Holding on to Forever

by Davis, Siobhan

  “Hey.” Kim’s tone is soft as she peers into my eyes. She glances over her shoulder again, leaning in close to my ear. “Is that all that really happened with Wes? Because I’m sensing—”

  “I was raped when I was fifteen,” I whisper. The most intense pain settles on my chest as I reveal the secret I’ve been hiding for four long years. “You’re the first person I’ve admitted it to.” Quite frankly, I’m shocked I just blurted it out like that. It certainly hadn’t been my intention coming here.

  Shock splays across her face. “You haven’t even told your parents or your boyfriend?”

  I shake my head. “I don’t have a supportive family like you, and I’ve only recently met Adam.”

  “You should tell him.” She drapes her arm around my shoulder. “And you need to talk to someone. I speak from experience when I say keeping it locked up will eat you from the inside out. There is no way to survive if you continually avoid confronting it. I’m going to put that bastard Wes away. For you and me, and the countless other women he has probably done this to. I give you my word. But I need you to give me your word too.”

  I force my gaze to her.

  “You need to promise me you will go and speak to someone about it. A professional. That you will put yourself first and deal with it before it destroys you completely.”

  * * *

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” Adam asks me for the third time as we drive toward home.

  “I’m fine,” I lie. Since we left Kim’s house, I’ve been in a weird funk. Memories I’ve struggled to bury are taunting me, and I wish I had half of Kim’s strength.

  She’s amazing.

  To battle on like she did after that horrific assault and to instantly decide to seek justice. She didn’t even need to think about it. She immediately knew taking the evidence and reporting the gang rape to the cops was the right thing to do. She sent me a message ten minutes ago confirming she was on her way to the local station with her mom.

  “Did Kim say something to upset you?”

  “It’s just brought it all back,” I admit, and that’s not a full lie. I also just promised her I’d seek help, and that’s also weighing on my mind. I don’t know that I’m strong enough to open up about this.

  He rests his hand on top of my thigh. “I’m such an idiot. Of course, it would.”

  Now, I feel bad. I wish I could tell him. I want to. But I’ve spent so long keeping it buried inside me that I’m afraid of letting it out. In a way, it was easy to tell Kim. Because she’s a stranger and she’s been through it. Telling those I’m close to is another matter entirely. It’s so much harder to confide in my loved ones, for a whole heap of reasons. But the pain of it is something I carry with me every day like a phantom limb. I don’t have to think about it to feel it. It’s just there. Always pressing down on me. Forcing me to run to my best friend Molly to help forget my emotions.

  I bring his hand to my lips, pressing a kiss to his knuckles. “You’re not an idiot. I had no idea I’d react like that. She’s so brave. I’m in awe of her.”

  “I can’t believe she agreed so readily and that she’s already taking action.”

  “I wonder how long it’ll take them to arrest him.”

  “Considering Sam sent that fake, anonymous email from Wes’s IP address with the video and confession, I’m guessing next to no time.”

  “What if they find out it wasn’t Wes who sent it?” I ask, only thinking of this for the first time. “I don’t want Sam to get in trouble. Or Wes to get off.”

  Adam returns his hand to the wheel. “Sam is a freaking genius, and he’s got what I refer to as tech OCD. He’s meticulous, and there’s no way they’ll link it back to him.” He shoots me a happy smile. “And even if they did, there’s no way Wes will get off. The evidence is there whether he sent it or not. And Kim is making a full statement, and it’s still within the statute of limitations so it’s rock solid.”

  “I wonder if more girls will come forward?” I muse, lifting my bare feet to the dash.

  The truck rumbles as Adam speeds up, moving into the left lane. “I think that’s a given. If he was pulling this shit since high school, there are more victims.”

  I briefly think of the man who raped me. Wondering if he has more victims. If I’m at fault for not reporting it. A pang of guilt slaps me in the face.

  “Hey, how would you feel about an impromptu visit to my house? I’d told Phoebe I couldn’t visit today, but I’d love to introduce you to my mom and sister. They are dying to meet you.”

