Holding on to Forever

by Davis, Siobhan

  I lean forward, reaching over to take her hand. “Not to sour the mood, but how are you doing? Any cravings since you showed up at my dorm last week?”

  She blows out a breath as if she’s trying not to think of getting high. “I’m not going to lie. It’s been hard. But I’ve managed to keep busy with the English paper I had due and my tutoring job. Not to mention, my mom hasn’t been home all that much.”

  I relax against the vinyl booth, seething inside with hatred for the way her mother treats her. When she told me her mother didn’t want her, my heart broke into a million pieces. No wonder Emily turned to drugs. I would too if Mom didn’t want me. I knew my old man didn’t want Phoebe or me, but he took off, and I didn’t have to hear him berate or shatter my self-esteem every day. Yet people handle problems differently. For me, anger always lies under the surface when I think of my old man, and thank God for football. The field is a safe haven for releasing my rage.

  She sips on her coffee. “You told me at Carter’s that you hadn’t sold drugs in years. How old were you when you started?”

  I glance out the window, thinking back to the first time I’d met Donnie, which seems like a thousand years ago. I swing my attention from a hotel guest loading up his car to Emily, who is eager to hear my story. “I was in the ninth grade. I met Donnie outside my new school. We’d just moved from a big two-story house to a one-bedroom apartment. We were on our last ten dollars.” I suck in a breath.

  The waitress brings our food to the table. “Anything else?” she asks.

  “No, ma’am,” Emily says, not looking at her.

  Once the waitress is gone, I continue. “My mom must’ve had five job interviews, and not one would hire her because she didn’t have any experience. Staying at home to take care of us was her job. But after my old man split, life took a drastic turn. Donnie was kind and showed me the ropes. At first, he didn’t want me selling anything. He would pay me to clean up around his garage. But it wasn’t enough, and when I saw the money he counted in the evenings from the drug sales, I wanted in. High school kids love prescription drugs, especially the rich ones. And one thing led to another, and I was selling and making some good money.”

  “Did your mom know?”

  I frown. “Sadly, she found out when I brought home a wad of cash. She tried everything to get me to stop, but with Phoebe’s medical expenses, it was a no-brainer for me. And before you ask, she does know I’m selling again. Believe me, she hates I’m doing this. But Em, her and Phoebe are my world, and I would die for them or anyone I love.” I’d never spoken truer words as I pin her with a serious look, hoping she understands I’m here for her too.

  She picks up a slice of bacon. “Do you keep bags of Molly on you?”

  I do a double-take. “Em?” I say her name in warning.

  She bites into the bacon. “I’m not… I’m… Never mind.” Her gaze drifts out the window.

  Suddenly, I’m not hungry. “Emily. Look at me.” My tone brokers no argument.

  She drops her bacon into the plate and sits back. Her chest rises. “It’s hard, Adam. I’m not going to lie. Just talking about it makes me want to get high, and knowing you could have some on you, I’m not sure I have the willpower.”

  I leave my spot and circle the table to sit next to her. “You’re strong, Em.” I guide her chin so I’m looking into those big blue eyes that do crazy fucking things to my body. “I know it’s hard as a motherfucker. But you’ve done so well this past week.”

  “You really believe that?”

  I move silky strands of her hair behind her ear. “I do. I see what drugs do to people, and I hate that I’m supplying them, but when something happens to Phoebe, and we need money, I have to purposely forget how much I fuck up people’s lives. Because in the end, I want to save my sister so fucking bad it hurts right here.” I pound on my chest.

  Her eyes fill with tears.

  “I want to save you too, Em.” I don’t give a shit how corny that sounds. Emily needs someone, and I want that someone to be me. I want to help. Maybe in a fucked-up way, helping her makes me realize my own flaws need fixing.

  She presses her lips to mine, softly, tentatively. “My knight in shining armor.”

  I give her a weak grin. “I wish I could agree. But you need to be your own knight. You need to save yourself. I’m just here to catch you if you fall.”

  “Promise?” she whispers.

