Trust I Seek

by Laura Gates

  "So, what's his name?" he asked.

  "Jude."

  "What does he do for a living?"

  "He is a partner for a huge corporate real estate company."

  "Wow, he sounds important."

  "He is."

  "What does he look like? Does he have curly hair like Harper? Blonde hair? Blue eyes?"

  "He has thick brown wavy hair and blue eyes. He looks kind of like a young William Shatner from the original Star Trek," Evie said.

  "You watch Star Trek?" Beau said, trying not to laugh.

  "Don't mock. My parents did. I just remember the face of Captain Kirk." Evie smirked but laughed.

  "Where did the blond hair come from?"

  "Jude's brothers have blond hair. Harper has the same texture of hair as Jude's, and Levi looks like a blond version of his dad with straight hair." Beau listened and nodded.

  Beau and Evie began talking about lighter subjects. He could sense she was uneasy talking about her ex-husband. "What's your favorite music?" he asked her.

  "Obviously, Metal, but I also like Latin, Classical, and Jazz. I also like some of the other genres in Rock like Hard Rock, Southern Rock, Blues, that sort of thing."

  "No country?" Beau teased.

  "There are only three places where country music is appropriate," Evie began, "The first one is a rodeo, the second one is line-dancing in a country bar, and the third is riding in a truck to go do one of those things or go do something outdoors."

  Beau laughed. "Do you listen to the music of today?"

  "Not really. I only hear today’s music at the gym. Why listen to a song by Beyonce that nine people wrote when I could listen to Bohemian Rhapsody written by one person?" Evie posed a crucial question to Beau.

  "Okay, that was probably the best thing I have ever heard a girl say," he said, not to mention the hottest thing a girl could say, he thought to himself. He could feel a little crush developing, but soon shoved those feelings deep down as Evie blushed and laughed.

  "Do you have any tattoos?" Beau asked.

  "No. I am too chicken," she said.

  "It doesn't hurt that bad," Beau said.

  Evie looked at him in disbelief. "Says the man who cried on social media when you got a tattoo on your arm. Admit that they hurt," she said.

  "Fine, they hurt," Beau admitted with a chuckle.

  Evie's attention went back to watching Levi and Harper play together. She stood up off the bench and took pictures of the cute things they did. She loved watching them play together.

  Suddenly, Levi shouted, “I’m gonna get you, Mom!” He ran to his mother. She fake-screamed and began running away, Levi laughing. Harper began chasing after both her mother and brother. Finally, Evie said, “Now I’m gonna get you!” She began chasing her children before grabbing both of them in one arm. Evie lost her balance and fell on the grass, trying to adjust. As Evie laid on her back, her kids tackled her. All three of them laughed and giggled. This adventure cheered Evie up, and she no longer felt like a loser mom.

  Beau sat and watched this little family, and his heart swelled up inside of him. He saw how much Levi and Harper loved their mom. He observed the way Evie looked at her children, and he could tell how much she loved them. She loved being a mom. Beau knew he needed to spend more time with this little family.

  Evie soon got tired wrestling with her kids and sat back down on the bench. She picked up her phone and started snapping more pictures. She pointed her phone at Beau and took a picture, which caught him off guard.

  "What was that for?" he asked.

  "Just letting my family know that we had a guest accompany us. Don't worry about me selling it," Evie joked.

  "I know. It's in your contract," Beau joked back.

  "In fact," Evie began, "could I get a picture of you showing your tattoos to Levi again? My family will find the story interesting," Evie said. "Sure. Not a problem," Beau said as he stood up off of the bench.

  Beau called Levi back over as Evie stayed with Harper for a minute. Beau started showing Levi his tattoos again, and Evie took a few pictures. As she watched the frontman of her favorite band spend quality time with her son, Evie could feel a crush developing also, which scared her. Really, the frontman of Death Toll? Could you be any more of a cliche groupie, Evie thought to herself before shoving her feelings down, remembering Jude’s words.