  My eyes pop wide. “You told your family about me?”

  He grins. “I fessed up this week. You should’ve heard them screaming on the phone. It’s kind of embarrassing to admit.”

  I lean across the console and kiss his cheek. “It’s not embarrassing at all. I love that you told them about me.” My heart is careening around my chest, jumping for joy. He must be serious if he’s told his family, and that has me doing a silent happy dance.

  Adam has lifted me out of my head, and I want to pepper his gorgeous face with kisses.

  But he’s driving.

  So, it’ll have to be a rain check.

  “I’d love to meet them.”

  “Yeah?” Pleasure seeps into his tone and his facial expression.

  “Yep.” My smile is genuine as I grin at him. “I could think of no better way to spend the day than spending Sunday with you and your family.”

  * * *

  “Mom. Phoebe.” Adam tucks me under his shoulder. “This is Emily.” He beams at me, and I melt under his adoring gaze.

  “Oh, my. Look how beautiful you are.” Adam’s mom holds out her arms, and I willingly fall into them. Her hug is warm and gentle. She holds me at arm’s length. “Now, I can see why my boy has been so distracted lately!”

  “Thank you.” I laugh. “And I can’t believe you’re Adam’s mom. You don’t look old enough.” It’s true. Although I know she’s had a tough life, you couldn’t tell by looking at her. Her brown hair is thick and long with no hints of gray, and her skin is remarkably unlined for a woman of her age.

  “I’m Phoebe.” Adam’s sister is the spitting image of their mom with her voluminous, long dark hair, big brown eyes, and heart-shaped face.

  I extend my hand. “I have heard so much about you from your brother, and I’m so happy to meet you.”

  She squeezes my hand, her eyes twinkling mischievously as she casts a quick glance at her brother. “I’d like to say the same, but Adam’s been holding out.” She tugs me forward. “I’m kidnapping Emily,” she says with supreme confidence. “You can go drink coffee with Mom in the kitchen,” she tosses over her shoulder at her brother.

  He chuckles. “I should’ve warned you, Em. Prepare for the Spanish Inquisition.”

  “Should I be afraid?” I quip.

  “Very,” all three of the Millers say in unison, and I burst out laughing.

  “I made you something,” Phoebe says, pulling me into a homey living room cluttered with family pictures on every wall and surface. She sits cross-legged on the floor in front of a coffee table littered with glitter, string, and beads. “I didn’t know I would be meeting you today, but I was going to work on Adam until he brought you to see me.”

  “I suspect you have your brother wrapped around your little finger, Phoebe,” I tease, dropping down alongside her on the carpeted floor.

  She winks. “I do! Him and Sam.” She giggles. “I bet you have him wrapped around your finger too.”

  “Not yet. But it’s early days.” I waggle my brows, and she giggles again. “Got any pointers for me?”

  She taps a finger off her chin as she considers it. “Let me work on a list for you.”

  “Sounds like a plan.”

  She rummages around on the table, plucking a green, white, and yellow bracelet from the pile in the center. “I hope you like the colors. Adam told me you had beautiful strawberry-blonde hair, so I picked colors I thought would work.” She chews on he
r bottom lip, and it’s adorably cute.

  “You made this?” My eyes are out on stilts. It’s as good as any I’d buy at a market.

  She puffs out her chest. “Been making my own jewelry since I was ten. Sam helps me. Adam too, when he has time.”

  “It’s beautiful,” I say, slipping it on my wrist and holding it out to inspect it. “And it fits perfectly.” I smile at the bright, beautiful girl as I slide my arm around her shoulders, giving her a soft hug. “Thank you so much. This is the nicest gift anyone has ever made for me.”

  She dazzles me with a glorious smile, and it’s only the faint shadows under her eyes and her off-white pallor that remind me she’s ill. “I feel so bad I brought nothing for you. This was a spur-of-the-moment decision.” I wrack my brain to see if I have anything with me I can give her.

