The Beginning of Never

by O. E. Boroni

  “Of course that’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for why you don’t know the routine of a school that you’ve been in for three years.”

  “I’m more of a ‘live in the moment kinda girl’.” I said.

  “Uh huh, definitely.” He said, unmoved by my attempt to excuse my ignorance.

  “I really am though.”

  He chuckled. “Okay.”

  When we reached his table, I was surprised that Nathan was nowhere to be found, so I asked James where he was.

  “He went back to his dorm.”

  “Isn’t he coming with us for the meeting?”

  He snorted. “Of course not. He has his own library in his room- the snob.”

  My face instantly fell. What had Nathan just gotten me into? It barely even registered in my brain as James picked up his bag and we started to walk out of the hall because I was trying to figure out what was happening.

  “How did you know I was back there?” I asked James.

  “Alex told me. He was the one that told me to come get you since you wanted to come along.”

  “And you’re sure he’s not coming?”

  “Yeah, I mean, he never does. Did he say something to you? Is he going to stop by? I’ve been trying to get him to accept our invite for months.”

  I shook my head. “No. No he didn’t.”

  *

  The library club took place in the section of the library that allowed for a quiet chat, and leisurely reading. It was usually decorated with huge navy blue sofas, but for today’s meeting, a few more single chairs had been added around it to make room for the surprisingly large number of people that came. From where I sat on one of the single chairs by an extreme corner, I had counted up to forty-five people.

  James was in his element as he led the discussion about the classic literature book that they had read for the week. I’d never heard of it, but apparently reading it automatically made you sound smarter because everyone that stood up to give their reviews did it pretentiously. They used such unnecessarily complex words that I was certain I wasn’t the only one in the room who had trouble understanding.

  It no doubt made them feel smarter, but it made me hate Nathan even more than I already did. I still couldn’t believe that he had thrown me in here with no intention of bringing me out. It would have been funny, but I was too angry and disappointed that he was still so inept at dealing with me. Anyway, it had only been fifteen minutes since I’d been here so there was still a possibility that there was a punch line to the joke. I just couldn’t accept that there wasn’t because I had to believe that he knew better than to forcibly thrust me into a situation such as this.

  At twenty-five minutes past eight, I almost fell out of my chair when I happened to glance backwards, and saw Nathan arrive. I watched as he took a seat and started to watch the Slovakian girl that was now giving her review. With my mind, I willed him to turn so that he could meet my gaze and see how pissed I was, but when almost a minute later he still hadn’t, I turned my head back to the girl.

  I gave myself and him until 8:30, because if he hadn’t made a move to get me out of here by then, I was returning to my house immediately. By 8:30 however, he still hadn’t done anything so I got ready to leave. Just as I was about to excuse myself, the girl finished with her review and James stood up to announce the next phase of the meeting.

  “Now we go for the ‘hunt and discover’.” He said with exaggerated excitement. “And for the new comers it simply means that you go around the literature section and find any fascinating book that you would want to be our read for next week. The point is to enjoy discovering new books with little to no distraction since we’re the only ones here. Have fun, and I’ll see you all back here in half an hour.”

  Everyone got up after that and so did I. I didn’t turn to look at Nathan again but I knew when he came up to me. He stood behind me as I took my time to brush off whatever imaginary lint particles I felt were on my clothes.

  “Are you going to talk to me anytime soon?” he asked calmly, sounding as if he was ready for whatever hell I was going to raise at him for sending me here. It made me smile, and although I was still pissed, I had to admit that his plan was brilliant. I couldn’t have thought about it if I’d tried, but it did made me wonder why he felt that it wouldn’t be a good idea for us to be seen together. Did he perhaps know something about Beverly and the bullying? I hoped that he didn’t because it made me anxious at what his reaction would be.

  Before turning to him, I tried my best to wipe the smile off my face and replace it with the scowl that had been on it all evening.

  “Do you plan to warn me next time you decide to send me to a library book club?”

  “No.” he replied unrepentantly. “Societies like this are good in molding young minds like yours.”

  “And let me guess, you’re not part of these young minds”

  “I am not.” He said, and then surprised me when he gently brushed my hair away from my shoulder.

  “Uh,” I cleared my throat. “How old are you? I’ve never thought to ask.”

  “I’ll be nineteen next month.” He replied, and then took my hand in his. “Come on, let’s go. We have work to do.”

  I grumbled half-heartedly as he pulled me along with him. “I’m not in the mood for math anymore.”

  “Don’t worry, I’ll get you in the mood.” He said, and I was sure that it was an innocent comment but I couldn’t help the fake cough that escaped my lips. It made him laugh.

  “Those vampire novels are ruining your mind.” He said as we reached my usual table. After pulling out a seat for me, he pulled out another for himself and sat down.

  “They’re not,” I disagreed. “And you’ve only seen me with one so far. What makes you think that that’s all I read?”

  He took a moment to consider the question. “I don’t know.” he said, “Anyway, let’s get started. I heard most of your class failed the math test."

  I smiled.

  "You're pleased?"

  I shrugged. “It got Mr. Barron to give a retake.”

