The Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe; Or, There's No Place Like Home

by Amanda M. Douglas

  CHAPTER IV.

  THE IDENTICAL SHOE.

  They did pretty well through the fall. Joe came across odd jobs,gathered stores of hickory-nuts and chestnuts; and now and then of anevening they had what he called a rousing good boil; and certainlychestnuts never tasted better. They sat round the fire, and toldriddles or stories, and laughed as only healthy, happy children can.What if they were poor, and had to live in a little tumble-down shanty!

  Sometimes Joe would surprise them with a somerset in the middle of thefloor, or a good stand on his head in one corner.

  "Joe," Granny would say solemnly, "I once knowed a man who fell thatway on his head off a load of hay, and broke his back."

  "Granny dear, 'knowed' is bad grammar. When you go to see Florence inher palace, you must say knew, to rhyme with blew. But your old man'sback must have grown cranky with rheumatism, while mine is limber as aneel."

  "He wasn't old, Joe. And in my day they never learned grammar."

  "Oh, tell us about the good old times!" and Hal's head was laid inGranny's lap.

  The children were never tired of hearing these tales. Days whenGranny was young were like enchantment. She remembered some realwitch stories, that she was sure were true; and weddings, quiltings,husking-bees, and apple-parings were full of interest. How they wentout sleigh-riding, and had a dance; and how once Granny and her lover,sitting on the back seat, were jolted out, seat and all, while thehorses went skimming along at a pace equal to Tam O'Shanter's. And howthey had to go to a neighboring cottage, and stay ever so long beforethey were missed.

  "There'll never be such times again," Joe would declare solemnly.

  Florence would breath a little sigh, and wonder if she could everattain to beaux and merriment, and if any one would ever quarrel aboutdancing with her. How happy Granny must have been!

  Dot had a dreadful cold, and Granny an attack of rheumatism; but theyboth recovered before Christmas. Every one counted so much on thisholiday. All were making mysterious preparations. Joe and Hal andFlorence had their heads together; and then it was Granny and Florence,or Granny and Hal.

  "I don't dare to stir out," said Joe lugubriously, "lest you may saysomething that I shall not hear."

  Hal killed three fine young geese. Two were disposed of for a dollarapiece, and the third he brought to the kitchen in triumph.

  "There's our Christmas dinner, and a beauty too!" he announced.

  Hal had sold turkeys and chickens enough to buy himself a good warmwinter coat.

  Granny had a little extra luck. In fact, it was rather a prosperouswinter with them; and there was nothing like starvation, in spite ofMrs. Van Wyck's prediction.

  They all coaxed Granny to make doughnuts. Joe dropped them in thekettle, and Hal took them out with the skimmer. How good they did smell!

  Kit and Charlie tumbled about on the floor, and were under everybody'sfeet; while Dot sat in her high chair, looking wondrous wise.

  "How'll we get the stockings filled?" propounded Joe, when thesupper-table had been cleared away.

  They all glanced at each other in consternation.

  "But where'll you hang 'em?" asked Kit after a moment or two ofprofound study.

  "Some on the andirons, some on the door-knob, some on the kettle-spout,and the rest up chimney."

  "I say, can't we have two?" was Charlie's anxious question.

  "Lucky if you get one full. What a host of youngsters! O Granny! didyou know that last summer I discovered that you were the old woman wholived in a shoe?"

  "O Joe! don't;" and Hal raised his soft eyes reproachfully.

  Granny laughed, not understanding Hal's anxiety.

  "Because I had so many children?"

  "Exactly; but I think you are better tempered than your namesake."

  Granny's eyes twinkled at this compliment.

  "It was an awful hot day, and Dot was cross enough to kill a cat withnine lives."

  "But she's a little darling now," said Hal, kissing her. "I think thesand-man has been around;" and he smiled into the little face with itssoft drooping eyes.

  "Yes, she ought to be in bed, and Kit and Charlie. Come, children."

  "I want to see what's going to be put in my stocking," whined Charliein a very sleepy tone.

  "No, you can't. March off, you small snipes, or you will find a whipthere to-morrow morning."

  That was Joe's peremptory order.

  They had a doughnut apiece, and then went reluctantly. Charlie was verysure that she was wider awake than ever before in her life, and couldnot get asleep if she tried all night. Kit didn't believe that morningwould ever come. Hal put on Dot's nightgown, and heard her say, "Now Ilay me down to sleep;" while Joe picked up the cat, and irreverentlywhispered,--

  "Now I lay me down to sleep, All curled up in a little heap.

  If I should wake before 'tis day, What do you s'pose the doctor'd say?"

