Tainted Heartbreak

by Terri Anne Browning

  Kin gripped her backpack, her knees bouncing to whatever tune was playing in her earbuds as the plane taxied to our gate. Catching me watching her, she pulled the bud from her ears. As loud as the volume was, it was a wonder she hadn’t lost the hearing in her good ear and made herself completely deaf.

  “What?”

  “You’re sure about this?” I asked for what was probably the fiftieth time since she announced one morning a week ago that she was ready to go home. She had plans for all the new music she’d written, and both Emmie and I were equally surprised by her decision.

  Kin shrugged as she lowered her gaze to her fisted hands. “No, but I need to do this. I thought just writing everything down and putting all these feelings into music would be enough. But it’s not. Fuck, I’m not sure anything will ever be enough. So, yeah, I really need to do this.”

  “Okay. Then you will. Emmie assured me she was already making it happen. Which is why we can’t go straight home.” I switched my phone off of airplane mode and was instantly assaulted with a dozen messages. Most of them were from my boss, but my heart twisted when I saw the usual ones from Cash waiting on me.

  Ignoring his texts, I started answering Emmie back, and just under an hour later, we were walking into her office. Maybe Emmie suspected she would eventually wear Kin down about turning her writing career into something bigger, because she had all the contracts waiting to be signed when Kin sat down in front of her desk.

  “Shane is ready whenever you are to record the demos,” Emmie assured her when the two of them were done signing on all the dotted lines.

  “I’m good with tomorrow,” Kin told her eagerly.

  “Great. The sooner I can pimp these to the record labels, the better. Actually…” She broke off with a grimace that for some reason set Kin on edge. “Well, actually, Petrova was really impressed with the songs you wrote for TK’s last album and is interested in hearing what you might have to offer.”

  “No,” Kin groaned, shaking her head adamantly. “Petrova is an ass.”

  “He’s allowed to be an ass. He’s the biggest name in the business.”

  “I don’t want to sign with Petrova. Jace will think I’m following him, and I’m done with that shit.” She folded her arms over her chest, glaring at the redhead behind the desk. “Anyone but Petrova, Aunt Emmie. Anyone.”

  Emmie came around the desk and crouched down in front of her. “I know the reason you don’t want to work with Petrova, but just signing with him will get your career started in all the right ways. Everything he touches turns to gold, and that’s what I want for you. Ignore Jace St. Charles. He’s nothing to you now.” Kin’s chin began to tremble, but she squared her shoulders and nodded. “Show him how bad he fucked up, Kin. Show him that you’re stronger than he could ever dream of being. Let me show you how easily I can put the world at your fingertips and make that sonofabitch see what he threw away.”

  Kin’s head fell back against the chair, and she glared up at the ceiling as a single tear spilled down her cheek. “Yeah. You’re right. But it’s going to hurt.”

  “The best things in life usually do.” Patting Kin’s knee, Emmie stood and grinned down at me. “And look at you. That baby bump is cute as hell.”

  I rubbed a hand over my distended stomach, smiling at my boss. “She’s a pain in the ass, but I kind of like her.”

  “Her?”

  I pulled the ultrasound photo out of my bag and handed it to Emmie. “Oddly enough, there are doctors in the backwoods of nowhere.”

  “Gods, she’s already a little beauty.” Emmie smoothed her thumb lovingly over my daughter’s head. “I remember the first ultrasound picture I got of Mia. I’d never been so terrified in my life as I was when the doctor told me I was pregnant.”

  “Speaking of being pregnant and beautiful babies…” Kin jumped to her feet excitedly. “I need to go check on Lucy. I made sure I was home before the baby was born, but if I don’t go check in with her, she’s liable to kill me.”

  “Your Rover is in the parking garage beside my vehicle. Angie and Jenna dropped it off this morning.” Emmie tossed her the keys, and she caught them easily. “I’ll let Shane know that we’re going to start tomorrow. I’ll text you when I know a definite time.”

  “I’ll text you when I have the time,” I corrected, shooting my one and only client a wink.

  “Right,” Emmie muttered with a grimace. “Amara will text you.”

