Pumpkins and Potions

by Tegan Maher

  “I bet he’ll be happy about that,” I said.

  “I’m right here,” Grant said. “You don’t have to talk about me like I’m not in the room.”

  I chuckled. “Something tells me Detective Wolfe wasn’t the best patient your mom has ever had.”

  Playing along, Tamara nodded. “Yeah, he was kind of a pain in the butt sometimes.”

  “I can hear you.” He finished the tea and set the cup on the nightstand. “You know that right?”

  “How long will he be like that?” I asked.

  “Like what?” Grant demanded.

  Tamara shrugged. “I’ve never given someone that kind of tea before. He was my guinea pig.”

  Grant lifted his arm, stared at it, then glanced over at us. “Tell me you’re joking? You can see me right? You can hear me?”

  “Well, it works.” I glanced around the room. “Do you suppose he’s still in the room or gone out exploring?”

  “I’m right here!” Grant screamed.

  “You know,” Tamara mused, “we could make a killing on this tea. Wives want to just get away for a minute, no interruption, no hounding questions from husbands or kids. Drink the tea, and poof they’ve got alone time.”

  Turning, I reached over and shut off the light. “Yeah, we can make a mint off this. Now we just need to see how long it lasts.”

  As I closed the door behind me, I could still hear Grant inside sputtering. “I’m still here! I’m not invisible! I know you can see me!” Pause. “Right? You can see me, right? Serena!”

  Want to Read More?

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  Jenna writes in the genres of cozy/paranormal cozy/romantic comedy. Her humorous characters revolve around over-the-top family members, creative murders, and there’s always an element of the military in her stories. Jenna currently lives in Missouri with her fiancé, stepdaughter, Nova Scotia duck tolling retriever dog, Brownie, and her tuxedo-cat, Whiskey. When she’s not writing, Jenna likes to attend beer and wine tastings, go antiquing, visit craft festivals, and spend time with her family and friends.

  Beswitched

  Ava Mallory

  Avoiding trouble has never been Relationship Advice Columnist Beatrice Montoya’s strong suit. Throw in the divas—her mother, a Hollywood legend, and her flighty P.I. sister—and trouble is all but guaranteed.

  The drama hits an all-time high when a newcomer to their tightknit small town goes missing on Halloween eve, and all clues lead to Bea and the divas.

  Three witches, a dozen mishaps, and one curse too many leads them down a winding road to justice… if they can keep themselves and their abilities under the radar, and more importantly, out of the tabloids.

  Will they get their man or will their stale spells spell disaster for them?

  1

  “Murder isn’t on today’s to-do list.”

  Leave it to my mother to say the M word in front of a table of police officers.

  “What, it’s true. If I’d known I’d have to kill someone today, I would’ve worn different shoes and maybe a pair of leather gloves,” she said without blinking an eye at the officers who’d taken great interest in our conversation.

  “Everything okay, ladies?” a handsome young officer with eyes the color of the sky asked.

  A blonde woman whose face was hidden under a wide-brimmed hat sat behind the officers’ table mumbled, “Sounds like everything is perfect… if you’re in the mood for murder with your eggs.”

  My mother growled like a dog in response to that comment.

  My brain could only handle one catastrophe at a time, so I went with the one that could land us in jail.

  I used an elbow to nudge my mother to the side before she hooked her claws into the officer, or worse, the hat lady. “We’re fine, thank you, sir. We’ll be on our way now. Things to do. People to see and all.”

  He glanced at the other officers who were mesmerized by my mother as she reapplied her ruby red lipstick sans mirror, because she was “a professional”.

  “I know what you’re thinking,” she said with a wink, “and you’re right. I am her, but let’s keep that between us. Wouldn’t want to make our friends and neighbors jealous.”

  I could tell by the looks on the officers’ faces, they didn’t know what she was talking about, but thankfully, none of them said as much.

  “Mama,” I started before she hushed me with a quick snap of her fingers.

  “Don’t worry. I’m used to this. People never forget a Hollywood starlet. Not on purpose, anyway.”

