A Reclusive Heart

by R. L. Mathewson

  didn’t involve women in this activity because they bitched a lot, but surprisingly he didn’t mind bringing his little recluse with him. She loved this and couldn’t seem to be able to get enough. The only other woman that he’d enjoyed this with was Dana Pierce, except in her case she’d been on her own bike while trying to kick his ass racing.

  They hadn’t ridden together in five years and he missed it. He missed spending the time with his friend, but she was married now and had a busy life. He understood that she had other things holding her attention these days, but he still missed that time with her. They still spent time together, but it wasn’t the same.

  Before Dana he’d never spent time with a woman just to spend time with her.

  She made it easy to be with her and relax, somewhat. He’d never really been able to let his guard down with her and just enjoy her company, but it had been close.

  Oddly enough he was able to do that with Jamie. It probably had something to do with the fact that they both knew what they wanted from this agreement. There were secret agendas and he didn’t have to work his ass off to flirt with her to get something out of her. He had the list and knew exactly what she needed.

  For the first time since Dana, sex didn’t matter with a woman. Well, that wasn’t completely true. Much to his horror he was attracted to the little recluse. It was hard not to be. She was a cute little sexy thing with an infectious laugh and a genuine smile that pleased him. She never pretended around him and didn’t play some of the drama bullshit games that other women played. She was real, wholesome, and it didn’t hurt that he could now tell that she had a killer body. That was just a bonus.

  Nothing would ever come of his attraction to her. She was his client and technically his employee. Besides, he had a two fuck limit and she wouldn’t understand. Jamie had relationship written all over her and wouldn’t understand that with him there would only ever be two nights. Sleeping with her, no correction, fucking her, because he never slept with a woman, would make continuing this tour impossible and sure as hell would make a European tour out of the question.

  Sex would screw this agreement up real quick and when she realized that she couldn’t have him she’d be on the phone with Rick, demanding that he send someone else to take over Nick’s job. There was no way in hell he was risking losing J.L. Lewis for sex. If his attraction for her became a problem he’d find a willing woman to slate his lust and forget about it since one woman was just as good as another.

  ******

  Note to self, sitting on the back of a motorcycle for seven hours is really bad for the butt, Jamie noted as she walked stiff legged to her hotel room’s bathroom, but with a smile. That had been a lot of fun, a lot more fun than she ever thought possible. She already decided that when this tour was finished she was going to buy a bike and get her license. She briefly thought about asking Nick to go with her to pick it out, but then remembered that the agreement would be over and she’d be on her own. That thought scared her, but not enough to back down. This was something she wanted to do and thanks to Nick she knew how much fun it could be and wasn’t going to allow herself get scared off.

  Thanks to Nick she was trying new things and finding new interests. Having him accompanying her made her feel relaxed and safe. With him around she didn’t stand out. Well, she kind of did, but that was only because she was with an incredibly handsome man. She’d take that rather than stand out because she was the lone loser shifting nervously while trying to appear not to be alone any day of the week.

  Having people look at her with open pity wasn’t exactly her idea of fun. She hated the looks people sent her when she went out to eat by herself, a movie, the mall. Then again she had stood out thanks to the way she dressed. When she dressed in plain oversized clothing she’d hoped to blend into the background, but now she realized that actually made her stand out more. With her hair shortened and her new clothes she actually blended in a lot better, but she still wasn’t comfortable doing most of the things on her list on her own.

  She was deathly afraid that she’d embarrass herself or screw something up.

  It made it a lot easier to try new things with Nick. She’d never met anyone more comfortable in his own skin and she never had to worry about being too nervous to try something when he was around. It also didn’t hurt that he’d done a lot of things that she wanted to try so it was just a matter of him showing her how to do something. With Nick around it was like having her own personal tutor on life, a tutor that was also a slave driver.

  From the moment she woke up until the moment he declared that she had free time he worked her to the bone. If they weren’t going over possible interview questions, the proper way to give an interview, what not to say, working on her books, or editing someone else’s book they were traveling. It was a grueling schedule and if she didn’t have the List to look forward to she’d probably be begging for him to slow down.

  But there was no way she was going to give up the List. Thanks to Nick she was trying new things and loving it. She was starting to feel more comfortable and eager to try new things…….other things that he wouldn’t be able to help her with.

  There was another aspect of her life that she’ always ignored, well, not so much as ignored as never finding anyone interested. Now that she was discovering a whole new Jamie she decided it was time to give the other part of her life that she’d sorely neglected over the years a try.

  She was going to have a sex life.

  A really good sex life, she decided. She’d do all the things she’d only imagined and she’d do them with whomever she wanted. The old her was gone and so were her prudish or rather virginal ways. She was twenty-five years old and ready to pop her cherry. She was too old to be a virgin and definitely too old never to have been kissed. Okay, so she had been kissed in eight grade by Gerald Logan, but that shouldn’t count because he’d kissed her on the cheek and only because someone dared him to do it.

