The Land of Stories: The Enchantress Returns

by Chris Colfer

  “They make you dance?” Alex asked. She wasn’t sure she had heard her correctly.

  “The Troll Queen loves watching people dance,” the woman said. “So every evening after her dinner she makes her prisoners and her citizens dance with each other.”

  “Excuse me? Did you say Troll Queen?” Conner said. “What happened to the kings?”

  “Don’t ask me. I’ve only been here a week,” the woman said and walked off, obviously not wanting to be bothered with questions anymore.

  The twins looked around the room at the other prisoners.

  “Alex? Conner?” said a voice nearby. Sitting on the ground in the back of the room was a friendly face the twins were never expecting to see in a place like this.

  “Dr. Bob!” Alex gasped.

  Alex and Conner were in shock and couldn’t move. Bob got to his feet and ran to the twins, giving them a long, teary-eyed embrace.

  “I thought I was seeing things!” Bob said. “But it’s you—it’s actually you!”

  The twins’ heads filled with so many questions they tried filtering them to the basics.

  “Bob, what are you doing here?” Conner asked.

  “How did you get into the fairy-tale world?” Alex said.

  Bob let out a lengthy sigh. “I’ve had quite the adventure,” he said. “I was at the house when Mother Goose and the soldiers realized you were gone. A door appeared out of thin air in the living room and your grandmother appeared. While Mother Goose was explaining what had happened, I slipped through the door and have been here ever since.”

  “How long have you been here?” Alex asked.

  “A week or so, I think, maybe a day or two more,” Bob said.

  Conner’s eyebrows shot to the top of his forehead. “You’ve been down in this dungeon for a week?!” he said.

  “Oh no, I’ve been all over the fairy-tale continent,” Bob said. “I’ve only been in Troll and Goblin Territory for a day or two.”

  Alex happily clasped her hands together. “So it was your ring the Sea Witch was wearing!” she said.

  “Why were you with the Sea Witch, Bob?” Conner asked.

  Bob looked back and forth between the twins, scared just at the sound of her name. “What were you two doing with the Sea Witch?” he asked.

  “We’re kind of trying to save the world.… It’s a long story. But how did you go from the rental house to the bottom of an enchanted ocean?!”

  “When I got to the fairy-tale world I started looking for you and your mother immediately,” he said. “I asked every villager, every farmer, and every creature I came across. No one knew who I was talking about. I ended up getting lost in the woods—it was freezing, and there was snow on the ground.”

  “Sounds like the Northern Kingdom,” Alex said. “Please keep going.”

  “Like I said, it was freezing and became dark,” Bob continued. “A huge family of black bears surrounded me—I thought I was going to be eaten alive! But then the most amazing thing happened! A series of trunks and chests rained from the sky and fell on top of the bears!”

  The twins side-eyed Goldilocks and Red—who shared the same stunned look on their faces.

  “I don’t know where they came from, but thankfully, they were full of dainty coats and scarves and jewelry,” Bob said. “I wrapped myself in the clothing and was able to survive the cold night!”

  “Amazing!” Red said through her teeth. Losing her belongings hadn’t been such a waste after all, but she still was bitter about having had to toss them overboard.

  Bob continued to animatedly recall his trip for the twins. “I searched the land for a few more days with no luck. I found myself in a village on the coast and was able to trade the jewels and the clothing to a sailor in exchange for a small boat. I hoped to have more luck traveling by water, so I traveled from port to port but still didn’t find a trace of you two or your mother.

  “I sailed through an enormous sea storm and was tipped over into the water. I was just about to drown when the Sea Witch’s hideous anglerfish saved me—or at least I thought they were saving me. They brought me to her cave and stored me with the other animals they kept to feed the Sea Witch’s sharks. I noticed the Sea Witch had a soft spot for jewelry and remembered I had your mother’s ring in my pocket. I gave the ring to the Sea Witch in exchange for my freedom!

  “I washed ashore and wandered around aimlessly for a couple days before the trolls found me,” Bob said. “And now here I am, miraculously talking to you two!”

  The twins were awestruck. They gawked at him with enormous eyes and wide-open mouths.