  Kin snorted and shut the door behind her, leaving the two of us alone. Emmie handed the ultrasound picture back to me, and I carefully put it back in my bag. “Have you talked to Cash recently?”

  I shrugged. “He’s texted. A lot. But I haven’t responded to any of them. We both needed to get our heads on straight. Keeping communications open would only have clouded them more.”

  “Maybe you should go see him,” she suggested with a smile, as if she could actually see the anticipation that was zinging through my veins. “I think it would be good for you. Both of you, actually.”

  Curiosity and concern overtook me as I watched her face for any sign that something was wrong with Cash. “Is he okay?” I finally asked when I couldn’t decipher anything she was thinking.

  “As far as I know, he’s fine. But he doesn’t talk to me much unless it’s band-related.” She patted my knee just as she had done Kin’s and walked back around her desk to sit down. “Go see the boy, Amara. Figure things out for you and your baby’s sake. I’ll let you know when I hear from Shane, and we can talk more tomorrow.” Her eyes brightened with excitement. “It’s going to be a busy few months. I have so many plans for Kin, and I’m going to need you to be with her every step of the way.”

  I grabbed my bag and stood, thankful the driver had already taken my cases home. Riley knew I was coming home today, but I hadn’t told her what time. Deciding to take Emmie’s advice since it hadn’t let me down yet, I waved as I left her office.

  Excitement and nervousness made my stomach flutter, and I touched my hands to the small kicks the baby kept giving me on the ride to Cash’s apartment. I had no idea if he was even home, and the last time I showed up unannounced replayed in my head, but I pushed those thoughts away as I knocked on his door.

  “Just a sec,” he called out before I heard his footsteps. I bit my lip as the door slowly opened and I got my first look at Cash in two months.

  Everything inside me seemed to melt at the sight of him. His feet were bare, and all he had on was a pair of old sweats. His chest had a smear of what looked like mint green paint that went down toward his navel, and there were drops of the same color in his hair and on his brow. Several days’ worth of beard darkened his jaw, and I had the sudden urge to rub my fingers across the scruffiness.

  “Dreamer,” he breathed, stunned to see me.

  “H-hi,” I murmured shyly. “Can I come in?”

  He caught me around the waist and pulled me into him, and I went willingly. Damn it, I knew I shouldn’t, we still had so many things unresolved between us, but it felt so good just to be held by him again. I snaked my arms around his neck, and I held on like he was the only thing tethering me to the ground.

  “Fuck, it feels good to have you back where you belong,” he groaned into my neck, and I couldn’t fight the shiver that assaulted me at the feel of his scruff on my soft skin. “Don’t leave me again, woman. If you do, I might go insane.”

  I was too choked up to speak, so I buried my face in his bare chest instead. He smelled so good. It was a mixture of sweat and paint, but underneath, I could smell nothing but him, and instantly, it gave me the peace I had been craving for months. I held on tighter, hoping he knew what I was trying to say without having the ability to speak the words aloud.

  For long minutes we stood like that, just holding and breathing each other in. Anyone could have walked by and seen us, but we were too lost in the feeling of finally being back together to care.

  It wasn’t until he felt my tears on his chest that he forced me to p
ull back. Cupping my chin, he lifted my head, making me meet his gaze. “Why the tears?” he asked with a pained look in his dark eyes.

  “I’m just really happy to be here,” I told him with a wobble in my voice. “I missed you so damn much.”

  “Dreamer,” he whispered, lowering his head until his forehead rested on mine. “I’ve ached to hold you like this again. I was scared you would never come back to me.”

  A small kick right behind my belly button pushed into Cash, and he lifted his head in confusion as I laughed at the intrusion of our daughter. I touched both hands to my stomach as he looked down at my new bump.

  “What was that?” he muttered to himself.

  I lifted my shirt, exposing my stomach. The skin fluttered as another kick bounced off my insides. “I guess someone wanted to say ‘Hi’ too.”

  His hands shook slightly as he touched them carefully to my stomach. After a moment, the baby kicked again and his eyes nearly popped out of his head in surprise, but a grin lifted his lips. “That is the most amazing thing I’ve ever felt.”

