In Her Space

by Knight, Amie

  My eyes rolled. “Your sensitive heart, my ass.”

  “What? I’m an emotional, dainty flower over here!”

  The gothic black hair, black lipstick, and black T-shirt with a skull said otherwise. She wiggled her sock-covered toes in my lap.

  “Stop,” I said, pushing at her ankles. “You know how I feel about feet.”

  She smirked. “I do. So what are you going to wear?”

  “To where? Bed? The same thing I’m wearing right now, genius.”

  She nudged me with her big toe and I screeched. “No, what are you going to wear when you meet the love of your life again?” She batted her long dark eyelashes dramatically.

  “I don’t know. It doesn’t matter.” It totally mattered a lot. I’d thought about it approximately five million times in the last two days since Cat had told me he’d be at the Gala. I knew it didn’t matter to him, but damn if it didn’t matter to me.

  Raven stared at me, seeing through every lie I told her, but not voicing it. She was good like that. She let me lie all the time. To myself and her. She was a non-judgmental person and my best friend. Like a real best friend. My first one ever.

  In that moment with her staring at me, seeing right through me, I did something I never did. I asked her a question that might put her in the middle, which was something I never did to her. “Have you heard from him since he’s been back?”

  Her dissecting eyes saddened. “No, he doesn’t talk to me much, Liv. You know that. He only sends cards and the occasional call on birthdays or holidays. He didn’t even tell me he was coming home. I’m as shocked as you are.”

  My heart went out to her and her sad puppy dog eyes. I didn’t know how, but some way Raven and I had ended up together. Roommates and best friends.

  When I’d come home from boarding school for the summer to find out Adam was gone I’d been heartbroken. Devastated. Mostly because I knew it was my fault. My doing. Hadn’t that boy warned me away more than once during our time together? Only no, my stupid dreams had been just that. Dreams. That never came to fruition. He’d been right and risked it all for us. And still lost.

  Raven and I had reconnected that summer before my eighteenth birthday, both devastated by the loss of Adam. She’d never blamed me. She said she knew he’d do it all again to spend that time with me. I’d believed it then. But I didn’t believe it anymore. After all, he’d never come back for me. I left to go to school in Georgia for social work. Maybe a tattooed boy with a bad attitude and a penchant for the stars had inspired my major. I wanted to help. To make a difference. I’d taken a job right out of school with the state of Georgia, but when this job had opened up a few months ago at the planetarium, I couldn’t resist. Coming home would mean facing my demons, but it would also mean helping kids in the place where everything had gone wrong for my tattooed boy. Raven had known I wouldn’t be able to say no. She’d forwarded me the link to the job. All it had said was, “Come home.” With a winky face at the end.

  She’d known me too well. I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to make a difference. And to help kids. Kids like Adam. I guess in a way, he’d forever be my dark-haired boy with the one-word answers. The boy who left me notes in a bottle. My first kiss. My first time. My first and only love.

  I got off the couch and hustled to the kitchen to get this girl a spoon. She needed some ice cream therapy, too, and I wasn’t greedy enough that I couldn’t see it. I stopped at the fridge for some chocolate sauce and whipped cream. I sat back on the couch and handed Raven a spoon. “You need this as much as I do.”

  “What are you doing with all that?” she asked, eyeing the chocolate sauce and whipped cream bottle I had huddled in my arms.

  I sat the carton of ice cream on the table. “Making a sundae.”

  She sat forward on the couch, her forehead scrunched in confusion. “But we don’t have bowls.”

  “Come on, lady. We don’t need bowls. We are professionals!” I poured a ridiculous amount of chocolate sauce and whipped cream in the carton before lifting the whipped cream over my head and tilting my head back. I squirted it in my mouth until it came out the top. “Want some?” I asked, whipped cream flying from my mouth, holding the can out.

  “You’re still five,” Raven said in a sing-song voice.

  “Are you going to sit there and judge me or are you going to join this pity party?”

  She looked down at the carton of ice cream and then back at me before digging in with her spoon.

