Olinda's Adventures: or the Amours of a Young Lady

by Catharine Trotter

  [Decoration]

  LETTER V.

  'TIS not possible for you to imagine, much less for me to express what Iendur'd, by my own Jealousie, and _Antonio_'s Persecution: Either of 'emwou'd have been grievous enough, but together they were intolerable; andI cou'd expect no Remedy, for I knew not what I wou'd have. I did notcontinue one moment in the same Mind; I long'd for _Cloridon_'s Return,and yet I resolv'd not to see him, tho' when I thought that perhaps hewould not desire it, I almost dy'd with the Fear; but that was soonover, for a Week after _Antonio_ had shew'd me the Letter I mention'd inmy last, he came to Town, and sent me a Letter the first Night, fill'dwith the tenderest expressions of Love, and Vows, that all his Fortuneand Conquests abroad could not give him the least Joy, whilst I remainedinexorable; and a hundred Entreaties to see him once, and he shou'd diecontented. This was some satisfaction to me; but 'twas but imperfect:Sometimes I believ'd all he said, and presently after call'd him falseand Perjur'd: One while I resolv'd not to answer him, and the nextMinute chang'd my Mind; but I was long before I cou'd fix upon what tosay. At last I writ with a great deal of affected coldness, only I gavehim some dark Hints of the Lady I had heard was with him, which in hisAnswer he said, he did not understand. He writ several times to me byprivate Direction, which I had given him when I believ'd he was only myFriend; but a little after he sent to our Lodgings, to tell me, that hehad a Place at his disposal, which if I had any Friend that wou'd acceptof it, was at my Service. My Mother made me return him Thanks, and tellhim, that I had a Relation who was very fit for the Employment, whoshou'd wait upon him, but he was not now in Town. _Cloridon_, whodesir'd no better occasion, sent me word, that if I wou'd let him seeme, he wou'd tell me what was to be done in it; for it was not a thingto be neglected, because there were a great many pretended to it, whomight get it by some other means, since it did not wholly depend on him.I did not know what pretence to make to hinder my going, for I durst nottell my Mother of our Meeting without her knowledge: And perhaps I wasglad of the necessity of seeing him, since it took away the Fault, andserv'd for an excuse both to my self and him; tho' I was sorry to beforc'd to receive new Obligations from him. I never saw a Man in such anextasie of Joy, as he appear'd to be in at this Interview: He wasSpeechless and Motionless for a long time, and when he spoke, 'twas withso passionate and charming Words and Air, that I was not able to saythose severe things I design'd. I check'd him for obliging me to seehim, after I had refus'd him so often, that he might know 'twas contraryto my Inclinations; but (as he told me since) he saw something in myEyes which made him think, I was not very Angry with him: And when Iexplain'd that part of my Letter which hinted of the Lady, I did it insuch a manner, that he believ'd me Jealous. At first he seem'd amaz'd atwhat I told him, but afterwards he deny'd it so coldly, and took solittle pains to perswade me 'twas false, that I was enrag'd; which stilldiscover'd my Weakness the more. He found one pretence or other fordelaying the Business, and for seeing me two or three times, and tookpleasure in heightning my Jealousie; till he thought, if he trifled withme any longer, he might lose me for ever: And then he begun to protestseriously, There was no such thing, that it must be the invention ofsome particular Enemy of his; for if I wou'd give my self the trouble toenquire, I should find it was no general Report, and 'twere impossibleit shou'd not be known by every Body, if what I had heard was true. Weeasily believe what we wish; and when I consider'd from whom I had theStory, I much doubted the truth of it: And whilst I saw him, and heardhim Swear, he had never had the least inclination for any other Womansince he saw me. I was firmly perswaded of his Fidelity; but mysuspicions return'd a little, as soon as I left him. He told me, hecou'd willingly forgive the Invention, since it had occasion'd thediscovery of my Sentiments, which were to his Advantage; but reply'd,That he need not much boast of what my Weakness had reveal'd; for tho' Icou'd not now deny that my Heart took too great a part in what concern'dhim, yet since he knew it, nothing shou'd prevail with me to see himagain; and so I left him: But I cou'd not forbear saying at parting,that he had made me very unhappy, and I wish'd I had never seen him,tho' I condemn'd my self a hundred times for it afterwards. I ask'd ofall I knew that had been in _Flanders_, or had any Correspondence there,if they heard of _Cloridon_'s having a Lady Disguis'd with him; but theyassur'd me, there was not so much as the least Report of it, whichpretty well satisfied me as to that: For every Action of a Man of hisQuality, and in his Post, is so narrowly observ'd, that a thing soextraordinary cou'd not have been a Secret; but yet I was very desirousto know upon what ground that Letter was writ to _Antonio_. However Iwou'd not examine him about it, because I saw he suspected my