Heart of Hope: Books 1-4

by Williams, Ajme

  “Nick.” Her voice was a mixture of a growl and a whimper.

  I slid my tongue down her folds, and then slowly pushed into her sweet pussy. It gripped and pulsed around my tongue. Her sweet juices coated my mouth and chin as I tongue fucked her.

  I gripped her hips, preparing to send her flying. I thrust my tongue inside her, and used my nose to flick over her hard clit.

  “Nick!” She screamed my name and it was like fucking music to my ears. Then her pussy squeezed my tongue hard, and her hips gyrated as her orgasm rocked through her. The prize was the sweet pussy juice that flooded my mouth. The taste rocketed my need up until my dick was screaming to be fucked.

  I scrambled up her body, lifting her leg around my hip and I plunged inside her, as I kissed her mouth hard, letting her taste her sweetness. She gasped under my advance, but her fingers gripped my back and her legs wrapped around me so I knew she was with me.

  “I need you so fucking bad,” I groaned as I moved, pulling out and plunging in like my head would explode if I stopped.

  “Yes,” she said. “Yes, more … Nick … more.”

  I was pounding away at her. Need built over need. Oblivion was within my reach. “Fuck, I’m going to come … going to come …” I was like a rutting animal, driving hard and fast into her, as my salvation waited just beyond.

  I shifted, tilted her hips and drove in deeper.

  “Oh God, Nick,” she cried out again, only this time her pussy clamped down like a vice.

  The friction was beyond spectacular. White bursts of light blasted in my brain as I thrust in and pleasure shot out from my cock, radiating to every neuron in my body. “Yes. Fuck yes,” I cried out as my orgasm drew out with each thrust, each squeeze of her pussy. It was fucking perfect.

  Even when my arms gave out, my dick pulsed inside her. Her pussy continued to massage me. I could have wept at the intensity of it. For a moment, I’d gotten what I wanted. A respite from anguish. A view of paradise.

  We lay entwined, not speaking as our breaths returned to normal. I dropped my head to the crook of her neck, kissing her there. “Thank you.”

  Her hands caressed my back. “I feel like I should thank you.”

  I smiled, grateful for the ability to feel amused by her. “You’re welcome.”

  We didn’t talk much after that, which felt a little awkward. But a few minutes later, Mia was up scrounging around in my kitchen and making me dinner. For a moment, it felt like old times when she’d come over to study with me, but we’d end up having sex and dinner more than we’d get any work done.

  As we sat at my dining room table, it seemed like it was time to deal with the elephant in the room. “Is there going to be an investigation?”

  She looked up at me over the noodles she’d made like she was surprised. “I’ve been asked to look over the notes and talk to you, but there’s nothing official.”

  I nodded. “Is Dick worried?”

  “Dick is always worried. That’s his job. He doesn’t have any specific need to be, if that’s what you’re asking.”

  “But there’s something,” I arched a brow, feeling like she was being evasive.

  “He wants to be sure the diagnosis wasn’t missed.”

  Guilt flared. Fear, too. Not that I’d lose my job or be sued. But fear that somehow, I had messed up, and losing Ms. Mason had been my fault.

  I started to say that I shouldn’t have left her, but then I remembered Mia was the lawyer. The hospital’s lawyer, not mine. I wasn’t sure what would happen if I confessed my concerns. Still, something happened, and Dick wasn’t wrong in needing to look into it. If I had fucked up, I shouldn’t be there.

  After dinner, we did the dishes together. When we were suitably drenched in soapy water, I pulled her to me again. “Will you stay?”

  She shook her head. “I need to go. I have to check on my dad.”

  I nodded and walked her to the door. She bit her lip, a sure sign that she had something to say and was afraid to say it. I found myself anxious to hear it.

  She turned as she stood in the open doorway. “This … what happened tonight … is a one-time thing, Nick.”

  My gut clenched, and I realized that despite knowing she was right, I’d wanted more.

  “We work together. I believe my predecessor was fired for doing just this.” She closed her eyes, as the ramifications of what we did hit her.

  Just what I needed. More guilt. “Hey.” I reached out and pushed a tendril of her hair out of her face. “What happened here stays here. Okay?” I hoped I reassured her that I wouldn’t use this against her or that I’d say something and she’d lose her job.

  She nodded. “I don’t regret it, Nick.”

  My heart, an empty hard rock earlier, filled with warmth. “I’m glad. I don’t either, Mia.”

  I watched as she went to her car and drove off. I went inside, took a quick shower and then called it a night. I had the day off tomorrow and I couldn’t decide if that was a good thing or not. Work was busy, and would make it hard to get lost in my guilt. A day off would give me all day to drive myself crazy perseverating on what happened. At the same time, I wasn’t sure I was ready to face life. By now, word was out in town about Ms. Mason’s death. Chances were my voicemail was overflowing with messages, many of them angry. I didn’t know because I’d turned my phone off.

  I pushed all that away, wishing for sleep to come. But when it did, it was with a vengeance. Ms. Mason was scolding me like I was in kindergarten again, but she was yelling at me for leaving her. What sort of doctor was I? Frogs were hopping all about as she ranted about what a terrible person I was. I woke with a start, my heart galloping in my chest.

