First Kiss Last

by Sara Miller

  It was not so bad during the week while they were both at work most of the day. The few hours they shared in the evening were tolerable. But the closer it got to the weekend, the more Leah’s guard went up. Her brain was trying to figure out how they would pass the time together.

  Thursday night, after she was already in bed, Eric knocked on the door. She flipped on the bedside lamp and answered the door in one of her new pajama sets. It had black capri length pants with yellow polka dots and a white t-shirt with a bumblebee that read ‘bee-u-tiful’ in a trendy script. In the store, the pun had made her smile. She thought it was cute.

  “Really?” Eric said after he looked her up and down.

  She looked down at her pajamas and frowned.

  “I thought it was cute.” She lifted her chin and he eyed her steadily. Normally if he gave her that look, she would apologize but not tonight. She was not going to say sorry for wearing comfy clothes!

  Eric shook his head and mumbled something. It sounded like “How old are you?”

  Her defenses rose. “Did you need something?”

  “Yeah. Okay if I grab the rest of my clothes?”

  “Of course.” She stepped aside and watched him enter the room.

  Leah knew what he was seeing for the first time. The lamps, the rug and the curtains. The jewel of the room was the bedspread. It was a quilt with every color of the rainbow. Pattern on pattern, color on color. It was cheerful and warm and made her smile.

  “Well, okay then.” It did not make Eric smile. He gathered his things and left.

  Leah did not know what to make of the encounter. She wondered what message Eric thought her choices were saying to him. Did it look like she’d moved on and replaced him? Had she? She didn’t know.

  Not having the answers made Leah more anxious about the coming weekend. What would happen when they were home alone together for days instead of hours?

  Leah did not get to find out. Friday morning Eric left for work early. She found a note from him by the coffee maker.

  Staying over at Tim’s. See ya Sunday.

  No explanation. No signature. She didn’t even know who Tim was. Yet, she was relieved, which caused her to instantly feel guilty. She couldn’t win.

  She was distracted most of the day at work. When she got home, the first thing she did was check the spare room. It was still filled with Eric’s stuff. She let out the breath she’d been unknowingly holding. He would come back. Leah waited to see how that made her feel and felt . . . nothing. She wasn’t sure where that left her emotionally, but where it left her physically was home alone on a Friday night.

  What to do? She wasn’t a bar or club person, so that was out. She did not want to have to explain where her husband was, so phoning a friend didn’t feel like a good option.

  A terrible thought occurred to her: did she even have any friends to call? Aside from Eric, her sister Lily, and a couple co-workers, no one else was truly a part of her day-to-day life. It should shock and worry her. For now though, she was glad no one was pestering her with questions.

  Leah walked over to the window and peered out. Even with the cooler temps, the darkening sky and now rain, downtown still bustled with activity. She frowned and let the blinds close.

  In the kitchen, she realized she would need to go grocery shopping soon. Eric liked to have things delivered while Leah enjoyed picking out her own produce. They often bickered about it. Usually Eric won, but her argument never wavered: pizza was the only thing that should be delivered.

  Mmm, pizza sounded good. She quickly ordered her favorite, one Eric never approved of: bacon, feta, and tomatoes! Leah even added a garlic crust. She wouldn’t be kissing anyone tonight.

  As she waited for the pizza, she decided to make it a movie night. Leah checked their streaming services but nothing appealed to her. She checked the few DVDs they kept on hand and dismissed them as well. She knew what she wanted to watch.

  Leah logged back in and purchased a digital copy of what she wanted. As she queued it up, the pizza arrived. She tipped generously on account of the rain and set the pizza box directly on the coffee table. She was going to eat in the living room. Without a plate. Eric would be pissed. She pushed play.

  A slice of hot pizza was halfway to her lips when her phone pinged. She took a bite anyway. With just a pinky, she swiped at her phone, trying to see the message without getting her phone greasy.

  Did you just buy Princess Bride on my account?

