Pumpkins and Potions

by Tegan Maher

  Juliana took a step back from them, a look of horror on her face. “It’s like he’s not human,” she whispered. “Who sticks around to get chewed out by someone they don’t know?”

  Mama’s eyes lit up when she heard that. I couldn’t wrap my mind around it, but my gut told me something was afoot.

  “Who are you and what have you done with my mother?” I said as I watched her push up her shirtsleeves and fix her rings, so the stones were facing out. That wasn’t a good sign. “Why are you so giddy?”

  Mama was focused on Tommy, sizing him up.

  Juliana shrugged. “She’s in love.” She looked at my mother and Tommy. “Tell me that’s not what this is.”

  “You tell me. What do I know about love?”

  “You’re the relationship expert, aren’t you? Or is In Bed with Bea a front for a major drug cartel operation? You’re the relationship whisperer. How do you not know this stuff?”

  She’d never called me an expert before. I wanted to sit with that thought for a few minutes before we dealt with my mother.

  “Beatrice!” Juliana scolded. “Pay attention. We have a problem here.” She pointed to our mother. “What do we do about her?”

  We shivered at the same time as Tommy and my mother locked eyes.

  “We have to stop this,” I said.

  Mama didn’t date. When she moved us across the country, she swore off men for good. We took comfort in that at first. But it turned out, she meant it. As far as we knew, she’d never dated after my father. We liked to think it was because she still had a torch for our dad, but ours hopes were dashed the first time he came to visit. To say it didn’t go well would be an understatement.

  If I had to hazard a guess, I’d say the squabbles she had with Tommy weren’t rooted in disdain. They were like a pair of first graders. They liked each other but didn’t show it in a normal way. Their spats were the equivalent of him pulling her hair and her tripping him as he walked past her.

  “I’m trying to stop it,” I said.

  Officer Santiago’s gaze cut to my mother as she waved her hand in front of Tommy’s face. “Try harder.”

  “I would if I could,” I said as wrapped my arms around her tiny waist. She resisted with a force I didn’t know she had. “Let’s go. You don’t want to be late.”

  “Late for what? I don’t have any appointments today,” she protested as she squirmed out of my arms. “I don’t know why you always take Tommy’s side. He’s the problem, not me.” I stopped to catch my breath. “Sure, his eyes might be dreamy, and his killer biceps might make some women swoon, but underneath the chiseled body and expensive clothes is a man with an attitude problem. Don’t trust men like that. If I don’t stop him, who will?”

  I didn’t know which part of that to react to first. Since when did she find her new mortal enemy handsome? She kept people in two distinct boxes. One was reserved for people she had to tolerate like her doctor, the dentist, the butcher, and her yoga instructor. The other box was for everyone else—the people she either gritted her teeth and tolerated, or those she wanted to put a spell on because she could. Those groups never overlapped, thankfully, otherwise we’d all live under her control. I still hadn’t figured out which box Juliana and I fit in, but it didn’t matter. No matter what, we were always on the defense with her.

  She refused to budge when I asked her to follow me. “No. You’ve confused me with a child. I don’t listen to you. I’m a grown woman. I can do what I want. I want to deal with him.” She pointed to Tommy. “He’s not what you think he is.”

  “What do I think he is?” I’d never considered it. All I knew was this total disaster started at the Halloween planning meeting. They had differing opinions about the event’s closing finale. My mother, certified diva and queen of all things entertainment, always dictated the night’s events. The committee members had no other choice than to go with her ideas. She’d bamboozled her way into the private meeting the first Halloween after we moved here and never left. It was her committee now. Things went her way and there were no ifs, ands, or buts about it, until last night. The biggest pain in the butt in her life ruled against her, and here we are. Stuck. Pulling two adults apart because one of them doesn’t have an off switch and her filter vanished years ago.

  Her eyes burned with rage. “Unbelievable.”

  “What?” I asked.

  Juliana attempted to tiptoe around her to get to the car, but it didn’t work.