  Evie then took a couple of selfies with Harper. After watching her brother interact with Beau, Harper walked over to him and even began telling him stories about her toys, baby dolls, and her blankie. Beau just smiled at Harper, and she eventually ended up sitting in his lap. Evie smiled and captured the moment on her phone.

  All four of them had an enjoyable time at the park. Evie looked at her smartwatch and realized it was 5:15. They needed to get back home and have dinner. She put Harper back in the stroller, and Levi grabbed Beau's hand again. They walked the mile back to the studio. Beau helped Evie load the kids and stroller back in her car.

  "Thank you for letting me come with you," Beau said.

  "You're welcome. Anytime you want to join us on our adventures, you can. You actually have no idea how much you helped out with Levi today. Thank you," Evie said.

  "You're welcome. I'm sure your ex-husband used to help out a lot of the time on outings with his kids."

  Evie felt a little rigid. "Actually, Jude never did stuff like this with us at all. Today was the first day I have had more than one adult at the park with me besides my mom, my sister, or a nanny," Evie said.

  Beau suddenly felt stupid. "Sorry about that," he said.

  "How could you know? It's okay. Anyways, see ya tomorrow!" Evie said as she climbed into her car and closed the door. Beau watched her drive off and felt like he triggered her anxiety. He hoped to eradicate the problem the following day.

  After everyone had dinner at home, Evie got the kids ready for bed. She got on her phone and proceeded to upload the pictures to her various social media accounts. She looked at the pictures of her kids, and then she looked at the images of Beau with her kids. Despite his hard exterior, he had such a kind heart to accompany a single mom and her two kids on a dull outing to the park. Evie admired Beau for spending his free time with his tour manager and her two kids. He really was as down-to-earth, goofy, and genuine as she imagined. For the first time, Evie felt giddy.

  The giddiness was short-lived after fifteen minutes. Jude called her. She answered the phone.

  "How could you let such a man near our kids? You know the type of person he is!" Jude scolded.

  "Do you really think I am the type of mother who lets any weirdo around our kids? I have been working closely with Beau for the past three months, and he has changed. No need to freak out. He is fine," Evie said.

  “How close are we talking here?”

  “Why do you care?”

  "I just don't want some rocker showing my son tattoos," Jude noted with disgust.

  "I am trying to teach our children substance over materialism. It's not like he offered Levi a beer. Beau volunteered to come."

  "Now why would the frontman of Death Toll hang out with a single mother and her two kids?"

  "Maybe because he really is a nice guy who saw a mother in need.”

  “Oh, good. You're learning that men only see you as a mother.”

  “Jude, drop it. I know, I’m not as adventurous, free-spirited, and sexy as I used to be, so you can just save that speech for next time."

  "Also, shouldn’t the father be the one going on these outings with his children?"

  “Kinda hard to do when he decided to divorce the mother so that he could upgrade his model.” Evie hadn’t been that blunt with Jude in a very long time, but something about today seemed like the perfect time to do it.

  “Just because I divorced you doesn’t mean I wanted the three of you to move across the country.”

  “What happened to your clean break?”

  “I only expected you to move back to Annapolis with your parents, find a
teaching job there, and eventually get an apartment. Not have you move cross-country to be a tour manager for a rock band.”

  “Well, I needed a fresh start, too. And a part of me longed for …” Evie hesitated, wondering how Jude would react to what she was going to say. “I wanted to be adventurous, again,” she finally said.

  Jude laughed. “This wasn’t adventurous. This was irresponsible,” Jude argued, reminding her that Levi hated change, calling her hypocritical, and threatening to take the kids away to bring some normalcy back into Levi’s life.

  Evie countered Jude and said, “If we keep moving Levi back and forth, that will mess him up even more. Plus, we both know you’ll just hire a nanny. Levi is in a better situation here.”

  “With a bunch of rockstars?”

  “They all have kids or have had kids. Beau was amazing with Levi today. The others are good with our kids, too.”

  "I don’t want my family to be seen with a man who has been to rehab recently," Jude tried to defend, but Evie wasn't going to put up with it.

