The Beginning of Never

by O. E. Boroni

  Instantly, she reacted. "Are you kidding me, or did I not see him kiss you last night?"

  “He didn’t kiss me,” I said. “And it was all an ‘act’ for Beverly; she bullied me because of him."

  "What?"

  "She made me color-coordinate the common room bookshelf yesterday, and as if that wasn’t enough, she hit me when I stood up to collect a book from Nathan. I got angry, and that was why I put the show on. He just played along."

  She seemed calmer now, but it was obvious that she was still upset.

  "I don’t think it’s just that," she argued. "I see the way he is with you. He’s so comfortable. I won’t be surprised if he actually did like you.”

  "Don't be silly Kate," I said, but her tone increased.

  "I'm not. How can you not see it? He does stuff for you, he listens to you. Out of the entire school you’re the only girl he allows anyone to see him with and he’s been here for a year. Tell me I’m being stupid again."

  I was surprised. “So if you see it this way then why are you upset with me?”

  “Because you’re encouraging him by always being there. And it’s so unfair because you don’t even like him.”

  “But I introduced you to him.”

  “That’s the thing- it doesn’t even matter because he did that for you, not because he really wanted to know who I was and that’s the problem right there. You’re … there, so he doesn’t look anywhere else.”

  I couldn’t believe this.

  “So what do you want me to do?” I asked. “To not be there?”

  She seemed reluctant, but that didn’t stop her from saying it. “Yes,” she said. “If you can manage it.”

  Suddenly none of this was interesting anymore, and at that moment, I wanted so desperately to put an end to all of it.

  "Kate," I said, hurt at how selfish she’d just shown herself to be. “He can’t be in love with me.”

  "Really?” she said sarcastically. “And what makes you think so?”

  “Because we’re related.”

  Her eyes widened. “Are you trying to be funny?” she asked, sounding offended that I thought her stupid enough to believe such a lie.

  "No, I’m not, and it's the truth. We’re cousins," I said, and tried not to imagine Nathan's face when he eventually got wind of this lie, because he was definitely going to find out.

  "Really? How?" she asked, still skeptical. “Because in case you haven’t noticed, he’s from a different continent than you.”

  "His mom is American and she's my mom’s aunty.” I said, wondering why I couldn’t have just said sister instead of aunty. It sounded too complicated even to my own ears. She watched me, and for a moment there I was sure that I had overdone it.

  "I'm sure I’ve mentioned this to you before," I went on to add, hoping that her need to believe me would help her latch more easily onto the tale. It was wrong, I knew, but I didn’t know how else to handle what was rapidly beginning to feel like chaos to me. I didn’t keep myself out of the limelight for so long only to be brought into it for something as ridiculous as receiving attention from a boy.

  When I could see her shoulders eventually relax, and acceptance gradually come to her face, I threw in another fable to solidify all the others. "That's why he helped me out, and that's why you see me with him sometimes." I dug a nail into the skin of my thumb to get me to shut up; I was overdoing it.

  "I'm sorry I overreacted," she finally muttered. I forced a smile.

  "No problem," I said, and then I turned around to return to my seat. I was pissed as I gathered my things and left the class.

  *

  Nathan called me when I got back to my room after school. I’d just returned from the bathroom to meet the incoming Skype call, and was surprised when I saw that he was the one calling.

  Stunned, I just stared at the screen until it disconnected, and that pulled me out of my daze. However, when seconds later he called again, I rushed to grab the hairbrush off my table and roughly ran it through my hair. I was wearing a sweatshirt over my tank top so I was decent, but before I could get back to the call, it disconnected again. So with a racing heart, I plugged my earphones into my ears and called him back. He picked it up on the second to last ring. My eyes widened slightly as his face came into view.

  "Hi," I said, but my voice sounded hoarse. I cleared my throat and repeated my greeting. I could see that he was seated at his desk and scribbling away, but only when he turned did I realize that he didn't have a shirt on. That drew a small cough from me.

