The Shoma

by Lola St. Vil

  “I’m fine,” he assures me.

  “Okay, let’s get you to my bed, you can lie to me from there,” I joke.

  He gives me a faint smile. I help him into my bed and apply the first of the three vials. He flinches as I apply it, but he swears it’s no big deal. I follow Tony’s instructions to the letter and use all three vials on his wound.

  I enter my bedroom to check on him every few hours. On this particular visit, I place my hand on his side and examine the wound; it’s healing very well, just like Tony said it would. I look into his face and feel so many things.

  When I look at his wounds, I’m filled with concern. Then I think about the last time we were together. I think about how he pushed me away, once again and I want to shove him out the window.

  No matter how often my feelings change, one that remains the same is my sense of relief. I almost lost him. That makes me want to fall into his arms so badly it hurts. I start to turn away because I can’t trust myself not to give in to my desires.

  He takes my hand. I look back at him. I know what he wants; what he needs. It’s the same thing I want and desperately need.

  “You should rest,” I whisper.

  I hurry out and close the bedroom door behind me. I lean against the wall and close my eyes. I want to be with him. I don’t want to be out here, in the living room. I want to be inside with him, but that’s just a bad idea. Instead of giving into my growing need for him, I call the team.

  “I just wanted to let you know that Marcus is okay. He’s with me,” I tell Jay.

  “For real, he couldn’t pick up his damn phone?” Jay asks.

  “He was…busy.”

  “Look, baby girl, if you and Marcus want to build a love nest or whatever, that’s all good, but he should’ve taken ten seconds to get back to us.”

  “He will be back, soon.”

  “Damn, how much sex are you two having, anyway? Don’t humans need a break?”

  “We’re not—”

  “—Yeah, whatever, yo,” Jay teases.

  “I will have him call you as soon as he can.”

  “Yeah, you do that,” he counters.

  A little while later, I enter Marcus’s room to check on him. Just as I finish applying the final mixture for the night, he closes his eyes again.

  “Marcus, who attacked you?” I ask before he starts Recharging.

  He looks up at me with great regret in his eyes, but says nothing.

  “Marcus, who tried to kill you?”

  “Rahell.”

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN:

  SLAVES WITH WINGS

  (Mature Content)

  Marcus refused to go into the details about his encounter with Rahell. I can’t believe that she would really do such a thing. I try and get the truth out him, but he doesn’t want to talk about it.

  What he does want to do is be with me. I can feel it in his stare. It’s like he can see through my clothes. If this were just lust, it wouldn’t be a big deal, but it’s never just physical with us. He has spent the past two days in agony and now he wants me. He thinks my touch can make it better; I know that, because I think his touch can do the same for me.

  Many times I’ve come into the room and had to literally count to ten to keep from leaping into his arms and kissing him. That is the reason I try to not to stay too long. I just apply his meds, change the sheets and head back out, but this time, it’s different. Marcus has had enough of me trying to run away from him.

  He stands in front of the door, blocking my exit. I move to go around him, but there’s no way for me to get to the door handle. The air crackles with apprehension and desire. The fact that he’s shirtless makes things even more precarious.

  I keep looking down at the floor because I know once I look into his smoldering, intense gaze; I won’t be able to walk away from him—or from us.

  “Excuse me. I need to…” I can’t finish my sentence because it’s too hard to talk with him so close to me. His presence takes up the whole room.

  “Baby, look at me,” he says.

  Being this close to him makes it impossible to find and sort out my feelings. I want him more than I have ever wanted anything in my life. I hate him more than I’ve ever hated anyone. And love, yes, I love him more than I have ever loved anyone.

  “Look at me,” he whispers.

  His lips brush against my ear and send a current of longing so powerful it makes me moist. My body knows that the guy it has ached for, begged for, is near; now everything in me seeks his touch.

  It’s not only lust that drives me to want him. It’s my heart. My heart wants him. I scold it for being so weak, but the truth is undeniable. My heart longs for him shamelessly.

  When I don’t look up at him, he gently lifts my head up so that we are now making eye contact. The moment we lock eyes, my emotions overwhelm me.

  “Marcus, move,” I beg.

  “Where are you going?”

  “I can’t be in here with you.”

  “I don’t want you to leave this room. Stay with me,” he implores.

  I realize he won’t unblock my path, so I back away from him and head to the opposite side of the bedroom.

  “Emmy—”

  “—don’t do that,” I order him.

  “Don’t do what?”

  “Don’t call my name with longing in your voice. Don’t gaze at me like I’m the most important thing in your life. Don’t stand there and block the door because you would do anything to have me here with you. Don’t do any of it.”

  “Why?”

  “BECAUSE I CAN’T THINK MARCUS; YOU’RE STANDING THERE, WANTING ME, NEEDING ME AND YOU HAVE TO STOP, BECAUSE I CAN’T THINK!”

  “Emmy—” he calls out as he heads towards me.

  “—Stop it! Stay over there. Stay where you are!” I scream at him as tears flood my eyes.

  “Okay, okay. I’m not gonna come any closer,” he says, standing with his hands up.

