And Then You Dance

by Heather A Buchman

“I missed you too cowboy,” Liv said, when Billy set her back on her feet. She looked a little green and held onto the counter for a minute.

  “Mom? Are you okay?”

  Liv held up a hand and started to answer, but hurried off in the direction of the bathroom before she could.

  “Is she okay?” she looked at Ben.

  “She’s okay.”

  “But she’s sick. Why are you making her cook breakfast?”

  Ben pulled her into a hug. “I don’t make your mom do anything Renie. You know that. She’s fine.”

  Liv came out of the bathroom, but she didn’t look fine to Renie. She saw Billy catch Ben’s eye, and she didn’t miss the smile that passed between them.

  “Honey, maybe you should come with me.” Liv was reaching out for her hand.

  “You two are jerks,” Renie said to them as her mother led her into the other room.

  “Renie, sit down.”

  “Okay, but maybe you should sit down. You’re the one who’s sick.”

  “I’m not sick Renie. I’m having a baby.”

  Now, Renie was sick. She turned and ran to the bathroom her mother came out of.

  “That didn’t go as I expected,” said Liv as she walked back into the kitchen. “I’m pregnant Billy, in case you hadn’t put two and two together.”

  “Sorry I swung you around.”

  “It’s okay. First trimester, I would’ve gotten sick whether you swung me around or not.”

  Ben was grinning from ear to ear and couldn’t help circling Liv’s waist with his big arm. He whispered something in her ear that Billy was glad he couldn’t hear.

  Renie came around the corner and looked as green as Liv had a few minutes before.

  Billy followed Ben’s lead and put his arm around her waist. “You okay?” he whispered in her ear.

  “No.”

  Billy laughed. Renie would be learning a great deal about sharing in the next few months.

  “So since you’re not riding, can I take Micah out after breakfast?”

  Liv started to say something, but caught Billy’s smirk. “Hell no, you’re not riding my horse Billy Patterson.”

  “I have a soft spot in my heart for him.”

  After her accident, it was Billy who waited by Liv’s side until the ambulance came. Then, it was Billy who took care of Micah, made sure he didn’t have any injuries, and trailered him home. He worked with him every day while Liv was in the hospital making sure he stayed in shape.

  “I’m sorry Billy. Of course you can ride Micah.”

  “Thanks Livvie. I kinda miss ridin’ him.”

  Billy held Renie’s hand on their way out to the barn. “You doin’ okay?”

  “It’s all a little too much. I should’ve gone to Spain.”

  “Huh? To Spain? What’re you talkin’ about?”

  “Nothing. It’s not important.”

  Before she could scoot away from him, Billy stopped her. “What’s in Spain Renie?”

  “Nobody.”

  “Nobody? Renie, what the hell? Nobody? Who’s in Spain? Answer the question.”

  “It’s nothing Billy.”

  “This the same nobody you learned more about yourself from?”

  She jerked her arm away from him. “Yes Billy. It is. You had Willow, I needed somebody too.”

  “Willow’s my daughter Renie. That’s a little different.”

  “Yes it’s different, she requires your undivided attention for the rest of her life. While Jace only needed my attention a few hours a day.”

  “Jace? Is that a name?” He smiled. “Is he an actor or somethin’?”

  “Shut up.” She couldn’t help but smile herself, because now Billy was laughing, doubled over laughing. “It isn’t that funny.”

  “Yes it is. For Christ’s sake Renie, you couldn’t have found a regular ol’ cowboy? Somebody named Stetson? Or Maverick?”

  She and Billy had good times making fun of the young bull riders who came out the chutes with names like Tuf or Stran or Cody. Jace was just as bad, she had to admit it.

  “Tell me about him.”

  “No. It’s none of your business.”

  “Everything about you is my business.”

  “I don’t want to talk about him Billy.”

  “He know about me?”

  “Yep. Well, sort of.”

  “What’s that mean?”

