The Adventures of Phineas Frakture

by Joseph Gatch

  “You are going to be more than that if we don’t get out of here.”

  The steward, who had moved off to a window, called out to them. “I don’t see any—”

  At that moment, unfortunately for him, a giant tentacle crashed through the window and pulled him out. His screams faded soon after.

  “Does anyone else wish to question my analysis of our situation?” Phineas shouted. The only response he received was a lot of screaming and running.

  “What do we do now?” Abigail asked as bells began ringing throughout the airship. The deck then heaved as the crew performed evasive maneuvers.

  “In my professional opinion, we only have one option: panic…sheer panic.” Phineas leaned down and looked under the table. “Do you concur, oh brave hunter cowering under the tablecloth?”

  The ‘big-game hunter’ nodded his assent.

  “No ivory to be gotten here, but if you happen to have that rifle, you may want to put it to good use about now.”

  “I’m fine just where I am,” replied the hunter.

  “Very well. I suggest that we head for the life-boats before we get too familiar with this beast.”

  “What about our luggage?” asked Abigail.

  “Are your dresses more important than our lives?” asked Phineas.

  “Dresses? How long have you known me? I have tools and guns in there.” She stormed off in the direction of the cabin. “You two get the life-boat ready. I will get our things.”

  “Astounding woman,” stated William.

  “That she is. Come along, Patterson, we have work to do,” Phineas commanded.

  EPISODE

  2

  The cold Atlantic air was filled with screams of passengers fighting for places in the lifeboats. The majority of the people were rushing to the front of the airship where there were fewer tentacles wrapping themselves around the zeppelin. Phineas and William, however, were running along the starboard side, heading towards the rear of the ship, where there was a lesser chance of a flailing tentacle accosting them the closer they got to the main body. They found an unattended lifeboat and stood guard, waiting for Abigail.

  Watching the throng of passengers trying to cram themselves into lifeboats became too much for Phineas to bear. He began running towards the front of the ship, waving his arms and shouting to the people. “Back here! There are plenty of boats in the stern!” However, those that did hear him were fixated on the giant eye of the beast, which could be seen beyond the stern.

  A tentacle wrapped itself around one of the lifeboats and ripped it from the ship’s hull, taking over twenty passengers with it.

  “Phineas!” Abigail’s voice cut through the screams. “Come on!” She shoved bags into his arms and started running towards William.

  Phineas hesitantly looked at the mass of passengers, catching the eye of a small girl who was pulling against her mother’s grip and seemingly reaching out for Phineas’ help at the same time. The mother, however, was intent on fighting her way into one of the lifeboats and pulled her daughter along with her. Phineas held out his hand, as if he could grab the girl’s from that distance and pull her to safety; however, the girl disappeared into the mob and, reluctantly, Phineas dropped his hand and turned to follow Abigail.

  When they reached the boat, they both unceremoniously threw the belongings inside.

  “They never listen,” Phineas said under his breath.

  “Do you know how one of these things works?” asked William.

  Phineas stopped as he was swinging his leg over the side. “No, do you?”

  “Oh, please,” shot Abigail as she pushed both men into the boat. “You two are pathetic.” The female pilot/mechanic sliced the retaining ropes with a knife and then jumped in herself. “Hit that winch lever,” she commanded William.

  With a quick pull, the boat was suddenly released from the side and they began to plummet from the airship.

  “This seems like a bad idea,” shouted William against the rushing air as he and Phineas held on for dear life and the scene above them receded.

  Abigail calmly reached over to a valve mounted on a box in the center of the boat and turned it. A quick ‘whoosh’ of air pushed open the box, and a large canvas bag inflated above them. The boat jerked quickly as their descent stopped. Suddenly, Abigail began laughing hysterically.

  “You should see the looks on your faces,” she said, gasping for air. “You’re whiter than ghosts.”

  “I didn’t find that the least bit amusing,” said Phineas.