  "Hey," he replied, without looking up and I waited a few seconds before he finally did. "How was your day?" he asked.

  I rolled my eyes.

  He chuckled. "That bad huh?"

  "That bad.”

  “Anything you want to share?”

  “Nah. I did tell Kate we were cousins though.”

  "I’ve heard," he said flatly.

  My jaw dropped. “Already?’

  He shrugged. "What prompted it?"

  “I don’t feel it’s appropriate to tell you,” I said with a sigh and somehow, he either understood or just didn’t care.

  “Okay,” he said, seemingly eager to get off the subject. "You have a math test tomorrow."

  The reminder immediately depressed me.

  "How do you know?" I asked, curious as to why he even knew that.

  He frowned half-heartedly. "Does it matter?"

  "It does," I teased, but he ignored it, and went on.

  "Are you ready for it?"

  I shook my head. "I hate Math."

  "I've heard," he muttered, but I heard it.

  I scowled at him.

  "Get your notebook, let’s do some work."

  That surprised me. "You’re kidding right?"

  "I'm not," he said. "What did you get on your last test?"

  I got a ‘D’ but I wasn't about to tell him that. He narrowed his eyes. “Let’s pretend I don't know. Come on, get your books."

  "But, on Skype?"

  "Yes Nora, on Skype. Or would you rather see me in person?” he teased.

  I cocked an eyebrow at him, and fetched the notebook from under my desk. He scribbled the problems down as I recited them to him, and then patiently went through each one- explaining until he was sure that I understood them. Sadly, he had to repeat himself a lot because I barely had the basics down, but at the end of the hour, we were almost done revising the concentration areas that Mr Barron had given to us.

  I grew drowsy towards the end and in consideration, he finally let me go. I fell asleep immediately and got up just in time for dinner. Walking sluggishly, I found my way to the hall but was accosted at the door by a couple of girls I had seen with Kate on varied occasions. They dragged me away to sit with them and quietly, I watched as I suddenly became more important to them than whatever had made them ignore me for the last three years.

  Kate was already seated when we reached the table so as soon as I sat down, they started with the attack. "Kate tells us you're cousins with Alexandre," one said.

  "Oh my God," another squealed, "you're so lucky. You get to like talk to him a whole lot don't you?"

  "Uh ..." I began, but another interrupted me. I didn’t have concrete answers to their questions anyway so I just responded in grunts and nods, until I finally felt too uncomfortable to continue. I looked away and it was just in time to see Nathan walk into the hall.

  He didn't look in my direction but just headed over to his table, and sat down quietly. He had an unusually dark expression on his face and I wondered why.

  James started speaking to him as soon as he sat down, and as I continued to sneak peeks at them, I wished more than anything that I could ditch the nightmare that I was in at this table, and go over. It did hurt me a little though that he still hadn’t bothered looking around to find me; no one would have guessed that we had practically spent the entire afternoon together.

  "Lennie, please introduce us to Alex," one of the girl’s finally said, and
that brought my full focus to rest on all of them. What?

  "He's in a bad mood," I replied.

  "He seems fine to me," she said, and I turned around to see what she was talking about. Nathan was now smiling as James spoke to him and it surprised me; a moment ago he had seemed gloomy.

  Before I could respond, Kate was already out of her seat, the girl that had asked me to introduce her to him with her, and they were heading towards him. I wanted to slap my palm against my forehead.

  “What are they doing?” I asked, but turned when I didn’t get a response to see the excitement on the faces of the remaining two girls as they watched their friends go up to him. Apparently I didn’t exist anymore, so I just turned to watch what he would do.

  I expected that he wasn’t aware that they were heading towards him, so when he stood from the bench before they reached him and started to make his way towards the exit, my eyes widened in amusement. He did stop though, when Kate called out to him. They hurried over when he waited and although he didn't stay long, he seemed polite enough and flashed soft smiles at them before he finally excused himself, and went on his way.