  “You said it yourself Billy, I talk in my sleep.”

  Billy leaned over and put his hand on his knees, as nauseous as he suspected Liv and Renie felt earlier.

  Chapter 15

  “You are such a hypocrite.”

  “What? How am I a hypocrite?”

  “You had a baby with somebody. And then, you lied to me about it.”

  “What…in…the…hell…are you talking about?” Billy took deep breaths between his words and stood; so mad he was afraid he would hit something.

  “You told me you’d never been in a relationship. Was that so you could get in my panties Billy? Is that what you tell all the girls, so they think they’re special?”

  “Is that what you think? Is that why you left?” The anger flowed out of his body as he began to realize that was what she thought.

  “There wasn’t anybody who mattered Renie. Not ever.”

  “You expect me to believe Roxanne didn’t matter?”

  “No, she didn’t matter. If Mr. Johnson hadn’t sought me out at the rodeo in South Dakota, I would have forgotten she existed.”

  “I don’t believe that for a minute.”

  “Renie,” he rubbed his eyes and then ran his hand through his hair. “I’m not sure how to say this without making everything worse.”

  “Say it Patterson. Tell the truth. It’ll be good for your soul.”

  “I had sex with a lot of women. A lot. I don’t remember most of them. Hell Renie, I’m not sure I remember any of them.”

  “Thanks Billy.”

  “I don’t mean you.”

  Renie had saddled up Pooh and was headed out to ride.

  “Will you at least wait for me?”

  “Can’t say I still want to ride with you Billy.”

  “Stop it dammit.”

  Renie stopped and glared at him.

  “Just stop it. This is hard enough without you adding to it.” He had Micah ready to go, and motioned for her to follow him.

  “I slept with a hell of a lot of women Renie. None of them meant a damn thing to me. And maybe that makes me a horrible person, but there isn’t anything I can do to go back and change it. So that isn’t something we’re gonna talk about.”

  She continued to glare at him.

  “What we do need to talk about is you, and me, and my daughter. That’s what we need to be talking about, not all this other shit.”

  “The other shit matters to me Billy.”

  “Okay, what part of it? Let’s do this. What else do you want to ask Renie?”

  “How many times?”

  “How many times what?”

  “How many times did you have sex with Roxanne?”

  “A couple times maybe.”

  “How long were you seeing her?”

  “Are you not hearing anything I’m saying? I wasn’t seeing her. I fucked her. Maybe twice, but I don’t remember. I’m running out of patience with this conversation.”

  “Tough shit. You want me to meet your daughter, there are questions I want answers to first.”

  His head felt as though it was splitting in two. All her life Renie had been the most exasperating woman he’d ever known. Even as a little girl she was like this. Half of him wanted to wring her neck; the other half loved her more than life itself. It had always been this way, even before he realized what he felt for her was love, the all-encompassing forever kind of love.

  He sighed. “What else do you want to know?”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Wait a minute. You said there were questions you wanted me to answer before you meet Willow
. What are they? Let’s do this Renie. I’m not goin’ home without you.”

  “What?”

  That wasn’t what he meant to say. He didn’t know where it came from, but now that he’d said it, he couldn’t take it back. He could tell her the truth though.

  “I didn’t mean it that way. I meant I’m not goin’ home until you and I have come to an understanding. I’m not goin’ home without knowing you’re a part of my life again. Is that better?”

  “I’m not going home with you Billy. You better get that through your head right now. That isn’t happening.”

  “Okay, I got it. Now back to what we were talking about. What are the other questions?”

  “I don’t remember. Drop it Billy.”

  “This is it girl. I’ll do this once. You want answers, get ’em now.”

  A few minutes went by before she said anything, but Billy could tell there was something she was stewing about. It was a matter of time before she’d spit it out.

  “How could you not know Billy?”

  He’d wondered that himself more times than he could count. He shook his head. “I wish I had an answer. I don’t. I don’t know how I didn’t.”