  “Stop right there. You need to hear this too.” Mama glanced over her shoulder at Tommy. “Your sister doesn’t know.”

  Juliana and I exchanged glances.

  “Doesn’t know what?” Juliana asked.

  “What he is,” Mama said.

  Juliana nodded. “Oh! She doesn’t know.”

  I locked eyes with Tommy. An eerie feeling settled in my stomach.

  “Look away!” Mama and Juliana warned as they ran to the car and pulled the door handles.

  Chills ran up my spine.

  “Bea! Get in the car!” Juliana yelled.

  Officer Santiago took a step toward me. “Go. Sounds like your mom is ready.”

  I glanced at Tommy again. A darkness had come over his face.

  “Who are you?” I whispered.

  He flashed a smile and waved goodbye.

  4

  The drive home was dead silent. We stared straight ahead as I sped through town.

  When we reached our block, my heart lodged in my throat. Two police squad cars were parked in front of our house.

  “What now?” I asked as I pulled in front of our neighbor’s house.

  “They’re here for you, Miss Speed Racer. Why did you drive so fast? What’s the rush?” Mama asked as if she wasn’t the cause of my shattered nerves.

  I put the car in park and banged the front of my head on the steering wheel. “All I wanted to do was have a nice breakfast then go to work. I should’ve gone alone. My editor already hates me.”

  “It’s too late now,” Mama said as she checked her reflection in the rearview mirror. “Put your game faces on, ladies. It’s time to work our charm.” She slid out of the car and smoothed wrinkles out of her outfit before she did a runway walk down the sidewalk to greet the officers. She stopped short at the sight of Detective Jonah Anderson.

  He was a family friend and one of our town’s most eligible bachelors under the age of forty.

  They spoke for a second, then turned to look at us as we made a slow approach.

  “Hey girls,” Jonah started, “how are you?”

  “Better now that you’re here, handsome,” Juliana said. “What brings you out our way? I hope you brought your handcuffs.”

  I slapped her hand. “Down, girl, down. He’s here to arrest us for the scene at the diner.”

  Juliana waved that thought off. “You’re such a Debbie Downer. They wouldn’t arrest us. We’ve done nothing wrong.”

  I couldn’t let her get away with that. “You and I have done nothing wrong. Mama did plenty. They’re here for her. I bet Tommy pressed charges. He seems like the type of person who would do that.”

  “I can’t do this. It feels off. I sense danger,” Juliana said.

  “You sense it, or you had one of your infamous visions, because there’s a difference?” I said.

  “When will you stop mocking my abilities? I don’t mock yours.”

  “How can you? I get paid for mine.”

  She laughed. “You’re a matchmaker. There are millions of them in the world. Get over yourself.”

  “Yeah, that may be true, but how many of them have an award-winning syndicated column?”

  Her eyes went wide. “Award-winning? What big-time award have you won for your little column? And the only reason you’re syndicated is because that other lady died. You’re a filler until they find someone interesting.”

  “Enough!” Mama yelled. “Stop.” She pointed her chin toward Jonah. “Our dear friend has disturbing news for us.”

  My h
eart sank. “What is it? Who died?”

  “Is it Daddy? Please tell me he’s okay.” Juliana’s eyes welled with tears.

  “It’s not your dad,” Mama said. “It’s something more important than that two-timing, no good, piece of work.” She blushed when she noticed Jonah looking at her with a weird expression on his face. “Sorry. I didn’t mean that.”

  “Yes, you did,” Juliana and I said at the same time.

  “What is it? What’s wrong?” I asked Jonah.

  His gaze went from me to my mother to Juliana, then back to me. “It’s about Two-Face. I mean, Tommy.”

  I shook my head. “I knew it. I knew he would press charges.”

  “No, that’s not it,” Mama said.

  “What is it, then?”

  Jonah cleared his throat before responding, “He’s been kidnapped.”

  It took a moment for his words to sink in, but when they did, I couldn’t help but laugh. “No, he hasn’t. We were with him five minutes ago.”

  “Please tell me that’s a joke,” Jonah said as he eyed the backseat. “Why do you have so many pumpkins?”