  “Nor did I,” agreed William.

  “Would you look at that!” exclaimed Abigail, looking up at the airship. “That thing is huge.”

  Above, the air kraken had wrapped itself around the ship and was constricting it in its throes of passion. Explosions began detonating around the ship as its boilers went critical and the gas bags in the mighty envelope ignited. They could see several other life boats drifting away from the scene, as well as those unfortunate enough to not escape, falling to their deaths. In the distance, Phineas thought that he heard the report of a large gun being fired from one of the boats. Apparently, the big game hunter had found his way off the ship and was on an aerial safari. Wrong move, Phineas thought as one of the giant tentacles lashed out and easily swatted the offending lifeboat from the sky. The trio watched in horror, hearing the screams of the falling passengers as they dropped to the icy waters below.

  The other boats began to turn away from the falling wreckage. Likewise, Abigail stoked the small furnace that powered the propeller and soon the boiler had enough pressure to give them motion.

  “What do we do now?” queried William. “And do we have enough food to make it to land?”

  “Always thinking with your stomach,” said Phineas. He took out his notebook and pencil and began scribbling out calculations. “This is just an estimate, but if we don’t catch a headwind, we should make it to shore in five days.”

  “New York in five days? I think that we can manage,” William said cheerily.

  “No…England or Portugal. New York would take about ten.”

  A mournful wail echoed across the overcast sky.

  “Do you think he’s satisfied?” asked William, eyeing the kraken suspiciously.

  “Would you be if your chosen mate exploded in your grasp?” Abigail replied.

  “I guess not. But, if that thing is attracted to an airship because it looks like an air kraken, wouldn’t it stand to reason that these lifeboats look like smaller ones?”

  All three looked at each other and then up at the gas bag.

  “He has a point,” stated Phineas. “I suggest that we get this boat moving with all possible haste.”

  “I agree.” Abigail pulled out her tool pouch from her luggage and began tinkering with the engine. Phineas also made a few adjustments while William kept watch. There was a slight whine from the screw as the propeller increased speed. “That does it,” Abigail said proudly. “What you have just witnessed, gentlemen, was the fine art of female ingenuity. That should cut a few hours off of our journey at least.”

  “Bravo!” clapped William. “I can see that I chose the right party to abandon ship with. Although the kitchen staff might have been a wiser choice in the long run, I couldn’t possibly…oh, dear.” He stopped in midsentence, and his eyes widened with terror. “It’s coming straight for us!”

  Phineas and Abigail turned to see the hulking behemoth diving from above, tentacles streaming behind it like the tails on a box kite.

  The kraken was upon them before they could blink an eye. The massive form passed them mere feet away and they watched in fear as it went by. It seemed to take an eternity for the beast to descend.

  “Well, that was close,” Phineas said, all too soon.

  The final tentacle, one of the longest, snapped around the balloon and jerked it with terrifying speed. As the occupants held on once again, someone…or all…started screaming; Phineas wasn’t sure which. The last thing he remembered,
though, was the mighty splash as the air kraken returned to the ocean from whence it came. Then, they too were dragged down into the murky depths.

  EPISODE

  3

  Darkness.

  Pressure.

  Splitting pain.

  Phineas Frakture slowly opened his eyes. Methodically testing all of his limbs and joints, and then taking a deep breath, he was eventually satisfied that nothing was damaged, or worse—gone. Other than a stabbing headache and an unusual sense of pressure on his body, he felt perfectly fine. He looked around the room that he had been lying in and found that he was alone. Phineas quickly tried to dismiss the possibility that he was the only survivor and to convince himself that his companions were elsewhere in…wherever this was.

  The room he was in was Spartan at best, containing only a bed, a chair, and a table, which held his belongings. Phineas realized that he was no longer dressed and that his clothes were dry and neatly folded on top of the table as well. As he donned his outfit, he studied his surroundings. There were no visible lamps or windows, yet the room was awash with a blue-green fluorescence coming from the walls that amply lit the chamber—which was no more than ten feet square. The walls were made of an odd metallic alloy and were cold to the touch.