  “Well then, let’s make sure you do better this time around.”

  "Don't you have your own studying to do?" I asked.

  "I'll do that later." He said, and we began.

  After I showed him the problems I had difficulties with, he put his glasses on, and started going through them with me.

  We were at it for almost two hours and by then, I had forgotten about the library club. I wasn’t even sure they were still around because the book cases that shielded my table from the rest of the library prevented me from seeing anyone else.

  It was now getting close to 11pm and we were almost done because he had gone through almost all the calculations that I had covered since the beginning of the term. He was so focused throughout the whole thing that I was almost too scared to make jokes. I did try though; little dumb remarks here and there, to which he only supplied a light smile if I was lucky, but most times he totally ignored them.

  I knew he was serious, but I didn't expect him to be this single minded. It was so different from how I was because I had a low attention span, so my mind wandered away easily. But he just stayed on what he was doing and only turned to me when he wanted to ensure that I understood what he was saying. I was tempted more than once to ruffle his hair or peck his cheek, but I’d already surpassed my flirting limit for the day and quite possibly the month. I cringed when I remembered how I’d kissed him in the stream.

  I’d succeeded in convincing myself that it wasn’t a big deal, and that he’d probably just taken it as a friendly kiss, but I would have liked it if he’d at least mentioned it, even if it was to discourage me from repeating it in the future. That would of course be a huge blow to my self- esteem but it was better than completely ignoring the fact that it had happened.

  After another half hour of making me run through the problems again, but this time listening to me as I explained them to him, he finally let me breathe
.

  He excused himself for a few minutes to check on James, but then came back and wrote out a question that he wanted me to try out. I rolled my eyes but picked the pen up to start on it. He leaned forward to watch me as I worked but it was too distracting so I kept stumbling around, trying to find the solution. He was just too close to me now. So close that I could feel the warmth from his body. I really tried to concentrate but when he went on to drape an arm across the top of my chair and leaned even closer, I dropped the pen.

  “What is it?” he asked, looking confused when I turned to scowl at him. When I didn’t say anything, he picked the pen back up and prodded it into my hand.

  “Come on,” he urged gently. “We only have a few more minutes here.”

  Then back up because I can’t think, I wanted to say, but didn’t.

  Eventually I made a mistake and didn’t realize it, so when I kept on going, he pulled the pen from my hand and told me where I’d gone wrong. This time I watched the gentle movement of his lips and the soft way his eyelids moved as he spoke. When he caught me staring, he frowned.

  “What was the last thing I just said?” he asked.

  I had no idea. “Uhh…” I started and he watched, his eyebrows furrowed into a frown as I tried to make something up. He got up then and started replacing my things into my bag. Then he pulled my chair backwards with me on it. I giggled.

  “Let’s go.” He said, and I was more than happy to.

  *

  The next morning was the test, and it ended up being amazing. I had revisited the problems we had studied last evening several times before I had gone to bed, so I was convinced that I was prepared. However I had been so nervous at first that it had taken me a few moments to reacquaint myself with the first question. I almost stumbled on the final question as well, but I was able to recover quickly and complete the problem.

  When I was done, there was still fifteen minutes left so I went over everything again and still found myself early. So I waited until the majority of the class had left, and then stood up to submit my paper.

  I walked out of the door, trying but failing to keep the joy off my face as I headed to my locker. When I saw that Nathan was waiting by it, my nerves joined in so by the time I reached him, I was sure that my face was now a bright red.

  "How was your test?" Nathan asked.

  "It was fine," I answered with a breathy voice, and an excited smile. Both stunned me. Only then did I notice the quiet uproar we stirred along the hallway in curious stares and light whispers, as everyone no doubt wondered why we were together, yet again.

  We're cousins! I wanted to yell at them, but instead I directed my upset at their intrusion on forcefully prying my locker open. When I turned back to look at him, I found him watching me intently.

  “Are you alright?” he asked, but I suspected he knew why I was upset.

  “I am.” I replied anyway. “Any news about your dad?"

  "Yeah, he's doing well now so he'll be out of hospital soon."

  "That's good," I said, relieved for him.

  "Are you returning to the States for midterms?" he asked.

  I shrugged. "I probably will, I always do. I don't know anyone in England. What about you?"

  "I'm not sure yet." he said. "So, was the test that good?"

  I nodded. "It was."

  "You still need to wait for the results though," he said.

  I frowned at him for attempting to lower my expectation. "Can't I at least enjoy this?"

  "You can," he said, and rested a hand on my shoulder. "But still ... wait.” Then with a smile, he walked away.

  I stared after him until he finally disappeared above the stairs, wondering when I'd be able to see him again and away from prying eyes. Shrewd laughter behind me brought my attention back so I retrieved the things I needed from my locker, and headed back to the dining hall for lunch.

  *

  Later that afternoon, I had just finished the cup of raspberry yoghurt that I’d brought back with me from lunch, and was heading to the bathroom to wash my hands when I heard someone sobbing quietly.

  True enough, I walked in and met a girl at the sink with her head lowered. She turned the faucet on to begin washing her hands as soon as she noticed me come in, but I could still hear her sniffing as she tried to control her tears.