  "O Joe!" remonstrated Granny.

  "That's Tabby's prayers. Tabby is a high principled, moral, andintellectual cat. Now go to sleep, and dream of a mouse."

  Tabby winked her eyes solemnly, as if she understood every word; andit's my firm belief that she did.

  Then Granny, Florence, Joe, and Hal sat in profound thought until theold high clock in the corner struck nine.

  "Well," said Joe, "what are we waiting for?"

  Hal laughed and answered,--

  "For some one to go to bed."

  "What is to be done about it?"

  Florence looked wise, and said presently,--

  "We'll all have to go in the other room except the one who is to putsomething in the stockings."

  "That's it. Who will begin?"

  "Not I," rejoined Joe. "I don't want to be poked down into the toe."

  "And I can't have my gifts crushed," declared Florence.

  "Hal, you begin."

  Hal was very cheerful and obliging. Granny lighted another candle, andthe three retired. He disposed of his gifts, and then called Joe.

  Joe made a great scrambling around. One would think he had Santa Claushimself, and was squeezing him into the small stocking, sleigh, ponies,and all.

  "Now, Granny, it's your turn."

  Granny fumbled about a long while, until the children grew impatient.Afterward Florence found herself sorely straitened for room; but shehad a bright brain, and what she could not put inside she did upin papers and pinned to the outside, giving the stockings a rathergrotesque appearance, it must be confessed. There they hung in a row,swelled to dropsical proportions, and looking not unlike stumpy littleDutchmen who had been beheaded at the knees.

  "Now, Granny, you must go to bed," said Joe with an air of importance."And you must promise to lie there until you are called to-morrowmorning,--honor bright!"

  Granny smiled, and bobbed her flaxen curls.

  "Now," exclaimed Florence, bolting the middle door so they would besure of no interruption.

  Joe went out to the wood-shed, and dragged in a huge shoe. The toe waspainted red, and around the top a strip of bright yellow, ending withan immense buckle cut out of wood.

  "Oh, isn't it splendid!" exclaimed Florence, holding her breath.

  "That was Hal's idea, and it's too funny for any thing. Granny couldcrawl into it head first. If we haven't worked and conjured to keep Kitand Charlie out of the secret, then no one ever had a bit of troublein this world."

  Joe laughed until he held his sides. It was a sort of safetyescape-valve with him.

  "H-u-s-h!" whispered Hal. "Now, Flossy."

  Florence brought a large bundle out of the closet. There were somesuppressed titters, and "O's," and "Isn't it jolly?"

  "Now you must tie your garters round the bedpost, put the toe of yourshoes toward the door, and go to bed backward. That'll make every thingcome out just right," declared Joe.

  "Oh, dear! I wish it was morning!" said Hal. "I want to see the fun."

  "So don't this child. I must put in some tall snoring between this anddaylight."

/>   They said good-night softly to each other, and went off to bed. Joe wasso full of mischief, that he kept digging his elbows into Hal's ribs,and rolling himself in the bedclothes, until it was a relief to havehim commence the promised snoring.

  With the first gray streak of dawn there was a stir.

  "Merry Christmas!" sang out Joe with a shout that might have been hearda mile. "Hal and Kit"--

  "Can't you let a body sleep in peace?" asked Kit in an injured tone,the sound coming from vasty deeps of bedclothes.

  Joe declared they always had to fish him out of bed, and that buckwheatcakes was the best bait that could be used.

  "Why, it's Christmas. Hurrah! We're going to have a jolly time. What doyou suppose is in your stocking?"

  That roused Kit. He came out of bed on his head, and commenced puttinghis foot through his jacket sleeve.

  "I can't find my stockings! Who's got 'em?"

  "The fellow who gets up first always takes the best clothes," said Joesolemnly.

  With that he made a dive into his. It was the funniest thing in theworld to see Joe dress. His clothes always seemed joined together insome curious fashion; for he flung his arms and legs into them at onebound.

  "Oh, dear! Don't look in my stocking, Joe. You might wait. I knowyou've hidden away my shoe on purpose."

  With this Kit sat in the middle of the floor like a heap of rains, andbegan to cry.

  Hal came to the rescue, and helped his little brother dress. But Joewas down long before them. He gave a whoop at the door.

  "Merry Christmas!" exclaimed Florence with a laugh, glad to think shehad distanced him.

  "Merry Christmas! The top o' the mornin' to you, Granny! Long life andplenty of 'praties and pint.' Santa Claus has been here. My eyes!"

  Hal and Kit came tumbling along; but the younger stood at the door inamaze, his mouth wide open.