  Both Kate and her friend looked sour as he left, while I turned away to gloat silently. I did hope that he would be able to get something to eat before he slept since they had obviously made him miss dinner, even though as they returned with beaming faces, I didn’t think they realized it. I logged into Skype on my laptop as soon as I got back to my room so that I could confirm, but he didn't come online. I fell asleep waiting.

  *

  My test was bad, but not horrible. At least I had had an idea of the problems; I just didn't remember the steps Nathan had laboriously explained to me. It darkened my mood and kept me wondering about what excuse I was going to come up with when he asked me about it. I really hoped he didn’t.

  When lunch came, I sat in the cafeteria at the far end of an empty table and silently ate. It was a bit silly but I was avoiding him, just in case he came by the courtyard. I was almost done with my food when Beverly came over with two of her friends. They had their trays in their hands.

  “Move!” she said, and I raised my head to frown at her. Before I could do anything else she picked up my tray and carelessly dropped it on a nearby table. Its occupants looked up to see what was going on.

  I was sick of the harassment, but the cafeteria was the worst possible place to lose my cool. So without a word, I took my tray along with me and finished my lunch in the courtyard. I refused to feel anything, but when I opened my locker a few minutes later to see that Nathan had left a note for me, I eagerly tore it open. It read:

  Do you want to go to the stream on Saturday? 2pm.

  Instantly, a wide, heartfelt smile broke out on my face. Finally, I thought, I will have a little peace tomorrow.

  « CHAPTER 14»

  On Saturday, my hands trembled as I approached the storage room and it wasn’t because I was more than twenty minutes late. I found him seated on the floor, but he got up as soon as he saw me. I sensed immediately that something was wrong with him, but I held my peace until we arrived at the forest. He laid a blanket on the cool ground for us and I sat on it, but watched as he walked quietly away from me and towards the stream. After a few minutes, he called out.

  "How was your test?"

  I blushed, and was glad that he was too far out to see how uneasy I’d gotten. I didn’t respond but instead, began racking my brain to think of a way to change the subject. Then it occurred to me that I could use the woes of my failed test to tease him into lightening up, since there was obviously something that was bothering him. Assuming of course, that it wouldn't make him more upset than he already was.

  Either way it was worth a try, so I removed my sandals and walked over to him. Today I had a pair of khaki shorts on, with a thin, white, extra-large shirt that hung off my right shoulder. My hair had been tamed into a very loose bun on the top of my head.

  I had taken extra care with my appearance today so although it was casual, it wasn't as careless as it usually was. He watched me as I walked over to him and it made me feel thrilled at the appreciation, -whether it was real or imagined-, that I thought I saw in his eyes. I glowed under his scrutiny but for both our sakes, paid attention as I treaded carefully down the banks.

  He took my hand when I reached the wide rock that he was standing on and gently led me from his side until I was facing him. Looking into his eyes, I took a deep breath and stepped closer to him until our chests were pressed against each other. His eyes widened slightly when he saw what I was doing, but he didn’t say anything. He just watched to see what I wanted to do.

  Wondering what the hell had come over me, I took my eyes away from his and hoped that for both our sakes, he wouldn't mock me too much because it was surely going to ruin the afternoon if out of annoyance, I pushed him off the rock and into the stream. Still avoiding his gaze, I lightly poked at his chest with my forefinger.

  "You made me fail," I accused, and looked up to watch as the amusement that found its way into his eyes, replaced his previously dour look.

  "You flunked the test?" he asked.

  My frown deepened, but I didn't nod. There was still hope.

  "I didn't flunk ... yet," I said and he laughed softly.

  "You're a bad teacher," I accused, but he shook his head.

  "I am not,” he said, and surprised me by encircling his hands around my neck. He drew me even closer and rested his chin on my head. "You're just a very bad student."