  “That’s an incredible story, Bob,” Alex said in an almost-whisper.

  “You went through all of that for Mom?” Conner asked.

  “Of course,” Bob said. “I would walk to the ends of the world if I had to—any world. But not just your mom, for you as well.”

  Alex and Conner were touched—until this moment they hadn’t realized how much Bob loved them, and it was slowly dawning on them just how much they loved him in return.

  “Who might this brave man be?” Froggy asked the twins.

  “This is Dr. Bob,” Conner said. “He’s our… well, he’s our stepdad.”

  Hearing the sound of those words made Bob smile from ear to ear—he had found his family at last.

  “A doctor! Thank goodness,” Red said, interrupting the sentimental moment. She showed him the scratch on her face. “On a scale of temporary to permanent, how bad is this, Doctor? Will I have to include it in my official portraits?” She braced herself for the worst.

  Bob wasn’t sure how to respond. “I’d say that’ll be gone in a day or so,” Bob said and then had a look at the four adults surrounding the twins. “Who’s in your entourage, guys?”

  “Oh, sorry, Bob,” Alex said. “This is Jack, Goldilocks, Froggy, and Red.”

  “Queen Red Riding Hood of the Red Riding Hood Kingdom,” Red added.

  Bob gave them a friendly nod. “Pleasure,” he said. “Have either of you located your mother yet?”

  The twins shook their heads. “She was kidnapped by an enchantress,” Alex told him regretfully. “But we still don’t know where she is.”

  “The Enchantress?” Bob asked. “The one everyone is talking about?”

  Conner nodded his heavy head. “Unfortunately,” he said.

  Bob started pacing. He looked just as worried as the twins had when they first discovered the news. “We have to find a way to save her,” he said.

  “Don’t worry, that’s what we’ve been doing all this time,” Conner said. “We’re on a quest, although it’s kind of paused at the moment.”

  The gate screeched open and a troll carrying a whip entered the room of prisoners.

  “He’s not going to whip us, is he?” Red said and hid behind Froggy.

  “Not if he knows what’s good for him,” Goldilocks said.

  The troll cleared his phlegmy throat, addressing the prisoners. “The queen is almost finished with her dinner,” he growled. “It’s time to join us for the dancing hour.”

  Against their will, the prisoners in the room disgruntledly followed one another through the gate and up the tunnel to the large common room. Bob, the twins, and the others stayed as close to one another as possible. When they reached the common room, all the humans were herded to the side against the wall.

  A very thin goblin with a metal belt, a cape, and a staff approached the front of the room.

  “That’s Rigworm,” Bob whispered to the twins. “He’s the queen’s advisor.”

  “Bow down, troblins,” Rigworm squealed and banged his staff on the ground. “The great imperial Queen Trollbella approaches!”

  Alex and Conner jerked their heads toward each other.

  “Queen Trollbella?!” Alex said.

  “You’ve got to be kidding me,” Conner said.

  A moment later, the entire room was bowing as Queen Trollbella strolled in. She was the twins’ age and looked exactly as
they remembered her—short, with a round face and a cute snout nose—but Trollbella had taken the title of queen very seriously.

  An enormous headdress in the shape of two horns sat on her head with strings of teeth between them (the species of which no one could tell). A round ruffled collar Queen Elizabeth I of England would have been envious of was around her neck. She wore a long russet lacy dress, and on her large feet were golden slippers.

  She made her way through the crowd of trolls and goblins, bobbling her head regally as she walked through her subjects. She took a seat on the stone throne at the front of the room. All the trolls and goblins looked genuinely afraid of her; even Rigworm appeared intimidated as he stood by her side. The twins had to admit, Trollbella was rather intimidating.

  “How is a troll queen respected more than me?” Red asked herself out loud, and Goldilocks nudged her to be quiet.

  “Thank you, troblins!” Trollbella called out. “I just had the most scrumptious dinner—hog-liver-and-acorn soup—and now I am ready to be entertained. Now dance for me!”

