Olinda's Adventures: or the Amours of a Young Lady

by Catharine Trotter

  [Decoration]

  LETTER IV.

  YOU wou'd pity rather than chide me, _Cleander_, if you knew the Causeof my not Writing to you all this while. I have not been one momentalone for this Fortnight past, but condemn'd to entertain a mix'dcompany, all of different Humours, different ways of Living, and ofConversing; so that 'twas almost impossible to please one withoutContradicting anothers Humour. You may judge how uneasie this was to me;for I've often told you, I had rather be all my Life alone, than with aCompany that is not chosen: That I sometimes prefer Solitude even to thebest, and that I had now retir'd to avoid the World: But I find onenever enjoys any thing without disturbance that one places one'shappiness in; and I was to blame to expect a singular Fate shou'd be cutout for me. But whatever Accident deprives me of any thing else I Love,I can never be unfortunate, if _Cleander_ continues to be my Friend. Youmay remember I broke off my last, where I had resolv'd to see_Cloridon_, as he desir'd. We met as often as we cou'd, extreamly toboth our satisfactions: He told me all his little uneasinesses, and hadso great a Confidence, in me, that he discover'd some Intreagues ofState to me, that are yet unknown to some that think they are notstrangers to the most secret transactions of the Court; and he neverundertook any of his own Affairs of greatest moment, without asking myAdvice. Thus we liv'd for two Months, and nothing past that gave meReason to repent an Action, that was not ill in it self; but might beso by the Consequences of it, till one day, when he had been telling meseveral things which concern'd him nearly: _But there's one Secret_,says he, Olinda, _that I have never told you yet, tho' it takes up allmy Heart: But 'tis that I believe you know it too well already_. I said,I cou'd not so much as guess at it. _What_, Olinda _interrupted, is itpossible you shou'd be Ignorant, that I am the most in Love of any Manin the World? How cou'd you imagine, I that knew you so well cou'd haveonly a Cold Respect or Friendship for you? No no_, Olinda, _I Love you;I love you Ardently; I cannot live unless you give me leave to tell youso; and to hope that you will one day return it_. I was so amaz'd atthis Discourse, I did not know what to Answer: It vex'd me to be oblig'dto alter my way of Living with him; but I did not find my self so Angryat his Love as I ought. However, I disguis'd my thoughts, and put on allthe Severity that is needful in such Cases. I have more Reason to bedispleas'd with such a Declaration from you my Lord, _said I_, than anyother: You that say you knew me so well; What have you seen in me toEncourage it? Have I ever given you occasion to suspect my Virtue? Or isit that you are tired with my Conversation, and therefore take this mosteffectual means to be freed from it? _Inhumane Fair!_ said he, _Must youhate me because I love you? can you Resolve not to let me see you, onlybecause you know I desir'd it more than before?_ In short, he said themost passionate things that a Lover can imagine; and tho' I found hemov'd my Heart too much, I dissembled well enough to hide it from him.Nothing he said, cou'd prevail with me to see him, and I hop'd Absencewou'd help me to forget him. He Writ many melancholly Letters to me,telling me all the Court took notice of his Grief; that it would shortlybe his death, if I would not see him; and beg'd me to live with him as Ihad done, and he wou'd never speak to me of his Love. But still Irefus'd, tho' unwillinglly. I was Angry at my self for thinking of him,and for being pleas'd, when some told in Company where I was, that hehad been so out of Humour for some time, that no Body durst speak to himof Business. I lov'd to think it was for me, and ask'd a hundredQuestions about him. But now the Publick Affairs oblig'd him to go to_Flanders_, where he perform'd Actions Worthy of himself. His Valour,Generosity, and Liberality were talk'd of everywhere, which still moreand more engag'd me. I cou'd not but have some Inclination for so fine aMan, when I consider'd that he lov'd me too: However, I believ'd I hadonly that Esteem for him which I thought due to his Merit, and thatGratitude which the Obligations I had to him requir'd. But I grewinsensibly more Melancholy than Usual. One Evening that my Mother and Iwere taking a serious Walk by the Canal in St. _James_'s Park, aGentleman of her Country, and Acquaintance, seeing us at a distance,came to bear us Company: The Air being pretty Cool, we wore our Masks,and after we had made two or three Turns, he saw a Friend of