  Now she was more confident and eager to give it a try. There were so many things in that genre that she wanted to attempt, but was too nervous to try, but now all that was behind her. She was the new Jamie. Granted this new Jamie required a little bit of help, but that was neither here nor there. If she wanted to have sex then she was going to have it, lots of it. She did sort of, kind of wish she could ask Nick for a few suggestions, but she didn’t want him to know about this or think that she was asking him to step up and take one for the team.

  The very last thing she wanted was for a guy to have sex or touch her because of an obligation. She wanted a man to want her, need her even if it was just for a night. Nick would probably think that she expected him to handle her needs as if they were a part of the list and she didn’t. She knew the man would never touch her and didn’t want her, which was fine because she wasn’t delusional.

  Nick flirted with absolutely every woman. He sweet talked them, charmed them and made them all want him, except for her of course. With her he didn’t bother flirting with her or sweet talking her into doing something. No, for her he used intimidation and the List. As long as even part of her was still a pushover and that List existed then he wouldn’t need to waste energy trying to sweet talk her.

  Besides, her heart didn’t need the confusion.

  It was bad enough that she’d developed a bit of a crush on the man. She didn’t need him to confuse her by flirting with her and making her think that he was interested when her mind knew that he wasn’t. She appreciate that they had boundaries. It made this a heck of a lot easier. He was her boss and List buddy and that was all.

  She took a quick shower before dressing in a pair of soft green flannel pajama pants and a pink baby t-shirt and rushing to the desk in her room only to remember that Nick had the computer. Worrying her bottom lip she tried to decide if this was something that could wait until tomorrow. After a minute she realized that it couldn’t. If she didn’t make this new list then she’d be up all night tossing and turning as the possibilities ran through he
r head.

  Decision made, she grabbed her key card and walked out of her room and across the small hallway to Nick’s door. She knocked on the door and was about to knock on it again ten seconds later when he still hadn’t opened the door when it was suddenly opened and she found herself stumbling forward. As her face plastered against warm damp skin it occurred to her that Nick might not be dressed.

  Taking a fortifying breath, she stepped back, averting her eyes of course as her cheeks burned and mumbled, “Can I use the computer?”

  Nick sighed heavily as he walked over to his desk and picked up the laptop bag. When he turned around she allowed her eyes exactly ten seconds to look over one of the best bodies that she’d ever seen before quickly looking away. The man was large and ripped and that really didn’t help with the blushing.

  “Make sure you get some sleep. We’re catching a train at eight,” he said as he handed her the bag.

  “I’ll be ready,” she promised, taking the bag as she let her eyes quickly shoot to his bare chest and boxer clad body one last time before looking away and rushing back to her room.

  Seeing a man in nothing but his underwear should be no big deal at her age, but sadly it was. It just went to prove her that she desperately needed sex. Having sex would make her feel normal and less shy around men, she decided as she sat on the bed, crossing her legs as the computer powered up. She opened her file and was just about to add to her list when she realized just how stupid that was.

  She created a new file and named it, “Grammatical Errors,” figuring that Nick wouldn’t bother looking at that file. After creating a new word document and typing the title, “Sex List,” she stared blankly at the screen for several minutes.

  Where should she start? she wondered. After a few minutes she figured that she should start with the basics. There really was no need to rush into sex. There were plenty of stopping points along the way to help ease her into this.

  Sex List:

  Buy condoms

  Learn to flirt (Probably best to learn by watching Nick) Buy books about sex and positions

  Watch a porn (nothing weird and take notes)

  Kiss a man. (Best bet to find a man to kiss is at a bar or club) Buy sexy lingerie, nothing flannel

  Have sex, lots and lots of sex.

  Visit a sex store and get the basics (Make sure to ask the clerk what the basics are.) Learn how to give oral sex (men seem to like that for some reason) Have sex in a car.

  Have sex in a pool or ocean.

  Have sex in an elevator or stairwell.

  After tour ends use newfound sex knowledge to please boyfriend.

  Probably should find a boyfriend.

  That list seemed reasonable, she decided as she saved the file and got ready for bed. Tomorrow she’d start working on her new list.

  By herself.

  Chapter 10

  “We’re running behind,” Nick said when his little recluse practically ran out of the elevators towards him.

  “I know. I’m sorry,” she said even as she dropped her suitcase and large duffle bag by his feet. “I’ll be right back,” she said, rushing off towards the hotel’s small convenience store and leaving him standing there like an idiot.

  The only thing that saved her from a good throttling was the fact that she was in the store and back out in under sixty seconds with a small brown paper bag clutched tightly to her chest. Deciding that he had a pretty good idea of what it was and in no way wanting to invite her to discuss her womanly problems with him he said nothing as she shoved the bag in her duffle bag and stood up, not quite meeting his eyes.

  “I’m ready,” she said, blushing a darker red than he’d ever seen on her.

  Deciding to take pity on the poor thing, he gestured for her to walk ahead of him while he threw his laptop bag over his shoulder and grabbed his bag. He wasn’t exactly surprised when she didn’t say a single word during the taxi ride to the train station. Poor thing was easily embarrassed, he thought with pity as they picked up their tickets and then waited for the train. Still she didn’t utter a single word.

