The Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe; Or, There's No Place Like Home

by Amanda M. Douglas

  CHAPTER V.

  GOOD LUCK FOR JOE.

  "Hooray!" said Joe, swinging the molasses jug over his head as if ithad been a feather, or the stars and stripes on Fourth of July morning.

  "O Joe!"

  "Flossy, my darling, you are a poet sure; only poetry, like analligator, must have feet, or it will lose its reputation. Here's your'lasses, Granny; and what do you think? Something has actually happenedto me! Oh, my! do guess quick!"

  "You've been taken with the 'lirium"--and there Charlie paused, havingbeen wrecked on a big word.

  "Delirium tremen_jous_. Remember to say it right hereafter, Charlie."

  Charlie looked very uncertain.

  "Maybe it's the small-pox," said Kit, glancing up in amazement.

  "Good for you!" and Joe applauded with two rather blue thumb-nails."But it's a fact. Guess, Granny. I'm on the high road to fortune.Hooray!"

  With that, Joe executed his usual double-shuffle, and a revolution onhis axis hardly laid down in the planetary system. He would have saidthat it was because he was not a heavenly body.

  "O Joe, if you were like any other boy!"

  "Jim Fisher, for instance,--red-headed, squint-eyed, and freckled."

  "He can't help it," said Hal mildly. "He is real nice too."

  "You're not going"--began Granny with a gasp.

  "Yes, I'm going"--was the solemn rejoinder.

  "Not to sea!" and there came a quick blur in Hal's eyes.

  "Oh, bother, no! You're all splendid at guessing, and ought to havea prize leather medal. It's in Mr. Terry's store; and I shall have adollar and a half a week! Good by, Mr. Fielder. Adieu, beloved grammar;and farewell, most fragrant extract of cube-root, as well as birch-oil.O Granny! I'm happy as a big sunflower. On the high road to fame andfortune,--think of it!"

  "Is it really true?" asked Florence.

  "Then, I won't need to go for any thing," appended Charlie.

  "No; but you'll have to draw water, and split kindlings, and hunt upMrs. Green's cows."

  "In Mr. Terry's store! What wonderful luck, Joe!"

  Granny's delight was overwhelming. All along she had experienced a sadmisgiving, lest Joe should take a fancy to the sea in real earnest.

  "Yes. It's just splendid. Steve Anthony's going to the city to learna trade. He had a letter from his uncle to-day, saying that he mightstart right away. I thought a minute: then said I, 'Steve, who's cominghere?' 'I don't know,' said he. 'Mr. Terry'll have to look round.' 'I'myour boy,' said I, 'and no mistake.' And with that I rushed in to Mr.Terry, and asked him. He gave me some columns of figures to add up,and questioned me a little, and finally told me that I might come onMonday, and we'd try for a week."

  "There's Joe's fortune," said Hal, "and a good one too. You will notneed to go to sea."

  There was an odd and knowing twinkle in Joe's merry hazel eye, whichshowed to an observing person that he was not quite sound on thequestion.

  "Tate Dotty;" and two little hands were outstretched.

  "O Dot! you're a fraud, and more trouble to me than all my money."

  With that, Joe sat her up on his shoulder, and she laughed gleefully.

  Granny lighted a candle, and began to prepare for supper. While Charlieset the table, Granny brought out the griddle, and commenced fryingsome Indian cakes in a most tempting manner. Joe dropped on an oldstool, and delighted Dot with a vigorous ride to Banbury Cross.

  Kit stood beside him, inhaling the fragrance of the cakes, andwondering at the dexterity with which Granny turned them on a slenderknife.

  "I don't see how you do it. Suppose you should let 'em fall?"

  "Ho!" said Charlie, with a sniff of disdain. "Women always know how."

  "But they can't come up to the miners," suggested Joe. "They keep housefor themselves; and their flapjacks are turned,--as big as Granny'sgriddle here."

  "One cake?"

  "Yes. That's where the art comes in."

  "They must take a shovel," said Charlie.

  "No, nor a knife, nor any thing."

  With that Joe shook his head mysteriously.

  "With their fingers," announced Kit triumphantly.

  "My mother used to bake them in a frying-pan," said Granny. "Then she'dtwirl it round and round, and suddenly throw the cake over."

  "There!"

  Kit gave a nod as much as to say, "Beat that if you can."

  "That isn't a circumstance," was Joe's solemn comment.

  "But how then?" asked Charlie, who was wound up to a pitch ofcuriosity.

