The Bear’s Secret

by Fay Walsh

  He paused, he never got this kind of help before, and he felt like this was something that he would have to get used to.

  “Honestly, if I told you that I couldn't do this alone, you would be fine with that, right?” he asked.

  He never got help before. He never thought that someone would give enough of a fuck about him to try and help him iron through all of this. But then, he saw the smile on her face.

  “You don’t give me enough credit, you know,” she teased.

  “W-what do you mean?” he asked.

  “You should realize by now that I'm not going anywhere, and I'm not going to leave you alone. I want to help you out Billy, and I'm going to make sure that you're helped out, and welcomed into the clan,” she said.

  Billy looked at her, his eyes widened with shock. He never bothered to tell anyone about his problem, because he didn’t want to be a burden. The fact that she could make Billy happy was quite liberating and it made her feel warm inside.

  “You’re amazing, you know that?” he stated.

  “I don't think I'm all that great, but thank you,” she said.

  “Well, I would love the help, Nikki. If you're willing to provide it. The truth is I… I can’t do it alone. I really fucking can’t. I don't want to do this alone. It’s scary to me, and I hate that. I've never fought demons like this before, never dealt with the pain of this before. I don’t… I don't even know what to make of all of this, and I feel a bit shocked at times,” he stated to her. He didn’t know what to make of most of the feelings he shared, but the fact that he hadn’t scared her away felt almost refreshing in a sense, and he didn’t mind that.

  “Well, you’re going to need to do a lot more than what you’re doing currently to scare me the hell away,” she said with a laugh.

  “Good. I'm so happy that you’re not freaking out over this. I was always worried that the one time I would tell someone about this, I would get laughed at, told that it’s not real, and I would get judged,” he admitted to her.

  “Nope. You won’t get judged here. I know that you can’t do this alone, and I acknowledge that. I know that, if I was in the position where I had to see my parents like that, I would be a total fucking mess. I've been fortunate that hasn’t happened to me, but I do respect and understand the struggles that you’re facing, you know,” she admitted.

  The sound of those words made him smile. He loved hearing that, and he couldn't believe that this was happening. He couldn't believe that he actually had support for what he felt, for the endeavors that he went through, for the trauma that he faced. It felt so liberating in a strange, yet nice manner.

  “Thank you. For everything,” Billy stated. He looked at Nikki, and she simply smiled.

  “You need to understand, Billy, that I'm not running away. I know that it’s different, and I know that this is all quite different and interesting for both of us, and I do understand that it’s scary to talk about, but talking about our trauma won’t harm either of us, and I think it’s healthy to do that. Honestly, I will keep you safe, keep you protected, and take care of you. I don't know how I'm going to do that damn thing yet, but I promise that no matter what, I definitely will,” she said with a smile.

  He blushed, laughing out loud at the words that she uttered.

  “Goddammit you make me so fucking happy,” he said to her.

  “You think so? I'm not always the best at this kind of thing, but I promise that, no matter what, I'll help you out,” she said.

  “I will do the same thing for you, Nikki. I do like that you’re not scared of me, that you’re here for me, and I'm really happy to have you in my life. It feels so nice, to be honest, to have someone who will take care of you, to have someone that will really make your life better. I have to say I… I love it actually. It's a foreign feeling to me, but I'm glad that you’re here,” he stated.

  “I'm pretty glad that you’re here too. So… have you ever been suicidal? You don't have to respond, but I've been a little concerned ever since you told me about this,” she said.

  Fuck. He did want to be honest with her, but this was a lot. But, as he touched his legs, he nodded.

  “I know this might be a bit scary, but do you want to see?” he asked.

  “S-sure,” she said, and he noticed that she felt almost ashamed for asking. He didn’t find much harm in her asking. He then grasped his shorts, pulling them up to reveal little scars that were there. He put his fingers on them, shuddering at the words that he was about to say.

  “I have considered getting help, but I don’t want to burden anyone. I just feel that… it’s easier to do this alone. These scars are kind of a type of coping for me, and it does help. I don’t want to worry others either.

  “I get that. I'm so sorry that you had to go through all of this alone, that nobody knew about this, and you had to suffer in silence,” she told him.

  “It’s fine. I'm used to suffering in silence. This isn’t something new for me,” he explained.

  Billy felt slightly regretful at those words. He didn’t want to sound all sad and everything, but that was the unfortunate reality of it. He didn't know what else to say other than that. He looked at her, and she then smiled at him.

  “You know, I do appreciate the fact that you’re here though. And if you ever need to talk about depression, I'll be there for you,” she said.

  “Thank you. And you don’t need to worry about me dying or anything. I have no intentions of leaving this planet. I'm here because I want to be,” he explained.

