First Kiss Last

by Sara Miller

  “Okay, but what about—”

  Leah stopped her sister with a glare. She held up the lemonade as a warning.

  “You really aren’t gonna tell him? He deserves—”

  “You don’t know what he deserves, Lily.” She was beyond angry now. She slammed down the drink and lemonade sloshed onto the counter. Her words flew out of her mouth without censor, “What he deserves is to be left the hell alone. He deserves to not have me fucking with his life. He deserves someone who is not going to screw him over and break his damn heart. And not just him but his—”

  Leah stopped herself just in time. The images of Liam so sad, of Cade on the floor, of Sky angry and protective flashed through her mind. She couldn’t. She would not cause more harm to them.

  “Don’t ask me again or I will leave. I mean it, Lily. Don’t meddle in this. Don’t joke. Don’t insinuate.” Leah was shaking with anger. She had directed it all at Lily but the truth was she was mad at herself. She got up and turned to leave. With her back to her sister, she spoke more calmly.

  “Lily, I’m sorry. I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at me. I broke him and I can’t fix it. Please.” Leah silently pleaded with her sister to understand: to let it go, to leave her be.

  She couldn’t even look at Lily. Leah walked away.

  Chapter 35

  “Aunt Leah?” Emmie crawled up onto the couch and snuggled close.

  Leah had been enjoying her normal Saturday late morning routine, sitting in the living room reading when her niece joined her.

  “Hey sweetie, why aren’t you outside playing with Allison?”

  Emmie shrugged and sat quietly.

  “Did you two have a fight?” Leah tried again. This time Emmie nodded. “Want to talk about it?”

  “She’s always bossin’ me around. Just ’cause she’s bigger.”

  “Sometimes . . .” Leah started, then wasn’t sure what to say.

  “Sometimes,” Lily’s sudden presence in the room startled Leah and Emmie. They both looked up as Lily continued to speak, “Sometimes a big sister thinks she knows best. Sometimes when she’s just trying to help, she pushes too hard and makes things worse. The important thing to remember is sisters should love unconditionally and always be there for each other no matter what.”

  Emmie looked back and forth between the two adults. Leah knew Lily was talking to her, not about Allison and Emmie. But ultimately, it did apply to both sets of sisters.

  “Your mom is right. Allison is always going to be older and may think her way is best. But what’s most important is loving and caring for each other. I bet you’ll make up with each other pretty quick.”

  “Emmie?” As if on cue, Allison called out and soon joined them in the living room. “Emmie! There you are! It’s your turn on the swing now. Come back outside!”

  Emmie did not look ready to go anywhere with Allison. The girls had a small playfort in the backyard. And it only had one swing. The pieces clicked together for Leah: no wonder Emmie was upset, she loved to swing.

  “It’s nice of you to want to give Emmie a turn. How many turns did you have first, Allison?” Lily asked. Her mom-voice was spot on. Leah made a mental note to learn to do that.

  “Aw, Mom . . .” Allison whined and looked down at the floor. “Sorry, Emmie. I’ll let you have all the rest of the turns.”

  “It’s really hard sharing just one swing,” Emmie conceded. “Can you take us to the park again, Aunt Leah? They have tons of swings. Then we could both swing! Please?”

  “Yeah, please?” Allison agreed.

  “I could take you,” Lily offered.

  The girls looked back and forth but didn’t speak. They looked awkward and it made Leah laugh.

  “Sorry, sis. I think they like me better,” Leah teased.

  “Well, can I at least come along?”

  Allison looked at Emmie. Emmie looked at Leah. Leah shrugged. Having Lily along? She panicked internally. How would she explain Liam and Sky. What if Lily put things together, what if—Leah tried to pull herself together. They might not even be there.

  “Of course she can, right girls?” she smiled brightly.

  “Can what?” Robert entered the room.

  “The girls asked Leah to take them to the park. Again! And when I asked if I could come along, they rather begrudgingly agreed to let me. Apparently, they don’t love their Mom anymore,” she fake-pouted and the girls laughed.

