes held the same tenderness that was in Hannah. But on the other, Angie had made no move toward talking to her about anything. They both knew she had plans to go back to America, and that was that.

  They were still behaving like the awkward teenagers they’d been when they first met. Both too shy somehow to make the first move and talk. Focusing on their physical connection was easy, but Hannah wondered, since when did having lots of sex make you an adult? The world had it backward. The sex was the easy part.

  What were they so afraid of?

  Finally, Angie started. “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. I know you got everything you could have dreamed of. You couldn’t have done better. But I remember there can sometimes be that big mood crash when it’s all over. You’re retired now. So it really is all over, and there’s nothing else to get ready for.”

  Angie was looking at her with a furrowed brow, and it made her smile.

  “Did I say the wrong thing, or something?”

  “Of course not. Just not what I thought you were going to say, that’s all.”

  Angie circled Hannah’s wrist with her fingers. “I’m tired, aren’t you? I haven’t been sleeping so well. Can you please lie down with me?”

  “Sure. I want to talk about some stuff, anyway.” Angie shot her a wary look that was hard to decipher.

  “Wait, I want to put on some music. I brought my CD player,” Angie said, bustling over to the portable radio set up on the gray carpet, near the wall. “Will you think I’m cheesy if I play ’80s stuff?”

  “Not at all, I’d love that,” Hannah replied. Maybe Angie was just too tired to talk about anything important. But if they didn’t speak now, when would they? Time was running out.

  Slipping off her shoes, Hannah watched Angie loosen the belt of her robe. Underneath it, her shorts were brief enough to reveal her lovely thighs. With them, she wore a cream-colored sleeveless top with spaghetti straps. A song by The Cure played low; the melancholy sound opening a well of nostalgia.

  Hannah reclined on the hard mattress, and when Angie joined her, she gathered her up in her arms. They spooned, Hannah brushing Angie’s shoulder and then lowering her mouth to it.

  “Do you mind if we just lie here for a while?” Angie asked.

  “Whatever you want, baby,” Hannah said, the pet name tasting sweet in her mouth. She’d always thought talk like that was lame, but everything was different with Angie.

  “We can have sex if you want…”

  Hannah rubbed Angie’s shoulder. “I thought you were tired. You just said you wanted to lie here.”

  Angie’s shoulder moved under her hand as she shrugged. “I’m just saying we could if you wanted to, that’s all.”

  “Wait, so let me get this straight. You’re offering to have sex with me even though you just said you’re too tired to do anything but lie here. Why?”

  Another shrug. It wasn’t like Angie to expect Hannah to read her mind, and it was growing more concerning by the minute that she wouldn’t say anything. Hannah’s mind raced.

  “Okay, Angie. I would hope that you’d know me well enough by now to understand that I would never, ever want to have sex with you if you didn’t want to. You’ve never done that before, have you?”

  “No,” Angie said sharply. “I haven’t.”

  Hannah’s hand dropped from Angie’s shoulder. “Well, then why would you say that to me? Do you think sex is all that I want from you? That I’d use you like that?”

  “Don’t.”

  “I don’t know what else to think!” Hannah said, hating how she sounded.

  This was not at all what she’d expected from tonight. She’d won. If there needed to be an evening of the scales, it had happened and they could meet one another as equals now. So, why weren’t things better between them? Hannah wished they could rewind and start over again. The Cure song had flipped into the next, more depressing than the last.

  “Well, that makes two of us!”

  Hannah propped herself on her elbow. “Okay, please, can you turn and face me? Can you at least do that?”

  Slowly, Angie rolled onto her back, staring up at the ceiling. Hannah took Angie’s chin between her fingers, gently tilting her face toward her.

  “What did you mean by that? You don’t know what to think about what, exactly?”

  Angie lifted her hands and dropped them helplessly back onto her stomach. “How am I supposed to know what you think or what you want? You’ve never told me much about either of those things. Not these days, anyway.”

  Hannah’s mouth fell open. “What? You haven’t told me either! That seems a little unfair! Until now I thought we were on the same page? That we were seeing how things went.”

  “Yeah, we were but…Then we’ve been together so many times, and I have no idea how you feel about me.”

  Hannah’s temper had been boiling, but now she began to soften. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. It’s past time we talked about things. I couldn’t agree more with that.”

  Angie had been staring at the ceiling again, but now her gaze snapped back to Hannah’s eyes.

  Hannah could see that Angie was afraid. So was she, but this was too important to not speak from her heart. Part of Hannah hated that they were in the middle of an argument when she was going to say this, but she couldn’t wait one more minute. If she’d known how much the uncertainty was affecting Angie, she would have done this so much sooner.