  "Why, _they_ bake them in a pan too, and twirl it round and round, andthen throw it up and run out of doors. The cake goes up chimney, andcomes down on the raw side, all right, you see, and drops into the panbefore you can count six black beans."

  "Oh, I don't believe it!" declared Charlie. "Do you, Granny?"

  "They'd have to be pretty quick," was the response.

  "You see, a woman never could do it, Charlie," Joe continued in atormenting manner.

  "But, Charlie, a miner's cabin is not very high; and the chimney isjust a great hole in the roof," explained Hal.

  "'Tory, 'tory," said Dot, who was not interested in the culinary art.

  "O Dotty! you'll have a piece worn off the end of my tongue, some day.It's high time you were storing your mind with useful facts; so, if youplease, we will have a little English history."

  "What nonsense, Joe! As if she could understand;" and Florence lookedup from her pretty worsted crocheting.

  "To be sure she can. Dot comes of a smart family. Now, Midget;" andwith that he perched her up on his knee.

  Charlie and Kit began to listen.

  "'When good King Arthur ruled the land, He was a goodly king: He stole three pecks of barley-meal To make a bag pudding.'"

  "I don't believe it," burst out Charlie. "I was reading about KingArthur"--

  "And he was a splendid cook. Hear his experience,--

  'A bag pudding the king did make, And stuffed it well with plums; And in it put great lumps of fat, As big as my two thumbs.'"

  Dot thought the laugh came in here, and threw back her head, showingher little white teeth.

  "It really wasn't King Arthur," persisted Charlie.

  "It is a fact handed down to posterity. No wonder England became greatunder so wise and economical a rule; for listen--

  'The king and queen did eat thereof, And noblemen beside; And what they could not eat that night, The queen next morning fried,'--

  as we do sometimes. Isn't it wonderful?"

  "Hunnerful," ejaculated Dot, wide-eyed.

  "I hope you'll take a lesson, and"--

  "Come to supper," said Granny.

  Irrepressible Charlie giggled at the ending.

  They did not need a second invitation, but clustered around eagerly.

  "I'm afraid there won't be any left to fry up in the morning," said Joesolemnly.

  After the youngsters were off to bed that evening, Joe began to talkabout his good fortune again.

  "And a dollar and a half a week, regularly, is a good deal," he said."Why, I can get a spick and span new suit of clothes for twelvedollars,--two months, that would be; and made at a tailor's too."

  "The two months?" asked Florence.

  "Oh! you know what I mean."

  "You will get into worse habits than ever," she said with a wiseelder-sister air.

  "I don't ever expect to be a grand gentleman."

  "But you _might_ be a little careful."

  "Flo acts as if she thought we were to have a great fortune left us byand by, and wouldn't be polished enough to live in state."

  "The only fortune we shall ever have will come from five-finger land,"laughed Hal good-naturedly.

  "And I'm going to make a beginning. I do think it was a streak of luck.I am old enough to do something for myself."

  "I wish I could find such a chance," said Hal, with a soft sigh.

  "Your turn will come presently," G
ranny answered, smiling tenderly.

  Joe went on with his air-castles. The sum of money looked so large inhis eyes. He bought out half of Mr. Terry's store, and they were tolive like princes,--all on a dollar and a half a week.

  Granny smiled, and felt proud enough of him. If he would only keep tobusiness, and not go off to sea.

  So on Friday Joe piled up his books, and turned a somerset over them,and took a farewell race with the boys. They were all sorry enough tolose him. Mr. Fielder wished him good luck.

  "You will find that work is not play," he said by way of caution.

  Early Monday morning Joe presented himself bright as a new button.He had insisted upon wearing his best suit,--didn't he mean to haveanother soon? for the school clothes were all patches. He had given hishair a Sunday combing, which meant that he used a comb instead of hisfingers. Mr. Terry was much pleased with his promptness.

  A regular country store, with groceries on one side and dry goods onthe other, a little sashed cubby for a post-office, and a corner forgarden and farm implements. There was no liquor kept on the premises;for the mild ginger and root beer sold in summer could hardly be placedin that category.

  Joe was pretty quick, and by noon had mastered many of the intricacies.Old Mr. Terry was in the store part of the time,--"father" as everybodycalled him. He was growing rather childish and careless, so his soninstructed Joe to keep a little watch over him. Then he showed him howto harness the horse, and drove off with some bulky groceries that hewas to take home.