  “Mo-om!” Both girls flung their little bodies at Lily.

  Leah watched Lily wrap her arms around them. They shared a sweet moment filled with giggles and “I love you’s.”

  Leah gave them a few minutes before asking, “So who is going to the park with me?”

  “Me! Me!” Both girls were so loud, Lily stepped back from them. She laughed and was going to say something when Robert spoke instead.

  “Actually, I came to ask you about the bushes you wanted to get for the backyard.”

  “Oh!” Lily was clearly excited.

  “I think she just ditched us, girls!” Leah teased, “Aren’t we sad?”

  Both girls pretend to cry and moan. It resulted in everyone breaking into laughter. Leah had to wipe tears from her eyes.

  Her nieces were the best.

  ♦

  Even with bathroom delays, packing snacks, and driving across town, they still made it to the park earlier than in previous weeks.

  Leah wondered if their timing would affect their chances of seeing Sky and Liam. Assuming they would even be at the park today, that is. She pondered why they were there the other times. They did not live in town, so their presence at the park was a bit of a mystery.

  She tried to focus on her nieces instead. Allison did not seem to notice her preoccupation. Emmie did though. She watched Leah and also appeared to be on the lookout.

  They headed to the swings first. Leah gave each girl a couple pushes then honestly told them it was too hard for her to do right now.

  “That’s okay, watch me pump!” Allison cried.

  “She’s been practicing. A lot,” Emmie told her.

  Leah translated her Emmie’s words to mean Allison had been hogging the swing at home.

  “I’m not as good,” Emmie frowned, concentrating on pumping her legs.

  “Well, I think you are both doing great!” Leah praised.

  The girls beamed and swung higher.

  Just then, Leah noticed Sky and Liam walking up the sidewalk. She did not want to admit she had been watching for them, but she had. She had seen the black car again but no black truck. She found it interesting to discover the kids had not been dropped off. Where had they walked from? Leah was more than curious. With the way the park was laid out, they would have to walk right by the swings. So only a few moments later, they were practically face-to-face.

  “Hello,” Liam said.

  Leah greeted them, as did the girls. Emmie invited Liam to swing and he was quick to join in. Sky stood off to the side, watching. Allison issued a challenge to see who could go the highest and soon all three were swinging for all they were worth.

  Unfortunately, Liam wasn’t quite as skilled at pumping his legs as her nieces. But he still looked to be having fun and Leah thought that’s what really mattered.

  “He’s still learning,” Sky said defensively.

  “Well, he’s younger. He’ll get it. He’s a smart kid.” She hoped her words would soothe the teen’s ruffled feathers. Instead, Sky turned on her.

  “How do you know how old my brother is?” she demanded.

  Leah thought quickly, trying to come up with an explanation. She turned toward Sky, ready to mention something vague about her nieces and school but Sky was staring at her so oddly. Leah didn’t speak.

  “Where were you last week?” Liam asked, interrupting her exchange with Sky.

  Leah turned her attention back to the swings and was going to answer but Allison piped up.

  “We all got sick. I puked!”

  “Me too,” Emmie confesse
d less proudly.

  “Aunt Leah puked the most though.”

  Thank you, Allison. Leah wanted to groan. Grownups weren’t as proud of puking.

  “She got real sick and mom took her to the hospital and everything!”

  Leah glanced over at Sky. She could tell Sky was thinking, thinking hard. But she had no idea what was running through the teen’s head.

  “But she’s all better and the baby is fine. Right, Aunt Leah?”

  Emmie had needed reassurances when she’d gotten home from the hospital and apparently still did. Liam also looked up expectantly.

  “Yes, Emmie. We’re both fine.” Leah saw Sky stiffen. Was her pregnancy the reason Sky had looked at her so strangely? She would have noticed before now, wouldn’t she?

  Leah thought back to sitting at the park bench, when she saw Liam and Sky in real life for the first time. Sky’s attention had been focused on Liam. And then at the picnic table, she’d been sitting again. Could the table have obscured her view? Leah considered maybe Sky had missed it. But there was no missing her baby bump today. They were now standing side-by-side at the swings and Leah’s clothes were fitting more tightly every day.