  Rigworm hit the ground with his staff. A small band of trolls and goblins wheeled instruments into the room and began playing music. They pounded on stone pianos, blew horns made of actual horns, and played on violins and cellos made of bone and spiderwebs.

  The trolls and goblins standing in the center of the common room began to dance around one another in a routine they evidently had to concentrate very hard on—they had obviously thoroughly rehearsed it beforehand. Rigworm watched them intently, counting the dancing beats to himself. The twins figured he must have choreographed it.

  Trollbella smiled and nodded her head to the tempo of the music. “Dance, troblins, dance!” she demanded and clapped her hands in delight.

  As the dance progressed, the trolls and goblins started pulling the prisoners onto the floor, twirling and dipping them as part of their routine. Froggy was pulled in by a pair of ugly troll women—they blushed and giggled as they danced with him.

  Red turned pink watching the troll women swing her beau around. A goblin tried to grab Goldilocks’s hand but she shot him a nasty look that scared him off.

  The troll that had captured the twins carried the magic harp into the room and set her beside the band. The twins could see he still had his satchel around his shoulder containing the wand.

  “What is this?!” Trollbella said and excitedly kicked her feet at the throne.

  “A gift for you, My Queen,” the troll said and bowed to her. “We acquired it this afternoon for you.”

  “By acquired he means kidnapped!” the harp shouted.

  “Someone play the shiny woman!” Trollbella ordered. “I want to hear the sounds of her strings!”

  One of the goblins playing in the band tossed his violin aside and began playing the harp. The harp burst out laughing—it tickled her.

  “Oooo-hoo-hoo, stop that!” the harp cried. “That tickles! Oooo-hoo! Be gentle; it’s been a while!”

  The trolls and goblins in the center of the room stopped for a moment and watched as the harp was played against her will.

  Trollbella squinted at them. “Did I say you could stop dancing?” she yelled from her throne.

  Rigworm slammed his staff on the ground and the trolls and goblins immediately picked up dancing where they had left off.

  The group of prisoners to the side was getting smaller and smaller as more of them were being incorporated into the dance. Conner was hiding behind the ones who were left. He didn’t want to dance but even more so didn’t want Trollbella to see him.

  As the dance went on, Jack, Goldilocks, Froggy, Red, Alex, and Bob were all pulled into it, one by one, and twirled around. Conner was the only one left and stood alone. Trollbella gazed around the room, pleased by all the dancing, and her eyes finally landed on Conner. The Troll Queen screamed. Her mouth opened and her eyes grew twice in size.

  “Stop the music!” Trollbella ordered, and the band went mute immediately. She clutched her chest over a rapidly beating heart. “My Butterboy has returned!” she gasped.

  Conner cringed. “Hi, Trollbella,” he said and awkwardly waved at her.

  Trollbella was beside herself with excitement. “I knew you would come back to me one day, Butterboy,” she said softly, almost in a trance. “I have waited ever so long for this moment.”

  “Ah, well, here I am,” Conner said, blinking uncomfortably slowly.

  Although the music had stopped, a thousand-piece symphony seemed to be playing in Trollbella’s mind. “Bring me my Butterboy bust!” she ordered.

  A couple trolls wheeled a very heavy cart into the center of the common room. A giant stone bust of Conner’s face, sculpted to perfection, was on the back of it.

  “Is that me?!” Conner asked, horrified to see the massive replica of himself.

  Trollbella hopped off her throne and place a hand on the bust’s cheek. “I made it myself. I look at it every day we’re apart,” she said dreamily. “But you look so different now, Butterboy. You’ve gotten taller, handsomer—you’re my Butterman now!”

  Trollbella walked toward the real Conner like a lioness approaching her mate. Her heart was practically fluttering out of her body. She threw her arms around him and squeezed him as tightly as she could.

  Conner looked up at his sister. “Help me!” he mouthed at her. Alex only shrugged at him. What could she do?

  “I need slow music so I can dance with my Butterboy!” Trollbella ordered. “Now, troblins, now!”

  The band started a slow, romantic melody. Trollbella danced with Conner to the music—rather, she moved him around the room and he followed.

  “Trollbella, what is a troblin?” Conner asked.