Lovealready, tho' he had never told me; but still continued my mostassidious Humble Servant and Tormentor: And I think I was not much inhis Debt, for I really treated the poor Man Barbarously. My Mother gavehim all the opportunities she could, and one day that she had somebusiness that would keep her out till Night; she left me at home, andgave Orders that no body should be admitted to see me but _Antonio_. Iwas so vexed at this Command, that I resolved to revenge my self uponhim, and when I heard the Noise of one coming up Stairs, I prepared togive him the rudest Reception I could: I sate Reading with my backtowards the Door, and did not rise when he came in, till I saw a Mankneeling by my side; and then without looking towards him, I got up andwalked to the other end of the Room. _What, Madam_, says he, _is myOffence so great? Or do you hate me so much, that you will not hear meask for Pardon?_ I found something in the Voice soft, and moving, whichstruck me like one I was accustomed to be pleased with; and turningabout, I was amazed, Good God, _cryed I_, is it possible? Are you_Cloridon_; or do I Dream? How could you come here?----, _How could Iforbear coming so long?_ interuppted he, _or how can I live a momentfrom you? I must see you_ Olinda, _whatever I hazard, and since yourefused to let me a securer way, how could I neglect so favourable anopportunity_? Then I desired to know by what means he knew, that I wasalone; and he told me, that since the last time he saw me, and that Ihad been so good as to own my self sensible of his Love, he had had ahundred Plots and Contrivances to see me; but found none so feasible asthat, which he had put in Execution. He sent a Servant whom he confidedmuch in, and Ordered him to try all means possible to know my Motionswhen I went out, and when I was at home alone; and he had found the wayto gain the favour of a Servant that belonged to the Landlord of theHouse, (no doubt he feted her well,) and she had engaged to be secret,and to send him word when I was alone; but she did not know for whom shedid this Service; only he had told her, that it was a Man of Qualitythat was in Love with me, and desired to see me privately, to know how Iwas affected towards him, before he declared himself publickly. He cameto her that morning, and she told him, my Mother was gone out, and thatshe heard her say, she should not come Home 'till Night; so that if hewould come with the Person that was to see me, she would be at the Doorto conduct him to me: When they came, she told them, that a Gentlemanthat courted me had been there just now, but she denied that I was athome on purpose to oblige him. I was angry that he should take so littlecare of my Reputation; but he said, that it was not at all in danger,for no body knew of it but that Servant who would not tell it for herown sake; or if she did, she saw that 'twas all without my Knowledge.That if I would not give my Consent to see him abroad, he should dosomething more extravagant that might expose both me and him: But if Iwould, he'd promise never to speak of his Love to me. In sine, byThreatnings and Intreaties, and my own Inclination, I was prevailedwith, after I had made him swear not to mention his pretended Passion.Forgive my Frailty, dear _Cleander_, it was not possible for me torefuse the Man I loved any thing that could admit of excuse, and I foundor made Arguments enough to sooth my Inclination, and persuade me it wasno Fault only to see him. I hastned him away for fear he should be seenwith me, but he lingred on for two or three hours and just as he wasgoing I heard _Antonio_'s Voice asking for me, so that he could not goout without meeting him. I was extreamly vexed, but this was no time tofret or chide. I desired him to step int
o a Closet, which I had in theRoom; where I kept my Books, and told him I would contrive a way to berid of the other quickly. When I had Locked him in, I took my Hoods andseemed to be putting them on, in order to go abroad, so that _Antonio_could not in good Manners stay; but he desired, since he was so unhappyas to be deprived of that satisfaction he expected in my Company, that Iwould lend him some Book to divert his Melancholy. I told him, that hewould have found so little in my Company, that he needed not much mournfor the loss of it: But as my ill Fate would have it, he was so pressingto borrow a Book, that I knew not how to refuse it; I turned theDiscourse and sat down, and said, I had altered my Resolution, and wouldstay at home. _Antonio_ wondred at this mighty Favour, he was so unusedto receive any from me, that he was Transported at it: He thanked me forit a hundred times, and I believe presaged no little good Fortune forhim from such a Change, tho' my way of entertaining him, gave him nogreat encouragement. If I should give you a particular Account of ourConversation, it would be as impertinent to you, as it was troublesometo me; I will only tell you, I never passed an Hour with half so muchpain as that, having for addition to the usual uneasiness his Companymade me endure, that of the unseasonableness of the time. Whilst I wasfretting at this unhappy Accident, and fearing he would not go away tillmy Mother came home, our Landlord's Maid came