  Maybe the strength of her emotions toward Angie meant that she was far ahead of her, but she couldn’t worry about that. She would wait for as long as it took for Angie to catch up to her.

  “Where are you going?”

  “Don’t worry, don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere. I just want to do this right,” Hannah said, climbing down from the bed. She knelt on the carpet, before Angie. She leaned forward, putting her elbows on Angie’s knees.

  “What are you doing…”

  “Let me get this out,” she said. She clasped Angie’s hands and looked into her eyes. “You say you don’t know how I feel about you, so let me tell you. From the moment we saw one another again, I began to understand that it was never going to be
over between us. That I never wanted it to be.”

  Angie stared back at her, tightening her grip on Hannah’s hands.

  Hannah wet her lips and went on. “We talked about having a pause. As far as I’m concerned, we were on a pause for ten long years. I don’t need any more time. That’s the last thing I want. If you’ll have me, I want to be with you. I love you.”

  Angie laughed through tears, clutching Hannah’s face now, pressing her hair into the sides of her head. “I love you too.”

  “Really?”

  “Of course, I do! Couldn’t you see I’ve been chasing you since I saw you again? I was worried I was embarrassing myself sometimes. I’ve been a woman on a mission.”

  “Well, mission accomplished,” Hannah said. The kiss they shared was so tender it made her ache. “God, I’m so relieved. To be completely honest with you, I was worried. I thought maybe this was some whirlwind holiday romance. Not a holiday, but you know what I mean. I didn’t know whether to believe that it was real.”

  “Real as the nose on your face,” Angie said, putting a finger on the tip of Hannah’s nose.

  “I don’t think that’s exactly right, but I’m happy to go with it,” Hannah said.

  They kissed again, Angie wrapping her arms around Hannah’s neck. “So, what happens now? We do the long-distance thing for a while?”

  “Why? Do you really want to go back to America?” The smile could split her face. Why had they waited so long for this?

  “Not long-term. But that was the plan. You know that!”

  “Then let’s not do things half-assed. You’ve never sounded that excited about going back there, and you can get a job here instead. Move in with me.”

  Laughter bubbled from Angie, and she covered her mouth.

  “Hey. Don’t laugh!”

  “It’s nervous laughter. Do you mean that?”

  Hannah sat back on her heels. If Angie said yes, she’d be able to look at that face as much as she wanted. Every day and forever. Angie had never been more beautiful.

  “Well, what do you think? It doesn’t have to be for always. We can go over to America sometime, move back and forth like you wanted when we were younger. I just feel like it makes sense to do it this way for a while when I have the house and everything.”

  “Everyone’s going to think we’re crazy!” Angie said, a hand over her mouth.

  “Let them say it. I don’t want to be apart.”

  They threw their arms around one another. Hannah pulled something from her pocket, draping it around Angie’s neck. Angie looked down at the heavy medallion and cackled.

  “Your medal? Really?”

  “We earned it together. Gold looks good on you.”

  Hannah climbed back onto the bed, sinking into Angie’s embrace.

  Chapter Twenty-eight

  With an arm hooked around Hannah’s waist, Angie sighed. Hannah burrowed in against her so that their temples touched.

  “It’s so nice to have everything unpacked. I feel so grown up and settled.”

  “Aw! You finally have a home!” Hannah said, lightly shaking Angie by the shoulder.

  “Why don’t you quit joking around and hang that picture of mine? You’re taller than me,” Angie said, pushing Hannah toward the wall.

  “You’ve got it, short stack,” Hannah said.

  Hannah used the hammer she’d borrowed from Mark to drive in the golden nail, then positioned the print. The framed photograph was of the ocean, and from this close, all Hannah could see was the white lip of a glittering wave.

  “How does it look from back there? Do you think it’s even?”

  “Up on the left a little…not that far. Down. It’s still a bit crooked, can you pull it down on the right?”

  Hannah’s arms dropped, and she twisted around. “Are you just messing with me now? Having a little fun at my expense?”

  Angie clapped her hands together, laughing. “It’s perfect now. I just wanted to watch you. Nice buns.”

  Hannah shook her head and went to Angie for a hug. Hanging the picture was the last piece of work to make the townhouse theirs as opposed to hers.

  In the weeks before Angie arrived, Hannah had worked to clear out her old solitary life, the one that didn’t have Angie in it. She’d sorted through every room and culled anything she didn’t need. She couldn’t believe how much junk she’d accumulated since moving in.

  Now there was an empty drawer and a spare shelf in the bathroom. There was blank space in the cupboard in which Angie could hang her clothes. Hannah wanted everything to be perfect for her.

  It kept Hannah occupied when she was wracked with anxiety about whether what they were doing was indeed crazy. It was so fast. Everyone kept telling her just how fast it was, even Viv. Their circumstances were dictating them moving in together, and maybe she shouldn’t have suggested it.