  “Starlet?” the officer asked. “Were you an actress?”

  Uh-oh, he used the dreaded word ‘were’. She had difficulty accepting she was no longer Hollywood’s ‘It girl’. That was by choice after she discovered my father’s affair with a much younger woman.

  Juliana, my older sister, jumped out of her seat, pushed up her cleavage, and made a beeline for the handsome officer. “Hi! I’m Juliana. This is my mother.” She pushed my mother back so she could get closer to the officer. “She’s not all there, if you know what I mean.”

  He sighed and shook his head. “Sorry to hear that.”

  The gasp that left Mama’s lips caused everyone in the small diner to turn in our direction.

  “Don’t do it,” I whispered to her through gritted teeth. “Let it go. Please.”

  She never listened to anyone, especially me. “I can speak for myself, thank you very much.” She pushed herself in front of Juliana and placed a hand on the officer’s arm. “I’m sorry. How rude of me. I didn’t introduce myself. I’m Consuelo Montoya.” She eyed his name tag. “Officer A. Santiago. Oh, you’re Spanish? That’s great! So are we.” She immediately fell into the thick Spanish accent, her longtime soap opera character used. “Tell me, where is your family from? Jalisco? Madrid? Rio de Janeiro? Miami? Buenos Aires?”

  “Take a breath, Mama,” I said. “We don’t interrogate them. They interrogate us.”

  The officer blushed and nodded. “I’m not interrogating you, am I?” The other officers laughed and mocked him. He shot a glare at them. “Since we’re on the subject, did someone say murder or did I hear that wrong?”

  Mama gulped. “Who me?” She cupped her hand over her mouth. “Do I look like a murderer to you?”

  “Murderers come in all shapes and sizes, ma’am.” He gave her the once-over, which she read as interest. I had the sneaking suspicion he was checking for weapons.

  “Stop before you make me blush.” She grabbed his muscular bicep and gave it a squeeze. “You’re so strong. I have a soft spot for strong, handsome men, especially if they’re in uniform. There’s something about a man in uniform, isn’t there?” She looked at me and winked as if I was her co-conspirator.

  “Mama!” I yanked her arm away from him. “Sorry, Officer Santiago,” I lowered my voice, “she’s a tad forgetful. The medication causes her to forget her manners sometimes. It’s heartbreaking to watch.” I shot her a glare. “Horrifying even.” I cupped my hand under her chin. “That’s not to mention the chin hairs that pop out when she’s in the middle of an episode. Look at those things. They’re so long.” I clucked my tongue and shook my head as if it was the saddest thing in the world, but the truth was, I was a comic genius.

  Her eyes went wide. The gasp that came out of her mouth was strong enough to suck the oxygen out of the room. Now not only did we have the police officers staring at us, every patron in the diner stared at us in disbelief too. Our family had done some ridiculous things since moving to Mystic Meadow when Juliana and I were in high school, but this was a bit much for us.

  “How dare you!” She jabbed her elbow into my ribs and stepped on
my toes with her pointy heel. “And if you ever say chin hairs again, I’ll disinherit you.” She meant that.

  “Score one for the baby girl,” I joked.

  “Forgive my sister—” She turned to me with a scowl on her face.

  “Daughter. I’m her daughter,” I said.

  “Semantics.” She waved me off. “Ignore her. She knows not what she does.”

  “Now you’re quoting the Bible?” I laughed. “Since when?”

  She glared at me. “Since now. So what? Do you have a problem with that, sis?”

  “Mama!” Juliana said. “What’s wrong with you? Everyone is staring at us.” She tossed her hair over her shoulder like one of those models from the old Breck Shampoo commercials.

  Juliana took after my mother. She loved the limelight, even if it was at her own detriment.

  I scanned the sea of faces staring at us. Everyone, except the woman in the hat, was watching us. I appreciated that at least one person didn’t see us as a spectacle.

