Tainted Heartbreak

by Terri Anne Browning

  “Ready?” I choked out.

  “Y-yeah,” she said breathlessly and grabbed a pair of ballet flats. Slipping her feet into them, she took my hand.

  I took her to the restaurant I used to work at before the band got signed with Petrova. I didn’t have a reservation, but the second we walked through the doors and my old boss saw me, he was seating us. He liked to tell people he helped make me and Tainted Knights famous, and I let him hold on to that delusion as long as it meant good service the rare times I ate here.

  He stopped beside one of the best seats in the house, a window table for two. I held Amara’s chair as she took her seat, before taking my own. A waiter appeared with a bottle of wine, but I shook my head at him. “She can’t drink,” I told the guy. “And I’m not going to either.”

  As he walked away, Amara picked up her menu. “This place is really nice. How did you get us a table so easily? There were people waiting impatiently out there, and that guy didn’t even say a word before he was seating us.”

  “I used to work here,” I told her and she laughed.

  “Yeah, okay.”

  “No, seriously. When I first moved here, the First Bass gig paid well, but it wasn’t enough to cover all my bills. So I had to find an actual job.” I shrugged. “Waiting tables was about the only thing I could find that didn’t interfere with my time with the band.”

  “Huh, I never knew that about you,” she murmured thoughtfully. “Tell me about it.”

  “It was hard work, but the tips were really good.”

  She smirked knowingly. “Did you get hit on a lot?”

  I groaned. “So many times. I got phone numbers written on receipts or folded up under my tips. Most of them were from older chicks, too.”

  Amara laughed. “How many of them did you hook up with? Be honest. How many cougars taught you a few things?”

  “No way. I’m not walking into that trap.” I caught her hand and kissed her fingers before entwining them with mine.

  “That many, huh? Relax, I’m not going to get pissed at hookups that happened before we met. We both have a past.”

  Jealousy punched me in the gut like a sledgehammer, and I tightened my fingers around hers. “Let’s both pretend like we were each other’s firsts, okay? I don’t want to think about you with some other motherfucker.”

  “You’re really cute when you get all jealous. Your nostrils flare and your lips curl.” Giggling, she reached for her water glass with her free hand. “It’s adorable, really, but you don’t have anything to worry about. You’re the only guy I’ve ever fallen for.”

  “Then I’m one lucky sonofabitch,” I told her honestly.

  Another waiter appeared beside our table, ready to take our order. I waited for Amara to tell him what she wanted, then ordered a steak and baked potato for myself. As the waiter walked away, I focused on Amara and the baby. “How have you been feeling? One of the books I’ve been reading says you might still have some morning sickness.”

  She blinked rapidly at me as if she didn’t understand the words I’d just spoken. “You’ve been reading books about pregnancy?”

  “Figured I needed to know what was going on with you since you weren’t here to ask personally. Has the morning sickness stopped?”

  Dazedly, she nodded. “About three weeks ago, it finally let up. But then the cravings kind of kicked in full blast. Which has been a total pain in the ass. It’s hard to find weird foods in the middle of nowhere.”

  “What kind of cravings?”

  “Deep fried Oreos with sriracha was just one of the strange things I’ve gotten addicted to.” She rubbed her stomach fondly. “Thankfully, Kin can cook just about anything I requested. Otherwise, I don’t think either of us would have survived as long as we did together.”

  “You went to the doctor regularly?”

  “I went twice. At this point, I only have to go every few weeks. I guess I’ll have to find an actual OB-GYN to take care of me from here on out.” She bit her lip as she contemplated it. “I’ll figure it out, though.”

  “I want to go to your doctor’s appointments. All of them. Let me know when and where.” I rubbed my thumb over her knuckles, watching for a reaction. “I’ll drive you.”

  She rested her chin on her free hand as she leaned forward. “You’ve come a long way from your initial reaction to me telling you about the baby. I’m really glad you want to be involved, Cash.”