  I proceeded to wash my hands but even as I turned the faucet off and then went on to the dryer, I couldn’t stop watching her. There was something very familiar about her frame that I couldn’t quite place, but when she glanced at me and caught me staring, I finally remembered who she was.

  She was the one that had been at our table with her boyfriend, on the day of the food fight. I hadn’t noticed it then, but she was very pretty. She had big brown eyes, and shoulder length, dark blonde curly hair.

  When I didn’t do or say anything after holding her gaze for a few seconds, she turned the faucet off and left the bathroom. I took a deep breath, knowing what I should do but wishing that I didn't have to. I probably wouldn't have even bothered a few weeks ago, but now I wanted to believe that to an extent, I wasn't so bitter and uncaring anymore.

  So I quietly followed her until she walked into her room and closed the door behind her. I knocked softly, and when she told me to come in, I did. She was sitting on her bed, and looked puzzled when she saw that I was the one.

  "Do you need something?" she asked.

  I shook my head. "Uh, I–I just wanted to find out if you were alright."

  "Do I look like I'm alright?" she asked, and I was sure that she intended it to be sarcastic but it came out sounding like an outright question. I didn't know whether to answer her or be offended, so I just took a few steps further into the room until I was standing close to her bed.

  "What’s wrong?” I asked, and was fascinated when a thousand emotions crossed her face in the minute that it took for her to assess me, and make up her mind on whether to talk to me or kick me out.

  "It's nothing," she eventually replied. "Just boyfriend problems, which has now caused hazing problems. Stupid Natalie had me serving her table all afternoon.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said, fully able to relate. “He’s a senior right?”

  “Yeah,” she said.

  “Well, it’s expected.” I said. “There’s an instant hate from them when you’re suddenly in their waters.”

  “That’s not even the worst part,” she said, her eyes filling up with tears again. “The boy aspect is just driving me freaking crazy.”

  "The guy that was at the table with you right? The night of the food fight."

  "Yeah," she answered. "Matthew."

  "Do you want to talk about it?" I asked, hoping she wouldn't hear me, or at least decline the offer.

  "Not really…" she started. I rolled my eyes and waited.

  "It's just that he used to be so psyched about us, you know. But now he acts like I’m a burden- like he's tired or something. This was a boy that begged me to date him, and now that I am, it's like I don't matter anymore."

  She looked at me, and I was prepared to listen to her rant as long as she wanted to, but her next comment stunned the breath out of me. "I bet Alexandre doesn't treat you this way." She said.

  “Excuse me?”

  “James’s cousin- Alex.”

  “Um, we’re just friends," I said. "Cousins too, in fact."

  She looked genuinely confused. "Are you serious? James never mentioned that to me and I heard you were dating him."

  "Well, I’m not," I said, wondering how many other people thought we were dating, and why the cousin story had not spread widely enough.

  "Well, with the way he was with you at the table and a couple of other times I've seen you guys around, I could have sworn you were. I’m sorry."

  “It’s okay.” I said, wondering what everyone was seeing that made them think we were a couple, because I sure as hell wasn’t seeing it.

  "Anyway about your boyfriend,” I said, so that we could change the topic. “D
o you still like him?”

  “I do,” she answered. “But with the way he acts sometimes I’m beginning to think that I should just forget about him and move on.”

  That, I didn’t have a response to but after a few silent moments, she looked at me, expecting one.

  “Oh, I have no idea,” I said with a shaky laugh. “I don’t know how these things work so I’m probably the last person you should ask.”

  “Probably,” she said, and I felt relieved. She, however still hung her head low, so I thought of something neutral to say.

  "Don’t worry about all of this though,” I said. “I mean, if it's meant to work out it will, and if it doesn’t, then don't be sad about it either. You'll have to let it go and wait for something better."

  "What if there isn't anything better?" she asked.

  I scoffed away her question. "There's always something better."

  “Okay. Thank you.” She said, before introducing herself. Her name was Elisa Watton.

  *

  I felt elated throughout the entire afternoon, and when by dinnertime, I walked into the hall and spotted Nathan, I went straight over to his table. I sat beside him, but with my legs on both side of the bench so that I could face him directly.

  "Guess what happened today?" I said.

  "What?" he asked as he looked up from the book he was reading- and that was all it took for my brain to turn to mush. As I stared at him, all I could hear was my heart pounding in my ears, along with a nervous excitement that ran up and down my body, and made it a little harder to breathe. It was the stupidest thing to be able to feel like this because of one inconsequential look, and I sure as hell didn’t want to end up hurt like Elisa. Worried, I took a cookie from the packet in front of him.

  "Are you alright?" he asked, and lightly touched the side of my arm.

  "I'm fine," I replied, and put the cookie in my mouth. I used that time to retrace my train of thought and it would have helped greatly, if his eyes weren't so fixed on me in concern.

  "Did you beat someone up?" he teased, and it amused me. I flicked the crumbs on my fingertips at him. Grinning, he shifted slightly to the side to avoid it and then lifted his left leg over the bench so that he was sitting across just like I was.