  She set down her pizza, found a napkin and wiped her hands before replying to Eric’s text.

  We have separate accounts now?

  Did you buy it or not? I wanna know if we got hacked!

  I bought it.

  Why?

  Duh. Wanted to watch it.

  Are your nieces over?

  Your nieces, he said. Not our. She sighed.

  Nope. Just me.

  He sent back a thumbs up. She wanted to know why it mattered but she wanted to eat her pizza while it was still hot even more. She turned her phone to silent and restarted the movie.

  Two hours later, belly still full, Leah was totally sleepy. At one point she had paused the movie to put the leftovers in the fridge and use the bathroom. She enjoyed being alone, having an uninterrupted evening. Now that the movie was over, she checked her phone but there was nothing from anyone.

  As the credits continued to roll by, Leah decided to call it a night. Eight-thirty was incredibly early but she did not care. She grabbed her phone and readied herself for bed.

  Snuggling into bed, now super cozy with the t-shirt sheets and heavy quilt she bought, Leah felt almost content. She’d eaten what she wanted and watched what she wanted. It was a good night, though maybe not quite as nice as the last time she’d watched the movie. But it was a close second.

  She thought about the dream night, snuggling with Cade, listening to Liam’s giggles. But it was not real. Neither was the coffee or the evening by the lake. If she was honest, she wanted it to be. Leah wondered if she should leave Eric. Wondered if Eric would leave her. Wondered if they did divorce, would Cade even want her in real life? Would she want him? So many unknowns. She drifted off to sleep wondering what Cade was doing and if he was thinking of her too.

  Chapter 10

  The bed moved and Leah knew she was not alone. But was it Eric or Cade? She stayed perfectly still, unsure how to react. She held her breath and waited. The person next to her rolled over and with one arm, pulled her close. She involuntarily sucked in air and noticed the now-familiar woody scent, the earthiness of it in sharp contrast to the expensive cologne Eric preferred.

  Leah opened her eyes wide in the darkness and saw just enough to confirm her surroundings. She relaxed and snuggled in, turning just enough that she could kiss the shoulder of the arm flung over her. She kissed it again.

  “Mmm,” a contented, sleepy noise escaped.

  Leah turned a little more and her bed companion shifted to keep hold of her. She was now facing him and placed a series of gentle kisses across his cheeks, nose, forehead, and chin. She used her free arm, setting it on his hip, urging him closer until he was completely pressed against her.

  Leah ran her hand back and forth over his hip, up his ribs, then down. She could feel him waking against her. His arm now moved in a similar journey.

  His hand settled on her butt for a second, followed by a light smack. She giggled.

  “You’re wearing too many damn clothes.” Cade’s voice was rough from sleep. He sounded slightly indignant but also teasing.

  “Are you going to do something about it or keep sleeping?” she teased in return.

  She felt him release her and prop himself up. Instead of rolling over and turning on his own bedside lamp, his body pressed into hers as he reached across her. Leah heard him fumble with the lamp shade before a click and the flood of warm light. She squinted and blinked, trying to adjust to the light.

  “Are you real?” he asked looking down at her, a sleepy smile on his face.<
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  She smiled back but only shrugged. What was real? Who was real? What did it matter?

  Leah kissed Cade full on the mouth for an answer. He kissed her back greedily.

  “This time,” he whispered between kisses.

  “Yes,” Leah agreed. This time they would not be interrupted. Now they were in a position to do more than share a few frantic kisses. This time Leah did not want to stop. She wanted to finish what they started.

  His mouth moved to her neck and her body reacted. She stretched to give him more access. He moved her hair aside and continued a string of light kisses. It sent thrilling ripples down her body. She ached for him.

  Cade’s hand explored her body over her pajamas. She wiggled and groaned, wanting more. When she felt his hand at her waist toying with the edge of her pajama bottoms, she held her breath.

  Instead of slipping into her pants, Cade ran his hand down over her hip bone and her leg. His hand moved to her inner thigh and slid up. Up to the center of her legs where he cupped her and began to massage.