  My breath caught in my chest as I watched him stare down in awe at the feel of his baby moving inside me. “R-really?” I whispered.

  “Really, Dreamer.” Grasping my hand, he entwined our fingers and tugged me into the apartment, finally shutting the door. “Come here. I want to show you something.”

  He tugged me through the apartment and stopped outside the closed doors of his bedroom and the smaller room where he kept his guitars and keyboards. The distinctive sound of blowing fans came from the other side of the closed instrument room, and he seemed to gulp as he glanced down at me.

  “Close your eyes,” he instructed.

  “Why?” I asked cautiously. “Is my best friend in there?”

  He snorted at my attempt at humor and smacked me on the ass playfully. “Actually, she’s been over a lot lately. And if you would close your eyes, I’ll show you what she’s been helping me with.”

  Curiosity had me covering my eyes with my hands. I heard him open the door. Holding my shoulders, he guided me into the room and maneuvered me until he was satisfied before telling me I could look. Dropping my hands, I fell back against him as tears instantly began to flood down my face.

  “This is…” I shook my head, unable to finish as a lump filled my throat.

  The mint green paint that was smeared on him covered two walls, while another was a soft brown color. Teddy bear decals graced every wall, overlooking the chestnut-colored crib that had a mixture of teddy bears and guitars hanging from the mobile. Mint green sheets and a soft brown comforter covered the small mattress inside.

  A rocking chair with matching footstool sat to the right of the crib, while a changing table completely stocked with everything we could possibly need for at least a month was against the wall. A baby swing and at least a hundred stuffed animals completed the room’s decorations. The closet door was open, and there were already tiny little outfits suitable for either a girl or a boy hanging from the tiniest plastic hangers I’d ever seen.

  “What do you think?” Cash asked, his worried eyes glued to my face.

  “You and Riley did all this?” I asked in wonder.

  He shrugged. “Yeah. She’s a tyrant when she’s helping out, but once we got the walls painted and the crib and swing together, she was pretty much fed up with me. I went a little overboard with the stuffed animals, but I have no clue when it comes to that kind of thing. I never had one, but wanted our baby to have as many as he or she wanted, and they all looked cute…” He shrugged again, and my heart melted with love for him.

  Opening my bag, I grabbed the ultrasound picture and placed it in his hands. “Say hello to our baby,” I told him as I wiped away the last of my happy tears.

  His eyes widened then narrowed as he tried to make out what he was seeing. Laughing when he gave me a pleading look, I leaned over his arm and pointed out our baby. “That’s her head, her spine, a little foot. And there…a girl.”

  “Fuck,” he groaned, but emotion was thick in his voice. “She’s so tiny.”

  “She’s right on schedule from what the doctor told me, but yeah, she’s going to be a tiny little thing. I was on the small side when I was born. My baby book says I barely weighed five pounds.” I leaned my head against his arm, tracing my index finger over the baby’s brow.

  “What if I break her?” he muttered half under his breath, and my heart clenched.

  “You won’t.” I stood on tiptoes to kiss his cheek. “I promise.”

  He wrapped his arm around my waist, anchoring me to him. Slowly, I dropped back until I was flat on my feet once again. The energy in the room was quickly changing, my body heating at the hungry look in his dark eyes.

  “Dreamer,” he growled, and I quickly took several steps back, holding my hands up, stopping him before he could cross the space between us.

  “We can’t, Cash. Sex is how we got in this mess in the first place.” My body was already aching, my clit throbbing with need for him. But I had to be strong. “I want to take things slower this time.”

  “Baby, you’re already knocked up,” he reminded me with a smirk. “Pretty sure I can’t do that again for a few more months.”

  Grinning, I took a few more steps back. “True, but I still think we should go slow. We haven’t seen each other in two months. Let’s get to know each other again.”

  He stopped, a frown darkening his brow. “Dating without sex, is that what you want?”

  “Yes,” I said with a nod. “Dating, with no sex…yet.”

