The Beast Within

by S. C. Stephens

  Sighing, I shifted my eyes to the ceiling. Tonight had been an absolute disaster. Nothing about this evening should have happened. I should have stayed at the ranch with Halina and the others. That had been my plan when I’d woken up. I’d had no desire to leave the nest. But Nika had been on my mind all night…Nika and that damn red dress. All I’d been able to think about was her looking so incredible for another man. It had boiled my blood…driven me crazy. I’d made up some excuse about needing fresh air, then I’d run off toward town. Halina had followed me, of course, and she hadn’t seemed surprised when I’d eventually wound up at the high school. She’d just been curious. I think Halina wanted me to connect with Nika. Because if I could connect with Nika, then maybe I’d fight to live. Did I want to live?

  That troubling question reverberated around my brain, giving me a headache with its intensity. I wasn’t sure anymore. Something had changed inside of me tonight; I just couldn’t put my finger on what it was yet. There was something brewing, though, something I wanted to hold onto, but…it was bothering me too.

  My mind swirling with chaos, I gently removed myself from Nika’s arms. Before I could figure out what we were, if we were even anything, I needed to sort out my own shit.

  Standing, I looked back at Nika alone in her bed. Even though my temperature was much cooler than hers, she shivered without me underneath her. I wrapped the blanket more tightly around her, hoping she was warm enough. She smiled in her sleep, and I wondered if she was dreaming of me. Marveling at her beauty, I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

  She had stopped me from killing that girl tonight, I was positive of that. I’d gone over the edge, let the monster inside completely take over. I hadn’t been thinking. I’d caved to instinct and desire, and once I’d tasted her blood, I’d had no intention of stopping myself from drinking it all…every last drop. The thought of what I’d done, what I’d taken into my body, still made my stomach clench, made me want to heave. But it could have been so much worse. And Nika was the reason it hadn’t gone that way.

  She’d tried to knock some sense into me, tried to tame the beast, but the beast had almost turned on her. No, the beast had turned on her. I’d turned on her. I’d tried to attack the love of my life. I wasn’t okay with that, and I knew I needed to change.

  As much as the thought of blood repulsed me, I couldn’t keep denying myself. I was no good to anyone like this—weak and starving. I’d foolishly told Nika that I didn’t need her to save me, but that was a lie—possibly the biggest one I’d ever told her. I did need her. I couldn’t do this without her. I needed to be healthy, and I needed her help to get me there.

  And when I was healthy, and Gabriel freed me…then I would leave her.

  That thought chilled me to the bone, almost brought me to my knees, and I turned away from Nika, no longer able to look at her. Was I still leaving? If I could somehow stomach eating the only food source left to me, could I stay? Could Nika and I be together? I’d told her no so often, I wasn’t sure if I could even see another scenario in front of me…a happy scenario, where we worked out, where we rode off into the proverbial sunset together. All I saw in my future was bleakness and death, and this one nagging idea in the back of my head that was screaming at me to pay attention to it.

  My dead heart squeezed, and I risked a glance at Nika’s sleeping form. Staying with her sounded so nice. But…no…didn’t she deserve better? Someone…alive? Like that boy who’d almost kissed her tonight. Surely, he could give her things I couldn’t. She wouldn’t have sunlight with me, or children, or normal friendships, or a future. She’d be as far away from a normal life as she could get. On the flip side, if she took Gabriel’s shot, she could live and die a normal, human life.

  But with me…nothing would be normal. And I wouldn’t let her throw away a chance at humanity. Not for me.

  Sighing, I removed Julian’s clothes that she’d let me borrow. I was fooling myself by thinking there was a future here with her. Best to end it now, while we still could. Before we stupidly crossed that last line of intimacy. Before we made love. Because I was positive I wouldn’t be able to walk away if we ever went there. And I needed to let her go. As soon as I was strong enough, I would let her go.

