The Bear’s Secret

by Fay Walsh

  “The truth is, I know that Emilia is here, and unfortunately, I also know who she is and why it matters,” he said.

  “Well, who is she? Why does she want me dead?” she asked. She didn’t understand it, and Billy knew that. He could feel for her, and he knew that this was definitely not easy to take on.

  “The reason why she wants you dead is our past, if you want the truth of it, Nikki. We have a history together, and the truth of the matter is, we have had a rough past,” he said.

  “You know her from your past?” she asked.

  “Yeah. I know this might seem a bit off-putting, but you asked for me to tell you everything, and I want to do so, but you need to promise you won't run away in fear. Please, just promise this. For me,” he pleaded her.

  She looked at him, and Billy could tell she was scared to hear what was next. However, she continued to stubbornly stare at him, waiting for his confession.

  “I'm going to admit it, Billy, what I may hear next might be a bit to bear, but I want to hear this. No matter what,” she said.

  “Fair enough. You asked for it,” he said.

  He was scared to find out what would happen next, but he didn’t want to run away. He wanted to tell her everything, even if it meant messing up their future. Nikki had to hear about Emilia.

  “The truth is, Nikki, that I met Emilia under very dark circumstances. She’s… she’s the one who slaughtered my entire family, and who made me into the man that I am today,” he explained.

  Chapter 16

  Nikki couldn't believe what she was hearing. It had to be fake, it just had to be.

  “No way,” she said.

  “It’s true, Nikki. I am the product of a crazed woman, who wanted to kill me in cold blood, who wanted me dead before the day was up,” he told her.

  She nodded, taking all of that in.

  “So that’s why… you’re like this,” she said to him.

  “Correct. The truth of the matter, Nikki, is that I'm a mess because of what happened. I'm scared to tell you, but the fact that you haven’t run off yet tells me a lot about you,” he said.

  The truth was, Nikki hadn’t run away because she felt like her feet were glued to the ground, as she was listening to everything this man had to tell her.

  “You're serious about this, aren’t you?” she said.

  “Yes, Nikki. I'm not lying here. I wouldn’t lie to you,” he said to her.

  She listened to him, shock settling in.

  “I see. I don't want to ask you about it if you don't feel comfortable talking about it,” she admitted.

  “You're fine. Trust me on this, Nikki. The truth is, I honestly feel relieved telling you about it. It’s different, but there is something almost reassuring about admitting to the truth. I don't know why, but I don’t feel as scared. Or maybe it’s just me psyching myself out at the moment,” he said to her.

  “I get that. I know that it’s not easy for you,” she said to him.

  “I am scared. I'm scared that you’re going to leave once again.”

  “I won’t leave. Trust me, it takes a lot to scare me away. I am scared to ask for more because I don’t know whether or not it will hurt you to talk about it, or if it’s just my own personal worries,” she told him.

  “I don’t know,” he said to her.

  “I understand. I mean, if you feel like you’re uncomfortable telling me about everything right now, we don’t have to do this. I won’t hate you if you don’t want to” she admitted.

  “No Nikki. I want to tell you. You’re the first person who hasn’t run away from my truth. I'm going to be honest with you, I still am struggling to come to terms with it. Even though it happened 25 years ago, I still feel a bit shocked by it all. But, I guess that’s just the reality of death. I think you just never get over it,” he admitted.

  “Maybe that is the truth of it, but I'm not going to let that get the best of me. I am not going to run away, hiding in fear,” she told him.

  “I know you won’t. And I appreciate that” he told her.

  She smiled, listening to the honest words that were uttered from his mouth.

  “You really do trust me, don’t you?” she told him.

  “I do. Maybe that’s my own personal issue, but I'm glad that I do trust you in that regard. I'm sorry if I act a little discomforted. Revealing the truth of my past is a bit scary,” he told her.

  “I know. I'm worried about you, but I'm going to be there for you. No matter what,” she said to him.

  He paused, listening to this, and then, he sighed.

  “I've changed a lot since all of this happened, and honestly, I've been holding back because I fear what others might say about me,” he admitted to her.

  “I know. You definitely seem upset about something,” she told him.

  She saw the change almost immediately. The happy facade that he had was long gone, replaced by a look of sadness, of dread, of hatred for the life that he had.

  “The truth is Nikki, I'm incredibly depressed,” he told her.

  His expression was that of complete sadness and misery. Nikki could read it in his eyes. His head hung low, his shoulders slumped, and she could tell it was taking everything within him to tell her everything.

  “I understand that. We don’t have to talk about this right now if you don’t want to,” she admitted.