  A light bulb goes off in my head, and I glance at her bare hands. “Would you like your nails painted?” I wiggle my fingers at her. “I have this color polish in my purse.”

  She claps, bouncing around on her heels. “Yes, please! I would love that.” Leaning into me, she squeezes me tight. “I just knew I was going to love you. If you’ve managed to catch my brother’s eye, I knew you would be someone special.”

  Tears sting the back of my eyes, and I’m bowled over by her effervescent enthusiasm, her openness, and her warm welcome. “I think you got that mixed up, honey.” I playfully tweak her cute button nose. “You are most definitely the special one.”

  19

  Adam

  I step into the shower as most of the guys have already left the locker room and gone home.

  “Hey, hoss.” Carter’s voice bounces off the tiled walls. “Are you in here?”

  I turn on the water, and the cold spray jolts me for a second before the hot water kicks in. “What’s up?”

  “We haven’t had a chance to talk,” he says, leaning against the sinks across from me, fully dressed. He’d done his required laps and come in before me.

  I decided to run several more laps than the allotted number Coach dishes out after practice. Since I dropped Emily off last night, I’ve had this pent-up energy just waiting to explode. It’s a combination of missing her already and being on edge, wondering when Wes will get his ass thrown in jail.

  Kim went to the police, and everything Sam set up is in play, but I haven’t heard a damn word, and I’ve been texting Sam every minute today. He’s keeping tabs on Wes, but so far, nothing.

  It’s driving me insane.

  Well, not as much as wanting to get my arms around Emily.

  Ever since we had sex, I want more of her. And it’s not just sex. I loved hearing her laugh and seeing her let her hair down. Don’t get me started on her hair. Having my hand wrapped around the silken strands while I had my way with her was...

  Just that image and I’m hard as the tile around me. My dick pops to attention, and I seriously need to get a grip.

  This girl has me in a tailspin.

  What’s most surprising is how much I love that she does.

  Carter snaps his fingers. “Dude.”

  I blink, wiping hot water out of my eyes as I zero in on the blond ladies’ man, sporting a grin, as he points to my dick. “You need to jack off? I can leave.”

  “Then get the fuck out. I’m trying to shower anyway. What guy watches another rub soap on his dick? Don’t answer that.” Not that he’s gay. For all I know, he might swing both ways.

  I’m ready to launch the bar at him when he holds up his hands. “Rachel wants to know if you and Em want to grab a bite this week.”

  I peer around to be sure no one else is in here. The last thing Emily and I need is someone eavesdropping and running to Coach or spreading rumors.

  “Don’t worry,” Carter says. “The room is empty.”

  “I don’t know. Her old man doesn’t know about us, and I’m not sure we should be seen around town, especially with her mother too.” President Parker has her eyes and ears everywhere. I couldn’t give a shit about her mother, but her old man, my coach, he’ll go ape shit if he finds out I’m dating his daughter.

  “Well, let me know. If not this week, maybe another time. I’m out of here.” His footsteps echo in the empty room, and when I hear the door click shut, I groan in frustration. I really want to jack off, but with my luck, someone else will walk in. Like Coach. I can picture that now.

  Oh, I’m sorry, Coach. I was jacking off to images of your daughter.

  Then I wouldn’t have a dick anymore.

  I’m heading to my truck fifteen minutes later when my phone rings. I snag it from the front pocket of my jeans to find Mom calling.

  “Hey, everything all right?” My usual question when I answer a call from her.

  Ignoring me, she says, “Phoebe can’t stop talking about Emily. Do you think you two can come home for dinner later in the week? I know you have practice, but maybe one night would work?”

  I lazily scan the parking lot. The sports complex is empty except for my truck and Coach’s car.

  “Coach has something to do on Wednesday. So, he’s canceled practice. I’ll see if Emily can make it first before I say yes. How’s Phoebe?”

  She’d been so disappointed when we left last night. She attached herself to Emily so quickly Mom and I had our jaws open the whole time. I lost my breath when Emily told Phoebe she was the special one. Then when Emily painted Phoebe’s toes and nails pink and Phoebe beamed like she’d found a new best friend, my world was complete.