his, of thesame Nation, coming towards us. _That_, says he, _is_ Antonio, _Son tomy Lord ---- He is a very well Accomplish'd Gentleman, and has a goodEstate, I wish he were Married to_ Olinda. I know the Family, and havehear'd of him, _Replyed my Mother_, I shou'd not dislike the Match. Bythis time he was come up to us, and after having beg'd Pardon forintruding, and leave to Walk with us, he turn'd of my side. He had notseen my Face, for it was duskish, and I only made a Fashion of liftingmy Mask upon our first Compliments; but yet he said abundance of finethings, of my Beauty and Charms. After half an Hours Conversation wewere going home, and they would needs wait upon us, but one of hisServants met him, and told him he had been looking for him a long time;some Friends of his that were going out of _England_ the next day, staidfor him in the Mall, and must speak with him immediately. So he left usto the tothers Care, and went back. The first time _Antonio_ met withhis Friend, with whom he had seen us; he told him, he was so Charm'dwith the Ladies Conversation, that he could not rest till he saw heragain. He Answer'd, that he wou'd not like her if he had seen her, buthe wou'd carry him to Visit one, whose Beauty wou'd soon make him forgether. _Antonio_ said that Wit and good Humour had far greater Charms forhim, than the finest Face in the World: But that you mayn't think meobstinate, I will see her upon condition, that if her Eyes have not thatinfluence which you expect, you will make me acquainted with that Ladywhose Wit has engag'd me more perhaps than you imagine. He promis'd hewou'd, and so left him, and came to our Lodging: He gave us an Accountof this Conversation, and desir'd us to continue the Humour, and not lethim know we had seen him before; for he fancy'd a great deal of Pleasurein seeing me Rival my self. We agreed to it, and when they came, Ientertain'd him with the greatest simplicity imaginable: For you mustknow I had an Aversion for him, which I cou'd give no Reason for (thatPassion is as unaccountable as Love) and therefore I was pleas'd heshou'd think me a Fool, that he might not desire to see me again. I wasglad to perceive he was uneasie in my Company, and to make him the moreso, I talk'd very much, and very little to the purpose. When he wasgone, he said to his Friend, _That if_ Olinda _had the other LadiesSoul, she wou'd be a dangerous Person; but that as she was, he cou'd nomore Love her than a fair Picture: That her Folly had only made him themore eager to see the unknown, and therefore he claim'd his Promise_. He_Answer'd_, that he did not know what a second sight of _Olinda_ mightdo; but however not to be worse than his Word, he wou'd endeavour tocontrive a Meeting, but he cou'd not promise he shou'd see her Face, forshe was very shy of that, as she had some Reason. I was extreamly averseto seeing him again, but this Gentleman was so earnest with me, and myMother said so much for it, for she was desirous to have us acquainted,that I was almost forc'd to go; but Resolv'd not to shew my Face. Hecarry'd _Antonio_ to the Park, at an appointed hour, when he said, heheard the Lady say she wou'd be there; and we met 'em as if by chance.We had a Conversation that wou'd have been diverting enough, if myHatred for him had not made me think, all he did or said disagreeable:He told me I had been continually in his thoughts since he saw me, andthat I had made such an Impression in his Heart, as cou'd never bealter'd. I said he must have a strange Opinion of my Credulity if hethought I cou'd believe he was in Love with a Woman he never saw. _Ah!Madam_, says he _how much more Charming are you Veil'd as you are than aBeautiful Fool that can only please ones Eyes: Such a one as my Friendhere made me Visit the other day; and then he gave me a long Descriptionof_ Olinda, _and Related all her Discourse; which indeed was veryinsipid_. We made some Satyrical Remarks upon the poor Lady, and then weparted, tho' _Antonio_ wou'd fain have gone home with us; but we wou'dnot permit him. He was very importunate with his Friend after this, tomake him acquainted with the unknown; but he said, he durst not carryhim to see her without her leave; but he wou'd try to gain it, if hecontinu'd to desire it, after seeing _Olinda_ two or three times. HeReply'd, he wou'd endure so much Mort
