First Kiss Last

by Sara Miller

  “Out?” He repeated, staring blankly.

  “To the park. Robert are you okay?”

  “I . . .” He appeared to stop and consider, “I am a bit tired now that you mention it.”

  “Go lay down and rest. I’ll take care of the girls.”

  “Bless you, Leah,” he put his hands together reverently.

  Leah laughed. The girls cheered silently, happily waving their arms in the air.

  “We’ll be out of your hair in five minutes.”

  Between bathroom breaks and packing snacks it took ten minutes, but they were soon on the road.

  When they arrived, Leah drove around the parking lot twice. It was in the guise of finding a closer spot. Or at least that’s what she told the girls. In reality, she was making sure there was no black truck.

  Once the girls were let loose, their routine was much like the previous weekend. Leah followed and played with the girls until she had to get off her feet. When she did, she found the same bench and claimed it as her own.

  Leah’s attention was divided. She tried to focus her attention on her nieces, but she also kept an eye on the parking lot. Any time a black vehicle pulled in, her heart attempted to skip a beat. Twice now, a black sedan had driven through without stopping. This made Leah very uncomfortable. Each time she quickly turned her attention back to the girls, making sure they were safe.

  Allison liked to yell “Watch this!” and Emmie waved frequently. Leah was warmed by their ways of including her, even though she was not at their sides. They were great kids. Leah hoped her son or daughter would turn out just as good. She rubbed her belly absentmindedly.

  “Hi.”

  Leah instantly knew who was speaking. She smiled. Liam stood in front of her wearing a curious expression.

  “Hello.”

  “Do you remember me?” he asked. There was a smudge of dirt on his cheek and his forehead was creased.

  “From last weekend?” Leah asked cautiously. She nodded, “You and your sister.”

  “My name is Liam.”

  “It’s nice to meet you, Liam.” Leah found she was not lying. It did feel good to really meet him. To know him, see him, hear him—in real life. She smiled genuinely.

  “You remind me of someone.” He kicked at the dirt with his boot and did not meet her eye.

  “I do?” her voice came out as a whisper.

  Liam nodded.

  “I thought maybe . . . maybe you were my friend. But Sky said no.” He looked around with a slightly panicked expression.

  Leah noticed Sky was on the other end of the playground with what appeared to be the same group of girls from the corn maze. Allison and Emmie were in the same vicinity. She tried to keep an eye in that direction while also paying attention to Liam.

  “I think . . .” he started then stopped. “Truth?” he asked, exactly as his father did.

  Leah’s throat closed up and she could only nod.

  “I think I dreamed you,” he said.

  Liam hopped up on the bench next to her and took her hand. His brown eyes finally met hers and she did not know what to say. He remembered her? How was that even possible?

  “You look like my friend,” he appeared to study her. “And you sound like my friend. Only you are kinda different too. Your hair is more puffy and you gots less stuff on your face and—” he stopped abruptly, looking guilty over whatever he was about to say.

  “What else?” She squeezed his little hand encouragingly.

  “You look fatter. Sorry!” He pulled his hand back and scooched a few inches away.

  Leah could not help herself, she laughed outright at his assessment. He was correct on all accounts. After leaving Eric, she had gone with a more natural look. Mostly because embracing her natural hair was easier than constantly straightening it. She’d also dumped most of her makeup routine.

  “I’m not exactly fat,” she told him. “I’m going to have a baby.” She smiled to communicate it was a good thing.

  Liam nodded but did not look convinced. He swung his legs and scanned the park.

  “Have you . . . have you told anyone else about your dreams?” she asked.

  His little legs stopped swinging. He looked up at her and shrugged.

  “I don’t usually tell people my dreams either. People usually don’t understand. And people don’t like what they can’t understand.”

  Liam’s eyes got big and he nodded, “I tried to tell my dad and he got real mad! So I never brought it up again. That was a long time ago. But then I saw you. I tried to say something to Sky but she just said dreams are dumb.”

  “Our dreams are not dumb,” Leah spoke without thinking.