  After I slipped on my dirty clothes from last night, I folded Julian’s into a neat pile. My dad had drilled cleanliness into me from an early age. He’d always told me it was easier to take off at a moment’s notice, if you knew exactly where everything was. That advice had always stuck with me. Thinking of my father instantly brought Sam to mind. The confrontation with him was almost too fresh to think about. I’d already purged the pain by talking about it with Nika, but the wound of betrayal was still inside me, still dripping with fresh blood. How could my father send him?

  Shaking off the dark memory, I wrote Nika a quick thank you note, and left it on the pile of Julian’s clothes. Then I walked over to her window and put my hands upon the ledge. I peered out into the dark night as Sam’s voice echoed in my ear: I don’t want to do this, but you know I don’t have a choice. My fingers curled around the wood, and a section of the ledge cracked under the pressure. Sam’s next words swirled around my head. Your father sent me…asked me to finish you off, since he couldn’t.

  My father had tried to kill me. And he would try again. And again. And again. He would try to kill me, and every vampire around me. So long as I stayed here, they were all in danger. I had to leave to protect them. But no, not just to protect them. To avenge them—them and myself.

  That thought awakened me to a truth that had been buzzing in my brain. A truth I’d been avoiding dealing with. Straightening, a new resolve filled me, a resolve born from duty. It burned away every doubt in my head, every disgust in my body. I had to embrace this life, I had to drink, and I had to become as strong as I possibly could. Because…I had to kill my father. That was what I’d been avoiding, that was what had been burrowing inside my brain ever since Sam’s confession. I knew my dad. I knew how he worked, how he thought. There was no way my father and I could occupy this planet at the same time; he wouldn’t allow it. He wouldn’t stop sending hunters after me. And I wouldn’t allow him to harm Nika. Or her family.

  The only way I could keep Nika safe, keep Halina safe, keep them all safe, was by hunting Dad first. In this battle of father versus son, I had no choice but to be the victor.

  As new determination filled me, I looked back at Nika one last time. Fortifying my mind, I drew in all the peace and comfort she’d given me, all the love she’d shown me. I had a feeling there would be dark times ahead—times when I would need the reminder of what I’d once had. After filling myself with her serenity, I turned back to the window and opened it. I stepped through, closed the glass behind me, then easily landed on the lawn several feet below me. Halina met me a few seconds later. Looking up at her granddaughter’s window, she asked, “Do you feel…better?”

  I glanced up at the dark window, then looked back at her. “Much better.” A smile lit my face as the words left my lips. I was telling the truth. I did feel better. I had purpose now. I had a goal, a mission, something to live for. Halina had used hatred to get her through her conversion. I would use justice. Putting my hand on her arm, I told her, “It’s going to be light soon, we should go home.”

  A bright smile exploded over her face at hearing me call the ranch home. Before anything could happen that would change my mind, I quickly added, “I want you to know, I’m going to eat. Nika is going to help me. And if it’s all right with you…it would be easier for me if it were just the two of us.”

  You would think I’d just given Halina the gift she’d been waiting for her entire life. Nodding, she tossed her arms around me. “Yes, whatever you need, Hunter. Whatever you need to get through this is fine. You don’t know how happy you’ve made me.”

  As I wrapped my arms around the tiny woman embracing me, contentment again overwhelmed me. Safety. Home. Solace. Love. Instead of pushing the feelings away, I welcomed t
hem. Maybe they had been manufactured emotions in the beginning, but they were genuine now. These people were important to me, and I would fight with every cell in my body to keep them safe. I would clean up this mess I’d made. That was what my father had always told me anyway—Clean up your own mess. It’s good for the soul.

  Before Halina and I streaked away, I looked back at Nika’s dark room where I knew she was peacefully resting. My new path in life was sort of a double-edged sword when it came to Nika. I was going to enjoy spending time with her while Gabriel worked on breaking the bond, but I was going to miss her even more when I left. It was for the best though. I expected the showdown with my father to be a bloody one, and regardless if I won or lost, I wasn’t planning on walking away from it. If my life didn’t end at the hands of my father, I would continue with my original plan and find someone to finish me off. Either way, once my mission was over…so was I.