  “I can’t do this. I can’t let you hurt me anymore. I can’t…”

  “Just tell me what to do, baby; tell me how to make it better,” he pleads.

  “No, you enjoy this. You like pulling me close so you can break my heart again and again. What did I do to deserve that?”

  “You don’t deserve to have your heart broken.”

  “THEN WHY THE FUCK DO YOU KEEP DOING IT???”

  “I tried not to hurt you…I tried, baby, I did,” he swears.

  “I just want to be free of you,” I plead.

  “I’m the one who’s being held captive,” he replies.

  “Wait, what?”

  “I’m one the most formidable Angels that ever lived and a hundred pound human has me completely powerless. You own me. You own my thoughts. You own my actions, my heart and my body. I have NOTHING that’s my own and you think you need to be freed?”

  “Marcus—”

  “--I’VE BEEN YOUR SLAVE FROM DAY ONE!”

  “That’s bullshit, Marcus. You tell me you love me then you marry another girl. You tell me you want to be with me and then you send me away.”

  “I know, I’m sorry,” he says, coming closer.

  “You always have a reason, but I don’t care anymore. I don’t care what your reasons are. It’s too hard to be with you. I give up. I don’t want you.”

  He shakes his head as if to say “it can’t be” and he closes the gap between us. I look up at his impossibly perfect face; my fingers long to trace his lips. My tongue pleads to taste him and my legs desperately yearn to wrap around him. From the tips of my hair to the tips of my toes, I ache for him. My entire body begs me to give in to him.

  “I don’t want you,” I whisper again.

  I can “see” my words searing into his flesh. Hearing that I no longer want him cuts so deep he lashes out by wrapping his powerful hand around my throat. My pulse races from his touch. He could very easily kill me. He’s angry and broken.

  “Stop,” he warns me, deeply pained.

  “I don�
�t want you,” I repeat again, determined to wound him even further.

  I am right; it does wound him, but much like a wounded animal, he is now even more dangerous and unpredictable. Without warning, Marcus picks me up and props me up against the windowsill. I’m caught totally off guard and stare back at him, shocked.

  I know that my words are ripping him apart. I know that I should stop now while he’s still in control, but I can’t. I want him to hurt like he hurt me. So I repeat it one last time.

  “I don’t want you.”

  He gasps as my words latch on to his heart; twist and pull out what’s left of it. He opens my legs, seeking shelter from the pain, but I can’t just let him in; not again.

  “You said you wanted me to stay away,” I remind him in a weak voice.

  “I can’t. I tried. Omnis knows, I tried.”

  He starts making circular patterns with his hand on my inner thigh; it drives me insane with desire. My heart pounds in my ears, the blood rushes to my face and I have to bite my lower lip to keep it from trembling.

  I need to think. I need to figure things out, but there is no time. His fingers send sparks throughout my body and I want more.

  “You said…you asked me to go away…you sent me away,” I reply breathlessly.

  I didn’t mean for my voice to convey my pain, but it did. I know he heard it. He heard the sharp disappointment and feelings of betrayal.

  “You have every right to turn me away, but don’t. Please don’t turn me away,” he begs.

  He kisses all of my fingers and begs with each kiss that I do not turn him away. I turn to him and see the agony on his face. He gathers my shirt under his hand and pulls me toward him firmly.

  “Why can’t I stay away from you?” He asks with a mix of passion and self-loathing.

  It’s then that I remember its not just Marcus who has a hold on me; I have a hold on him.

  I reach over and take out a vial of Trickk and Tam. Marcus is so anxious to have me; he doesn’t even wait for me to swallow. His picks me up and in one effortless motion, carries me over to the bed.

  He stands over me, hungry and on the brink of losing his mind should I prevent him from getting inside me, but that’s just what I do.

  “Stop,” I call out.

  He halts immediately because of my tone; I am not playing.

  “The next time you send me away, Marcus, I won’t come back.”

  “Emmy I know—”

  “—I’m serious, Marcus. You hurt me again and I swear on my mother’s grave, I will never take you back. Do you understand?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good, come here,” I command.

  I kiss him deeply. He growls and hungrily returns my kiss. He lays me down flat on my back and inhales my scent. That seems to drive him even further over the edge. He rips my shirt off. He then pops my nipples into his mouth and feverishly sucks on them. When he bathes my inner thigh with his tongue and works his way to my center, I swear out loud as an exquisite wave of pleasure engulfs me.

  When he inserts himself into me, the intensity of his thrusts makes me cry out. There’s fire in his eyes as he claims my body repeatedly with his possessive thrusts. The force behind his movement is almost deadly.

  While this is the most pleasure I’ve ever experienced, for Marcus it’s a mix of emotions. He has given in and while that satisfies his body and his heart, his conscience is unsettled.

  I can tell, because with every life affirming thrust, he whispers that he tried to stay away.

  I sit up unexpectedly and flip over, so that I’m now on top, straddling him. He’s surprised by the sudden move. I’m now controlling the situation. I take his face in my hands.

  “Marcus, I know you tried to stay away because you want the best for me. You were wrong. It was a selfish, asshole move. Deal with it and move on.”

  He reflects on what I just said.

  “Marcus, can we get past this?” I push.