  “What is wrong with you two?” I couldn’t believe them. “You’re making things worse.” I took a deep breath to calm my nerves, but it didn’t help. “Why is it every time we run into a handsome man, you lose your minds? It’s like commonsense and decorum flew like bats out of Hell the day you were born.” Juliana and Mama tripped all over themselves to sink their teeth into everyone in their wake. “Number one, you can’t put your hands on a stranger. Number two, since when do you deny you’re our mother?”

  “Ladies, ladies, ladies,” Tommy Brixton, a California transplant like us, called from the front entrance. “What play are you performing and how come you didn’t invite me to the show?” He strolled over like a man who wanted to be seen, pearly white teeth as bright as a summer sun, head held high, broad chest out. “Hello there, officers. How are you? I see you ordered entertainment with your mid-morning breakfast.”

  “What do you want, Two-Face?” Mama asked with her usual sides of snark and loathing.

  He smirked. “I thought we’d agreed to drop the pet names?”

  She shrugged. “Did we? I can’t recall.”

  He placed a hand on her shoulder, which was the worst thing he could’ve possibly done. She was all for caressing every handsome man she saw, but she had a hard and fast rule about letting the one handsome man she couldn’t stand touch her, even if it was a friendly gesture. She had her limits.

  “You’re awfully brave for a man with a death wish,” she said.

  2

  “No, don’t do it!” I warned, but it was too late. The officers were already on their feet. “Why can’t we ever have a nice, quiet meal together?”

  Juliana pointed to our mother, who was nose-to-nose with Tommy, threatening to slap the pretty off his face. “How do you want to do this, Two-Face? Do you want me to start with the right side of the left?”

  He looked like a deer in headlights at her. “I… I…”

  “Don’t answer that,” I warned. “There’s no right answer. It’s a trap.”

  My instinct was to get out of there before it turned into an all-out brawl. I had to get to work. This week’s burning relationship questions had to hit the editor’s desk before Halloween, which by my estimations and the time on my phone, meant I had exactly twelve hours to make that happen or spend the next few months watching boring training videos… again. I’d already seen them three times this year. No way did I want to waste another day watching them.

  “Mama,” I used a syrupy-sweet child-like voice to appeal to her motherly instincts, but it backfired.

  “What is wrong with your voice? You’re a grown woman. Why do you sound like you drank a glass of helium?” she asked.

  Officer Santiago worked his way between my mother and Tommy. “Look; I don’t know what this is, but I can assure you, threatening someone in a room full of witnesses is always a bad idea.”

  The woman in the hat chuckled, then stopped when we turned in her direction.

  “What’s up with her?” Juliana asked.

  “You think she’s the problem? The poor lady came here to have a nice breakfast, and we ruined it with a circus sideshow act.”

  Tommy’s face turned beet red.

  Per usual, Mama couldn’t let anything go. “I’ve threatened no one. I don’t care what he tells you.”

  “Lies,” Juliana and I whispered at the same time. “All lies.”

  Officer Santiago cocked a brow at us. “How about you talk your mother down before she gets herself into a situation? She can’t charm her way out of this one, I’m afraid. She may need a little prodding. Why don’t you handle that?”

  Part of me wanted to see her wiggle her way out of this mess without using her abilities. If she could use a spell, she would. But in the “normal” world, that wasn’t all right. I wanted her to act like other mothers.

  As if she could hear my thoughts, she gave me the side eye. “A little help, my dear, sweet, loyal child? Do you think you could help, or is that too much to ask?”

  I jumped in to save her from herself. “Don’t forget about that thing we have to do. You know that thing you said to remind you about?”

  She was a little slow on the uptake. “The what? What are you talking about? I had nothing to do today.”

  I forced a smile at the riveted crowd of onlookers as I wrapped an arm around her and pulled her toward the exit. “We’ve caused enough disruption this morning, folks. The show is over. Enjoy the rest of your day.”

  “What show?” Juliana couldn’t find a clue if someone handed it to her. She understood nothing we said. Ever! How she made her living solving cases for people was beyond me.