  My hand hooks around her neck, and I kiss that pouty bottom lip. “As sure as it’s raining outside.”

  Her expression is a mix of hope and disbelief, and it guts me that she’s unsure. Guess I’ll just have to prove myself through my actions. “We should probably get moving,” she says, after a couple beats of silence, and the bubble we were in bursts.

  * * *

  Except for the navigation app on my phone telling me when to turn, the ride over to Kim Roberts’ house is quiet as a mouse. Emily stares out the window, lost in her own thoughts.

  I know she’s thinking of our conversation just before we paid the bill at the hotel diner. That’s all I’ve been thinking about too. I’m worried she’s going to go on a binge, but there’s nothing I can do other than to be there for her.

  I comb my fingers through my hair as the navigation tells me to make a right up ahead.

  Emily’s phone pings in her lap, breaking her concentration. She reads the screen, then taps out a text. I’m dying to know who it is and not out of jealousy if it’s Zach. I know they are friends even if I don’t believe he’s a good friend to have. Not when he enables her. But I’m not about to start telling her how to live her life. It sounds like she’s had enough of that with her mom. But Wes is still out there, and for all we know, he could be stirring up trouble on his end.

  I make the right onto a street lined with one-and two-story modest homes. Most cars are parked in the driveways.

  “Zach wants to know where you are,” Emily says, keeping her gaze out the windshield. “He needs some Molly.” She says Molly as though she’s jonesing for a pill. “He’s been calling you.”

  Zach only has the number to my burner phone, and it’s wrapped in a towel in a lockbox underneath my seat. If he wants any Molly, he’ll have to hold his horses until I return. Even if I were home, I sold all of my supply on Friday, which worked out well since I knew Emily and I would be away this weekend.

  “What did you tell him?” I didn’t even ask her if she told Zach what we were doing this weekend. But I’m guessing she told him something because he knows she’s with me.

  I slow the truck, searching for the address Sam gave me.

  Emily is scanning the homes. “We’re busy, and he’ll have to wait until we get back into town.”

  “So, he knows what we’re doing?”

  “I didn’t give him all the details. Just told him and Scar that you and I were hanging out this weekend. The less people know what we’re up to, the less of a chance Wes gets wind of it. Not that either of them would rat on us.”

  I agree with her about Zach. He wants in her pants so badly he won’t put her in jeopardy and not after how we found her in that hotel room about to get gang-raped. Scarlett, though, I couldn’t say. I don’t know her at all.

  Emily stabs a pink-painted nail at the house on the left. “There.”

  I drive past the one-story stone structure with a well-manicured lawn so I can make a U-turn and park in the empty spot in front of the house. It also gives me a chance to scope out the area. I don’t believe Wes will pay Kim a visit, but I don’t trust the asshole.

  Sam says Wes isn’t that smart, but I think we need to treat him as if he were. Just to be on the safe side.

  I cut the engine, not seeing any signs of Wes lurking or anyone in the car parked across the street. “You ready?”

  Emily bites on her nail. “I pray she wants to cooperate. It will make my life easier.”

  It will also take away one problem that causes her to turn to drugs and bring her one step closer to sobriety.r />
  We both get out of the car at the same time. After I round the front of my truck, I hold out my hand.

  Once my large paw swallows her small hand, she lets out a contented sigh. “I’m needing that hit, Adam. Right now.”

  I stop halfway up the driveway. “You’re beautiful, strong, and have the world at your feet. Repeat that every time you feel the urge to get high.” Honestly, I don’t know if it’ll work, but Mom has a similar mantra when things get tough.

  She nods. “You think it’ll help?”

  I kiss her forehead. “When my mom has to dig deep for strength, she says, ‘I’m a good person, I’m tough, and nothing can get in my way.”

  She pokes out her chest, seemingly satisfied. I’m about to kiss her for good luck when I spot someone looking at us through the bay window.

  I tug on Emily’s hand. “Someone is watching us.”

  Before we ring the bell, the door opens. An older lady in her fifties with gray hair and soft brown eyes, greets us. “Can I help you?” Her gaze swings between Emily and me, suspicion mounting. “If you’re selling something, turn around and leave.” Her tone is rather harsh.