  “So you remember them too?” Liam’s face was excited.

  “I’m not really sure how to answer that, bud.” His nickname slipped out.

  Liam caught it immediately and smiled broadly. Then the smile slipped away just as fast.

  “But how come they stopped?”

  “It’s complicated,” she told him. “Boring grown-up stuff.” She wanted to say more but knew she shouldn’t.

  Liam considered. He swung his little legs for all they were worth then leapt down. He turned to face her.

  “I miss you though.”

  “I miss you too.” She had to say it back. She really did miss him.

  Leah’s heart ached. She wanted to take the sad little boy in her arms and never have to let go.

  “Bye, Miss Leah,” he said it so quickly and so quietly, Leah wondered if her ears were playing tricks. One second he was in front of her and the next he had dashed off.

  “Bye, Liam.”

  Leah watched him run. She was a riot of emotions and tried to gain control. She scanned the playground and found her nieces were together. When they saw her looking, they made their way over.

  “I’m so thirsty I could die!” Allison told her.

  Leah laughed at the overdramatics.

  “You aren’t gonna die!” Emmie argued and rolled her eyes at her sister. Allison looked like she wanted to argue back but Emmie did not give her a chance. “And I am hungry and thirsty too. So there!”

  “Good thing I packed a snack then, huh?” Leah patted the cooler bag next to her. Both girls grabbed for it.

  “Hey!” she teased, “Where are your manners?”

  They both apologized and took a step back.

  “Let’s go over to the picnic tables,” Leah suggested.

  Seated at a table, Leah had them use hand sanitizer before anything else, herself included. She gave them each a napkin then started passing out snacks. Leah reckoned she must have been hungry when she packed, because she’d thrown in a lot. The girls had their pick of manderian oranges, almonds, pretzel bites, granola bars, and cookies she had baked earlier in the week. She also had packed bottled water and a few juice boxes.

  As they picked out their snacks, Leah was surprised when Sky approached. She eyed Leah and her nieces curiously.

  “Hello again,” Leah said conversationally. The girl clearly had something on her mind.

  “Um, hi.” Sky shrugged, staring at the girls.

  “These are my nieces. We’re having a snack.” She wondered what brought Sky over.

  “Hey,” Sky greeted the girls.

  Allison smiled and continued to eat while Emmie eyed Sky cautiously.

  “Did you . . . want a snack?” Leah offered.

  “No!” Sky’s reaction was sharp. Hearing herself, she cringed. “I mean, no thank you.”

  Leah waited.

  “I saw my brother talking to you earlier.” Sky’s tone and stance challenged Leah to deny it.

  “He remembered me and wanted to say hi.”

  “From last week,” Sky confirmed. “I hope he wasn’t bothering you. He gets crazy ideas sometimes . . .” she trailed off and did not expand. “I can tell him to leave you alone if you want.”

  “Liam’s a good kid. I don’t mind him saying hello. In fact . . .” Leah motioned and Sky turned to see Liam had
joined them.

  “Wanna snack?” Emmie offered.

  Leah was surprised. Emmie was usually shy. It was nice to see her coming out of her shell. But then again, maybe they knew each other from school.

  “Sure!” Liam climbed up and sat on his knees at the table.

  It looked like Sky would protest. After a few seconds though, she joined them at the table. Leah passed Sky the hand sanitizer and let her help her brother. Then she gave them both napkins and told them to help themselves. Liam dived right in. Sky was a bit more cautious and held back.

  “Aunt Leah made the cookies. She makes the best stuff. Like one time,” Allison chatted easily. “She made donut holes. At home. Actual donuts!”

  Leah smiled, knowing full well Sky had a weakness for cookies. Sure enough, the teen helped herself. Leah sat back and let the kids chat as they snacked. It was surreal to see them all together.

  It ended too soon. Her nieces finished first, then Sky looked at her phone and jumped up.

  “Oh no, we gotta go. Thanks!” She rushed Liam off in a hurry. Liam had to run to keep up. He turned to give her a little wave and almost tripped.