  “It’s what I renamed my people when I became queen,” Trollbella said and rested her head on Conner’s chest as they swayed. Her headdress almost poked him in the eye. “The Goblin King didn’t have an heir so I inherited both thrones and combined them.”

  “What happened to the Troll King and Goblin King?” Conner asked.

  “Rocks fell and they died,” Trollbella said simply. “It was tragic, it was messy—environmental hazards when you live in an underground kingdom.”

  “I’m so sorry to hear that,” Conner said, not sure whether Trollbella was saddened by the incident.

  Trollbella shrugged happily. “But at least I’m queen now,” she said. “And a great queen I have been for my troblins. We’ve had a bad reputation for so long. I’ve tried restoring honor and class by making them bathe and dance.”

  “You’ve done a nice job,” Conner said.

  “But I do get so lonely down here,” Trollbella said and looked into his eyes. “I long to be married and start a troblin family of my own someday. Oh, Butterboy, won’t you please be my Butterking?!”

  The entire room went silent at the sudden and unexpected proposal. Alex slapped her hands over her face.

  “King?” Conner exclaimed. “Me? Of the trolls and goblins?”

  Trollbella silenced him with her index finger. “Shhh, Butterboy,” she said calmly. “I know we’ve only been reunited for a mere three minutes, but I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life. It’s a tremendous honor to be my husband, I know, but let the idea sink in and accept it. Embrace it. Love it.”

  Trollbella was so much more powerful now, Conner was terrified of what she might do to him or his friends if he turned her down.

  “Trollbella, I… I… I…” he said with difficulty.

  “I believe the word you’re looking for is yes,” Trollbella said.

  Conner was saved by a bright violet flash that suddenly filled the room. A large hourglass covered in vines and thorns appeared in the center of the floor. It had purple sand that was falling quickly into its base—whatever it was timing was going to happen in a matter of seconds.

  “What is that?” Conner asked.

  Trollbella rolled her eyes at the hourglass. “Oh, don’t worry about that, Butterboy,” she said. “That’s just from th
e Enchantress.”

  “The Enchantress?!” Conner yelled. “Why is the Enchantress sending you an hourglass?”

  Trollbella tried waving the subject off like it wasn’t important. “She visited me yesterday,” she said, as if it wasn’t a big deal. “She was trying to get me to surrender my kingdom to her. Apparently she’s trying to take over the world or something. I wasn’t listening—she was interrupting my dancing time.”

  “What else did she say?” Conner asked.

  “She said the Elf Empire had surrendered to her already,” Trollbella said. “The elves are still mad they weren’t included in the very first Happily Ever After Assembly. The Enchantress figured since the trolls and goblins have never been included, we would want to surrender willingly, too.”

  “Did you surrender?” Conner asked.

  “Of course not,” Trollbella said. “It was dancing time! Nobody interrupts my dancing time.”

  “Did she threaten you with anything?” Conner asked her. She was a difficult troll to get information out of.

  Trollbella thought about it. “Oh, she did say I had a day to think about it or she would cause horrible destruction to my kingdom,” she said blankly.

  “Well, aren’t you worried she will?” Conner said.

  “I live in a big hole with trolls and goblins,” Trollbella said. “What is worse than that?”

  Alex ran up to the small queen. “Trollbella! We have to get everyone out of here as quickly as possible!”

  It was the first time Trollbella had realized Alex was in the room. She couldn’t remember why she didn’t like her—but the feeling was just as strong as ever.

  “You?” Trollbella yelled and then gave Conner a dirty look. “You’re still hanging around her, Butterboy?!”

  “She’s my sister!” Conner yelled. That never mattered to Trollbella; every other girl was a threat when it came to her Butterboy.

  The purple sand was going fast. “We have to get out of here before the Enchantress attacks!” Alex desperately declared to the room.

  “What do you think the Enchantress is going to do?!” Froggy asked.

  “I’m not certain, but I have an idea,” Alex said. “And I pray I’m wrong.”

  The final grain of the hourglass’s purple sand fell into the base. Time was up. A thunderous rumble caused the common room to shake. Something monstrous was headed their way.