  Then Angie was here, bringing her warmth and her smile. As soon as she stepped through the gate at the airport, Hannah wondered what she had ever worried about.

  It was the very best decision they could have ever made.

  They kissed at a deliciously slow pace, Hannah beginning to form a hazy thought that they should take it upstairs. They’d already christened every room in the townhouse, and the floor down here was hard and unforgiving.

  She sprang from Angie when the front door opened, and she put a hand on her chest, panting. “Jesus, Marie! It’s not just me here anymore.”

  “Sorry!” Marie said, pointing her finger back and forth between them. “But it looks like I got here just in time. I love you both, but I do not want to see that.”

  “Well that’s easily fixed. Learn to knock like a normal person!” Hannah said.

  “And ruin my irresistible charm? I’m spontaneous! It’s part of my schtick. I don’t think so.”

  Marie hugged each of them and kissed them on the cheek. During the short time Angie had been in Melbourne, she’d endeared herself to Hannah’s best friend with impressive ease. When Hannah first told Marie about Angie moving in so quickly, Marie was ruthless in telling her they were making a big mistake and that they should put the brakes on.

  Marie’s predictions quickly turned around when Angie charmed her and Scott, insisting on cooking and baking for them. The way to Marie’s heart was through her stomach, and it gave Angie plenty of time to do what she was good at. They talked until Marie warmed up, after being sent home with plates of leftovers.

  All that food served another purpose; it convinced Marie that Angie knew her stuff.

  Marie opened her bag and unpacked the contents. A heavy laptop, notebooks, and a giant folded map of Melbourne covered the table.

  “What’s this evening’s project?” Angie asked, tying her hair back and pushing up her sleeves.

  “Tonight, we’re going to talk about location. There are a few spaces I want to discuss with you, then we can narrow down further before we go to look at them.”

  “Fantastic!” Angie said, smoothing her hands over the map.

  “Don’t get too excited. It gets pretty boring until we get to actually go and look, and at least some of them are going to be dumps. I think I’ve got a lead on a couple of good spots, though. Oh, did you guys check out that new list of chefs I sent you?”

  Hannah nodded. “We did. There are a couple more that we’d love to test out.”

  “Good. All those people come highly recommended. Do you still think you want to try and get a female chef?”

  “Yeah, I think so,” Angie said. It was a male-dominated industry, and she liked the idea of giving a woman the opportunity.

  One of Hannah’s favorite things about this venture was the hunt for a chef to poach, which meant a lot of food testing. It was a great excuse to have long dinners where they sampled as many items as they could from a menu. Because Angie loved food but wasn’t a professional, they needed someone creative but dependable to run the kitchen.

  “Well that’s good,” Marie said. “Statistically more women are veget
arian too, right? So, you’ll have a better chance of getting a good one.”

  “They don’t have to actually be vegetarian, though, just good at veggie cooking. And versatile. We want someone who can do an extensive range so that even meat eaters will want to go there,” Hannah said.

  “Sure, but it’d help, I think. Hey, maybe you’ll get another lezzie too,” Marie said.

  “Marie! You don’t get to say that word.”

  “Sorry. You know what I meant. Okay, now, I’ve narrowed down the location hunt for somewhere that’s inner city where the hipsters will hang out. The rent on a building will be more expensive, but it’ll be worth it. You need somewhere central because like I’ve told you before, a vegetarian restaurant is just not going to work out in the burbs.”

  “I’m going to leave this part to you guys. I still don’t know Melbourne very well,” Angie said.

  Hannah watched while Marie traced around the map with a finger. She jotted down a list in the notebook they were calling the “restaurant bible.”

  Before they progressed to the next step, Marie refolded the map and capped her pen. “I need to talk to you both about something.”

  “What’s the problem? Are you going to tell us we don’t have enough money or something?” Hannah said, arms crossed.

  “No, nothing like that. I just…There’s something I’ve wanted to talk to you about since you asked me to help. I may have chickened out once or twice.”

  Angie was rinsing a glass in the sink, and when Marie beckoned her over with a hand, she put it in the drainer and sat back down at the table. Sensing they might not like what they were about to hear, Hannah grabbed Angie’s hand under the table.

  “Okay. Let us have it,” Hannah said.

  Though she felt like warning Marie to be very careful about what she might be about to say, she was helping them almost free of charge. They owed her the courtesy of listening.

  Marie slowly pushed out a breath. “Here goes. The restaurant business is a very stressful one. A lot of restaurants fail after the first year or so.”

  “Oh, is that what this is about?” Hannah asked. “You may be forgetting that you’ve given us this speech already! We’ve taken steps to protect ourselves financially, and we’re not sinking everything into this.”