  Because what I couldn’t deny was the fact that I was a monster. To protect those I loved, I would embrace the horror within me, but only for a short time. I had no intention of living like this forever.

  WHEN I WOKE the next morning, I had a miniature heart attack. My first thought was My parents are going to walk in and see me with a boy in my bed and ground me for the rest of my life! My second thought was Oh God, it’s morning. Hunter fell asleep and is now a pile of ash beside me! Much to my relief, though, neither of those things had happened. My bed was empty, but clean. Hunter’s dirty clothes were gone, and my brother’s clothes had been neatly folded into a pile on my dresser. A note on top of them said Thank you for last night. I wanted to kiss that note.

  As I clutched the paper to my chest, an irritated grunt nearby reminded me that not everyone had had a great night last night. I was assuming, since Julian had been alone when I’d walked in and borrowed his clothes, that he hadn’t had any late-night visitors. His big night had completely fallen apart…because of Hunter.

  When I heard Julian stumble and curse, and I felt a jolt of pain running through him, I asked, “You okay?”

  “Peachy,” he responded, sounding anything but.

  Feeling bad for him, I walked through our bathroom and knocked on his door. “Come on in, I’m dressed,” he sighed.

  He was sitting on his bed, massaging his foot when I entered. He glared at the edge of his dresser, like it had purposefully reached out and attacked him. I hid my smile, but I couldn’t hide my buoyant heart. “Why are you so cheery? Last night was a disaster,” he said.

  I nodded as I sat beside him. “I know. Are you sure you’re okay?”

  He started to answer me, but then his eyes slipped down to the note in my fingers. “What’s that?”

  I’d forgotten I was still carrying Hunter’s message. I tried to hide it by folding it, but Julian snatched it from my hand. “Thank you for last night? What happened last night?”

  His pale eyes snapped to mine, and irritation flowed into me through our bond. Feeling my parents still safely tucked in their soundproof room, I told him the vaguest form of the truth that I could. “Nothing,” I said, taking the note back. Okay, maybe calling that the truth was a stretch.

  Julian’s face agreed with my silent omission. His lips curled in disbelief. “He came to the house, didn’t he?”

  I shrugged one shoulder. “For a little bit.”

  Shaking his head, Julian looked away from me. His gaze snapped back to mine as curiosity spiked in him. “What did he say about Raquel? Is she okay? Did she wake up? What did he tell her? What did he tell the hospital? What did he tell her parents? Is she still at the hospital, or did she go home?” His questions came out like shotgun blasts, powerful and insistent, and with no space between them for an answer.

  All I could do was shake my head. When he finally paused, I blurted, “I don’t know. I didn’t ask.” I instantly felt bad that I hadn’t. I should have. In a quieter voice, I added, “It never came up.”

  Floored, Julian gaped at me. “It never came up? Our friend was sliced, diced, and left as bait, and how she was doing…never came up?”

  I wanted to say something about calling Raquel our “friend,” which was a stretch at best, but I knew that wasn’t the point of his question, so I didn’t comment on his choice of words. Julian glanced at the note in my fingers. “What did come up?” His eyes widening, he leaned past me to look into my bedroom. “Oh my God!” His eyes returned to mine. “Did you sleep with him?”

  “No!” In a quieter voice, I added, “Not really.”

  Julian’s face contorted in confusion. “What does that mean? Or maybe I don’t want to know.” His face shifted to stare in front of him. “Thank God I was asleep.”

  I considered smacking his arm, but resisted. Trying to rein in my embarrassment, I told him, “Hunter spent the night, but we didn’t do anything. He was having a hard time. He needed me…for comfort.”

  Julian looked back at me, and I felt the turmoil within him. Hunter wasn’t his favorite person, but he understood how I felt about him. Putting my hand on his forearm, I told him, “You can’t hate him for what happened with Raquel. The fact that she was laid out as bait wasn’t his fault.”

  Julian sighed and stared down at his injured foot. His tumbling emotions shifted into a frustrated form of resignation. “Why him, Nick? Why did you have to fall for him?”