ification, in hopes of so great aBlessing as he promis'd him, but it must be speedy, for a Lover wasimpatient; and he shou'd be better satisfied with seeing the UgliestFace he could imagine; than with that doubt he was in. In short, hebrought him to our Lodgings several times, and still I acted the Foolishpart; but yet he confess'd to his Friend, that I had mov'd him a little;and he Refus'd to see me again for fear he said, that he shou'd Love aWoman that he cou'd not Esteem: But one moments interview with his otherCharmer wou'd deprive _Olinda_ of that little part she had gain'd of hisHeart. A little after some young Ladies that I knew, were going to thePlay, and begg'd me to go with them: I was so chagrin, I cou'd not thinkof any diversions; but that made them the more pressing, urging it wou'dcure my Melancholy. So I went with them, and the first sight I saw was_Antonio_ and his Friend. The last seeing a Lady that was not handsomewith me; it came into his thoughts to say, that was she that _Antonio_was in Love with. He gaz'd upon her with the greatest eagernessimaginable, for a long time; then turning to another that was with them;which of those two, _says he_, (pointing to her and me) do you likebest? You amaze me with that Question, _Returned he_, for I think thereis too great a Disparity between them, to leave any doubt that it mustbe _Olinda_: (for he new my Name.) You wou'd alter your Opinion, says_Antonio_, if you knew them both as well as I; for _Olinda_'s Beauty ismore than doubly Valu'd by the others Wit, and solid Judgment. But_Olinda_ has both, _Replyed the Gentleman_; which I believe you can'tbut know if you have ever talk'd with, or heard of her: For every bodygives her that Character. They Wrong her extreamly, says _Antonio_, forshe is really Foolish to deserve Pity; I never Conversed with a Womanwhose Company was so tiresome; she talks Eternally, and not one Word ofCommon Sense. 'Tis impossible your Friend here, who is a very goodJudge, has often said such things of her to me, that I must think youmistake the Woman. I have been too often with her for that, says_Antonio_, you may rather believe my Friend Jear'd her. Then theyquestion'd him about it; but he Laugh'd, and said, He never saw a prettyWoman, but he thought she had Wit enough; so that they did not know whatto make of him; but _Antonio_, who would not have been sorry to find asmuch Wit in _Olinda_, as he imagin'd in one, whose outside did notplease him so well; took some pleasure in fancying himself deceiv'd;tho' when he consider'd it seriously, he could not believe it. Howeverhe enquired diligently of all that cou'd inform him any thing of me,which did more confound him: For they agreed, that I was far from beinga Fool, and he cou'd not imagine to what end I shou'd pretend it: Butwas Resolv'd to find it out. He came often to see us, and still found methe same Fool, till one day when we had a great deal of Company, I wasextreamly put to it; for I did not care for making my self ridiculous toso many; and 'twas not good Manners to be silent; however, I choserather to be Rude, than undeceive him: I often made as if I did not hearwhen I was spoke to; but I was obliged to Answer, when one said to me,what's the matter with you _Olinda_, that you are Dumb of a sudden? I amsure you ought not; for if it were pardonable in any Woman to talkalways, 'twould be in you, that do it so well. I was so confused at thisCompliment, that came so _male a propos_; that I believe I did notAnswer it over wisely; but as my ill Fate would have it, a Lady in theCompany took a Paper out of her Pocket, saying, _I am resolved to make_Olinda _speak whether she will or not; and I will leave you to judge,whether she does not do it well in this Song_. So she read one that Ihad Writ at her desire; for she sung very well. I would fain have denyedit, but I saw it was in vain, for Wit will out one way or other._Antonio_ seemed overjoyed at this Discovery, and I was as much grieved:For no Woman had ever a greater desire to be thought Wise, than I to bethought otherwise. He came to see me every day from that time, and whenhis Friend told him, that he hoped he would not dispute _Olinda_'s Powerany longer, since she made him so absolutely forget her, whom he hadonce preferred so much to her; he said, that it was not the same_Olinda_ whom he loved, for she had chang'd her Soul. Nor had he forgotthe other, for it was that Wit, that same turn of Thought, and agreeableConversation which he admir'd in her, that he ador'd in _Olinda_. I donot know, whether he ever knew, that they were both one Person, but hedid not desire to see the other. When he discovered his Love to me, Ientertained it so coldly, that he could have little hopes, but that isthe last thing that quite forsakes a Lover: And it did not hinder himfrom persisting. He watched his opportunity, when he saw any thing hadpleased me, but still he was Repulsed with greater Scorn. I took