  It would’ve taken too long to explain. I didn’t have the patience for it.

  When we stepped outside of the diner, life seemed normal. Almost too normal. There were only a few people going about their daily lives. Some were on their way to work. Others were going in and out of shops. No one flinched when they saw us. A nod here or there, but that was it. Normal as can be.

  “Does this seem strange to you?” I asked no one in particular. “I figured the entire town would have heard about the argument by now. Why isn’t anyone asking us about what happened?”

  Mama’s eyes darted around at the passersby. “Where’s the car?” Her tone changed. There was almost desperation in it. “Tell me. Where is the car?”

  “Over there,” I said, wondering why she couldn’t remember something that had happened only two hours earlier. She was a consummate backseat driver. This morning, she had been nitpicky as I drove. She said I went too fast, cut corners, didn’t stop long enough at stop signs, moved like molasses at green lights, and didn’t hold the steering wheel in the proper position. Funny, considering she was the one who’d taught me how to drive, but I didn’t mention that to her.

  “What’s going on? Who died?” Juliana asked. She glanced up and down the block, then gasped. “Wait, a minute. I know what this is.”

  “Breathe through your nose,” Mama said. “I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Are you sure I came home with the right little girls? I swear, my actual daughters are out there living with a family of normal people, wondering when their beloved mother will find them.” She cupped her hands over her mouth and whispered, “Mama is right here, darlings. Come to the light.”

  “Sometimes I wish she’d go into the light,” I mumbled.

  She narrowed her eyes at me. “Do you think I’m deaf? Well, I’m not. My hearing is perfect. Better than perfect and don’t you forget it.”

  “I know you’re not deaf.” What else could I say? A yes would’ve been an invitation for a lecture. In my twenty-six years of life, I’d had my fill of those.

  “Then why would you provoke me?” she asked.

  “Provoke? That’s a little harsh, don’t you think? You make it sound like I want to challenge you to a fight. I don’t.” I stifled a chuckle. “You’re my mother and I have to live with that pain.” She cocked her head to the side. “I mean, knowle
dge, not pain. I don’t know why I said pain.”

  The diner door flew open, hitting me in the backside.

  “You’re still here?” Tommy said with a smug grin on his face. He knew we were still there. There was no way he couldn’t have known. The front façade of the diner had floor to ceiling windows. If anyone wanted to provoke my mother, it was him. It was bad enough she couldn’t stand him, but after what he did at the annual Halloween Festival committee meeting last night, he was lucky she hadn’t turned him into a jackass—an actual jackass, not the moniker she used for him when he wasn’t around. Two-Face was a placeholder name, reserved for public venues and spells.

  “Yes, I’m still here. This is where I live. It’s where I’ve lived for over a decade. This is where I raised my girls. You’re the outsider, not me,” Mama said as she tried with all her might to get past us, to get to him. “If anyone should question why someone is here, it’s us. Why are you here? Out of all the places in the country, why did you choose this town?”

  He gave her a pointed look. “Why did you?”

  The way he said it made me think he knew more about us than he’d let on. That was like playing with fire. While the story we’d told people was true, it wasn’t the entire story. She swore Juliana and I to secrecy about everything else.

  “I’m sorry. Do you think I don’t know your secrets?” Tommy asked.

  Uh-oh. He’d crossed the line.

  I didn’t have enough time to react before the absolute worst decision my mother could’ve made became a reality.

  “That’s it!” Juliana yelled. “I told you something didn’t feel right.”

  3

  Officer Santiago pointed to my car. “Is that yours?”

  I nodded.

  “Good. Get her out of here.”

  He didn’t have to tell me twice. All I wanted to do was get out of there, but my mother had other plans. She wasn’t done with Tommy. He wasn’t ready for her to stop. It’s like he got a kick out of it. I didn’t get it. Most people ran from her, but he was drawn to her. Why wasn’t he afraid of her? Not that she would attack him… in the normal sense. She preferred to use her abilities to punish people. If he knew, he’d move out of town.