  “Move over and give me a little space, you damn couch hog,” she muttered with a mouthful of ice cream. She reached into the couch cushion and grabbed the remote. Turning the TV back on, she reclined beside me with a long sigh. Harry snuggled in and closed his eyes.

  The news report was over. I wouldn’t get to see Adam in all his shining glory on the local news network. Instead, I’d get the shock of seeing him in person at a work event in just one day. I glanced over at Raven. She looked just as worried as me.

  I grabbed the remote and turned on an old episode of Gilmore Girls. Raven complained the first five minutes just like she always did when we watched this show. But eventually, we cuddled up together and fell asleep somewhere five episodes in, our stomachs full of ice cream sundae, our hearts a little lighter because we had each other.

  “ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT to purchase this property?” my new real estate agent asked.

  I couldn’t for the life of me remember her name. It didn’t matter. She was inconsequential, another means to an end.

  “It’s littered with the homeless and this side of town leaves something to be desired.” Her lips curled in distaste. I already didn’t like her. She was another rich bitch from the island, but I’d needed someone fast. I wanted this property closed on right away.

  I’d walked around the property for thirty minutes before the agent arrived. I didn’t need her to tell me the value of this piece of land. It was priceless to me. It was a chilly day, but I liked the smell of salt and sea. I pulled my pea coat closer around me and surveyed the dirt on my shiny shoes. This place had gone to shit since I’d been gone, but it didn’t matter.

  “I don’t care if this place is a goddamn landfill in five months, I want it,” I snapped out. I’d found over the last couple of years, the more direct I was, the less shit people gave me. And I was in no mood for shit. Not anymore.

  “Perfect. I’ll take care of it.” Her red lips grinned and looked me up and down like she wanted to eat me. She had to be kidding me. I had no fucking patience for frivolous women after my money.

  I gave her a nod as I started walking toward my car parked on the side of the road. “Forward me the paperwork.”

  I unbuttoned my coat as I slipped into my black Tesla Model S, slightly overwhelmed. I was home. It baffled my mind. I didn’t even have the money for a piece of shit car when I’d been here. I’d been a poor naïve boy, despite the fact I thought I was anything but innocent. Life had proved me the fuck wrong.

  I cranked my car, unease deep in my stomach. This place brought back memories and not just the good ones. I passed by the streets of North Madison and crossed the bridge into practically a different world. All of this time and it was like this place hadn’t changed at all. The rich still lived on the island. The only difference was the people on the mainland were getting poorer. It was a fucking disgrace. Nobody cared about those poor fuckers over in North Madison. I would know. It wasn’t so long ago that I was one of those poor fuckers.

  I drove the short distance to a big house on the beach and parked in my driveway. I sat in the car and looked up at the huge house that faced a stretch of beach right across the street. It seemed surreal, living here on the island. I wasn’t all too happy about it, but you know what they say, keep your enemies close and mine were literally my neighbors. That’s right, good old Sheriff Rothchild and Georgina were married now and only lived about ten houses down the beach.

  I stepped out of my car, bile climbing up my throat. I didn’t want to live amo
ng these pigs, but I had a few things to accomplish while I was back home, and Sheriff Rothchild was at the top of my list.

  As I was walking up the steps to my new house, my neighbor to the right waved from her front yard. I waved back, even shot her a beaming smile. That’s right, tell the others. You have a new neighbor and he can’t wait to meet everyone.

  A thrill shot through me thinking of how they would react knowing poor old Adam Nova was back and living on the island and had more money than any of them could fathom. Not that money mattered much to me. It was just a means to an end. The ending I’d been working toward for ten years.

  Walking into the front door of my house, I let out a long breath. Being back here wasn’t as easy as I thought. The past plagued me as much as my dreams. I may have had a fully furnished mansion on the beach, but I’d only ever wanted one thing from this island and she wasn’t here.

  Climbing the stairs to my bedroom was draining. This whole fucking place was draining. My phone rang from my pocket, thank God, distracting me from my thoughts.