  Leah watched as they weaved through the playground equipment until they disappeared on the other side. As she turned away, her eye caught movement. A black extended-cab pickup truck entered the parking lot.

  Her heart raced. He was so close. And yet he was out of her reach. Leah let out the breath she had not even realized she was holding.

  “Are you okay, Aunt Leah?”

  Sweet Emmie, Leah thought. She tried to give her niece a reassuring smile but she was shaken and both girls could see it.

  “We can go now if you need to,” Allison offered.

  “I’m fine. You can play a little longer.” Leah checked her watch as if to determine how much longer they could play.

  She made a mental note that Cade picked his kids up at exactly a quarter after three.

  “Fifteen more minutes,” she said.

  The girls raced off to play.

  Leah stared at the table for a full minute. Finally, she shook off her thoughts and cleaned up. She packed away the untouched granola bars, everything else was gone, and went to find the girls.

  Chapter 34

  They came home to find Lily had recovered from her headache. Robert, not so much.

  “I really hope he isn’t getting sick!” Lily fretted.

  By the next morning, they knew for sure that Robert was sick. The stomach flu hit Lily on Monday and the girls followed quickly on Tuesday. Thankfully, they were all well on their way to recovery within 24 hours of getting sick.

  When Wednesday came and went, Leah thought she had avoided it but it hit her full force on Thursday morning. By Friday afternoon though, she was showing no signs of improvement.

  When she was still sick Saturday morning, Lily insisted on calling her doctor. The next thing Leah remembered for sure was being in the ER watching an IV bag drip.

  Her head still had a dull ache but she was feeling better over all. Leah scanned the room and saw her sister. Lily’s head popped up.

  “Hey,” Leah said. Her voice sounded dry.

  “Hey yourself.” Lily came over to the side of the bed and passed her a styrofoam cup with a straw. Leah took a sip and eyed the IV bag.

  “Only fluids,” Lily calmly reassured her as she took the cup and set it aside. “You were just dehydrated. You’re fine and the baby is fine.”

  “Oh, thank God,” her hands went protectively to her belly.

  “You scared Robert though,” Lily chuckled. “The big softy.”

  “I don’t know how soft he is . . . he punched Eric!” Leah smiled remembering.

  “He WHAT?!”

  Lily’s face was so surprised it was comical. Leah couldn’t help but laugh.

  “On Christmas Eve, when he picked me up. He didn’t tell you?”

  “No!” Lily grinned. “Dang, I wish I saw that!”

  “It was pretty awesome, I’m not gonna lie.”

  The sisters giggled.

  “I hear talking and laughing, I’m going to take that as a good sign.” A handsome African American man walked in. His dark skin contrasted sharply with his white lab coat. He looked young and fit. “I’m Dr. Thompson,” he put out a hand to Leah.

  She shook his hand, then waited while he checked her vitals and looked over her charts. Leah was glad Lily had already told her everything was okay. The doctor’s silence made her a bit anxious.

  She caught her sister’s eye. Lily waggled her eyebrows behind the good-looking doctor’s back. Leah suppressed a laugh and was caught off guard when he spoke.

  “Has your sister filled you in?”

  “What? Oh, yes. Yes, sir.” She floundered for a second and cast her sister a look.

  Lily smiled back with mock innocence.

  “Excellent.” He eyed the fluid left in the bag, “You were just a little dehydrated. Your sister did the right thing bringing you in. And as soon as you finish that, you are good to go. Keep hydrated, plenty of clear liquids. Rest the next few days. Otherwise, everything is good. You and your baby are sound and healthy.”

  Lily thanked the doctor as he left. Leah felt reassured to hear again that her baby was fine. She palmed her bump and smiled.

  Much later that evening, Leah was finally back home and tucked into her own bed. Lily insisted on waiting on her hand and foot.

  “I’m fine!” Leah lost track of how many times she’d said that. “Please stop hovering. I love you but I have everything I could possibly need and then some. I really just want to sleep. Okay?”

  Lily glanced around as if checking to make sure what she said was true. Leah knew it was. Lily had brought water, tea, granola bars, magazines, tissues, and even a bell. Leah wasn’t sure what the tissues were for but she didn’t complain.