  After about thirty minutes his sympathy was coming to an end. Being embarrassed was one thing, being mortified to this level was unhealthy and not normal. He considered explaining to her that she didn’t need to be embarrassed about that sort of thing around him since he’d been raised by a half dozen strippers who were really hookers who danced every now and then, but decided against it.

  His past was nobody’s business.

  When the train finally arrived and they were ushered onto the train he damn near sighed with relief. He’d pull his computer out and get some work done while his little recluse got over this and she really needed to get the hell over it. They were going to be working together for several more months to come and really didn’t need to this bullshit every month.

  “I’m sorry, sir. The seats have been overbooked. I’m afraid we only have one seat available. One of you is going to have to stand,” the conductor said with a whatareyou-going-to-do shrug.

  If they hadn’t already checked their bags they’d be getting the hell off the train and hauling ass to the airport, but they couldn’t. The airport in South Carolina was a good two hours away from their hotel while the train station was only ten minutes away. They’d lose too much time switching now and would miss the book signing.

  With a sigh he gestured for Jamie to take the seat while he went and found a spot to stand near the bathroom. She looked like she was going to argue when he sent her a glare that told her to sit her cute little ass down before he spanked it.

  After a slight hesitation she nodded and sat down in the aisle seat.

  He was just resigning himself to cramped legs and boredom when he spotted a middle aged man sporting the door to door salesman look pause in front of her.

  While Jamie was looking out the window the man was looking at her, looking rather pleased as he quickly slipped his wedding ring off his finger and into his pants. Nick watched as the man ran his fingers through his hair and straightened his tie before approaching Jamie and gesturing to the seat next to her with his train ticket.

  Oversold train his ass. He was going to have a word with Beth or whatever the hell her name was in transportation, he told himself as he watched the asshole strike up a conversation with the little recluse. She really was a naive little thing, he decided as he watched the asshole charm her. When she smiled and let out a small laugh that seemed to please the man and piss him the hell off he decided to intervene.

  Clearly she was in over her head and he was helping her. It had nothing to do with the fact that she’d given away one of the smile and laughs so easily to the asshole when he had to work his ass off to earn one. It didn’t. She was his responsibility and therefore it was his job to make sure that no one but him took advantage of her. With that in mind he walked over to her.

  “Up,” he said, gesturing for her to stand. When she only stared up at him, looking adorably confused he grabbed her hand and gave it a quick tug. Once she was on her feet he moved in and sat down, throwing the asshole a smug grin as he gave Jamie’s hand another little tug that had her falling on his lap. He ignored her surprised gasp as he righted her on his lap and got comfortable.

  “What are you doing?” she whispered as another beautiful blush crept up her neck. It made him wonder if she blushed during sex. Before the thought left his mind he was shifting her again and trying not to notice how warm and soft her ass was. Hell, he really needed to get laid.

  “Getting comfortable in our seat. Why?” he asked as he closed his eyes and settled in for the ride.

  She shifted again, but didn’t say anything and neither did the guy next to him. He really didn’t expect to fall asleep so when he was suddenly jolted awake when the train came to a stop he was surprised. He was even more surprised to find his little recluse fast asleep in his arms. She was curled up quite nicely in his arms with her head resting on his shoulder.

  “Lucky bastard,” the guy ne
xt to him muttered as he stood up and squeezed past him.

  Ignoring him and how good Jamie felt in his arms he gently shook her awake.

  When she mumbled something and tried to turn over in his arms he gave her another shake that thankfully did the trick. She slowly opened her eyes, looked at him sleepily for a moment before she blinked. He watched in fascination as her eyes widened almost comically a split second before she bolted from his lap.

  As much as he hated to admit this, she’d felt damn good in his arms and he didn’t like that one goddamn bit. He was a man who liked his space and didn’t need a damn thing from anyone. Sex didn’t count. That was just a way to work out stress and get off. He sure as hell didn’t hold any of the women after he had sex with them.

  If a woman entertained him in bed he’d consider her for a second bout of sex, but nothing more than that. Then again if she’d been too needy, brought any drama to the bed or displeased him in any way he was out the door before she was done screaming his name. He liked his sex bullshit free and without all that relationship crap.

  Some women got a little pissed and irritated about his view on sex, but he didn’t care. If they even hinted at any drama he lost interest and moved on to the next woman. He liked to deal with women who knew the score before he fucked them. There was no future with him and he made damn sure that they all knew it.

  ******

  “What do you want to do after this?” Nick asked as he looked over some papers the bookstore manager gave him.

  “Um,” she said, clearing her throat and trying not to appear nervous, “I was thinking about looking around the mall for a laptop.”

  He frowned at that, but didn’t bother looking up from the paperwork. “I told you I’d find one for you.”

  She stopped herself from pointing out that he’d promised to do that a few weeks ago, but she knew with their busy schedule and her List that he hadn’t had much time to look around. Well, tonight she planned on rectifying that. Not only did she need her own computer to work, but she also needed it to”What’s with the sudden rush?” he asked, still reading.