  “They’re for punch. We’re making spiced pumpkin punch for the Halloween festival.” Juliana beamed with pride. “I can’t wait. I have a secret recipe for it. It’s to die for.”

  We hated to break it to her, but the recipe came from an old Betty Crocker cookbook we’ve had since we were kids. The punch was one of two things my dad made from scratch and the only time my mom would let him take the lead in her kitchen. Every year, he’d send us personal invitations in the mail to join him in the kitchen to help him make Spiced Pumpkin Punch and his signature adult beverage, Bat’s Brew. We loved helping him and laughed so hard when Mama would scold him about it. Fun times. Juliana must’ve pushed the memory to the back of her mind after the divorce.

  Mama looked up with an alarming look on her face. Her brows knitted together; eyes dilated as if she’d seen a ghost. “Are you serious about the kidnapping, Jonah? When did that happen? We were with him at Hattie’s Corner Diner. He seemed fine.”

  He nodded with a somber look on his face. “So, it’s true then?” He combed his fingers through his hair. “I hoped they got it wrong.”

  “Who are they?” Mama asked as she twisted to look at the officers who had accompanied him to our house. “We didn’t kidnap him.”

  “How does a six-foot tall man that’s built like a Greek god get kidnapped? In broad daylight. We were with him and about a dozen police officers. Everyone in town saw us.”

  Jonah gulped. “And that’s why we’re here.” He tilted his head in the other officers’ direction, some of whom had been at the diner.

  Mama’s chin fell to her chest. “This is unbelievable. Who would want to kidnap Two-Face?”

  Jonah lifted a brow. “Not accusing you of anything, but did you threaten to kill him?”

  She looked up, horror on her face. “Hey! Wait, a minute. There is a big difference between wanting someone to disappear and making them disappear. I had nothing to do with what happened to him.”

  Jonah smirked. “I didn’t say you did.”

  My mother adored Jonah, but I wouldn’t test her if I were him. She preferred to have the upper hand. All. The. Time. There was no way she’d let him imply we had anything to do with a kidnapping.

  I butted in before she said anything incriminating. “Jonah, you don’t believe we’re involved.” I pointed to the car. “See for yourself. The only thing in my car is a bunch of pumpkins and a gym bag.”

  He glanced at the car, then sighed. “Look, I don’t know what happened. All I know is we got a call that someone had been shoved into the backseat of a car.” He looked at the car again. “A black Honda Accord. The caller thought it was Tommy.”

  I laughed a nervous laugh. “They said black Honda Accord?” I laughed harder because that was ridiculous. “How convenient! What else did they say I did?” I walked over to the car. “And how could I shove a grown man into a compact car? I don’t know if you noticed this or not, but I’m only about five-feet tall and weigh one hundred and twenty-six pounds on a good day.”

  “On a bad day, she’s closer to one-forty,” Juliana said.

  I made sure she saw me glare at her.

  “What? It’s not my fault you inherited Abuela’s hips,” she said.

  “Enough, girls. I doubt your grandmother would appreciate that comment.”

  Now wasn’t the time to make matters worse, so we left it at a couple of eye rolls and moved on.

  “What else did the caller say? Did they see the driver or the license plate number?” I asked.

  Jonah had already walked behind my car to look at the plate. “They got a partial plate. I-N-B-E-D-1-2.” He quirked a brow. “How have I never seen this?”

  I shrugged. “Because I’ve never been accused of kidnapping.”

  “I didn’t accuse you of anything.”

  I pointed to the other officers. “Yet, you brought the bomb squad with you.”

  His cheeks turned red. “They’re not the bomb squad.” He sighed. “Look; kidnapping is no laughing matter. We don’t get a lot of calls for that. In all the years I’ve been here, I don’t think we’ve ever received a call about one… unless you count the time your little hellions ran away.”

  I gasped and clutched my chest. “I know you didn’t call Marlon Brando and Rock Hudson hellions.”