  She watched him. She knew him. He was telling her the truth. And not having the answer bothered him. He was torn up about it.

  They came to a gate that was closed. Renie jumped down to open it, but Billy beat her to it. When she put her hand on the latch, he put his on top of it.

  “Look at me,” he whispered. “You know me. Better than anyone. No way in hell I would’ve knowingly gotten somebody pregnant and walked away. No way I’d do that.”

  He wouldn’t have. And if he had known, she would’ve lost him forever, because he would’ve done whatever he thought was right for Willow, and Roxanne. Billy Patterson was a good man deep down. No one knew him as well as she did, and he was right, it would’ve been different if he’d known Roxanne was pregnant.

  “Don’t kick me out of your life over this. Please don’t. Try to get to know her. She’s a baby Renie.”

  “I’m not sure.”

  “Please. I’ll beg you if that’s what it takes.”

  “I need time…”

  “Time? It’s been eight months. How much more time do you need?”

  She got back on her horse, pushed Pooh into a gallop and rode back to the barn.

  She didn’t know how much more time she needed, and him yelling at her about it wouldn’t help her figure it out. Her biggest problem was that she didn’t understand her attitude any better than he did. What was she afraid of?

  He was right, Willow was just a baby. What was it that she expected to happen that made her unable to face meeting a baby?

  It didn’t take long for Billy to catch up to her on Micah. Her mother’s horse was much younger than Pooh, and Billy knew how to push him.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m the one who’s sorry.”

  “Does this mean you’ll meet her?”

  “I didn’t say that.”

  “I know you didn’t. But does it?”

  “Bring her here. I’ll meet her if you bring her here.” That way if it were too much, at least Renie would have her own mother’s support to make it easier. She wouldn’t be alone with Billy and his baby; Billy and the life he had without her.

  He hadn’t said anything, so she turned and looked at him.

  “If you’re waiting for me to say no, you’ll be waiting a long time. I’ll do whatever it takes. You want Willow and me to come visit you here, no problem. Tell me when.”

  “Thanksgiving.”

  Thanksgiving? He didn’t think his parents would mind much. It wasn’t as though she was asking him to come for Christmas. That might have been a problem, taking Willow away from Grandma and Grandpa for her first Christmas with them. Thanksgiving was different.

  “Okay. Thanksgiving.” He hated that he’d have to wait that long to see Renie again, but he’d waited eight months; he could wait a little longer if that’s what she needed.

  “You’ll come here.”

  “We’ll come here.”

  “Where will you stay?”

  “Where do you want us to stay?”

  She was chewing the inside of her lip. He wished he could understand why this caused her so much anxiety. He tried hard to put himself in her position, but he couldn’t. Maybe if he could get her to talk about how she was feeling, he could understand, and help her figure out a way to make it easier.

  As hard as it was to be away from Willow, something told him that Renie was the one who needed him more right now. Willow was in good hands with his mom and dad. Renie needed to be in his hands. She needed to know that he loved her, as much as ever. And just because Willow was in the picture, it wouldn’t ever change how he felt about her.

  “So are you going home now?” she asked, as though she was reading his mind.

  “Nope.”

  “When are you going home?”

  “I haven’t decided yet. But isn’t gonna be today, or tomorrow. It might not even be the day after that.”

  “Why?”

  “Why what?”

  “Why aren’t you going home?”

  “Because you need me to stay.”

  It was all she could do not to cry. The tears she fought were of relief. He was right; she did need him to stay. She needed to know she mattered.

  When they got back to the barn and were walking the horses inside, Renie reached out and took his hand in hers.

  “Thank you for staying.”

  “I love you Irene Fairchild. I’m stayin’ until I’m sure you believe it.”

  Once the horses were settled, Billy pulled her closer and lifted her, so her legs wrapped around his waist. One hand held her bottom while the other circled behind her neck, pulling her in, so he could get his lips on hers.

  “How soon do you think we can be alone?”