  Pops flashed across my screen, so I answered with a smile on my face. The first real one since I’d arrived two days ago. “Hey, Pops.”

  “You haven’t called me, hijo.”

  I shook my head with a smile. “Not even a hello, Pops?”

  He didn’t answer my question. “Why haven’t you called?”

  I sighed. “I’ve been busy.”

  “Mmm,” he hummed noncommittedly through the phone, but I knew what it meant. He didn’t want me here. Didn’t understand my need to come back home. He’d been living in California with his brother since everything had happened years ago.

  “Dad, I’m fine.” I stepped onto the balcony on the second floor of my house.

  “Are you?”

  I was as fine as a man could be who’d served three years in jail and was carrying around a boulder called vengeance the size of the moon, but I didn’t say that. I wouldn’t burden my father with more than he had already suffered.

  “And Liv, have you seen her?”

  “Christ, Pops. We talked about this.”

  He was silent for a moment before he said, “You shouldn’t have gone back there, Adam. There is nothing good in that place.”

  I gritted my teeth, beyond frustrated. We’d had this conversation time and time again. After LUNA took off, I knew I’d have to come back. I couldn’t let that bastard get away with what he’d done to me. To my mother. To my father. But Pops didn’t know all that. I couldn’t tell him. It would destroy him, knowing everything.

  Sheriff Rothchild ruined my entire life and I was supposed to let it go? Fuck no. And Liv. When she’d come home, I knew I had to make my move now. I couldn’t let her fall victim to these people. She’d pushed me home earlier than I had planned. At least with her away from this place, I knew she was relatively safe. Not anymore.

  “I had to come back,” I whispered as the sun set over the beach in front of me.

  “I’m scared for you, Adam.” His voice caught on emotion and something pinched in my chest. My poor father. He’d lost so much already. I’d make sure he was safe and happy, if I’d died doing it.

  “I’m gonna be fine, Pops.” I looked down at the houses all around me. I’d finally made it to the island and it was the last fucking place I wanted to be. I was finally worthy of Liv and she didn’t want a goddamn thing to do with me, if her absence the last ten years was any indication. It was irony at its finest.

  I wanted to burn this fucking island to the ground and roll around in its ashes.

  “Talk to Liv, yes?”

  I shook my head and wrapped one hand around the railing of the balcony. I’d have to talk to her. I’d have to face her. She worked at the damn planetarium, I knew that much. I’d have to see her, but we wouldn’t talk about the past. I wasn’t here for her. I was here to protect her, but Pops didn’t know all that, so I just said, “Yeah, I’ll talk to her.” I just wouldn’t be talking to her about us. As far as my father knew, I’d come home to give back to the community I grew up in.

  “Bye, my son. I love you.”

  “Love you,” I said before hanging up the phone, looking around the beachfront. I was richer, bigger, wilder than any motherfucker on this island now. I dared them to come after me. I craved it. I was ready for the fight.

  COULD YOU DIE OF NERVOUSNESS? I’d never looked this up before, so I hadn’t a clue. I popped up the good ole Google on my phone and hit the microphone. “Can I die because I’m so nervous?” I asked my android device.

  “No!” I heard yelled from across the hall. Eyes rolling at Raven, I hit end on my phone and flopped back on the bed. I couldn’t breathe and not just because tonight was the Gala Fundraiser for work, but because the jeans I was wearing were definitely too tight.

  “Oh, God. I’m a little fluffy and I am going to see Adam,” I whispered to myself.

  “You are not fluffy!” Raven yelled from across the hall again.

  I shot up in the bed. “Oh my God, do you have a cup to the wall or something?”

  Raven appeared in my doorway with a pink towel wrapped around her head and a white one wrapped around her body. “If you quit talking to yourself like a weirdo, I wouldn’t hear anything at all.”

  “I was whispering.”

  She raised her eyebrows. “I don’t think you know how to whisper, love.”

  She was right. I was terrible at whispering.

  “Fine.”

  She eyed my too tight jeans and T-shirt. “Where are you headed to? We have the fundraiser in a couple of hours.”