  Leah involuntarily moved to match his strokes. She felt herself grow wet. She wriggled and moaned. Oh, this felt good. She did not want him to stop. She was so close.

  Cade started to slide his hand away and she cried out in distress. Leah tried to pull it back but he chuckled and slipped his hand inside her pants. She sighed and opened her legs wide for him.

  He traced the very top edge of her curls. It teased and drove her half-mad. She tried to push his hand lower but he grabbed her hand. Covering it with his own, he moved them both over her. She inhaled sharply.

  “Cade?”

  “Touch yourself,” he whispered.

  “I-I can’t,” she whispered back, but it turned out she could and she did. He guided one of her fingers inside her, his going in too. She lifted herself off the bed with every stroke.

  “That’s it,” he encouraged.

  Leah got closer and closer. The pleasure was so intense it pushed her over the edge. Panting heavily, she felt her own body squeezing her finger. She’d never felt it like this before, from the inside.

  Cade did not give her time to catch her breath before he began removing her pajamas. She struggled trying to help him.

  “Easy, hun,” he laughed at her impatience. “Let me undress you.”

  His hands made quick work of their clothes. Leah marvelled. She was completely naked, she was in Cade’s bed and he was naked too. This was it.

  Cade leaned in and sucked on her breast. Leah was done with being teased. She wanted Cade inside her. Now. She slipped her hand down his body and wrapped her hand around him. She smiled when he grunted. She felt him flex in her hand. Leah felt powerful and bold. She guided him toward her core. Rubbing him at her opening, she lifted her hips trying to make him enter her. He chucked again.

  “Is this what you want?” he pushed but barely entered her.

  She made a noise of agitation.

  Cade leaned in and lightly bit her nipple. As she gasped, he entered her hard and she climaxed again. He set a steady rhythm and she met him thrust for thrust. Their pace increased.

  “You feel . . . so good . . . wanted to last . . . longer . . .” he drove into her. “God, Leah!” he cried out and she felt his release.

  She climaxed again. Her third orgasm. She’d never had three in a row. Sex with Cade was more than she could have imagined.

  He settled over her, a heavy weight pinning her to the bed. He kissed her gently, still inside her. She felt him twitch. She giggled and clenched, squeezing him back.

  Leah lost track of time, unsure how long they stayed connected. Eventually, their heartbeats returned to normal. Cade pulled out and moved off her. She sighed.

  “Are you okay?” Cade whispered. “I didn’t hurt you, right?”

  “It was perfect.” Her whole body still pulsed. She didn’t think about needing to clean up. Leah revelled in the moment. Being here, now, with Cade. She wanted to say something more but could not find the words. He took her hand and squeezed it. She wondered if he felt the same way.

  She released his hand and rolled onto her side so she could turn off the light. As soon as it clicked, he pulled her close. Leah felt his chest against her back, her butt tucked against him, their legs tangled together. Cade kissed her hair. She twisted her neck, trying to reach his lips with hers. He kissed her shoulder, then her cheek before claiming her mouth. They shared one more slow, sweet kiss. She heard him sigh and felt his body relax. She snuggled even closer and joined him in sleep.

  When she woke, she was alone in her own bed. Her body still hummed. She smiled, remembering what she and Cade had just shared.

  Leah grabbed her phone but there were no messages. Not even one from Cade. Her smile slipped from her lips. All the other times she’d dreamt of him, Cade had sent some type of code that told her he had shared her dream. What did this mean? Did he not experience it too? He had to have.

  She wondered if Cade was finally waiting for her to reply to his messages. She wanted to respond but knew she should not. Dream world was one thing. In her dreams, Leah felt free to do and say whatever she wanted. But during her waking hours, she was not free. No matter how rocky her relationship with Eric was right now, they were still married. Engaging with Cade in real life would be wrong and she would not cross that line.

  Leah sighed. She needed a shower and needed coffee. She flipped back the covers to get up and start her day. As the air hit her naked body, Leah shivered.