  An overwhelming warmth came over me as I encircled my arms around his waist, and leaned into him. It should have been inappropriate that we held each other like that, but in that moment, I couldn’t have objected even if I wanted to. And besides, we were supposed to be ‘cousins’.

  We remained like that for longer than I expected and in those few minutes, I was able to hear the gentle beating of his heart; although the rush of the stream and the chatter of the birds overhead were almost loud enough to drown it. Tightening my hold around him, I eagerly breathed in his clean scent and relished his warmth as I was reminded of what contentment felt like.

  "You didn't practice it, did you?” he asked.

  I smiled sheepishly against his shoulder. "I was sure I’d remember how to do it."

  "You only understood it when I explained to you. Knowing math takes practice."

  “I know that,” I said.

  He loosened his arms from around my neck and with both hands on my shoulder, pulled me slightly away so that I could meet his eyes.

  "I can't have you flunking your tests," he said, and tucked the tendrils of escaped hair that were now blowing across my face behind my ear.

  I couldn't respond; I was too busy trying to remain sane from the way he was looking directly into my eyes. “I’ll do better next time,” I eventually said, and he nodded in agreement. "You will."

  We continued to stare at each other until the thought occurred to me that if I just reached up on the tip of my toes, I would be able to kiss him. As soon as it did, it felt like my breathing slowed down. So I took my gaze away from his, and took a deep breath as I tried to think of something to say that would change the suddenly tense air around us.

  His gloom from the previous night and earlier immediately came into my mind, so I returned my gaze to him and asked.

  "Was something bothering you? Earlier you seemed a little... distracted.”

  His eyes narrowed in surprise.

  "What makes you think that?”

  I shrugged. "I don’t know, you just seemed a little down. Is everything alright?”

  Lifting his hand to my face, he gently stroked my cheeks and shook his head. "It's fine," he said. "I'm fine."

  “Okay,” I said, the dismissal of my concern a little disheartening. I started to pull away from him so I could head back to the clearing but he refused to let me go. Instead, he took my hand and slowly guided me to the rock closest to the water. We sat down on it and watched as the clear water lapped noisi
ly against the rocks, and rushed downstream.

  "One of my brothers sent me a message on Tuesday,” he said, "just before dinner. He told me that my dad had a heart attack late last week…”

  My breath caught as soon as he said that, but he hurried on to relieve my concern. "It’s fine… he’s fine; luckily it was a mild one, so he's already recovering. They didn’t tell me immediately because they didn’t want me to be unnecessarily worried about it.”

  "I'm so sorry," I said, feeling absolutely useless because that was all I could say.

  "He's strong," he said. "So he’ll be fine. Come to think about it the only times I've seen him weak were in his dealings with my mother, and that, I could not understand. She practically ruined him."

  "What do you mean, ‘she ruined him’?" I asked, and his eyes roved over my face. I assumed he was trying to decide whether to reveal this part of himself or not but I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable. I started to tell him not to bother, but he began before I could speak.

  "My dad loved my mom. I always knew that, but not until she left did any of us realize just how much.”

  "She didn't love him back?"

  "I want to believe that she did, to an extent at least, but it wasn't enough."

  "How?"

  He sighed heavily, and even though he stared straight ahead so I couldn’t see the pain that was no doubt in his eyes, I heard it in his voice. His tone had become harsh, and it was obvious that he was still so angry about it.

  "He wasn't rich enough for her.” He stated plainly, and the statement immediately drove a chill down my spine. “Her dad hadn't been wealthy either so she saw it as a cruel repeat of history. She left when I was thirteen, but my dad still let her come over anytime she wanted to see us. At first I was mad at him, but when she only came once or twice a year, I didn't mind so much. She went back to the States and married some guy – I never really bothered to find out all the details."

  "Wait, your mom is actually an American?" I asked. He turned to me, wondering why I seemed so surprised.