  I huffed out a long breath, dread a very real thing. “I know. I need to run a few errands. I have time.”

  She studied me hard. “Okay, but don’t think you are bailing on tonight. You have to face him eventually.”

  I grabbed my purse from the nightstand and slipped on a pair of flip-flops. “I’m not bailing. I promise I’ll be back in time to doll myself up.”

  I pinched her ass as I passed her in my doorway.

  “What the hell, Liv?”

  “Sorry, not sorry,” I called from the front door.

  “It’s okay. That’s the most action I’ve had in a long while,” she said as I closed the door.

  I smiled all the way to the car. She was crazy and a trip. I hopped into my little silver Honda Civic and drove to the corner grocery store, grabbing a few items before heading to Adam’s old apartment building.

  I parallel parked my car on the road right next to the building and stared at it like I always did. It seemed like yesterday I was here, following Adam up those stairs, lying in his room surrounded by stars. It hurt me to even think about it and it only made guilt sit heavier on my shoulders at all the time he’d lost behind bars. Three years. I would’ve cried right there in that car in front of the building if I hadn’t done it plenty of times already since I’d been home.

  I unloaded the bag of groceries from the back of my car, locked the door, and turned, plowing right into a big, strong chest.

  “Oomph.” A few of the groceries from the top of my bag made an escape, so I crouched down to grab them. And I smelled it. Sweet smoke, but no, I thought. It couldn’t be. It was a scent I would sometimes smell walking down the aisles of a grocery store or sometimes at the planetarium when a group was leaving a show. That smell always made me remember.

  “Here, let me help you,” a familiar voice said that made me stop dead in my tracks. Our eyes locked and my breath slowed as time seemed to stop. There he was. Adam Nova. In all his beautiful glory. I could have stared at him all day, but he was the one to break the spell.

  “Liv,” he said my name reverently, like it was a prayer. I couldn’t even choke out his. Every bit of me was stunned, unprepared, totally blindsided. My voice was somewhere stuck in my throat.

  “Your apple.” He held out a shiny red apple that had fallen from my bag and I grabbed it in what felt like slow motion.

  I stood up, putting the few groceries that had fall
en back into the bag, and held it in front of me like a shield. I wasn’t ready. I had on my errand clothes, which made me look frumpy. I couldn’t even remember if I had brushed my hair and there he stood looking like God’s gift in a nice suit and jacket. Oh, how the roles had reversed.

  He attempted a smile that fell weak and flat. I didn’t even try to throw one back. I didn’t try anything. I was dumbfounded.

  He looked at the apartment building and then back at me. “What are you doing here?” His voice was deeper now, richer like dark chocolate.

  We were standing in front of his old building. This was crazy. How the hell did it happen?

  I cleared my throat nervously. “Just visiting a friend.”

  He nodded, looking more confused by the minute.

  And me? I went straight into panic get-the-hell-out-of-there mode. I cleared my throat. “Okay, well, I should go.” I nodded toward the building.

  “Oh, okay.” He moved aside and let me pass. “See you later.”

  “Bye.” Bye? That was it. That was all I could come up with to say to the boy who’d lost it all because of me. Not sorry. Or I’ve missed you. Or why has it been so long? Or you look like heaven and I could eat you with a spoon. Jesus, I was an idiot.

  My heart was still thundering in my chest when I reached the front stoop of the building.

  “Well, hey there, good-looking. You got anything for me today?”

  I couldn’t help but grin, no matter that I’d just literally run into Adam. “I dunno, Harold. Have you been behaving lately or have you been stirring up trouble?”

  “You know me. I stay in trouble, Liv.” He smiled at me, his teeth white against his weathered, tan face. He sat next to the stoop of the building so he had a little of the overhang protecting him. His messy gray hair hung around his face, the beanie I gave him last week covering most of it.

  I walked two steps up the stairs and reached into my grocery bag and leaned over the railing. “Tuna on rye.” I side-eyed the direction I’d come from to see if Adam had left and he had.