  Emily tenses. But I press on. “We’re not here to sell anything, ma’am.” I give her my sugary voice, the one I use with Mom. “We’re looking for Kim Roberts.”

  Her gaze hardens before she scans her neighborhood. “Who’s asking?”

  “We’re students from Cypress University,” Emily says. “We were hoping to talk to Kim.”

  “Are you friends with her?” the lady asks, looking ready to shut the door on us.

  I’m not excited about giving out too much information. More to protect Emily from her mother. If President Parker gets wind that we’re responsible for bringing down Weston Blakely, I’m not sure what she’ll do. She might commend us once she finds out what Wes has done not only to her daughter but to the students she’s supposed to protect on campus. Or maybe not.

  “Mom, who is it?” A young woman about our age saunters up, studying me with her brown gaze and startled smile. “I know you.”

  Emily and I exchange a surprised look.

  The girl nudges in beside the woman. “Mom, I got this.”

  “Kim, honey,” her mom says, mashing her lips into a thin line as unease drips from her tone.

  Clearly, someone has a done a number on her psyche, and I’m guessing it’s Wes.

  “Mom. This is Adam Miller, the quarterback of Cypress University. I can handle this. Why don’t you finish making coffee?”

  Her mom pivots on her heel, not looking happy.

  Kim glances over her shoulder, watching her mom until she’s out of sight. Then, as if she switches masks, her dark eyes narrow on us. “What’s this about?”

  “Weston Blakely,” I say in a low voice. It was clear Kim didn’t want to upset her mom. So, I want to be respectful.

  Kim pales and sways on her feet.

  I reach out to steady her, but Emily beats me to it, gently taking hold of her hand. “I’m one of Wes’s victims too, Kim.”

  Kim’s chest heaves before she blows out a shuddering breath.

  Emily lets go of her. “The last thing we want to do is bring up what happened to you.” Emily seeks me out as though she wants permission to continue. I nod even though she doesn’t need my approval. Emily regards Kim. “We have a way to stop him, but we need your help. Can we come in?”

  Lifting her chin, she contemplates Em’s request for a few beats before she nods. She steps aside to let us in.

  “How do you know Adam?” Emily asks in a soft voice as she crosses the threshold.

  A pinch of color returns to Kim’s face as she eyes me. “Adam is a god in the eyes of my younger brother. We used to go to a few games during the season.”

  Emily tosses a proud look over her shoulder at me, and I find myself grinning at my girl before my gaze drifts around the spacious floor plan that combines the kitchen and living area. The room gives a comfy vibe, and I wouldn’t mind hanging here on a Sunday afternoon with a sixty-five-inch TV hanging over the fireplace. Nothing better than a football game on a big-screen TV.

  “Please, have a seat,” Kim says, walking into the living room, pointing to the tan L-shaped sofa.

  The sound of water running filters out from the kitchen as Emily and I sit down together on the couch.

  Kim folds her petite body in an oversized chair adjacent to us. “I wish my brother were home. He spent the night at his friend’s house. He’s going to be disappointed he didn’t get to meet you, Adam.”

  It would’ve been nice to meet a fan. I always enjoy when little boys are waiting after games for the team to sign their stuff. “If he has a football or jersey hanging around, I’d be happy to sign it for him.”

  “Oh,” Kim says. “He’d love that. I’ll see what I can find in his room before you leave.”

  Silence dangles for a beat.

  Emily straightens, sitting on the edge of a cushion. “Kim, I know talking about Wes is going to be hard.”

  Kim twirls her thumb ring as the color drains from her tan complexion.

  I motion to stand. This is a bad idea. The woman looks like she’s going to pass out.

  Kim holds up her hand. “Please. Give me a second.” Her nostrils flare as she blinks successively. “I’ve worked hard to remove his name from my mind,” she whispers.

  “I’m sorry to bring something so traumatic up,” Emily says. “But we wouldn’t have come if it wasn’t important. I know your pain and what you’re going through.”