to tell me, there was onebelow would speak with me: I went down and saw it was that Servant of_Cloridon_'s, which he had spoke of to me; he told me, that the King hadsent twice for his Lord, and desired me to tell him, that he must ofnecessity go presently, for the business was of importance. This was anew Vexation; and I staid some time to deliberate what I should do, andat last, resolved to say I was sent for by a Lady that was Sick, that so_Antonio_ might be obliged to leave me. But how was I surprized, when Ireturned and found _Cloridon_ in the Room! I needed not dissemble anastonishment, for I was as much amazed to see him there, as if I had notknown he was in the House. He advanced towards me, with a CeremoniousBow, saying, _You have Reason, Madam, to wonder, and to be Angry at me?but when you know, that it is the general Frailty of Mankind thatbrought me hither, your goodness sure will pardon me: I mean Love,Madam, Love which makes the Wisest Men guilty of the greatestIrregularities_. I blushed at what he said, not apprehending his design,and told him his being there, and his Discourse were both so mysteriousto me, that I did not know what to answer him. He said, he thoughthimself obliged to tell the Truth, since my Reputation would be indanger by concealing it: But first he must beg me to pardon the Servantof the House, and not to let her Master know of it; for he having takena fancy to her, had wheedled her into a Consent, to let him come and seeher, tho' the Wench was very honest: That our Family being all abroad,she had brought him into that Room, and hearing me returned, she had puthim into the Closet, believing I would go out again: But finding I staidlong, he had entertained himself with my Books, and in removing some hadthrown down others, the noise of which had made _Antonio_ open the Door;and since it was his Fortune to be discovered in a Foolish thing, hehop'd the Gentleman and I, would let it go no further. We gave him ourWord for it; and when he was gone, we both sat silent for a long time,each expecting what t'other would say: At last he begun. _Cloridon_ washard put to it, to be forced to discover such a secret; he that hasacquired the Reputation of Chast, found out to be so little Nice, as totake such pains, for one of so mean Quality, and one that has not manythings to recommend her. You have the Luck, _said I_, to find out_Cloridon_'s Intreagues, when no body else knows any thing of 'em: Andhe may thank his Good Stars his secret falls into such hands; if you areas careful of this, as you have been of that in _Flanders_, which nobody but you has ever heard of. _I shall certainly conceal it Madam_,replyed he, _for your Fame sake; for the malicious World would be apt tofancy his thoughts were something higher than a Dirty Wench, when he wasput into your Closet: But I am to believe what you please, and if youtell me you never saw him before, but in Walks at a distance, I won'tdoubt of it_. I am not much concerned what you, or any thinks of me,_says I_, my satisfaction does not depend upon Opinion: And I shall bealways happy, as long as I am innocent; whether you believe me so ornot. However I owe so much to Truth, to assure you, that whateverdesigns _Cloridon_ had, I knew no more of his coming here than you did,and that I am very Angry at him for it. _If you had not told me soMadam, I should, it may be, have thought you would rather have lent me aBook, than endured my Company so long (which you always used to avoid)but that you feared I should see him, if you opened the Closet; but I amvery glad, you will have me interpret your staying with me more to myadvantage._ I was vexed he should think it was to oblige him; and sinceI found he was Master against my Will, of the greatest part of mySecret, I thought it best to make him a Confident of it, which wouldprevent his Addresses to me, and engage him to the greater Fidelity. Itold him then, all that was betwixt us; and he gave me some goodCounsels, not to cherish a Love, or entertain a Correspondence thatmight in the end prove dangerous, considering his Circumstances; but Iwas too far gone to take them, and besides, coming from a Rival, I didnot make much Reflexion upon them. Advices by an interested Person, tho'never so reasonable, are not minded, or at least are much suspected,especially when they contradict the inclination of the Advised. I didnot tell him, I had consented to see _Cloridon_, because I resolved notto tell him any thing, but what I could not conceal. I did not see_Antonio_ in a Month after, but he sent often to ask how we did, andsaid, _he was very ill himself_. He Writ once to me, to tell me he wasendeavouring to overcome a Passion, which he found was displeasing tome, and which therefore must make him very unhappy; and to beg me, if hecould effect it, to accept him as a Friend, and not continue that hatredfor him then, which I had for my Lover. Mean while, the too Charming_Cloridon_ and I met together often: At first we entertained one anotherwith all the News, and little Intreagues of the Town; he put so entire aConfidence in me, was so pleased to see me, and so obliging to me, andmy Relations upon all Occasions, that I then thought my self happy, to adegree that