The Shoma

by Lola St. Vil

  “Why? You have to give her a chance,” Marcus pleads.

  “I’m not talking about me; I’m talking about Eta. She will never truly feel comfortable being close to me.”

  “Because of her loyalty to Bianca?” He asks.

  “No, because of you.” I say, smiling as I shake my head.

  Marcus looks back at me, completely confused.

  “Marcus, Eta is hopelessly in love with you.”

  “What? No. She’s…wait…really? Rio had mentioned someone he thought had feelings, but he didn’t give me a name,” Marcus replies sincerely.

  “Every time you address her, she blushes. When you walk into a room she fixes her hair and when you accidently brush up against her, she holds her breath, bites her lower lip and closes her eyes so that the moment can last longer in her mind.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “Because that’s the way I used to be, when we first met.” I remind him with a smile.

  “So you’re not that way anymore?”

  “Yes and no.”

  “I see; and you’re good with her falling in love with me?” Marcus pushes.

  “Yes, because she’s in love with a hero; the First Guardian. And me, I’m in love with an Angel. Those are two very different things.”

  “How so?”

  “Heroes always save people; but, with Angels, sometimes they need saving.”

  “You have done that; saved me. You have saved me many, many times,” Marcus says, taking my hand.

  I tell him I love him and kiss him with growing desire, but he breaks away from the kiss and pulls back. He looks at me with growing concern.

  “Marcus, you okay?”

  “There’s something I have to tell you and I really don’t want to.”

  “Why?”

  “It’s gonna screw up this moment, but in order to do what you want, in order to be completely honest, I have to tell you.”

  Crap, please don’t let it be something too bad.

  “No matter what it is, I will stand by you. What is it?” I ask.

  “I went looking to score CP a few weeks ago.”

  “YOU WHAT?!” I scream as I throw his shirt on and leap off the bed.

  There are so many questions in my head and so many emotions I can’t stand still. I pace around my room frantically.

  “Marcus, how could you do that?”

  “I didn’t take it,” he assures me.

  “Yeah, but you were going to, weren’t you?”

  “Yes.”

  “How could you even think about doing something so stupid? Do you know what it took to get you the Spring? Have you any idea how worried everyone was about you? Do you know what it was like, to see you like that? You were being eaten alive by this addiction and we couldn’t help you.”

  He puts his jeans back on and comes to comfort me, but I push him away.

  “Emmy, I didn’t use. I was close to taking a hit, but I didn’t.”

  “You should never have been anywhere near that stuff, Marcus, it’s like you don’t care about anyone but yourself.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “Then how can you even think of taking CP again? Do you want to be a Tic, Marcus? Was it fun for you, to lose all control over everything in your life?”

  “Emmy, please calm down.”

  “Marcus Jason Cane, don’t you dare tell me to calm down! I risked my life to save your ass and now you go right back to drugs?”

  “Once again, I didn’t take CP; I said I got close to taking it,” he snaps.

  “Okay, okay. How close?”

  “I bought it.”

  “You actually got your hands on CP again?”

  “Yes,” he admits.

  “Then what?”

  “I…I opened the container--but I didn’t take any.”

  “I am really trying here, Marcus. I’m trying to be strong for us, because that’s the only way we will survive everything that is happening, but I can’t take another death. I cannot take any more grieving.”

  “Emmy, I know—”

  “—NO YOU DON’T! IF YOU DID, YOU WOULDN’T PUT YOUR LIFE IN DANGER AGAIN!!”

  “I know what you went through. I’ve had to watch things happen to you, too. You don’t think it messed me up to see you in a coma? Or to stand there and watch you get electrocuted?”

  When the tears fill my eyes I order them back inside my body. There’s a sharp pain that replaces the tears. It spreads itself across my skull. The headache is so intense, it radiates up and down my shoulders and at the base of my neck. It feels like my head is being split open.

  “Emmy, what’s wrong?” Marcus asks.