  “He did,” Juliana said. “It’s the truth. Those cats are the worst. They don’t listen to anyone, including you. Half the time you don’t even know where they are. For all we know, they kidnapped Tommy.”

  I gasped again. “You think my cats kidnapped Tommy?”

  Jonah and Juliana exchanged glances and laughed.

  “No, but I wouldn’t put it past them. Sure, today they rip everyone’s flower beds to shreds. In two weeks, they’ll tear people to shreds… if you know what I mean.” She added a wink.

  “No one knows what you mean,” I groaned.

  Mama’s chin fell to her chest as she let out a deep, slow breath. She muttered something, then looked up. “I can’t wrap my mind around it. Why would he do this? What’s his motive?”

  I stopped cold. Did she think Tommy was to blame for his kidnapping?

  “Mama,” I started, but she waved off my words.

  “Not now. I don’t want to hear it.” She scrunched her nose as if she smelled something foul in the air. “He thinks he’s so smart. He won’t get away with this. I won’t let him.”

  “Mother?” Juliana sounded as concerned as I was. Mama never mused out loud.

  “Not now,” she snapped.

  “You’re talking to yourself.” I glanced at Jonah’s face. “In front of Jonah.” I flashed him a smile in an ill-fated attempt to make everything seem normal. All mothers spouted nonsense when confronted by the police about their involvement in a kidnapping. That was normal, right?

  “I know what to do,” she said. “I’ll bet the hair on my head he set this whole thing up.”

  I glanced at her hair. She loved her hair. She spent hundreds of dollars a month to maintain its color and shine. If she wanted to bet on it, then we had to take her hunch seriously.

  Jonah’s brows knitted together. “I’m sorry, what? I’d never set you up. I wouldn’t even be here if people hadn’t put you and the girls at the scene. You know me better than that. I don’t accuse people of anything without proof.”

  Her eyes lit up. “That’s it. You don’t have proof. You’re spit-balling.” Her laughter was a strange mixture of hysterics and snark.

  “Wait a minute,” I interrupted. “Tommy was kidnapped on Main Street? In front of everyone?”

  Mama shook her head. “No, not in front of everyone. Remember how quiet the street was when we left the diner?” She rubbed her temple. “I don’t recall seeing anyone after we left Main Street.”

  It hadn’t occurred to me. There was no traffic on the road.

  “What do you think that means?” Juliana sai
d.

  Mama’s eyes narrowed to tiny slits of anger.

  Juliana doubled over in pain with her head in her hands. “Ow! Ow!”

  I froze for a second. Mama didn’t usually cast a spell on us. Did she do something to Juliana? I panicked and lunged for her. I pulled her into a bear hug and tackled her to the ground. “No, Mama, you can’t kill her. She’s your daughter.”

  It took a moment for Juliana to catch her breath. “Did you stick up for me? That’s sweet. You love me.”

  Wrestling my mother was like wrestling an eight-hundred-pound bear. She wouldn’t go down without a fight. “Mama, please. I want to keep our family intact. If you kill Juliana, who will we have to make fun of?”

  Juliana scowled at me. “I’m a joke to you.”

  I released my grip on my mother. “You’re a joke to everyone.”

  “Stop it!” Mama leapt up and smoothed her hand over her hair. After she took a breath, she turned to me with an angry scowl. “If you ever do that to me again, I’ll shave your eyebrows off next time you fall asleep on the sofa. Got that?”

  I gulped and reached for my brows. “No, not my eyebrows. These things cost me a lot of money to maintain.”

  Jonah cleared his throat. “Is the Montoya Sideshow over or is there an act two?”

  Juliana helped me to my feet. “They’re done. Go on. Tell us more about the kidnapping.” She reached in her bag to grab her cellphone and tapped the voice recorder.

  “Yeah, don’t do that,” Jonah said. “We don’t know much. The witnesses said they saw him with your mother,” he nodded at her and continued, “then he walked back to the diner. A black Honda Accord stopped in front of the diner. A figure dressed in black from head to toe shoved him into the backseat of the car and sped off.”

  “They saw the person?” I asked.