  “I can live with the ‘yet.’” He grasped my wrist gently and pulled me flush against his chest. “Doesn’t mean I can’t kiss you, though. Right?”

  “R-right,” I breathed.

  Slowly, his head descended until his lips grazed softly over mine. It was barely a touch, but it shot tiny zings straight to my core. I inhaled sharply as he lifted his head and winked down at me. “Go home and get changed, Dreamer. I’ll be over in an hour to take you to dinner.”

  Chapter 22

  Cash

  An hour after kissing Amara goodbye at my door, I arrived at her apartment with a bouquet of red roses. I straightened my tie, the first time I’d worn one in years, and ran my hand over my hair before knocking on her door. I was more nervous now than I had been the first time I ever went out with a chick. There was so much at stake here. I couldn’t screw up again. I couldn’t lose her again.

  Moments later, the door opened just enough for Riley to lean out around it. “Sup, douchebag?”

  “Let me in,” I told her with a roll of my eyes.

  “In a minute.” She tilted her head to the side as she eyed me from head to toe. “You clean up good, rocker boy. Never seen you in a suit before.”

  “Amara wants to go on a real date, so that’s what she gets.”

  “Wow, I’m impressed. Flowers and a fancy-dress dinner.” She stepped back, allowing me entrance into the apartment. “Come in, I guess. She’s still getting ready.”

  “How’s the new roommate?” I asked as she led me into the living room. Sitting on the couch, I glanced around at the few pictures of Riley and Amara from their years of friendship spread around the room. There was no sign of the new roommate, or of the old one.

  “She comes and goes at all hours. I’m not sure where Emmie found the chick, but she pays her bills on time and she doesn’t mess with me, so I’m cool with her living here.” She folded her legs under her as she took a seat on the opposite end of the couch. “Heard you’re going to have a daughter. You freaked out yet?”

  I grimaced but told her the truth. “I’m panicking hard, but I’ll get used to it.”

  “I’m sure you’ll be fine,” she assured me. “Love her like you love Amara, and you shouldn’t screw it up too badly.”

  Her assertion actually made me feel better. Love her like I loved Amara. That would be easy.

  “Want something to drink?” Riley asked as she stood. “Hard to tell when Pr
eggo will be ready.”

  “I’m good.” As she went into the kitchen, I got up and went to Amara’s room. The door was slightly ajar. I knocked before pushing it open.

  I found her standing in front of the mirror that hung from the back of her closet door. In nothing but a pair of panties and a bra, she held a dress up in front of her, contemplating it thoughtfully. Her hair hung over her shoulders in loose curls, and she had taken a little extra time with her makeup. She looked beautiful and delicious.

  Shutting and locking the door behind me, I cleared my throat loudly, accidentally causing her to startle.

  “You scared me!” she squealed as she tossed the dress to the floor.

  My tongue suddenly felt like it was glued to the roof of my mouth, and my cock swelled against the fly of my suit pants. That damn little baby bump was sexy as fuck. Unable to keep my hands to myself, I pulled her into my arms and rubbed a hand over her stomach. With a soft sigh, she tipped her head back, showing me the hunger banked in her fawn eyes.

  Instead of kissing her like I ached to do, I rubbed my nose against hers and stepped back, willing my cock to settle down as I took a seat on the edge of her bed. “Well? Let’s see the other options, Dreamer. I need to feed you and my baby girl soon, so get a move on.”

  She gaped down at me for a long moment, then a smile teased at her lips and she turned with a little swish of her glorious ass and pulled another dress from her closet. “How’s this?” she sassed, holding it in front of her.

  It was a short-skirted red dress, and I knew if she wore that, it would be game over. There was no way I was keeping my hands to myself all night if her ass was going to be playing peekaboo with me every time her back was to me.

  I shook my head. “Next.”

  Three more dresses later and she was pulling the knee-length blue dress over her head and turning so I could zip her up. I took my time, letting my thumb skim over her soft skin as I pulled the zipper upward. Goose bumps popped up where I touched, causing her to shiver. I allowed myself a second or two to savor the moment and kissed the base of her neck before stepping back.