  "I work for the guy. We’re going to be seen with him. You have no control over who I can and cannot be seen with male, female, or hermaphrodite."

  "Well, I should be the one going on outings with you and the kids."

  "I agree. You should be, but you waived that right when you slept with Carmen, Kara, Crystal, Lana, and half the city of Baltimore. Plus, you never came with us to the park in the first place when we were married. I am trying to understand what your point of calling me is other than to tear me down."

  "How did you find out all the women's...?"

  "It doesn't matter. Again, you were the one who needed the upgrade."

  "Well, I am still Levi and Harper's father, not that gorilla, Beau Halstead."

  "Beau asked to come along on his employee's outing with her kids to get some fresh air. He took an interest in his employee's life and her kids' lives. What's the harm in that?" Evie asked.

  "Just remember, no one will love you the way I loved you. He will not know the amazing version of you that I fell in love with," Jude said, shoving that double-edged sword further into Evie's interior.

  "That's one thing you won't have to worry about," Evie said with a mousy voice, "Now, I am sure Carmen, Kara, Shaniqua, or whatever slut is breathing in your direction is waiting for you. Goodbye." Evie hit the end button on her phone and threw it on the couch.

  Just when Evie thought he couldn't possibly make her feel any worse about herself, Jude managed to accomplish that goal. He continued sending awful texts to Evie telling her what a horrible mother she was and possibly involving his lawyers to take the kids away. She eventually put the phone on silent and cried herself to sleep again. She was losing count how many times she did that.

  The next morning, Evie woke up early with a pounding headache. She reached for her phone. There were a ton of text messages from Jude repeating the same old things he had been telling her since their divorce. It was starting to lose its potency.

  After scrolling through all of the missed texts, Evie came across a message from Beau. She opened it instantly and read, "Thanks for letting me come with you and your family to the park. You have no idea how much it meant to me. You have two good kids, and you are a great mom."

  Evie smiled after reading it feeling a bit better from her melancholy mood. She responded, "Thanks," with a smiley face.

  She soon got a reply. "I hope I didn't cross any lines with our conversation before you left the studio," Beau typed.

  "No, not at all," Evie typed back, "It was fun having you there. It meant a lot to us, especially Levi."

  "Anytime he needs me, I will be there," Beau wrote.

  Chapter 6

  The Gym

  For the next few weeks, Evie started settling down into a routine with her kids as well as her job. She would drop off Levi at school, take Harper with her to the studio, pick Levi up, take the kids back to the studio where they would have lunch, Harper would take a nap in the room they stayed in, and Levi would either work on his sight words, reading, math, or watch a movie on the couch sometimes falling asleep when his homework was all done. Evie began to work effortlessly with the routine in place.

  Levi made friends at school as well as improved his behavior, and Harper would play with the bandmates' kids when they came to the studio. Evie thought about putting Harper in ballet when she turned three not only to help build her skills as a dancer but for the social skills.

  Evie even began to make friends with Jetta, Luke's wife, Laila, Kade's wife, and Kaylee, Rick's wife. Jetta was very tall and more supermodel-esque, and Evie felt like they didn't have much in common other than their taste in music, and her boys were the same age as Levi and Harper. Laila had a hilarious, sarcastic sense of humor and personality similar to Evie's best friend and roommate from college, Faye. Evie admired how bold and eccentric Kaylee was because of her artwork, but she lived the farthest away in Santa Monica, so hanging out with her was sometimes hard. Death Toll soon became like brothers to her, but there was this chemistry with Beau that she couldn’t put her finger on.

  One day towards the end of August, Evie climbed into her car dressed in a black athletic crop top, green athletic leggings, and black Nikes. She looked forward to going to her Zumba class. Evie listened in on the band's session with Dr. Bennett a couple of weeks ago, and the doctor recommended Beau find something active to do to replace the urge to drink.