  “Soon, I think.” She unwrapped herself from him and planted her feet back on the ground. “My mom is pregnant.”

  “Yes, I know. How are you feeling about it?”

  “Weird.”

  He laughed. Poor Renie. There was a lot she’d be getting used to. And all of it had to do with babies.

  ***

  Jace could not get Irene Fairchild out of his head. He and Tucker had been traveling all over Spain, eating, drinking, and having fun. He loved hanging with Tucker, and under normal circumstances, he loved the female attention he and his twin seemed to get wherever they went. But this time, Tucker was enjoying the attention all on his own. The girl he spent the summer with at the dude ranch was under his skin.

  He’d told her he’d be back in Colorado for Thanksgiving, but they hadn’t made any plans beyond that. He thought about calling her, but talked himself out of it. A couple days ago, he broke down and sent a postcard to her. Ben Rice was his cousin, his mother had his address, and so he went ahead and did it. Now he questioned whether he should have. It wasn’t so much sending the postcard that he questioned, it was what he wrote.

  Don’t think I’ve ever been as thankful as I will be this Thanksgiving. Counting the days until I see you again. Love, Jace.

  He might have gone too far, but they’d spent the entire summer sharing sheets, and then instead of going straight home, she came to Aspen and stayed with him a couple extra days. She had to be feeling the same things he was. Had to be.

  He talked to Tucker about it before he sent it. His advice was to say what he felt. If it bothered her, then she’d say so. That was typically Tucker’s advice. Say what you feel. Do what you want. Jace believed he shared the same philosophy. Until he met Irene Fairchild. There was something about her that made him rethink his approach. He cared more about what she thought than any other woman he’d ever known.

  He hoped he didn’t scare her off by so boldly telling her what was in his heart. Even when she left that day in Aspen, he hadn’t used the word love, as much as he’d been
tempted to, as much as he’d been feeling it for her. When Jace told Tucker he was in love with her, Tucker said he knew.

  “You’d know too, if it were me.”

  Jace supposed he would.

  “I miss her man.”

  “Yeah, I feel that too.”

  It was the twin thing. Not something they hadn’t felt before, or heard before. That’s how twins were, people said. Jace couldn’t say it was true with other twins, but it was true for Tucker and him. Even when he was still in the States and Tucker was in Spain, he felt what his twin was feeling. It was the reason he still came, even though he’d wanted to stay in Colorado, and spend more time with Irene. He knew his twin needed him, so he came.

  ***

  Billy was sitting at the counter in the kitchen, talking to Ben while Renie went to check on Liv. He pulled a magazine out of the pile to read it, and the postcard fell out of it. He wouldn’t have paid any attention to it, except he saw it was from Spain. He flipped it over and read it.

  There it was again, the knife in his heart. It was the way the guy signed it, “Love, Jace,” that bothered him the most. He wondered if Renie knew he planned on seeing her at Thanksgiving. She couldn’t have, or she wouldn’t have asked him to come with Willow. Right?

  He set the postcard back down on the counter. When he saw her coming, he tucked it under one of the other magazines. He didn’t want to bring it up, and ruin their time together. He’d gone eight months without having her in his arms, in his bed. They had a lot of time to make up for.

  “How’s she doin’?” Billy asked.

  “She’s good. Tired, but good. And happy.” Renie smiled at Ben who smiled back at her.

  “You gettin’ used to the idea of bein’ a big sister yet?

  “I’m already a big sister Ben.”

  That made Ben smile all the more, that Renie considered his boys her “brothers.”

  “I hope they’re as okay with it as you are.”

  Renie figured Jake and Luke would be more okay with than she was. They were still little boys, or at least Luke was. Luke would be thrilled about not being the baby of the family anymore. And Jake would be happy about it. He seemed happier when he believed everyone around him was happy. When they weren’t, Jake worried. Renie put him through hell the last eight months. She’d known it, but she hadn’t known how to change it.