  "All things work together for good, sonny," said Father Terry with asleepy nod, as he sat down by the stove.

  "What things?"

  "All things," with a sagacious shake of the head.

  This was Father Terry's favorite quotation, and he used it in seasonand out of season.

  The door opened, and Mrs. Van Wyck entered. She gave Joe a sharp look.

  "So _you're_ here?" with a kind of indignant sniff.

  "Yes. What will you have?"

  There was a twinkle in Joe's eye, and an odd little pucker to his lips,as if he were remembering something.

  "You needn't be so impudent."

  "I?" and Joe flushed in surprise.

  "Yes. You're a saucy lot, the whole of you."

  With that Mrs. Van Wyck began to saunter round.

  "What's the price of these cranberries?"

  "Eighteen cents," in his most respectful tone.

  "They're dear, dreadful dear. Over to Windsor you can get as many asyou can carry for a shillin' a quart."

  Joe was silent.

  "Say sixteen."

  "I couldn't," replied Joe. "If Mr. Terry were here"--

  "There's Father Terry." She raised her voice a little. "Father Terry,come and look at these cranberries. They're a poor lot, and you'll dowell to get a shillin' a quart."

  Joe ran his fingers through them. Plump and crimson, very nice hethought for so late in the season.

  "I don't s'pose I'd get more'n two good quarts out of three. They'llspile on your hands. Come now, be reasonable."

  Father Terry looked undecided. Joe watched him, thinking in his heartthat he ought not fall a penny.

  "Say a shillin'."

  The old man shook his head.

  "Well, fifteen cents. I want three quarts, and I won't give a pennymore."

  The old gentleman studied Joe's face, which was full of perplexity.

  "Well," he said with some reluctance.

  Joe measured them. Mrs. Van Wyck gave each quart a "settle" by shakingit pretty hard, and Joe had to put in another large handful.

  "Now I want some cheese."

  The pound weighed two ounces over.

  "You can throw that in. Mr. Terry always does."

  "How much?"

  "Twenty-three cents."

  "No: you can't fool me, youngster. I never pay more than twenty cents."

  "I'm sure Mr. Terry told me that it was twenty-three."

  Father was appealed to again, and of course went over to thedomineering enemy.

  Then two pounds of butter passed through the same process ofcheapening. Joe began to lose his temper. Afterward a broom, some tapeand cotton, and finally a calico dress.

  "Now, here's three dozen eggs for part pay. They're twenty-four cents adozen."

  "Why, that's what we sell them for," said astonished Joe, mentallycalculating profit and loss.

  "Oh! they've gone up. Hetty Collins was paid twenty-five over toWindsor. I'd gone there myself if I'd had a little more time."

  "I wish you had," ejaculated Joe inwardly.

  She haggled until she got her price, and the settlement was made.

  "She's a regular old screwer," said Joe rather crossly. "I don'tbelieve it was right to let her have those things in that fashion."

  "All things work together for good."

  "For _her_ good, it seems."

  Father Terry went back to his post by the stove. Joe breathed a littlethanksgiving that Flossy was not Mrs. Van Wyck's maid-of-all-work.

  Joe's next customer was Dave Downs, as the boys called him. He shuffledup to the counter.

  "Got any _reel_ good cheese?"

  "Yes," said Joe briskly.

  "Let's see."

  Joe raised the cover. Dave took up the knife, and helped himself to abountiful slice.

  "Got any crackers?"

  "Yes," wondering what Dave meant.

  "Nice and fresh?"

  "I guess so."

  "I'll take three or four."

  "That will be a penny's worth."

  When Dave had the crackers in his hand he said, raising his shaggybrows in a careless manner,--

  "Oh! you needn't be so perticelar."

  Then he took a seat beside Father Terry, and munched crackers andcheese. "Cool enough," thought Joe.

  Old Mrs. Skittles came next. She was very deaf, and talked in a high,shrill key, as if she thought all the world in the same affliction.

  She looked at every thing, priced it, beat down a cent or two, andthen concluded she'd rather wait until Mr. Terry came in. At last shepurchased a penny's worth of snuff, and begged Joe to give her goodmeasure.

  After that two customers and the mail. Father Terry bestirred himself,and waited upon a little girl with a jug.

  Joe was rather glad to see Mr. Terry enter, for he had an uncomfortablesense of responsibility.

  "Trade been pretty good, Joe?" with a smile.

  "I've put it all down on the slate, as you told me."