  "Hush for your life!"

  But Kit had to make a tour regardless of his own stocking, while Joebrandished the tongs above his head as if to enforce silence.

  Hal began to kindle the fire. Charlie crept out in her nightgown, withan old shawl about her, and stood transfixed with astonishment.

  "Oh, my! Isn't that jolly? Doesn't Granny know a bit?"

  "Not a word."

  "Mrs. McFinnegan," said Joe through the chink of the door, "I have toannounce that the highly esteemed and venerable Mr. Santa Claus, agreat traveller and a remarkably generous man, has made a call upon youduring the night. As he feared to disturb your slumbers, he left a ballof cord, a paper of pins, and a good warm night-cap."

  Florence was laughing so that she could hardly use buttons or hooks.Dot gave a neglected whine from the cradle.

  "Is Granny ready?" Hal asked as she came out.

  "She's just putting on her cap."

  Hal went in for a Christmas kiss. Granny held him to her heart in afond embrace, and wished the best of every thing over him.

  "Merry Christmas to you all!" she said as Hal escorted her out to themiddle of the room.

  Joe went over on his head, and then perched himself on the back of achair. The rest all looked at Granny.

  "Is this really for me?" she asked in surprise, though the greatplacard stared her in the face.

  The children set up a shout. Kit and Charlie paused, open-mouthed, inthe act of demolishing something.

  "Why, I never"--

  "Tumble it out," said Joe.

  "This great shoe full"--

  Florence handed the first package to Granny. She opened it in amaze, asif she really could not decide whether it belonged to her or not.

  There was a paper pinned on it, "A Merry Christmas from Mrs. Kinsey."

  A nice dark calico dress-pattern, at which Granny was so overcome thatshe dropped into the nearest chair.

  Next a pair of gloves from Joe; a pretty, warm hood from Mrs. Howard,the clergyman's wife; a bowl of elegant cranberry sauce from anotherneighbor; a crocheted collar from Florence, and then with a big tug--

  "Oh!" exclaimed Granny, "is it a comfortable, or what?"

  A good thick plaid shawl. Just bright enough to be handsome and nottoo gay, and as soft as the back of a lamb.

  "Where did it come from?"

  Granny's voice trembled in her excitement.

  "From all of us," said Florence. "I mean, Joe and Hal and me. We'vebeen saving our money this ever so long, and Mrs. Kinsey bought it forus. O Granny!"--

  But Granny had her arms around them, and was crying over heads goldenand brown and black; and Hal, little chicken-heart, was sobbing andsmiling together. Joe picked a big tear or two out of his eye, andbegan with some nonsense.

  "And to keep it a secret all this time! and to make this great shoe!There never was such a Christmas before. Oh, children, I'm happier thana queen!"

  "What makes you cry then, Granny?" asked Charlie."But oh! wasn't it funny? And if it only had runnersit would make a sleigh. Look at the red toe."

  They kissed dozens of times, and inspected each other's gifts. Florencehad made each of the boys two dainty little neckties, having beggedthe silk from Miss Brown. Charlie and Kit had a pair of new mittens,Joe and Hal a new shirt with a real plaited bosom, and a host of smallarticles devised by love, with a scarce purse. But I doubt if there wasa happier household in richer homes.

  It was a long while before they had tried every thing,

  tasted of all their "goodies," and expressed sufficient delight andsurprise. Dot was taken up and dressed, and Kit found that she fittedinto the shoe exact. Her tiny stocking was not empty. They all laughedand talked; and it was nine o'clock before their simple breakfast wasready.

  Joe had to take a turn out to see some of the boys; Florence made thebeds, and put the room in order; and Hal kept a roaring fire to warmit up, so that they might have a parlor. Kit and Charlie were deeplyinterested in the shoe; and Granny had to break out every now and thenin surprise and thankfulness.

  "A shawl and hood and gloves and a dress! Why, I never had so manythings at once, I believe; and how hard you must all have worked! Idon't see how you could save so much money!"

  "It's better than living with Mrs. Van Wyck," returned Florence withpardonable pride. "Embroidering is real pretty work, and it pays well.Mrs. Howard has asked me to do some for a friend of hers."

  "You're a wonder, Florence, to be sure. I can't see how you do 'em allso nice. But my fingers are old and clumsy."

  "They know how to make pies and doughnuts," said Kit, as if that wasthe main thing, after all.

  They went to work at the dinner. It was to be a grand feast. Joe keptthe fire brisk; while Hal waited upon Granny, and remembered theingredients that went to make "tip-top" dressing.