  Kim shudders, blinking away tears.

  Fucking asshole has that type of effect, and he isn’t even here.

  “Maybe it’d be better if I left you two to talk alone.” I need some air, but I’m also thinking that Emily will get more info out of Kim woman to woman and all. Plus, I want to call Zach and find out how much Molly he needs and when we can meet.

  I lean in so my lips are brushing Emily’s ear. “I’ll be right outside.” I kiss her quickly, before standing and heading out to my truck.

  18

  Emily

  “They raped you too?” Kim asks with tears streaming down her face.

  I move to the other side of the couch closer to her. “They tried to. Would’ve succeeded if Adam and a couple of other guys hadn’t busted into the hotel room and saved me.” I wet my dry lips.

  Everything rests on me convincing her to report the rape.

  Because without her we have nothing.

  We can’t use that video without her permission because there’s no way I’d expose any woman if she didn’t want to press charges. “But they drugged, stripped, and groped me, and I know they would’ve gang-raped me if the guys hadn’t shown up.”

  “Oh my God.” She joins me on the couch, pulling me into a hug, sobbing. “I’m so sorry. I was afraid of this.”

  “It’s not your fault,” I rush to reassure her.

  She sniffs, easing back, her eyes drying with firm resolve. “He’s an evil bastard. They all are. And I wish I’d been strong enough to do something about it, but I had no proof. It would be my word against theirs. They have money and contacts on their side, and I knew I couldn’t win.”

  “What if I told you we discovered proof?”

  “What do you mean?” she stammers, her lower lip wobbling.

  I take her chilly hands in mine. “Do you remember a camera in the room when they assaulted you?”

  She shakes her head. “I don’t remember, because I was completely wasted from the drugs and booze they’d pumped into me. But Wes told me he had it. He used it to blackmail me into silence. He said if I breathed a word to anyone he would show them the tape and, according to him, it would exonerate them.” A muscle ticks in her jaw. “He said I was begging for it and willingly fucked all of them.” She glances over her shoulder, lowering her voice. I look behind me too, spotting Adam talking in hushed tones with Kim’s mother as they both nurse cups of coffee.

  I return my attention to Kim.
“He lied. We’ve seen it, and that is not the way it looks.” More tears spill out of her eyes, rolling down her cheeks, and she hangs her head. I squeeze her hands. “We didn’t watch it all. It was too distressing, but it was clear you were barely conscious, and it was not consensual.”

  “Who has seen it?” she whispers.

  “Just me and Adam and a friend of ours who is the tech genius who found it. I promise you no one else will see it.” I slip the thumb drive out of my purse and hand it to her. “It is your decision what you choose to do with the evidence.” I curl her fingers around the device. “But we are hoping you will help us to put him away.” I peer into her eyes. “To stop him from doing this to any other woman. And, I have a feeling if you come forward that others will too. I can’t make a statement because Adam beat the shit out of him, and we’re afraid he’ll end up facing charges if it comes to light.”

  “Remind me to thank Adam for that before you leave.” She swipes at the hot tears coursing down her face, clutching the device firmly in her hand. “I don’t need to think about it.” Steely determination glimmers in her eyes. “They are monsters, and they need to pay for what they did to me. I had to drop out of college and move away because they destroyed me. There was a time when I didn’t get out of bed for a month, and I spent weeks crying for hours every day. My nights were consumed with flashbacks and nightmares. I was in hell. Barely existing. Barely holding on.”

  I gulp over the aching lump lodged at the back of my throat. My heart picks up speed, thumping painfully behind my rib cage, as a night I’ve fought so hard to forget prods at the edges of my mind.

  “It’s only therapy and the love of my family that pulled me through,” Kim continues, and a pang of envy jumps up and bites me.

  No one supported me because no one knows.

  If my parents hadn’t been at one another’s throats all the time, maybe they would have noticed the drastic change in me. If they cared enough, maybe, they would have asked why I turned to drugs. But their answer was to pretend the problem didn’t exist. To shove me into rehab and have someone else whip their wayward daughter into shape.