  I grimaced at what a bastard I’d been. “I’m sorry for the way I reacted when you first told me about the baby, Dreamer. I freaked out, but after I talked to Gray and Harris, I calmed down. It just took a little time. Forgive me?”

  “If you’re one hundred percent on board with helping me raise this baby, then yeah, I forgive you.”

  “For everything?” I asked hopefully.

  She sighed heavily but nodded. “Yes. Everything. I’m not going to say I’m happy about the Lindsey thing, but I believe you when you say nothing sexual happened.” She rolled her eyes at whatever was running through her mind.

  “What?” I asked when she didn’t tell me what she was thinking.

  “Our sex life was pretty crazy. As wild as you were with me, I’m fairly sure you weren’t getting it anywhere else.”

  I threw my head back, laughing out loud as her entire face bloomed with pink.

  “Cash!” she hissed when heads turned to look at us.

  Grinning, I lifted her hand to my lips. “Baby, you have no clue how happy you make me. I couldn’t keep my hands off you, and it’s killing me not to touch you the way I’ve been aching to. But for you, I’m going to do just that.” I leaned forward, dropping my voice. “The second you say this sex ban is over, be prepared. You’re not leaving my bed for at least a few days.”

  Her throat worked as she gulped, and she quickly grabbed her water, taking a few thirsty swallows. Once she was composed, she tried to glare at me, but the need shining out of her eyes wasn’t very convincing. “It’s not a ban. Just a pause.”

  “Right. Then, when you hit play again, we aren’t likely to see daylight for a week.”

  A grin teased at the corners of her mouth. “Let’s make it two.”

  Groaning, I leaned back enough to rearrange my cock so my zipper didn’t cripple me. “Evil,” I mouthed as the waiter placed our food in front of us. Amara grinned and picked up her fork.

  Later, after dessert, I took her home. Even though I was dying to take her back to my place—our place—I wasn’t going to fuck this up again. She could have all the time she needed. Until then, I would do whatever possible to show her how much she meant to me.

  With a soft kiss to her lips, I stepped back. Her lashes fluttered up, as if surprised I hadn’t kissed her deeper. Her fingers touched her lips as she leaned back against her apartment door. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” I promised as I took a reluctant step back. “Call me if you need anything.” At the last second, I leaned down and touched my lips to her stomach. “Bye for now, tiny dreamer.”

  “Cash, wait!” she called when I would have turned for the elevators.

  I grinned but shook my head. “No, Amara. Don’t hit the play button just because I said goodbye to our daughter. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  Chapter 23

  Amara

  My lips were still tingling as I walked into work the next morning. My office was a shared room with five other road managers, who came in sporadically throughout the day if they weren’t out on tour with the bands they handled.

  Dropping my box of personal items I’d brought to make my desk homier, I started pulling out picture frames. One of Riley and me, one of the ultrasound that I loved. I’d even printed out one from my phone of Kin and me that I took while we were at the cabin. She wasn’t just the client I managed; she’d turned into a close friend I’d come to rely on.

  And said friend was expecting me downstairs to oversee her demo recordings. Leaving everything on my desk, I scrambled to get there as fast as possible. As I stepped into
the recording studio where Shane Stevenson was already messing with buttons that did God only knew what, I nearly tripped over a miniature replica of the rocker.

  “Mas, don’t play in front of the door, dude,” he called without looking up. “Dad’s got to work with the pretty redhead today.”

  “’Kay, Daddy,” his mini-me muttered and grabbed the dinosaurs he was playing with to move out of the doorway. Looking up at me, he frowned. “Wanna play with me?”

  I crouched down in front of him, picking up the T-Rex. “I wish I could, buddy. Unfortunately, today I have to pretend to be an adult.”

  “That sucks.”

  “Mason, don’t let your mom hear you say sucks, dude,” Shane advised.

  “It’s not a bad word,” his son complained.

  “No, it’s not, but Mom doesn’t like you to say it.” He finally turned to look down at the boy. “Mom rules our world, son. We do what she says. Right?”

  He sighed heavily. “Yes, sir.”