  I sympathetically rubbed his back. “Trust me, sometimes I wish I hadn’t fallen for him either.”

  The door to Mom and Dad’s room cracked open, and Julian immediately sprang off his bed. Blurring to his door, he looked down the hall. Skipping morning pleasantries, he asked, “How is she?”

  I felt Dad walking toward us, heard his deep sigh. “She’s fine. The wounds, while messy, weren’t overly dangerous. She was cleaned, treated, and the sedative was flushed out of her body. When she woke up enough to realize what was going on, I called her parents. They took her home.”

  Julian hung his head as Dad appeared in the doorway. Putting a hand on his shoulder, Dad told him, “She’s okay, and she doesn’t remember what really happened to her.”

  Standing, I walked toward them. “What does she remember?”

  Edging past Julian, I stood in the hallway across from Dad. His eyes scanned my face and then Julian’s. He looked reluctant to tell us. I didn’t take that as a good sign. “You need to keep in mind that while we can hide her memories, we can’t hide what was done to her. We can’t hide her injuries. We had to come up with something believable…so…”

  Julian’s head snapped up. “What does she think happened?”

  Mom stepped into Dad’s side. Her long brown hair was pulled into a ponytail that bobbed around her shoulders when she shook her head. “She was told that she made the cuts herself. That a staff member at the school found her passed out in a hallway, and rushed her to the hospital.”

  Julian’s emotions dropped to the floor, as did his jaw. “You told her she made the cuts? She’s going to think… It’s going to get around school that she… Why would you do that to her?”

  Dad shared a look with Mom before returning his eyes to Julian’s. “It was the only way, Julian. If we told her someone else did it, everyone would be looking for the attacker. A young, pretty girl getting sliced up at a high school dance would draw national attention. We can’t risk that. Especially since…we took care of the attackers. No one can know that she didn’t do this to herself. Do you understand me?”

  Julian clenched his jaw; he was furious. “Yes,” he seethed.

  Dad put both hands on his shoulders and ducked down to look him in the eye. “Do you understand?” he repeated.

  Julian’s eyes flashed up to his. “I said yes.”

  Dad released him, then squeezed him in a tight hug. “I’m sorry. I wish it could be another way. I really do.”

  Sniffing, Julian looked away from him. A well of sadness burst through him, and I reached for his hand. He pulled away from me, and from Dad. “I need to go for a walk. That okay?”

  Dad
nodded, and Julian stepped back into his bedroom. He slammed the door, and we all flinched. Sighing, Dad looked at the floor. The guilt on his face was crystal clear. He hated what he’d done to Raquel, what he’d made her believe she’d done to herself, but he was right, there was no other choice. Julian would understand that, eventually.

  After Julian left the house, my cell phone rang. It was Arianna. “What happened to Raquel? Is she okay? What is she going to tell people? How did Julian find her? How did he even know to look for her?”

  I wanted to tell Arianna the truth, but I wasn’t sure how much it would freak her out. I mean, a vampire slayer sent by Hunter’s father to kill him snatched Raquel from the dance, drugged her, then sliced her open as bait, wasn’t exactly the most comforting thing to hear. And while Arianna had fully accepted Julian, she was still a little freaked out about our world. I didn’t want to push her over the edge. I also didn’t want to make her lie to everyone, so, I made a hard choice, and decided to lie to my best friend, for her own sake.

  “Raquel cut herself. A custodian found her passed out in a hallway. He ran into Julian, and asked him for help getting her to the hospital. When Julian saw her, well, you know how he is about helping people.” I bit my lip, hoping she bought my jumble of half-truths.

  After a silent moment, Arianna whispered, “I know how he is about helping Raquel…” I tried to say something to that, but there was nothing to say. She kind of had a point. “Is Julian there? I’d like to talk to him.”

  “No, you’ll have to call his cell… He took off a little bit ago.”

  “Okay.” Her voice was quiet in my ear. “Hey, can I talk to you about something?”

  “Of course,” I instantly told her. “I’m always here for you.”

  “Well, it’s about your brother…and, you know…and I don’t know if you want to hear about that.”