  “No. I want to talk about it right now Nikki. I'm not going to run away in complete fear of what I've become. No, I don’t do that anymore. I want to be the best person I can be for this, the person that knows what they’re getting into, the person that understands their future, and their fate. Just… let me go through all of this and tell you everything that happened to me so that you know the truth. Because… you’re the first person who's ever made me realize it’s okay, to be honest with yourself, it’s okay to be real, and it’s okay to tell others about your secrets, the ones you're not even comfy telling the people who are like brothers to you,” he stated.

  “I get that,” she replied.

  “So I guess it’s time for me to be honest with you,” he said.

  “I would appreciate the honesty,” she said with a little smile.

  “Well, the truth is, it all happened when I was very young. I had a good relationship with my parents. It really wasn’t bad. But, what I didn’t know, was that they had a lot of issues with hunters. They weren't shifters themselves - well, to be honest, my mom wasn’t a shifter. My dad was, so when they had me, I was a shifter. But, they made sure to quell all of that, prevent it from showing. I learned over time that they did this not just to protect me, but to protect others as well. I learned that they took care of making sure that nobody found out about the shifter part of me. However, there was another big reason for that, and that’s because there were people out there who wanted to kill me. I didn’t know this, so I just assumed it was my parents being overprotective as usual,” he admitted.

  “But it wasn’t being overprotective,’ she stated.

  “Far from it. I learned that they wanted to protect me from what was out there. I didn’t know that they had hunters after them because of my dad. They kept my life so sheltered. I grew up being a perfectly normal kid, and I thought that it was too good to be true,” he said.

  “God, I don’t blame you,” she admitted.

  She didn’t know what she would do if she found out that about her parents, that they were killed one day because of a secret that she possessed, even one that she never knew about.

  “I found out later that it was because my dad was a shifter that this all happened. But I couldn’t do anything to help them at all. By the time I found out everything, they were already dead”

  “What happened exactly?” she inquired.

  “Well, I came home one day from soccer practice, only to find the stench of blood lingering in my house. Screams echoed through the home. My mother was telling a figure to get away from me. I raced into the room, but I realized I shouldn't have done that. That was th
e biggest fucking mistake I made. I walked in, just to see my mom and dad held on the ground. As soon as I walked in, this… this creature stabbed my mother, killing her instantly. My dad was slaughtered shortly after. I stood there, trembling as I witnessed the sight...”

  He closed his eyes, breathing in and deeply in order to offset the fears that awoke within him. She could relate. She didn’t know what she would do if she discovered her parents in a position like that.

  “Shit, you’re braver than I would've been,” she said.

  “It wasn't bravery, Nikki. I don’t think I'm some brave man. In truth, I was traumatized by all of this. I didn’t know what to do, I just stood there. My brain kept telling me to leave, to get out of there before it was too late. But then, as quickly as the person killed my parents, I felt something stab me in the chest. I felt like my entire life flashed before my eyes as I crumbled to the ground. I laid there, and the person pulled the hood back. The only thing I remember seeing is beautiful golden locks, and a sinister pair of green eyes,” he told Nikki.

  “I see. How did you know it was Emilia?”

  “I didn’t know until years after it occurred. I was at the bar, talking to someone, and I heard the name Emilia from another shifter. I looked up at the TV, and apparently, she was on it. She is one of the most powerful hunters out there. But, she posed as nothing more than a mere innocent woman and nothing else. But I would recognize those golden locks from anywhere,” he said.

  “Shit. That’s insane. But… how did you survive then?” she asked.

  “It was pure dumb luck. I honestly should've died that night. She stabbed me near my vital organs, and the cut was deep enough for me to bleed out. But, as I slumped down, I clutched the small vial that my dad gave to me the previous year. This was the tonic that would allow me to tap into my shifter powers. It would remove the blockers my dad had put on me. He had told me that if I was ever in danger I needed to use this. At the time, I thought my dad was just being weird. However, I had accepted the vial and drank it that night. It was the most disgusting thing I ever tasted, and afterward, I laid there on the cold floor, shuddering and convulsing for about three days. I didn’t think I was going to make it. But, suddenly I changed into a bear, starting to feel the blind rampage for everything that happened. I was a mess, and it took me quite some time to come to terms with it.”

  “Then what? Did you stay in the home you grew up in?”

  “No. They found me covered in blood and my parents dead. I ended up living in a church orphanage for a long time. It was disgusting, and once I turned 18, I started to work on cars, making a name for myself. Travis just happened to bring his car in the night of prom, and we hit it off. He immediately knew I was a shifter, and he was honestly the first friend I ever had. The first person I ever felt trust from, to be honest. He helped me out, got me a place to live, and that's how I ended up in the situation that I'm in today,” he explained.

  “So you’re telling me you never told Travis about this, even though he saved your life? Do you not trust him?”