  "It is a pity you were not a Frenchman," said Florence. "You wouldmake such a handy cook."

  Hal laughed, his cheeks as red as roses.

  "I couldn't keep house without him," appended Granny.

  There was a savory smell of roasting goose, the flavor of thyme andonions, which the children loved dearly. Charlie and Kit went out tohave a good run, and came back hungry as bears, they declared. Joe wentoff to see some of the boys, and compare gifts. Though more than onenew sled or nice warm overcoat gave his heart a little twinge, he wastoo gay and happy to feel sad very long; and, when he had a royal ridedown hill on the bright sleds that flashed along like reindeers, hereturned very well content.

  Florence sighed a little as she arranged the table. Three kinds ofdishes, and some of them showing their age considerably. If they wereall white it wouldn't be so bad. She did so love beauty!

  But when the goose, browned in the most delicious manner, graced themiddle dish, the golden squash and snowy mound of potatoes, and thedeep wine color of the cranberries lent their contrast, it was quitea picture, after all. And when the host of eager faces had clusteredround it, one would hardly have noticed any lack. They were all in thegayest possible mood.

  Hal did the carving. The goose was young and tender, and he disappearedwith marvellous celerity.
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br />   Wings, drumsticks, great juicy slices with crisp skin, dressing inabundance; and how they did eat! For a second helping they had todemolish the rack; and Charlie wasn't sure but picking bones was themost fun of all.

  "Hal, you had better go into the poultry business," said Joe, stoppingin the midst of a spoonful of cranberry.

  "I've been thinking of it," was the reply.

  "I should think he was in it," said Charlie slyly.

  Joe laughed.

  "Good for you, Charlie. They must feed you on knives at your house,you're so sharp. But I have heard of people being too smart to livelong, so take warning."

  Charlie gave her head a toss.

  "Why wouldn't it be good?" pursued Joe. "People do make money by it;and I suppose, before very long, we must begin to think about money."

  "Don't to-day" said Granny.

  "No, we will not worry ourselves," rejoined Hal.

  One after another drew long breaths, as if their appetites werediminishing. Dot sat back in her high chair, her hands and face showingsigns of the vigorous contest, but wonderfully content.

  "Now the pie!" exclaimed Joe.

  Florence gathered up the bones and the plates, giving Tabby, who sat inthe corner washing her face, a nice feast. Then came on the Christmaspie, which was pronounced as great a success as the goose.

  "Oh, dear!" sighed Joe. "One unfortunate thing about eating is, that ittakes away your appetite."

  "It is high time!" added Florence.

  They wouldn't allow Granny to wash a dish, but made her sit in statewhile they brought about order and cleanliness once more. A laughabletime they had; for Joe wiped some dishes, and Charlie scoured one knife.

  Afterward they had a game at blind-man's-buff. Such scampering and suchscreams would have half frightened any passer-by. They coaxed Granny toget up and join; and at last, to please Hal, she consented.

  If Joe fancied he could catch her easily, he was much mistaken. She hadplayed blind-man's-buff too many times in her young days. Such turningand doubling and slipping away was fine to see; and Charlie laughed so,that Joe, much chagrined, took her prisoner instead.

  "Granny, you beat every thing!" he said. "Now, Charlie."

  Charlie made a dive at the cupboard, and then started for the window,spinning round in such a fashion that they all had to run; but even shewas not fleet enough.

  After that, Kit and Florence essayed; and Joe, manoeuvring in theirbehalf, fell into the trap himself, at which they all set up a shout.

  "I'm bound to have Granny this time," he declared.

  Sure enough, though he confessed afterwards that he peeped a little;but Granny was tired with so much running: and, as the short afternoondrew to a close, they gathered round the fire, and cracked nuts,washing them down with apples, as they had no cider.

  "It's been a splendid Christmas!" said Charlie, with such a yawn thatshe nearly made the top of her head an island.

  "I wonder if we'll all be here next year?" said Joe, rather moresolemnly than his wont.

  "I hope so," responded Granny, glancing over the clustering faces. Dotsat on Hal's knee, looking bright as a new penny. She, too, had enjoyedherself amazingly.

  But presently the spirit of fun seemed to die out, and they began tosing some hymns and carols. The tears came into Granny's eyes, as thesweet, untrained voices blended so musically. Ah, if they could alwaysstay children! Foolish wish; and yet Granny would have toiled for themto her latest breath.

  "Here's long life and happiness!" exclaimed Joe, with a flourish of theold cocoanut dipper. "A merry Christmas next year, and may we all bethere to see!"

  Ah, Joe, it will be many a Christmas before you are all there again.