  “You’re pregnant,” Sky said. Leah heard it more as a statement than a question, but nodded anyway.

  Allison called out to her just then and she barely caught what Sky mumbled next. It sounded like “Oh, that’s rich.” Leah wondered at her choice of words. Why would Sky care if Leah was having a baby or not? Deciding the phrase might be teen slang she was not familiar with, she let it go and answered Allison instead.

  A few minutes later, Leah’s back and ankles were screaming at her.

  “Okay, I need to sit,” Leah confessed. She set the snack bag down in the sand and took the swing next to Liam. Everyone laughed. Even Sky seemed genuinely amused, until she saw her friends approaching.

  “Liam, I’m gonna go over there, okay?” Sky pointed.

  Liam didn’t seem to care. Instead of responding, he continued to swing his legs as evenly as he could.

  Sky eyed Leah warily but left Liam behind on the swings anyway.

  After several minutes, the girls were ready to move on. They begged Liam to come slide with them but he kept swinging and they ran off. Leah stayed where she was after promising to catch up with them soon.

  As soon as the girls were out of earshot, Liam drug his boots across the sand to stop his swing.

  “I waited and waited for you.”

  “Last week?” she asked. Hoping that’s what he meant.

  “I didn’t know you were sick. I hate being sick.”

  “Me too,” she agreed easily.

  His little face still looked sad.

  “I’m sorry,” she said.

  “I wish you could visit again.”

  There it was. Leah looked around for a way out of this conversation but there was none. Allison was sliding down as Emmie was climbing up. Sky, far away, had her back to them.

  “Everybody was happier then,” he confessed.

  Leah was not expecting him to say that. “You mean they were happier in the dreams?” She shouldn’t have asked but she wanted to know so badly.

  Liam considered. He kicked at the dirt.

  “Yes and in real time too. Now Sky is mad and Dad is grumpy. He’s working a lot of extra hours. That’s why we’re here. He’s got a big job down the road. He said Sky has to watch me. So we come here so she can see her stupid friends.” He stood up and stomped on the kicked up dirt, leaving small boot prints.

  “I just liked it better before,” he looked at her expectantly.

  “I’m sorry, bud.”

  “Can you come back?”

  “I don’t think it works that way,” Leah shook her head sadly. She did not want to tell him she tried and failed almost every night. She couldn’t tell Liam his dad did not want her back.

  “I wish I knew how it did work,” his little face was so serious. “Then maybe I could fix it.”

  Leah nodded, unsure what to say. Liam didn’t say more. Several moments of silence passed between them, before Liam looked up.

  “I think I’ll go slide now,” he shrugged, then slowly walked away to join her nieces.

  Where was the animated chatterbox she remembered? Leah missed his energy and enthusiasm. Had she broken him too? She was overwhelmed by the change in him.

  Instead of dwelling on it, Leah decided she should either join the kids by the slide or move to her favorite bench. She tried to get up, but nothing happened. Uh-oh, maybe sitting in the swing was a bad idea. She decided she would make a few more attempts, before she fully panicked. Her second try was no different.

  “Need help?”

  Leah looked up in surprise. Sky had returned. She was the last person Leah would have expected help from, but was grateful for it. Within seconds, Leah was back on her feet.

  “Thank you so much, Sky. I really appreciate your assistance. I also want to tell you I think you are a good big sister, the way you look out for Liam.”

  “I try,” Sky shrugged off the praise.

  Leah studied Sky’s face, wanting to reassure her. Instead, she smiled and spoke the first thing that popped into her head, “Hey, cool. I like your nose piercing. I didn’t notice it before.”

  “Thanks,” Sky looked up and smiled genuinely. “I got it last month for my birthday. Most adults hate it. Dad still does. Liam likes it though. And I love it. So yeah,” she shrugged.

  “It’s just a little hint of sparkle. Very pretty. And happy belated birthday!” Leah added.

  “What was Liam saying to you?”