  She blushed but then nodded.

  “That makes sense,” she told him.

  The two of them listened to the way the other spoke. He felt so much better being honest with her, and he felt so much more relieved by this. When he looked at Nikki, he saw the smile on her face.

  “I'm glad that you didn’t do anything reckless,” she said.

  “Well, nothing more reckless than I have in the past,” he said.

  “True. Anyways, I will stick around. I'm going to be honest with you, I don’t know what to make of my dad right now. I feel like, I feel like he’s just trying to stir up some trouble. I feel like there's a reason as to why he doesn't like you, but I have no fucking clue what it is,” she admitted.

  “I see. Has he said anything more about hunting, or me?”

  “Nope. I'm a little worried about this, and I feel like he’s going to expose himself eventually, but for now, he’s keeping a tight lip on it, which I'm not the biggest fan of,” she admitted.

  “I get that. Well, you have to be smart about your choices at this point Nikki. I know that there is something there that’s bothering you, something that is holding your relationship back, and I think you need to get the truth. I'll be watching out for you, and I'll take care of you,” he stated.

  “I will do the same for you,” she replied.

  He looked at her, and then, he turned red at the words he thought about saying.

  “Once this is over I will… I'll take care of you. Whatever happens next, know that I will be there for you. I'll introduce you to the guys, or whatever the fuck we need to do,” he stated.

  “I see. Thank you, Billy. I honestly think there is something bigger happening at my dad’s place, but I'm scared to go back alone. I feel like… once I do, everything will change,” she explained.

  “Then don’t leave. Stay with me tonight, and I'll watch the area when you go back home,” he stated.

  “Thanks, Billy. I will stick around then,” she said.

  Nikki felt Billy press the spot next to him. She curled up next to him, and Billy held her close. He realized that night was the first night he actually got real, genuine sleep, and he loved it. It was the next morning, and he knew that he’d have to let her go eventually, but didn’t want to. He felt so damn happy to take care of her, to be there for her no matter what, and he knew that Nikki was definitely loving this as well. He had a bad feeling about going back home, but he had to stick around, to watch her so that
she was kept nice and safe.

  What he didn’t know though, was that the truth about what was really happening would be revealed, and Nikki was more involved with than he thought she was…

  Chapter 18

  Nikki didn’t want to go home, and that was the truth of it. She feared what her dad might do. She looked at Billy when she got about a block away from her home. She didn’t want her father to see Billy, so she would walk her bike to the garage and put it there. As she got off her bike, he rolled down his windows.

  “Are you sure you want to get in there? I mean, for all we know, he could get angry and possibly hurt you,” he stated.

  She didn’t want to deal with this, nor was she ready to deal with the consequences, but at the same time, she couldn't let this just sit there and fester with time.

  “Billy, I know that I'll need to get inside to grab my shit eventually. I mean, if I do end up leaving, I can go with you, right?” she asked.

  He paused, and she feared that he might say no, but Billy eventually nodded.

  “Yeah. Sorry, I was just a little taken aback that you want to actually stay with me. I would be glad to have you,” he told her.

  “Thanks, Billy. I do appreciate that. A lot,” she told him.

  She blushed, thinking about how to explain this without sounding weird or anything.

  “Be safe. Call me at once if you need anything. I'll try to go to the bar later on tonight after I finish work,” he told her.

  “Fine,” she said.

  She walked towards the doorway, and she already felt the presence against the doorway make her shiver. This felt so ominous, and the animosity that she could practically taste on the other side of the door made her feel uncomfortable. Nikki stepped inside, and as she did she felt a familiar presence there.

  “And just where the hell were you?” he snapped.

  “I was with a friend. I stayed the night at their place because they wanted to spend time with me. I wanted to be a good friend to them,” she said.

  That was the truth of it. She and Billy weren't exactly seeing each other seriously yet, even though it kind of felt like that.

  “I'm guessing it was Billy then? You don't have female friends. Bet you went over there to mess around with him,” he snapped.

  “You know I'm an adult, right dad? I can do what I want,” she said.

  “Well, I don't like that you’re seeing him. I don't trust that damn man. He’s gross, and he’s bad for you. Go find another guy,” he said.

  “You’re just mad because I'm not here as much dad. You think that I'm some goddamn child that you can control,” she said.

  “Well, I know that you think you’re top shit. I saw your bike. It’s disgusting,” he said.

  “You’re just mad because you’re not the boss of me. You’re a monster, and you think that you can just sit there and dictate what your daughter does with her life. Well, I'm not into that,” she said.

  Nikki’s father stood up, his big, imposing figure making her breath a little faster. Fuck, she knew that she would be angering the hornet's nest with the words that she said.