  Evie thought about what he said and how it could apply to her. She began attending Zumba classes again after that day to replace her self-destructive thoughts, making friends with the laides there and the instructor. The depression she fought so hard to overcome had grown as well as the negative voice in her head, so she decided to take Dr. Bennett's advice and go to Zumba. Jude called the night before to talk to the kids and tear Evie down, so she needed a Zumba class to help her feel better. She called Laila to watch her kids saving a little bit of money on childcare.

  After she shut the car door, there was a knock at the window. She jumped when she saw Beau standing outside, dressed in gym clothes. Quickly rolling down the window, she asked Beau, "What's up?"

  "Are you headed to the gym?" he asked. "Yeah, I have a class that starts in about 15 minutes at the Body Kinetics Health Club," she said. Evie was too scared to tell him it was a Zumba class because she didn't want to scare him off.

  "Can I come with you? I am just trying to follow Peter's advice of replacing healthy habits with unhealthy ones," Beau said.

  Evie looked up at Beau perplexed. "You want to come with me to my class?" she asked.

  "Sure, why not? It's not like it's yoga… You're not going to yoga, are you?" Beau said.

  "No, I am not much of a yogi," Evie chuckled.

  Beau nodded his head. "All right," he said before walking to the other side of the car, opening the door, climbing in, and putting his seatbelt on.

  Evie drove down 3rd Street in San Rafael to get to the gym. She knew 2nd Street was a one-way street that she needed to go around. Beau turned on the radio and found a rock station blasting the AC/DC song, It's A Long Way To the Top. Evie knew this was one of Beau's favorite songs. He bobbed his head to the music while Evie did the same thing. He turned his head towards Evie when he noticed the movement. "Really? You like AC/DC?" he asked her. "There is a reason I came to work for you," she said. Beau remembered some of the early conversations when they went to the park. "I forgot. Sorry," he said. "It's all good," Evie said, smiling, "Push the media button to my stereo. I think you will appreciate this," she told him.

  Beau pushed the button, and to his surprise, YYZ by Rush blared through her speakers. "Huh, I am impressed. Excellent taste. I like Rush, but Geddy always sang too high for my taste."

  "Whatever! He sings wonderfully. His vocal folds are thinner than yours."

  "How do you know what my vocal folds look like?" Beau asked, feeling a little creeped out.

  "I taught music for three years. I had to learn the basics of
voice types. You are a baritone. The pitch of our speaking voices and singing voices are determined by the thickness of vocal folds."

  Beau was blown away with her knowledge. "Were you an honor student in high school?" Beau asked, joking.

  Evie laughed. "Yes, I was."

  "What about in college?"

  "I graduated Cum Laude, but I was still somewhat of a party girl."

  "Wow, I'm impressed. So, what's your voice type?" Beau asked curiously.

  "I'm a contralto. I have very thick vocal folds compared to most women. There aren't a lot of contraltos in the world," Evie said.

  "Who would I know that's a contralto?"

  Evie thought about it for a minute. "Amy Winehouse was one, Joni Mitchell, Stevie Nicks, Patti Smith, Courtney Love, and your friend, Lady Gaga," Evie responded.

  "You all have low voices," he said.

  "We sing best in the lower range where our voice sounds the richest, but we can get as high as a soprano and as low as a baritone," Evie smiled.

  "Even still, you are teaching things." "I will always be a teacher. That's also part of my job description as a mom," Evie said. Beau agreed.

  They pulled into the gym parking lot. Evie felt a little awkward as she walked into the gym with this tall, handsome, rugged, slightly intimidating man next to her. She felt guilty, not telling him they were going to a Zumba class. Finally, Evie couldn't take it anymore.

  "Beau, I need to be straight with you," she said, turning to him. Beau paused. "You are taking me to yoga, aren't you?" he said, looking nervous. She shook her head. "No. This is a dance fitness class called Zumba. It is mostly Latin music, some hip hop, pop music, and a few rock song remixes if we are lucky. It requires a lot of hip movement," Evie spilled very fast, "If you want to go lift weights, walk a treadmill, or even go do the ropes and cables, that is fine with me."