  The abrupt subject change caught Leah off guard. She thought for a second before she spoke, “Honestly?”

  The teen nodded so Leah told her.

  “He told me he is sad. He says your Dad is busy and grumpy and you are mad you have to watch him. He knows you’d rather be with your friends.”

  “Well sh—shoot.”

  “Nice save,” Leah laughed.

  Sky opened her mouth to say something else but once again they were interrupted.

  “Aunt Leah, Aunt Leah come see!” All three kids had returned and the girls were pulling at her.

  Liam went to his sister. “Wanna see?” he asked hopefully.

  “Sure.”

  “You can go back to your friends if you want. It’s just a dumb bug.”

  Leah watched as Sky bent so she was closer to his level. Liam looked up at his sister.

  “I think . . .” she tried again, “I think I’d rather spend today with you.”

  “Really?” Liam whooped.

  Leah had not heard that joyous noise in several months. Her emotions threatened to wallop her, but her nieces had taken her hands and were trying to pull her forward.

  “Come on, let’s go!” Liam tugged on his sister’s arm and they set off as well.

  Too soon, Leah found herself face-to-face with the object of the children’s attention. Whatever the bug was, it was dead now. And based on its appearance, it had been for quite a while. Leah was glad; she wouldn’t have wanted to encounter it when it was still alive.

  The dead bug slightly resembled a fly but had a thick black almost two-inch body and long clear wings. It lay belly-up with its many legs curled in death.

  Sky cringed as Liam poked it with a stick, flipping it over.

  The bug had bulbous red eyes, set far apart.

  Leah had seen enough.

  “Did anyone touch it?” she asked. The younger kids all looked guilty but no one spoke.

  “Oh, gross,” Sky muttered.

  Leah pulled out the hand sanitizer and six little hands appeared in front of her. She squeezed a dab on each set. As they rubbed their hands vigorously, Allison spoke.

  “Aunt Leah, I’m hungry.”

  Leah hoped it was seeing the sanitizer come out of the snack bag that made her think of food, not the dead bug. She shuddered slightly and checked her watch.

  It was only a little after one. They had
a late breakfast and no lunch. Leah realized she was hungry too.

  “To the picnic tables,” she exclaimed.

  Her nieces set off in a run and were several yards away before Leah started to follow them. But Sky and Liam stayed where they were.

  “I’ve got cookies,” Leah offered, heading off to meet her nieces. She did not need to turn to confirm they were following her. She smiled knowingly.

  Leah got Allison, Emmie, and Liam set up with their snacks. But Sky held back. Instead of joining the kids at the table, she wandered around the picnic pavilion. Leah grabbed a cookie with a napkin and brought it to her.

  Sky stood in front of a notice board. Colorful flyers were pinned to it. Some looked new, others were ratty and faded.

  “Cookie?” Leah offered.

  “Thanks,” Sky took the cookie and nibbled without even looking at it, she was so focused on the board.

  Leah quickly skimmed the posters to determine which one held Sky’s attention. She noticed a yellow flyer announcing a spring dance.

  “Are you going?”

  “To the dance? I want to,” she sighed. “But I really need a new dress. I asked Dad but he’s just been so super busy. I can’t seem to get him to take me to the—” She stopped abruptly as if realizing she didn’t want to be sharing this info. “Nevermind, it’s stupid. Thanks for the cookie,” she shoved a big bite in her mouth.

  Leah remembered one of the few high school dances she had attended. It had been no fun seeing Cade dancing with other girls and it was made worse when none of the boys wanted to dance with her. She soon gave up and stopped going. Leah couldn’t imagine Sky without a dance partner. She probably had her pick of the boys.

  “I don’t think it’s stupid at all. There’s still time to get a dress, right? I hope you get a pretty one and have an amazing time.”

  “Sometimes I wish . . .”

  “Yeah?” Leah was super curious but tried to play it cool.

  “Do you have a mom?”

  Leah was completely taken off guard. She stared at Sky for a few seconds before she gathered her wits and could speak. Leah hated talking about her mother.