  Shane turned his blue-gray eyes on me, a grin teasing at his lips as I straightened. “Morning. You ready for the drama fest that is about to go down?”

  I frowned. “What drama fest?”

  “Oh, you’ll see,” he assured me with a laugh. “Crap’s about to hit the fan.”

  Moments later, Kin walked into the soundproof room in front of us and took a seat at the mic. Seeing me, she waved, but I could see she wasn’t happy about something. Agitatedly, she spread out the sheet music. “I’m ready when you are,” she said into the microphone.

  Shane pressed a button on the control panel that looked like some kind of alien spaceship device. “Just relax, Kin. It’s just me, Amara, and Mason here. Give me all you got, sweetheart, and I’ll do the rest. Yeah?”

  Her shoulders drooped, and she nodded. She swallowed hard, tipped her head back, and opened her mouth as she let out what must have been an ear-splitting scream, but no one could hear it. Shane and I shared a brief look, and I rushed from the room. Opening the door to the soundproof studio, I walked in and wrapped my arms around Kin.

  She sagged against me, and after a small hesitation, she wrapped her arms around my waist. “I hate the world right now. Maybe…” She sucked in a ragged breath. “Maybe we should wait a few days to do this.”

  I held her tight for a moment before leaning back just enough to look down at her. “Nah,” I told her with a reassuring smile. “I think you’re going to do great today. Artists need passion. No one said it had to be happy passion.”

  “This isn’t passion. It’s a desperation to eradicate all the liars in my life—and the inability to accomplish such a feat without going to prison.”

  I snorted out a laugh. “Yeah, I’ve been there a few times. But experience has taught me that the best way to get back at those idiots is just to move on.”

  “Easier said than done.” She released me and pushed her hair back from her gorgeous face. “But you’re right. It’s definitely time to move on. I’m just glad it’s Friday.”

  “You need a night out.” I pulled my phone out of the back pocket of my maternity jeans, a new purchase since nothing else fit me but dresses, and sent a text to Riley. “This calls for a girls’ night. I’m taking you out, getting you drunk, maybe even laid if you’re up for that, and making you turn off everything even remotely related to Jace St. Charles.”

  “Fuck yeah.” She laughed a little shakily. “Make sure you invite Lucy, though. You two preggos can watch the rest of us shoot tequila together.”

  I grinned. “Sounds like a date. Riley is making all the plans as we speak.”

  Her grin started to dim, and she grasped my hand. “Thanks, Amara. I honestly don’t know how I would have gotten through the last few months without you beside me to keep me straight.”

  “Just remember you’re not alone, babe. I’m here anytime you need me.” I hugged her one more time and stepped back. “Now, deep breath. Suck it up and put all the feels into your music. You got this. You’re going to be a motherfucking rock star.”

  --

  Hours later, as I snagged an everything bagel from the break room for a quick lunch, I hurried back to my desk to get started on some of the work Emmie needed done. As I passed reception, the girl behind the desk jumped to her feet.

  “Amara, right?”

  Pulling the bagel from my mouth, I nodded. “That’s me. What’s up?”

  “You had a visitor. I showed her to your office.” My brows lifted. “She said it was important.”

  “Who is ‘she’?”

  “She said she was family. That’s all I got out of her.”

  Rolling my eyes, I headed once again for my desk, curious as to who it could be visiting me on what was my official first day in the office. It wasn’t my mother; she didn’t even know I had a job, let alone where I was working. Not that she would care. If it didn’t involve Malcolm, it wasn’t important to her. Riley was at work herself, and she would have texted me before showing up. Jane briefly crossed my mind, but again, she would have texted or called before just dropping by. My place of work was a little out of her way, so it wasn’t like she would make the drive from Oklahoma just to surprise me.

  A minute later, I walked into my shared office to find an older woman who was a stranger to me standing over my desk. Dressed in a designer skirt outfit that definitely didn’t come straight off the rack, she stood primly. The tubes that were in her nose and clipped around her ears were attached to an oxygen tank in a stylish Louis Vuitton handbag. But the oxygen mask sat just as regally on her face as the pearls at her neck.