left no Room for Wish; for he gave me the greatest evidencesof his Love, without speaking of it to me, which was all I could desirefrom a Man, whose Love I preferred to every thing but Virtue; and who Icould not hear talk of it without a Crime: But how easily are we drawnin by such steps as these, to things we had made the strongestResolutions against. In some time he made Complaints to me, and spoke ofhis Passion in a third Person, so that I might understand him, but Icould not be angry with him; and I knew not how insensibly, and bydegrees I accustomed my self to hear of his Love; at first defending myself against it, and chiding him for breaking his Word; but his Excusesseemed to me stronger Reason than my Accusations; and at last Isuffered it with Pleasure, and without Reluctancy. Thus my unwary Heartentangled it self more and more, pleasing it self with its own Folly,without looking backward or forward; happy for the present on all sides,for now I was no longer troubled with _Antonio_. He after a Monthsabsence came to see me, and told me, he desired nothing of me now but myFriendship, and to convince me, he was not my Lover, he would tell me asecret in favour of _Cloridon_, if I would promise to forgive him; Itold him I would, and then he gave me that Account which I have givenyou, of his first suspecting my Love, and how to try it, he had feignedthat Letter which he shewed me; that he had resolved to undeceive me, assoon as he had discovered what Sentiments I had for him; but when he sawhow it affected me, Jealousie would not give him leave, and loveprompted him to make use of it to his own Advantage. He added, that tho'Love had made him guilty of Treachery so much contrary to his Nature,yet I should always find him the most sincere, and the most faithful ofhis Friends. Tho' I believed before that Story to be an invention; youcannot imagine how much I was pleased, to be sure of it now. I easilypardon'd him, since I had promised it, and since I thought he deservedit, having told it voluntary. From that time I received him morefavourably than I used to do, and took some pleasure in hisConversation, because he was the only Man that knew of my Love, and thatI could talk with freely of _Cloridon_. But now my Mother perceived Ihad so
me more complaisance than before for _Antonio_; she wondred hetalked nothing of Marriage to her, and told me her thoughts, which putme upon new contrivances, how I might shun her Anger, and yet _Antonio_come off with Honour. I found him raise scruples against all the MethodsI would invent, and often he asked me, if I design'd never to Marry,and what Reasons I could always give for not doing it; which made meapprehend he was not altred so much as he seemed; and fear I should havesome trouble in this Affair, he had told me, that when he was veryyoung, his Father had contracted him to a kinswoman of his, that livedin the House with them, who had a great Fortune, and he heard washandsome, and witty; but he went to his Travels before it could beknown, whether she was either so; that he had never had any Love forher: I had a great mind to let my Mother know this, for I knew she wasscrupulous in such things, and would not consent to Marry me to a Man,that had any engagement to another; but I was loath to do it, withouthis leave, since he was so sincere as to tell it me, and because I wasafraid to exasperate him. I took a great deal of Pains to flatter himinto a complyance; I told him my Mother could not have the worse Opinionof him for it, since it was a thing done when he was so young, and thathe could have no other Reason to hinder him, now that he had no designupon me, which if he had, I should find other ways to disappoint them,tho' perhaps they might make me more uneasie. At last, with muchdifficulty he agreed to it, and when I told it to my Mother, I found heraffected as I wish'd; which when _Antonio_ knew, he fetched a greatSigh, and only said, _Have I lost all my hope then, Madam?_ and so wentaway extreamly discomposed. A while after he came to take leave of us,and said his Father had sent for him in haste, to go to his own Country;but he told me in private, that he could stay no longer in a place,where he grew every day more and more unhappy; and that now he hadresolved to leave it: He could not forbear telling me, that he had onlyconcealed his Love all this while, to get into my Favour, and in hopesof finding something which might give him hopes. But since I had nowdeprived him of all, he would not encrease his Misery, by seeing everyday the Objects of his Love, and of his Hate, his cruel Mistress, andhis happy Rival. I am told his Father presses him extreamly to Marry,being his only Son, but he waves it. I should think I had given you aDescription of a Miracle of Constancy in spight of Rigours and Absence;but that in this Age, kindness is a more effectual way to cure Love; anunlucky thing, since no body will attempt it, that has that design; butI, (or Fortune for me,) found you see, a less dangerous way to free myself, with more ease than I could hope, and I think it is time todeliver you now, and give you a little respite till next Post, when youmay expect the continuance of the History of

  _OLINDA_.

  [Decoration]