  “Yes,” he replies.

  I drape my leg over his shoulder and warn him.

  “Guardian, you better hold on to something…”

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN:

  AND NOW…

  He spoons me protectively. His strength is completely back. I can feel it in the way he holds me. He lightly nibbles my ear. As usual, his touch causes me to shiver and giggle at the same time. He enjoys the control he has over me. I tell him so.

  “I told you, I’m the one who’s at your mercy,” he whispers.

  “Don’t say that.”

  “It’s true. You know it is.”

  I take his hand and kiss his palm, and then I sink even further into his embrace.

  “I shouldn’t have sent you away. I should’ve found a better way to handle it. I’m sorry,” he says.

  “I appreciate it, Marcus, but it’s not just that. We have to establish some ground rules here, because I mean it, I will not keep getting on this “on again-off again” ride with you.”

  “Okay, how do we do this?”

  “For one thing, I need you to tell me everything. You can’t hide things from me to protect me. I’m not a kid,” I protest.

  “Okay.”

  “That means when you find out something terrible, like the fact that Julian was the one who made you and Bianca have to sleep together, you have to tell me.”

  “You knew about that?”

  “Yes and it really sucks, because I had to hear it from Bianca. You should have told me.”

  “I was trying to—”

  I turn to him with a cold stare.

  “Okay, you’re right. I should have told you,” he admits.

  “Thank you. Also it’s time we give up on the whole ‘normal’ life thing. My life will never be normal and well, that’s just the way things are. So no more protecting me and sending me back to be ‘normal,’ okay?”

  “Alright,” he says, after a moment of reflection.

  “The last thing is the most important one; no more of this ‘hurting me to protect me’ bullshit.”

  “Wow, you think I’m lying when I say that that’s what I’m doing?” He replies.

  “No, I don’t think you’re lying; but you know what, I’d rather have your love than your protection.”

  “I want to give you both.”

  “Well, Marcus, sometimes one will have to be sacrificed. And if that happens, please don’t hurt me again because you think it will somehow protect me. Agreed?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good, because if you hurt me I’m going to have to take a knife to you; and only part of that is meant in jest,” I warn.

  “You’ve gotten kind of dark, baby.”

  “You have no idea.”

  I turn around so that we are now facing each other completely.

  “Listen, I shouldn’t have said you weren’t there for me; you always show up for me,” I tell him.

  “So, what, I’m not a horrible fiancée?” He asks.

  “Um…yeah, you kind of are,” I joke.

  He smiles back, but the smile is short lived. Sadness spreads across his face.

  “What is it?” I ask.

  “I didn’t think Arden would die. I don’t know what I thought would happen, but I didn’t think she’d actually die,” he confesses.

  “I know…”

  “Her death just reminded me of Ty. He died in my arms and I couldn’t save him…”

  “I told you before, it’s not your fault. You cannot save everyone,” I remind him.

  “Yeah, it’s crazy and stupid, I know.”

  “It’s not stupid, Marcus; it’s human and, remember, you used to be one?”

  “Funny, I thought now that I am an Angel, I wouldn’t see so much death, but sometimes, baby, it’s all I see. All around me.”

  “I was the same way after Rio and all the others,” I confide to him.

  “What changed?” He asks.

  “I just don’t see death anymore, because I stopped looking.”

  “What does that mean?
” He wonders.

  “It means everyone dies, and no amount of tears has ever undone a death that was already done.”

  He starts laughing quietly. I ask him what is so funny.

  “This is not normal pillow talk, you know that right?” He teases.

  “What’s considered ‘normal’ pillow talk?” I ask.

  “Something unrelated to death and the mission,” he replies.

  “Okay; I’ve been having a killer streak on Candy Crush.” I announce, delighted.

  He laughs so hard; I can feel his body rocking against mine.

  “What? Don’t laugh, it’s a hard game,” I promise him.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t expect that,” he says, barely able to hold back.

  “I was in the zone, Marcus. I got to level two hundred. As Jay would say, ‘baby girl got skillz.’”

  “Well, I am very proud of you. I mean, Candy Crush is a kids’ game, but yeah, I suppose it takes a little effort,” he says, teasing me.

  “Oh really, are you challenging me?” I dare him.

  “C’mon, Emmy, you know you can’t beat me.”

  “Okay, it’s on now. I’m gonna get my tablet and we’re gonna battle; and no powers.”

  Before I can get up, he pulls me back into his arms and says we can play later, he’s not ready to let me go yet. He kisses me deeply and groans when I pull away.

  “Hey, how come no one on the team came to check on me the night I left the villa?” I ask, trying to sound casual about it.

  I don’t think I pulled it off. Marcus knew right away I was hurt by the team’s sudden disappearance in my life. That was one of the reasons I sent them away.

  “It’s not their fault, Em, they wanted to check on you, but I ordered them not to. I wanted you to have some space.”

  “Oh, okay.”

  “It may have been the wrong thing to do, but they were following my orders. They love you. In fact, it was all I could do to get Eta not to follow you back to New York. She really likes you.”

  “Baby, I know you want Eta and I to be really close, but I don’t think that’s ever really gonna happen,” I reply.