  Mom shed tears as we listened and watched Phoebe and Emily bond. Fuck. If I knew Emily was serious about me, I would’ve proposed right then and there.

  “Your sister’s health is okay. If that’s what you’re asking?”

  Suddenly, all the euphoria vanishes. “What do you mean okay, Mom?” Something in her tone makes the hair on my neck stand up.

  I stop feet from my truck.

  “She has a cough. Nothing to worry about,” Mom admits in a weak tone.

  Odd. Phoebe didn’t show any signs of a cold or even a cough when she was bonding with Emily last night. “Did it just start this morning?”

  “Adam, you know I’ll call you if it’s anything serious.”

  I sigh heavily, trying to expunge the panic coursing through me. “I know. Are you sure she’s okay?”

  “Adam, I love you. Give Emily a hug for us.”

  Shit. Mom is falling faster than me. And Phoebe already fell head over heels for Emily too.

  “Kiss Phoebe for me, and I’ll check with Em. Love you.”

  I pocket my phone, fishing my keys from my jeans.

  Ten to one, she isn’t telling me everything about Phoebe. But I can’t let that worry me right now. If I do, my mind will be a complete mess this week, and with our upcoming game and all the other shit I have going, I need all my wits about me.

  I run my hand through my wet hair as I climb in my truck.

  Before I even start the engine, I tap on Emily’s name on my cell. I’m dying to hear her voice since our parting kiss last night. It was fucking explosive, and neither of us could get enough of each other.

  “Hey,” her breathy and sexy as fuck voice comes through, causing every muscle in me to relax.

  I pop my head against the seat. “How’s my girl?”

  She yawns or it sounds like she does. “Sleepy. I’ve been listening for my mom to come home, hoping she has news of Wes getting arrested, but the house is quiet.”

  “Your dad is still here at the sports complex. We just got done with practice.” Coach always stays late watching last season tapes of games between Cypress and our opponents, particularly the team we’re scheduled to play on Saturday. “Do you want me to come over?” Please say yes. Although, sneaking into the president and coach’s house to fuck his daughter isn’t the smartest move on my part. But I’m up for the adrenaline rush. Nothing heightens the senses more than doing something risky and forbidden.

  She sucks in a breath, or maybe, she moans as though she’s remem
bering our hot and steamy weekend. “I would say yes, but we can’t chance it. You’ve got too much to lose.”

  “Are you worried about me?” Warmth blooms in my chest.

  “Maybe,” she coyly whispers.

  “Em,” I say, watching the trees fronting the sports complex sway in the light breeze.

  “Yeah.” She sounds like she’s about to fall asleep.

  “I really need to see you.” I grab my throbbing cock.

  “I’ve got a jam-packed week with tutoring,” she says. “But I’ll call you tomorrow and we can make plans. I really want to see you too.”

  “My mom invited us to dinner this week,” I say, listening to her breathy noises. My dick is now straining against my zipper, and she’s driving me crazy. Jerking off later is a definite. Otherwise, my hard-on isn’t going away.

  “Aw, I so want to go, but it isn’t a good week. Can we reschedule for next week?”

  I chuckle. “Phoebe might hunt you down before then.”

  She giggles. “She’s amazing. I adore her.”

  And I think I’m falling in love with you.

  I dare not voice that out loud. Not yet anyway. Besides, I don’t think Emily is ready to hear how I feel.

  “Get some sleep, beautiful. We’ll talk tomorrow unless you hear anything about Wes.”

  “Okay. Night, Adam.”

  Neither of us hangs up, and a grin spreads across my mouth. “Why aren’t you hanging up?”

  “Why aren’t you?” she retorts.

  My grin widens. “I’m not ready to say goodbye.”

  “Neither am I.” I can almost see her matching grin. “What are you doing to me, Adam Miller?”

  I pop my head back against the seat. “I could ask you the same thing.”

  “Has it been like this for you before?”