  “Do you need a straw?”

  “Lily, I love you but get out!” She pointed toward the door and waited.

  “Okay, fine.” Lily turned to leave, shoulders slumped.

  “Wait. I do need something.”

  Lily turned quickly, her countenance cheered. Leah held her arms out and her sister hugged her. They said goodnight and Lily turned the light off as she left the room. Leah snuggled in and slept.

  ♦

  Leah was in the hallway again. She had a knowing feeling and did not even bother with Cade’s door. She went right to Liam’s and turned the handle easily.

  Inside Liam’s room, the darkness was broken by a soft night-light. She could see the little boy asleep in his bed.

  Leah used the tips of her fingers to gently brush a bit of his hair off his forehead. He needed a haircut. His lashes were wet and there were dried tears on his cheeks. Leah couldn’t take much more. She straightened his blanket and he shifted restlessly.

  This was not better. Dreams like this were worse. Leah felt like she was being emotionally tortured. She kissed his forehead and left the room.

  On the other side of the door, she found herself awake and back in her bed. Leah checked the clock only to discover it was barely midnight. She sighed and tried to go back to sleep. This time, the darkness claimed her.

  ♦

  “I swear to God, Lily, if you hand me one more glass of water I’m going to throw it at you.” Leah tried to make a joke but she was not kidding.

  By mid-week, she was pretty sure she had rested as much as humanly possible without being in a coma. Lily had pushed so much water, tea, juice and other non-caffeinated and non-alcoholic beverages at her that she felt like she was floating. She spent most of her waking hours in the bathroom.

  As lovely as Lily’s guest bath was, Leah was done. She sat at the kitchen counter for a change of scenery.

  Lily must have known better than to argue. She put the offered glass to her own lips and drank. “Ahhhh!” she smacked her lips loudly, “Refreshing!”

  Leah laughed.

  “I’m going back to work tomorrow,” she announced.

  “B
ut they gave you the whole week off,” Lily said.

  “I know but I’m crazy bored. I feel fine. And before too long I really won’t be able to work, so I should probably work while I still can.”

  “Logic,” Lily waived her hand dismissively.

  “I can’t believe it’s almost May. April just flew by . . .”

  “There’s like a week and a half left, but yeah,” Lily agreed.

  “Right, but I’m due in two months. Like literally, two months. In eight weeks, I’ll be holding this baby on the outside. I’ll be a mother! I can’t even right now . . . what was I thinking? I can’t do this alone!”

  “Breathe, Leah, breathe.”

  Lily slid the drink across the counter and stepped back. Leah took a few deep breaths then took a sip of the offered lemonade. She eyed her sister, letting her know she wasn’t completely off the hook.

  “And you are not alone. You know that, right?”

  “Okay yeah, I know. But I can’t live here forever. We both know that.”

  “Through the summer at least, Robert will insist on it. You’ll need our help with a newborn. I mean, you could do it. You can do anything, but you don’t have to. We want to help. Please?”

  Lily looked so earnest that Leah could not argue. She still felt guilty for relying on them so heavily but she was also relieved to know they wanted to continue to help. Knowing their expectations helped a lot.

  “I guess maybe I’ll look for my own place in the fall.”

  “As long as it’s close. Like right next door.”

  “Lily . . .”

  “I know, I know. This whole neighborhood is larger family homes. We’ll help you find something nearby that’s in your size, okay?”

  “Okay,” she found herself agreeing.

  “Unless . . .”

  Leah tried to interpret the look on her sister’s face. She looked just like Allison when she was about to come up with something outlandish. It usually landed her in trouble.

  “Unless what?” Leah wasn’t sure she really wanted to know.

  “You know, unless someone comes along and sweeps you off your feet. Like maybe that handsome doctor?” Lily teased.

  “There would be no sweeping right now. I’m pretty sure a front loader or backhoe, at the very least a large wheelbarrow would have to be involved. I’m not going there right now. And there is no one anyhow.”