  I hold my head in both my heads and try to breathe through the pain. Marcus leads me over to the chair and helps me sit down. He asks if he can get me anything, I ask for water. He goes into the kitchen and comes back quickly, even by Angel standards. I drink all the water and lean my head back in the chair.

  Marcus is about to speak, but I signal that I need silence. For the next few minutes, I focus on taking deep breaths. Finally, while my headache is not completely gone, it subsides enough so that I can think. I force myself to take deep breaths and focus on the problem at hand.

  “Okay, you got close to taking CP, but you didn’t. Is that right?” I ask.

  “Yeah.”

  “Who gave you the CP?”

  “Tony.”

  “Why would he—”

  “—It’s not his fault. I didn’t give him a choice,” Marcus replies.

  “Okay. Okay…”

  “Emmy—”

  “—Wait. I just need to think. I read all about addiction after everything that happened with us, so I know it’s extremely difficult to get off drugs.”

  “Yes, it is.”

  “Well, I said I was going to stand by you and that’s what I will do. I told you to be honest, and you are being honest. Plus, I’m going to be your wife someday, and I can’t just walk out on us when things get bad.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, Marcus, I am. Now, according to the blogs and forums I went to, it’s really important to identify what the trigger is. You know, the things that drove you to want to escape into drugs. Once you identify the triggers, we can eliminate them,” I say, finally starting to calm down.

  Marcus walks over to the window and looks out. He’s distant and deeply unhappy.

  I ask him again if he knows what his trigger is and he remains silent for several moments.

  When he finally does speak, he sounds lost in thought.

  “I would stand across the street and watch you play with Mrs. Charlotte. You were so beautiful. I would have given anything to stand by your window forever, but I always had Demons to hunt. And I knew the longer I stayed, the harder it would be to walk away…”

  “Marcus, please stop going down memory lane. What was the trigger that made you think of going back to drugs? The battles? The mission? The deaths? I don’t know how I can stop any of these things from happening, but maybe we can get the team to supervise you after a battle…”

  “You were so happy, just dancing around with the cat…”

  “Marcus, what happened right before you went to look for CP?”

  “I love you,” he whispers.

  “Marcus, what is your trigger; what is it we have to keep you away from?” I ask.

  “The first time I tried CP was when we broke up, just before the team and I were supposed to go back into the light. And this time, I tried to go back to CP after we had the big argument at the beach house. Every time I’ve even thought of taking drugs, it’s been because of us. Emmy, you’re my trigger.”

  “Oh my Omnis, it’s me. I’m the one you need to stay away from,” I say to myself softly.

  “Emmy, wait. Let’s just talk about this,” he pleads.

  “What’s to talk about; I’m bad for you.”

  “No, you’re not. It’s not you. Don’t take this on yourself.”

  “Wh
y not? You turn to drugs because of us. You know what that means, Marcus.”

  “No! Don’t you dare do this, Emmy. You just said that you would stand by me. And you said we shouldn’t push each other away.”

  “But being with me…it sends you to CP. I should have known that,” I reply.

  “Only if there’s like a major blow up,” Marcus insists.

  “Can you guarantee that we won’t have another big fight?” I ask.

  “You said that you would stand by me.”

  “Marcus, our relationship is the reason you’re likely to relapse.”

  “Emmy, you said…”

  I look at him with panic and sadness. He reads my expression and grows angry.

  “You said to be honest and now you’re leaving me because I was honest with you?!” He shouts.

  “I didn’t say I was leaving you.”

  “But you didn’t say that you would stay. Emmy, are we back together or what?”

  I can’t answer him. I want to say yes, but how can I? What happens if he relapses?

  His cell phone buzzes. He has a text messages. He’s waiting for my answer. When I remain silent, he goes over and checks his phone.

  “We have to talk about this later,” he says.

  “What? No. If that’s Bianca, tell that bitch whatever it is, she needs to figure it out on her own,” I demand.