delightwhen he was with me, to Repeat often those Words in _Sophonisba; TheFort's impregnable, break up your Siege, there is one for you too mightyentered in; the Haughtiest, Bravest, foremost Man on Earth_. Heimportuned me extreamly to know who this Happy Man was; and Vowed if Iwould tell him, he'd never mention his Passion to me again; but I toldhim, if there was such a Man, it was the same Reason he should troubleme no more, as if he knew who he was; since that could make noalteration in my heart: And perhaps it was a Secret; however, that Iwould hear no more of his Love. He Begg'd, and Sigh'd, and Whin'd, anHour or two to make me Reverse my Doom; but in vain; and I was pleas'dthat he believed me in Love, tho' I did not think it my self. Hecontinued to Visit me without saying any thing of particular to me; andwithout suspecting the Object of my Love; 'till my Mother and someCompany were talking of the great Actions _Cloridon_ had done; just asthey Named him, he looked at me, (by chance it may be) but I being alittle Guilty, thought it was designed, Blushed, looked down, and wasconfused, which made me blush the more; and that was enough to fix aJealousie that had long possest him, and that Watched for the leastshadow of Reason to place it upon any particular person. I was soashamed of my self, that I was not able to stay in the Room, and when Iwas gone, _Antonio_ kept up the Discourse of _Cloridon_; begun to praisehis Person, and ask'd my Mother what she thought of him. She said, 'twasso long since she had seen him, that she had almost forgot him; but thather Daughter had seen him lately, (and so told upon what occasion) andthat she Extolled him for the finest Man she ever saw. This confirmedhis Jealousie; and the first Opportunity he had with me, he told me someNews of _Cloridon_: And then asked me if I had ever seen him, and how Iliked him. I knew nothing of what my Mother had said; and not beingwilling he should believe what I found he suspected; I answered, that Ihad seen him two or three times in Walks at a distance: That I thoughthe was well enough, but not so handsome as Fame had made him. Thereneeded no more to remove all doubt that he was his Rival; but how toknow the particular Terms we were in, was the difficulty; he knew hisCharacter, and thought me Virtuous, and therefore could not fear anything Criminal betwixt us; but he resolved to try if my Affections werestrongly engaged; and to that end he shew'd me a Letter from _Flanders_,wherein it was told him, that _Cloridon_ (to the great wonder of allthere) had a young Lady disguised in Men's Cloaths with him all theCampagne, and that it was discovered by an Accident, which he gave alarge Account of. I found my self seized with an unusual I know notwhat, and did all my endeavours to conceal it, but I changed Colour twoor three times, and he having his Eyes continually upon me 'twasimpossible but he must observe my concern: However, he said nothing ofit to me, and I forced my self to talk of things indifferent. As soon asI was alone, I examined my self upon the matter. Why should this troubleme (said I within my self) who would not entertain his Love, when it wasoffered me, and I have often Resolved never to see him, even when Ithought him Constant? How comes it then, that I am so Grieved and Angrythat he loves another? And that I wish with such impatience for hisReturn? In fine, I discovered, that what I had called Esteem andGratitude was Love; and I was as much ashamed of the Discovery, as if ithad been known to all the World. I fancyed every one that saw me, readit in my Eyes; And I hated my self, when Jealousie would give me leaveto Reason, for my extravagant thoughts and wishes: Mean while _Antonio_would not be Idle, he thought this was the time for him; when my Angerwas Raised against _Cloridon_; that that and my Obedience to my Mother(if he could get her of his side, which he did not much doubt) wouldinduce me to Marry him; and then he did not fear, but Reason and Dutywould overcome my Love. Acc
ordingly he had my Mother's Consent, andentreated her to intercede for him; but all this was so far from havingthat effect which he expected, that I hated him the more: I was sounjust as to look upon him as the Cause of my Affliction, and I was soAngry to see him take such Measures, as I foresaw must make me veryuneasie, that I treated him ill, even to Rudeness. But I will leave himand _Olinda_ equally unhappy, till the next Post; and then give you anAccount of some Alteration in their Affairs, which if it gave her ease,I believe a little encreased his pains. In the mean time believe, that Iremain

  _Your Friend_, Olinda.