  She searched in the bedding for her pajamas but they were nowhere to be found.

  Chapter 11

  A second Saturday without Eric left Leah at a loss. Sure, she filled last weekend shopping with her sister, but she could not do that again so soon. And other than needing a few groceries, it appeared her day was wide open.

  After checking the fridge and the cupboard, Leah sat down to make a grocery list. She decided she wanted to do more cooking and baking.

  She used to love being in the kitchen with Gigi. Her grandmother always let her help. She could not count the number of meals and treats they prepared together.

  A thought crossed her mind. How had she spent so much time with Gigi? In retrospect, her memories did not seem plausible. The sheer number of memories far outweighed the amount of times she could have been at her grandmother’s house. She knew logically she could not have been there more than one weekend a month.

  Were her memories not real?

  Had she dreamt them?

  Leah dropped her pen at the thought. They sure felt real. But then so did last night. Her brain whirled. She had really been at Gigi’s house all those times, hadn’t she? How else would she know how to make all her old favorites?

  Leah stared down at her list, unseeing. She wanted to say they were all real but she knew there was at least one memory that was actually a dream. Lily had asked her about it last weekend: Gigi’s ring.

  She remembered it clearly. Gigi’s house was warm and cozy because they were always in the kitchen, something bubbling on the stove or baking in the oven. This time they were making bread. It was extra warm and Gigi had cracked the window, something she rarely did. They worked side-by-side through the heat. Chatting as they went.

  The bread had turned out amazing, as almost all of Gigi’s creations did. Leah could not remember anything tasting so good. They ate fresh, hot slices before the bread had even properly cooled. It would have been a perfect memory except for what happened a few days later.

  Leah and Lily had been playing in the yard when their mother ran out of the house bellowing at them to get in the car. Both girls begged to know where they were going but their mother refused to explain. Leah remembered the fear and anxiety she felt as they rode in silence. She’d clutched Lily’s hand as soon as she realized where they were headed and did not let go.

  When the car finally pulled into Gigi’s driveway and they saw their grandmother sitting on the porch, Leah let out a shaky breath. She wanted to cry with relief, thankful Gigi
was okay. Curiosity now replaced her worry and she released her sister’s hand. Leah looked at Lily and they both shrugged, unsure what to make of things. They quickly unbuckled, climbed out of the car and followed their mother.

  Normally, Gigi would rush to the girls and envelope them both in a bone crushing hug. Today, however, Gigi went straight to their mother.

  “I can’t find it!”

  “It’s okay, Mom, we’re here now. We’ll help you look.” Leah watched her mother take Gigi’s arm and lead her into the house.

  “Find what?” Lily had asked.

  Leah shrugged.

  “Girls come on, Gigi lost her ring!” Their mother was cross. They hurried inside.

  Gigi sat on her gaudy floral couch wringing her hands. Leah sat beside her. She took her grandmother’s hands in her own and held them still.

  “Leah, stay with Gigi,” their mother snapped. “Lily, come with me.”

  Leah sat with Gigi and waited. She listened to the clock on the mantel tick as her mother and sister went from room to room. They finally returned after having a thorough look around.

  “I can’t find it either, Mom. When was the last time you remember seeing it? When did you wear it last?”

  “Well, now, it’s been a few days . . .” Gigi looked momentarily flustered by the scowl her daughter was giving her.

  Leah could relate. She hated when her mom looked at her like that too. She squeezed Gigi’s hand reassuringly. It must have helped because Gigi fought back.

  “Oh, don’t give me that look. I taught you that look! I thought it would turn up. I honestly did!”

  “A wedding ring isn’t something that just ‘turns up,’ Mom! Now think: when did you have it last?”

  “I guess . . . the last I truly remember it was the other day when Leah and I made bread.”

  Leah remembered Gigi taking off her ring to knead the bread dough. Gigi had set her ring on the window sill. She opened her mouth to say as much when her mother spoke.