  “It’s not Bianca; it’s the Originals. They’re ready to make a deal. We’re going on the mission.”

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN:

  DEMONS & DEALS

  Marcus has been waiting for fifteen minutes for me to get dressed so we can go and meet the Originals, along with the rest of the team. This time they are meeting in Los Angeles and we are running late.

  “Emmy, c’mon, let’s go!” He shouts from the doorway.

  “I can’t find my keys.”

  “What?”

  “My keys. I can’t find them.”

  He looks around the apartment hurriedly.

  “We’ll call a locksmith when you get back,” he says.

  “I have a ton of homework. Actually, you should stay and help me with it. Are you any good at chemistry?”

  “What are talking about? Emmy, stop playing around, we need to go, now!”

  “These shoes don’t really go with this outfit; can you help me pick something out? Better yet, maybe we could shop—at Victoria’s Secret. Do you want to go with me?”

  “What is this, what’s going on?” He says, becoming concerned.

  “I have an idea. Why don’t we just sit this one out?” I suggest.

  “You want us to sit out this mission? We can’t do that.”

  “Maybe you could let someone else be in charge. And they could go instead. Like Jay or Miku or…”

  “Are you scared? Emmy, I won’t let anything happen to you.”

  “It’s not about me; it’s you. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

  “Oh, the Sive,” he says, dismissively.

  “Yes, the Sive. The chrome coated animal that almost devoured you, just a few hours ago. I’m sorry, but I can’t get it out of my mind. You were lying there and I thought…you were so still…I don’t want you to go on this mission. I don’t want you to go on any missions. Can’t we just stay here? Please?”

  Marcus comes back into the apartment and sits at the dining table. He calls me over and places me on his lap. He wraps his arms around me and for the next few moments, he’s not the leader. He’s my fiancée.

  “Right before we start a new mission, I have this little fantasy about you. In it, you come to me and tell me that you want to sit this mission out. You tell me that you would rather be safe and sound at home. You prefer chatting with friends to chasing Demons; and for a moment, that fantasy is perfect.

  “The only problem is that the girl in the fantasy isn’t you. You don’t know how to sit by and let others get hurt. You have to help. That’s who you are. That’s one of the reasons why I’m so in love with you. I have to accept that you will always try to help and you have to accept that I’m a Guardian. We go on missions and we risk our lives for the greater good. That’s who we are. That’s who I am.”

  “I don’t wanna lose you,” I reply, turning to face him.

  “We have survived other missions and we’ll survive this one.”

  “Promise me something,” I reply.

  “Anything.”

  “Don’t die.”

  “Emmy, I can’t—”

  “—Marcus!”

  “Okay, okay. I promise, I won’t die.”

  “You swear?” I push.

  “Yeah.”

  I hug him tightly and I don’t let go.

  “Um…baby?”

  “Yeah?”

  “You have to let go.”

  “No.”

  He patiently lets me hold him and waits until I am ready to pull away. Then as we head out I remind him I haven’t forgotten we still needed to talk about his near relapse back into CP. He avoids my eyes and says nothing. Still, we both know the CP conversation is far from over.

  Marcus arranges for the team to meet in an alley a few blocks from the Hilton Hotel, where the Originals will be. Everyone comes by air except Jay, who is on a Port.

  “You can’t go into a meeting with Paras without your wings. We don’t want them to think we’re divided,” Marcus says to him.

  “Yo, it’s whatever, son,” Jay counters.

  “Jay, you have no idea what’s been happening in the past few days. I’m not in the mood for this insolent crap,” Marcus warns him.

  “The reason we have no idea what’s going on is because you wouldn’t pick up your phone to update us. Really, Marcus, now isn’t the time to keeping secrets,” Miku says.

  “You should talk,” I reply.

  Crap! I didn’t mean to say that out loud.

  The team looks at me. They all want to know what I mean by that last comment.

  “I meant this team has been blindsided by secrets before and it sucks,” I lie.