  The picture frame of my ultrasound was in her hands, her fingers tracing over the baby’s figure, and some weird instinct told me exactly who this woman really was.

  Doris Mathias.

  I dropped my bagel in the trash can by the door and dusted off my hands before running my fingers through my hair and clearing my throat to catch her attention. She turned, her face closed and guarded as she inspected me from head to toe, lingering only for a few extra seconds on my small baby bump before moving on. That brief appraisal left me feeling exposed and vulnerable.

  Straightening my shoulders, I stared her down as I crossed to my desk and took the picture frame from her fingers. “Can I help you?” I asked coolly.

  “So, it is true. You got yourself knocked up.” She placed her LV bag on my desk. “How much to get you out of my grandson’s life?”

  “Excuse me?” I demanded as shock began to fade and outrage set in.

  She extracted a wallet from the bag that held her oxygen and opened it. Pulling a pen from the side compartment, she flipped through her checkbook and started writing. “Give me a number. Whatever you want to get out of grandson’s life and take—” she waved at my stomach with distaste “—that with you.”

  I covered my stomach with protective fingers that shook with rage. “Lady, you don’t have enough money to get me away from Cash. I love him, and he loves me. Whether you like it or not, we’re together.”

  She stared at me for a long moment before snapping the wallet shut. As she replaced it in her bag, the barest hint of a smile lifted her lips. “I wasn’t sure, so I had to check.” She held out her hand. “Doris Mathias.”

  I glared at her hand for a few seconds, unsure what the hell was going on. I felt pissed and rattled. She had called my baby—her great-grandchild—“that.” It hurt, but I was ready to slap her oxygen right off her face. Screw the fact that she was Cash’s grandmother. Fuck the fact that she was my elder. I had no respect for her.

  Her face softened as I continued to glare at her, and she dropped her hand. “I apologize, Amara. Honestly, from the bottom of my heart, I am sorry for how I just treated you. But I had to make sure you weren’t playing my grandson.”

  “Is that why you’re here?” I asked. “To test me?”

  She shrugged. “In part. I also wanted to see the woman who finally won Cash’s heart.” Her eyes appraised me again, but this time, they were kinder, perhaps ev
en empathetic. “You’re very beautiful, but beauty is only skin-deep a good percent of the time. My daughter-in-law is a case in point. She got pregnant with Cash and trapped my son. I gave her the same option I just gave you, told her to name her price. It was an astonishingly large number, but I wrote the check. I thought that would be the end of it, but my son still ended up marrying her.”

  I walked around my desk and sat down, needing to sit before I fell down. “Cash told me he isn’t close to his parents.” This was more information that I’d ever gotten about his mother, and I realized he probably didn’t know about the check his grandmother wrote the woman who gave birth to him.

  “His mother got what she wanted when Harden put his ring on her finger. I got what I wanted the day Cash was born. I raised him. I loved him like a mother should.”

  “And then you used him like everyone else,” I cut in, my glare returning. “What exactly were you hoping to accomplish by having him use Lindsey like that? Was it really just for her father’s vote?”

  “Partially,” she said with a tilt of her head. “But I was aware of Miss Connors’s background. She comes from a good family, has the pedigree I would have originally wanted for my grandson. And given time, if they had worked out, I knew Cash would return home and start his family and his career as he was supposed to do.”

  “His career,” I parroted. “You mean the dirty politics and using people to get what you want career? He would have been under your thumb for the rest of his life. You would have stifled his creativity, drained the life from him, but that’s okay because he was doing what you deem the ‘right thing.’”

  She waved her hand dismissively. “His music is simply a hobby. It was always just a thing to pass the time. It won’t lead anywhere.”

  “It has already led somewhere,” I snapped at her, making her frown down at me disapprovingly. “He has a talent that most people only dream of having and a career that is only just now making headway. He’s won awards some people work a lifetime for and still don’t accomplish. Music isn’t a hobby to him. It’s his life. It’s part of who he is like it was ingrained in his DNA.”