  His next order of business was the door, which turned out to be locked. However, fortune favored Phineas in that his hosts had left him his pocket-belt intact. Everything that he would need to affect an escape was in that belt. It was a simple lock and, within a minute, Phineas was rewarded with a ‘click’ and the door slid to the side.

  Phineas put on his belt and left his remaining belongings behind, not wanting to be hampered by the excess weight. He stepped into the outside corridor and looked around. There was a series of doors running in both directions on his side of the hallway while the other side sported windows. There was no one else in sight, so he decided to take a look at where he was. The same luminescence that was in his room kept the hall lit, yet beyond the windows was darkness. Phineas cupped his hand over his eyes as he put his head against the glass and strained to see what was out there.

  Something came straight at him, and Phineas jumped backwards, startled. He quickly looked again and found that it was nothing more than a fish. As his eyes adjusted, he could make out the ground outside, littered with an array of kelp and other plants. Phineas stepped back and felt a pit growing in his stomach. They were underwater, possibly at the bottom of the ocean—how that was possible, he didn’t know. That would explain the pressure that he felt…billions of gallons of water pressing in around him.

  Frantically, he began trying the other doors and calling out for William and Abigail. He received no response from the ones that were locked, and the ones that weren’t were empty. He had almost given up hope of seeing another living being when he heard something from further down the hall.

  Again, louder this time, Phineas distinctly heard a woman screaming. At once, he knew that it couldn’t be Abigail, though stranger things had happened. Whether it was or not, it didn’t matter. The screams were getting closer, and he steeled himself to meet whatever it was heading his way.

  The hallway curved outward about fifty yards away. Somewhere, just beyond that bend, Phineas heard footfalls approaching quickly. He opened one of his pouches and withdrew his collapsible tesla rod. Flicking it open, he then pressed himself along the outer windows in order to keep himself from being seen for as long as possible. That wasn’t as long as he had hoped.

  Rounding the bend, a young woman wearing a sheer, lightweight dress ran past him. She slowed for a moment, and their eyes locked. At that point, Phineas was mesmerized. The woman was one of the most beautiful he had ever laid eyes upon. Her skin, though having a light blue tint to it, was flawless. Deep green eyes were set above an aquiline nose which was perfectly centered above a full set of the deepest red lips. Greenish-blue hair spilled down her back and curled as if framing her body.

  She quickly stopped and said something in a foreign language. Though not knowing how, he immediately knew that it meant ‘help me’ and, without hesitation, he obeyed the command.

  A second set of footfalls approached and, without thinking, Phineas raised his tesla rod and activated it, sending its charge into the unsuspecting pursuer. An inhuman scream echoed throughout the corridor and the stench of charred flesh filled the air. The antagonist was wet when the charge hit him, amplifying the shock to his system. He shuddered until Phineas released the switch, and he then fell to the ground, motionless. It was then that Phineas realized it wasn’t a man who was chasing the girl, but some sort of mutation.

  Lying on the floor was one of the ugliest creatures Phineas had ever seen. It had the body of a man, though it was covered in spiny protrusions with the coloring of sea coral. Its head was like that of a squid with tentacles dropping from around the base of its skull, and its mouth was a beak, sharp and deadly. The creature’s eyes, though now vacant, held an intelligence not normally seen in aquatic life. The thing, whatever it was, was not natural. It was an aberration, or a deliberate experiment. Phineas poked it with the rod and then nudged it with his foot. When he got no response, he turned to the woman.

  She stared at him for a second and then said something in her language. When Phineas didn’t respond, she tried other languages. First, one that sounded like ancient Egyptian, then another that he didn’t recognize. “Bonjour? Ciao? Ahoy, matey!”

  “That I understand,” said Phineas.