  “Whatever. Marcus, where were you?” Ameana asks.

  “He was with me. I called Jay to let him know,” I reply.

  “Yes, but I don’t see him just hanging out with you for days on end with everything that’s going on,” Ameana says.

  “Maybe they had a lot to discuss,” Eta replies.

  “Yeah, I bet they ‘discussed’ all night,” Rage says as he and Jay exchange a bemused look.

  “It wasn’t like that. He almost di—”

  “—Emmy,” Marcus warns.

  “They need to know,” I reply.

  “We need to know what?” Miku asks.

  Marcus clears his throat and shifts his weight. He wants to avoid this topic, but with all of us looking back at him, he really doesn’t have a choice.

  “I was…attacked with a Sive,” he confesses.

  All at once the team asks a series of questions. Rage wants to who it was and how we plan to counter attack. Ameana wants to know the same thing. Jay and Miku are more than ready to go hunt for the Demon. Eta is freaking out, knowing Marcus almost died.

  “Everyone relax, okay?” Marcus orders.

  “Relax? A Demon coats their weapon with a Sive and attacks you, and you think we should relax?!” Miku shouts.

  “It wasn’t a Demon. It was Rahell,” Marcus corrects them.

  “Why would she do that?” Eta asks.

  “Because, in her eyes, we killed her sister,” the leader replies.

  “We have to go after her,” Rage says.

  “No, it was a moment of anger. She’s grieving. We are letting it go,” Marcus says.

  “That’s crap, we need to take her down,” Rage counters.

  Marcus and I exchange a worried glance as the team start arguing among themselves about Rahell.

  “ENOUGH!” Marcus shouts.

  Everyone stops and turns their attention to him.

  “I know you guys want revenge, but that’s not gonna happen. We are letting
this go, because the girl just lost her only sister. And, while we had our reasons, the bottom line is we did nothing. To Rahell, we are to blame. We will not retaliate, because Rahell has gone through enough,” Marcus informs us.

  “That’s crazy. We need to find her,” Rage spits.

  “Are you a part of this team, Rage?” Marcus asks.

  Rage and Ameana exchange a look. Rage doesn’t reply so Marcus asks him again.

  “Are you a part of this team?”

  “Yeah,” Rage says slowly.

  “Then understand this: everyone here has equal say, but in the end, my final decision is just that: final. I don’t make suggestions. I give orders. Got it?”

  “Yeah,” Rage replies reluctantly.

  The team inquires as to what actually took place the night Marcus was attacked, but once again, Marcus won’t discuss it. Instead, he tells Jay to turn around.

  Jay does as he’s told and turns his back toward Marcus. The leader then presses the button on a small area behind Jay’s head. Jay’s body shakes and a few seconds later, his wings return. Miku is the first to hug and congratulate him.

  “Okay, guys, I don’t know what kind of deal they are going to offer us, but we will not go anywhere unless Ameana’s son is staying in Noni. Got it?” Marcus orders.

  They all agree. As we start making our way towards the hotel, Rage and Ameana stop us.

  “Um…look we just wanted to say…thanks, for saving our family; my family,” Rage says, clearly uncomfortable.

  “The kid is gonna have it hard enough if he looks like you, Rage, no need to make things harder,” Jay jokes.

  “As long as he doesn’t look like you. I mean, how would I explain his ears to everyone?”

  “What? What’s wrong with my ears?” Jay asks, clearly taken off guard.

  “Oh, he doesn’t know?” Rage asks Miku, clearly teasing.

  “What’s wrong with my ears?” Jay asks again, with growing concern.

  “Nothing, honey, they are perfect,” Miku says, trying to suppress a laugh.

  “Wait, no one’s ever said anything about his ears?” Rage asks Eta.

  We all try and hold back the laughter. The mood is surprisingly light. Everyone is just so relieved that the Originals finally called. And Jay looks like he’s found a new friend to spar with.

  “Seriously, what’s wrong with my ears?” He asks Miku again.