  “I'm just trying to protect you. Why are you so against me helping you and protecting you from Billy. He’s bad news, and I know this,” he said.

  “He’s not. You don’t get it. He’s helped me so much, and I like spending time with him far more than I do with you,” she cried out.

  “You mean to say you don't appreciate your mother and me paying the bills, making food for you?” he said, his voice getting louder with anger.

  “You do nothing father. I'm over here helping with rent because mom is sick. Which, by the way, is there any update on that?” she snapped.

  “She's… she’s fine. You don't need to be asking questions you don’t need the answers to,” he replied.

  “You’re lying! I need to know the answers. That’s my goddamn mother. You’re acting weird, dad. Ever since I got back you’ve been a mess, and you've been treating me like I'm some goddamn child. I fucking hate it. I really fucking do. And I know that you’re hiding stuff from me as well. You’re acting different dad, and I hate that we’ve grown apart, but you've become a mess,” she stated.

  This was definitely not the right choice of words, but she was sick of letting her feelings be held back by the actions that were happening. She saw her father look at her with pure anger and shock on his face.

  “I'm just trying to keep this family together!”

  “Yeah, well, dumbass, you’re tearing it apart with your bullshit. I know what a family is, and you’re definitely not bringing that to the table here. Instead, you’re acting like a goddamn child, and you’re treating me like I'm some sort of animal. You never seem to understand what I want, and the one time I find a person that I like, you get so angry with me. Why is that dad? Why do you hate Billy so much? Is it because he’s different? Is it because he makes me happy, something that you don’t want?” she said.

  “I-”

  “Oh, and another thing, I know what you’ve been doing dad. I'm not going to sit here, and take what you’re dishing out at me anymore. You’re nothing more than a dictator who thinks that he can treat his family like garbage. Hell, I don’t even think you're really my dad sometimes!”

  That changed that atmosphere immediately. Nikki didn’t know what happened, but the redness in his face grew tenfold.

  “What the fuck did you say?”

  She knew that this could either play to her benefit or her detriment. She looked at him, taking a breath and hoping for the best.

  “I know the truth, father. About what is going on. I saw the papers in your office. The poaching ones. You’re a poacher, father. You think that it’s okay to just sit there and call me out for my decisions when you’re over here killing animals,” she said.

  She looked at him with an angry face. She knew that this would definitely not end well, but she was definitely not going to sit there and take it.

  “You think you understand everything, you stupid little worm?”

  “Oh, but I do. You hate Billy because somehow he knows that you’re a poacher. I don’t even think that my father would actually want to do something like that. I guess you got bribed, that money talked enough and you made that decision. Well, you’re disgusting, father, and frankly, you should be ashamed about what you’re doing. Harming poor animals for nothing more than money, to help out some woman that I honestly don’t think is really sick. Yeah, you’re a real fucking winner father-”

  As Nikki said those words, she felt him rush forward, grabbing her neck. She immediately felt the windpipe close up, and the struggle to breathe immediately washed over her.

  “I can’t believe an idiot like you actually figured it out, he said.

  She felt her body get thrown against the wall, her face twisting with pain. She struggled for breath, feeling her entire body on edge. He held her there, looking at her.

  “You little brat,” he said.

  She moved back, kicking him in the balls with the last of her strength. She moved towards the living room, trying her hardest to fight off her father. What the hell was going on?

  He came after her, the sounds he made making her on edge. She didn’t know what the hell to do about this, but there weren’t many places to hide.

  So, she chose what she could do best. She chose a place to wait it out. But of course, she heard the thumping sounds of footsteps, and to her surprise, and disdain, her father was close.

  “I know that you’re here,” he said.

  He grabbed her, causing a shocked gasp to emanate from her lips. She kicked, trying to escape. She looked at her father, whose eyes were different. Instead of them being natural, calm and collected, they were animalistic, making her shudder with shock and worry at the way that he looked at her.

  “But w-why,” she stated, struggling to form her words.

  “Because you shouldn’t even be here. I didn’t want to deal with this, but you should’ve never been born. I shoul
d've killed you when I had the chance. All those nights of seeing you sound asleep, all of those chances, and I never took them. And now look at you. Pathetic,” he stated.

  She struggled, letting out garbled cries of shock and worry. She looked at him, and then he spoke.

  “You’re a pathetic worm. And I know the person you've been seeing. That shifter that you like,” he said.

  She felt a gasp emanate from her lips, but that was the only sound she could make. She couldn't do much else besides lay there in hope that she could get out of this. But, the tightness of the grip on her throat made her start to breathe out in a raspy manner.