  “Arrgh, ye be a scurvy dog, then,” the woman said.

  “No…no, just American.”

  “Then why didn’t you just say so? My Greek and Hebrew are very rusty,” she stated.

  “Are there any more of these things following you?” Phineas asked.

  “He was alone, fortunately. Thank you for your help. I owe you my life,” she responded, still shaking from the ordeal.

  Two of the doors across the hall opened, and William and Abigail exited. They didn’t look any worse for wear; however, Abigail was favoring her left arm.

  “Is someone making fried calamari for dinner?” asked William. “It smells delicious. What was all the commotion out here?” William looked at the prone squid man on the floor. “What on earth is that thing?”

  “That’s dinner. Have fun fileting it. How did you get out without picking the lock?” asked Phineas.

  “Really, Phineas? Haven’t you learned how to just unlock a door?” Abigail scolded. She looked at the other woman. “Who’s your friend?” she asked with a very suspicious tone in her voice.

  Phineas looked at the woman and back at Abigail as if he had been caught in an inappropriate situation. “I…um…she’s…”

  The woman stepped forward. “This man, the most kind Phineas, has rescued me from this creature’s clutches. Allow me to properly introduce myself. I am Ashira…Princess of the Kingdom of Atlantis.”

  EPISODE

  4

  “Atlantis? Atlantis is a myth…an ancient fairy tale,” William said as he pulled on one of the tentacles of the dead kraken man’s head. He forced himself to not throw up and wiped his hand on his trouser leg.

  “It is very much real,” replied Ashira. “We have lived beneath the waves for over a millennia, charting a path separate from the world above…dedicating ourselves to the pursuit of knowledge while those above pursued war. We have lived in peace from the time the city was taken below the ocean, but recently, these creatures have invaded our city and subjugated us. I am afraid that you have chosen to visit us during a dark time in our existence.”

  “We didn’t choose to visit,” said Abigail. “The last thing I remember was being dragged into the water by an air kraken. We don’t even know how we got here.”

  “I am sure that my ministers can answer your questions. Why don’t you come with me, and we will see if we can straighten out your dilemma.”

  “Sounds good to me,” said William. “Will there be food?” He took a step closer to Ashira, and she suddenly flinc
hed backwards with a feral look on her face.

  “You must stay,” she said harshly. “Nourishment will be brought to you in your quarters.”

  William looked surprised and hurt by this sudden hostility. “Was it…?”

  Phineas pulled him back a few steps and noticed that Ashira began to relax. “Look,” he said in a lowered tone, “I don’t know what’s going on here, but for the time being, why don’t you stay here and see to Abigail’s arm. She looks like she could use some mending. I’ll go see these ministers so we can get out of here as soon as possible.”

  “All right,” William said dejectedly. “Can we at least have a first aid kit sent with the food, as well?” he asked the princess.

  “Your needs will be met,” she replied with all manner of hostility gone from her voice.

  “I’ll be back momentarily,” Phineas said. Then, turning to Abigail, “Go, get yourself fixed up.”

  “Fine,” Abigail replied hesitantly. “Play nice…but not too nice. And don’t go starting any wars or anything.”

  “Don’t worry. It’s me we’re talking about. What could possibly go wrong?” Phineas threw the last comment over his shoulder as Ashira led him away.

  Abigail arched an eyebrow in mock ‘Phineas style’. “With you? What couldn’t?”

  Phineas walked the corridor in silence, observing the architecture of the underwater construct. Finally, he spoke up about what had previously occurred. “Why were you so rude to my friends back there? They just want to get out of here.”

  “Your male friend…” Ashira started.

  “William.”

  “…yes, William. He has the ‘taint’. He is not welcome in our city.”

  “The ‘taint’? What are you talking about?”

  “I could sense it as he came close, just as I can sense it with the kraken men. His blood is corrupt, and he is a dangerous being. He should be disposed of.”