  "Hillo! What's this!"

  A slow stream of something dark was running over the floor back of thelower counter.

  "Oh, molasses!" and with a spring Joe shut off the current, but therewas an ominous pool.

  "I did not get that: it was"--and Joe turned crimson.

  "Father. We never let him go for molasses, vinegar, oil, or burningfluid. He is sure to deluge us. Run round in the kitchen, and get apail and a mop."

  "It's my opinion that this doesn't work together for good," said Joe tohimself as he was cleaning up the mess.

  "So you had Mrs. Skittles?" exclaimed Mr. Terry with a laugh. "And Mrs.Van Wyck. Why, Joe!"

  "She beat down awfully!" said Joe; "and she wanted every thing thrownin. Mr. Terry"--

  "She called on father, I'll be bound. But she has taken off all theprofits; and then to make you pay twenty-four cents for the eggs."

  "I'd just like to have had my own way. If you'll give me leave"--

  "You will have to look out a little for father. He's getting old, youknow; and these sharp customers are rather too much for him."

  "I'll never fall a penny again;" and Joe shook his head defiantly.

  "You will learn by degrees. But it is never necessary to indulge suchpeople. There's the dinner-bell."

  Dave Downs had finished his crackers and cheese, and now settledhimself to a comfortable nap. Joe busied himself by clearing upa little, giving out mail, and once weighing some flour. Then hediscovered that he had scattered it over his trousers, and t
hat withthe molasses dabs it made a not very delightful mixture. So he tooka seat on a barrel-head and began to scrub it off; but he found itsomething like Aunt Jemima's plaster.

  "Run in and get some dinner, Joe," said Mr. Terry after his return tothe store.

  "But I was going home," replied Joe bashfully.

  "Oh! never mind. We will throw in the dinner."

  So Joe ran around, but hesitated at the door of Mrs. Terry's cleankitchen. She was motherly and cordial, however, and gave him a brightsmile.

  "I told Mr. Terry that you might as well come in here for your dinner.It is quite a long run home."

  "You are very kind," stammered Joe, feeling that he must say something,in spite of his usual readiness of speech deserting him.

  "You ought to have an apron, Joe, or a pair of overalls," she saidkindly. "You will find grocery business rather dirty work sometimes."

  "And my best clothes!" thought Joe with a sigh.

  But the coffee was so delightful, and the cold roast beef tender as achicken. And Joe began to think it was possible for a few things towork together for good, if they were only the right kind of things.

  Altogether he went home at night in very good spirits.

  "But my trousers will have to go in the wash-tub, Granny," heexclaimed. "I believe I wasn't cut out for a gentleman, after all."

  "O Joe, what a sight! How could you?"

  "It was all easy enough. If you'd had molasses to scrub up, and flourto get before it was dry, you would have found the sticking process notat all difficult. And oh! Mrs. Van Wyck came in."

  Florence flushed a little at this.

  "Yes, wait till I show you." With that, Joe sprang up, and wrappedGranny's old shawl about him, and began in his most comical fashion. Ina moment or two the children were in roars of laughter.

  "I don't know as it is quite right, Joe dear," interposed Grannymildly, "to make fun of any one."

  "My conscience don't trouble me a bit;" for now he was in a high glee."I owe her a grudge for making me pay twenty-four cents for eggs. And,Granny, when you come to the store, don't beat me down a penny on anything; nor ask me to throw in a spool of cotton nor a piece of tape,nor squeeze down the measure. I wonder how people can be so mean!"

  "Rich people too," added Florence in an injured tone of voice, stillthinking of Mrs. Van Wyck's overture.

  "There's lots of funny folks in the world," said Joe with a grave air."But I like Mr. Terry, and I mean to do my very best."

  "That's right;" and Granny smiled tenderly over the boy's resolve.

  "And I'll put on my old clothes to-morrow. Who knows but I may fallinto the mackerel-barrel before to-morrow night?"

  Kit laughed at this. "They'll have to fish you out with a harpoon,then."

  "Oh! I might swim ashore."

  The next day Joe improved rapidly. To be sure, he met with a mishap ortwo; but Mr. Terry excused him, and only charged him to be more carefulin future. And Father Terry administered his unfailing consolation onevery occasion.

  But on Saturday night Joe came home in triumph.

  "There's the beginning of my fortune," he said, displaying his dollarand a half all in hard cash. For that was a long while ago, when theeagle, emblem of freedom, used to perch on silver half-dollars.