  “I do, Nikki, it’s just… hard to really explain it to him. I mean, his story was so much nicer than mine. Mine is terrible, and I don't even think Darren's is that bad, even though he had a similar problem to me. I don’t know, I feel like in a way, the two of us have a similar past. I don’t know if Travis went through the same thing however,” he admitted.

  “Travis probably would, but again this is up to you,” she said.

  “Yeah, you’re the first to see the real me. I don't know how I keep this facade up. It’s hard, and sometimes it drives me crazy,” he admitted.

  “I'm going to be honest with you, Billy, I really don’t know how you do it either. You’re always so happy, so damn carefree, and honestly, when I saw you looking so different, it felt off, like it was wrong,” she said.

  “I guess that explains it. I feel relieved telling you everything, and I’m glad about that. It does take a weight off my mind, one I didn’t even realize was there. So thanks for that,” he stated.

  “You’re welcome. I appreciate it that you have told me. I mean, it’s a really depressing story, but I'm here for you,” she said.

  “Yeah. Sometimes I think that one day, I'm just going to lose it, and everything will change,” he said.

  “Well, I understand wanting to hide the truth from others because it’s hard to explain. My home life is fucking terrible. I feel like sometimes I just don’t have the power to change anything in my life. Sometimes, I feel like I'm just moving along, and that’s about it. I don’t really know what else to do. My home life is awful. My parents are terrible, and honestly, I just want to escape sometimes. I don't know how, but I would crave that more than anything else. The sweet escape of it all, the ability to run the fuck away. All of that just sounds so… nice, you know?”

  “I get that. I just want to escape too. But, we’ll make it through it together. I feel so much better just by telling you everything than just blindly holding back, holding onto the pain of this, and the agony of pretending that life is fine,” he admitted to her.

  She blushed, listening to his words. The two of them looked at one another, and for the first time, Nikki realized that she felt the same way. She felt relieved, and all of this was the beginning of something more.

  She realized that while they both wanted to escape, they would have to work together to do so. They would make it though, no matter what the odds may be, and no matter what kind of bullshit life may throw at them.

  Chapter 17

  This was the first time Billy felt that his opinions mattered and that someone cared enough to help him. That’s why he meant what he said next to her.

  “You know, it’s so different telling someone about this,” he admitted.

  “What do you mean?” she asked.

  “In the past I… I never told people how I really felt, or what really happened. You have honestly given me a safe place to admit the truth,” he explained.

  Nikki listened to him, and she soon sighed.

  “I will listen to you, so if there is more you need to say, I won’t run away. I’ll listen,” she said.

  “Are you sure?” he inquired.

  “Yeah. I'm sure,” she replied.

  Billy took a deep breath. This was a monster he wasn’t sure he was ready to admit yet, something that even he feared.

  “I just… I'm a little nervous about admitting this, because I’ve never told anyone about this before, and I’m a bit nervous about discussing this. But I want to,” he said.

  “Well, I'm right here. If you have any other demons, I'm ready to listen. And you’ll have to do a whole lot more than this to scare my ass away,” she teased.

  “I'm glad about that. Well, I guess you can kind of tell I have really bad depression,” he said.

  “I had a feeling it was like that,” she told him.

  “Yeah. I have terrible depression, and I've kept it hidden. I mask it with happiness, with a cheerful demeanor, but it’s hard to keep that going. I always feel like I can’t experience true happiness because I continue this facade sometimes. It’s hard,” he explained.

  “I can relate,” she replied.

  “Really?” he said.

  She nodded. “My parents are kind of like that to me. I kind of always feel happy when I'm out of the house. In general, I feel relieved, but when I’m around my family, I hate it,” she told him.

  “I understand that. Well, whenever I talk about it, I feel like my voice is cracking, and like… my throat is itchy and it hurts. It’s so weird,” he said.

  “Maybe it’s because you want to talk about it, but you fear what others will say? Which I get. In all honesty, I can kind of understand that. Sometimes it’s harder to battle the demons and be honest with yourself than it is to let others know the truth,” she told him.

  “That’s exactly what it is. Most don't get it. They think depression is some fucking trend, something that I can just turn off and make magically go a
way. Well, I can’t. I hate that about myself, and I hate that I can’t make it go away, but the thing is, if I don’t face it, I feel like I'll never be happy. I don't know, maybe it’s something that I have to live with,” he said.

  He still had no idea what would happen if he came to that conclusion. He didn't know what living with that depression would be like, of letting go of that past, and letting the future grow in the way that he wants to.

  “Well, do you want me to help you? I mean, you don’t have to agree with my help, nor do you have to accept it, I'm just trying to be somewhat useful to you,” she said with a laugh.