  I ground the heels of my palms into my eye sockets. I’d forgotten about the night mares that came sometimes. I didn’t have them after every patient I lost. Sometimes it wasn’t about a patient at all. When I was a resident, twice I’d had my life threatened, once by knife point and once by gun. I’d had nightmares after those incidents.

  I got up, took a sleeping pill I hoped would dull any dreams, and went back to bed, wishing for peace, even while knowing it wouldn’t come.

  8

  Mia

  I meant what I’d said to Nick. I didn’t regret having sex with him. It shouldn’t have happened, but I couldn’t be upset that it did. I just needed to make sure it didn’t happen again.

  I left Nick’s house and headed to my father’s house to check on him. Eli’s car was out front, so I braced myself for whatever attitude he’d have.

  “Hi Dad,” I said as I walked in.

  “How’s my girl?” He was in his chair, and Eli was next to him, going over some papers.

  “Good. What’s going on?”

  “Just reviewing some things about the store,” my dad said as I leaned over to kiss him on the head.

  “Working late because of Ms. Mason?” Eli asked.

  I didn’t want to lie, but I also didn’t want to admit I was at Nick’s. “Such a tragedy. I’ll never forget starting kindergarten with her.”

  “Word is around town and people are devastated,” Eli said. “Rumor is that Nick screwed up.”

  I frowned. “Since when do you listen to gossip?”

  “Nick is an arrogant SOB, so it’s not hard to believe. It’s about time someone sues him.”

  I looked at my dad, who sighed as if he’d been through Eli’s attitude about Nick before.

  “What is your problem, Eli? You sound like a twelve-year-old girl.”

  He flinched and then narrowed his eyes at me. “Are you back with him? Seduced by his fake charm?”

  I remembered the feel of Nick’s hands on me just an hour before. And the anguish in his voice as he grieved the loss he had today.

  “Eli, that’s enough,” my father said. “We all know you don’t like him.”

  “You don’t know him like I do. Neither of you do.”

  I scoffed. “Which is it, Eli? I let him know me too well or I don’t know him at al
l?”

  Eli glared at me. “Everything that has gone wrong in this family is because of him.”

  “That’s not true,” my father said.

  “Get a life, Eli. No wonder you’re having a hard time of it. You can’t blame Nick because you didn’t get what you wanted in life.”

  Eli’s blue eyes flared with heat. “You don’t know anything about my life.”

  “I know you whine a lot.”

  He stood, grabbing his stack of papers. “I’m going to the dining room to work on the books.”

  “Having a tantrum too?”

  “Mia, leave him alone,” my father said with a long sigh.

  Remembering that my whole reason for returning was to help my dad, I blew out a breath and went to sit with him. “Sorry.”

  “Is Eli right in that Nick or the hospital will be sued?” my father asked.

  “At this point, there isn’t any indication of that. I’ll be going over what happened, but there’s no indication that the hospital or Nick made a mistake.”

  “Eli said it was a missed diagnosis.”

  “I’ll need to look into it. However, I’m not really at liberty to discuss the details.”

  My father looked toward the dining area, then he leaned closer to me and in a lower voice asked, “How’s Nick?”

  I also glanced at Eli. “He’s taking it hard.”

  My father nodded. “Must be tough losing a patient.” Then he motioned toward my brother. “Why don’t you go help him?”

  “I don’t know accounting.”

  My father’s eyes narrowed like they did when I was a kid and about to get in trouble.

  “Okay, I’ll go see what I can do.” I stood and went to the dining area. “How’s business?”

  Eli shrugged.

  I sat next to him. “I guess summer isn’t quite as busy as winter.” I looked over the paperwork. They were computer printouts of financial reports. As far as I could tell, the business was in the black.

  “It’s all right. We’ve got more competition.”

  “Is there marketing you can do to offset that?”

  He glared at me. “I don’t tell you how to do your job, Mia. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell me how to do mine.”

  I stared at him, wondering why and when he’d gotten so bitter. “Okay.” Then after a moment, I asked, “Are you mad at me?”

  He looked at me. “Why do you let him in your life?”

  “Nick?”

  He nodded.

  “He’s a colleague now. If you’re asking about when we were together, it was because I loved him.”

  He sneered. “Nick doesn’t know love. You know he’s a horndog, don’t you?”

  “Maybe now, but he wasn’t back then. He treated me well, Eli. But that’s over. Why are you still hung up on it? Are you mad at me for falling for your friend?”

  He shook his head, flicking his pencil back and forth. “I don’t like that he takes everything that’s mine.”

  “What?”

  He rolled his shoulders. “Never mind.” He turned his attention back to his paperwork.

  “Eli? Are you happy?”

  “Happy enough,” he said, circling something on his paper.

  “What would really make you happy?”

  “Being left alone to finish this paperwork.”

  I wanted to snap at him for being a jerk, but instead, I stood. “Dad, do you want something to eat or drink?”

  “I wouldn’t mind some hot tea,” my father responded.

  I left Eli without a word, and went to the kitchen to make my dad some tea. I spent the rest of the evening watching TV with my dad, while Eli worked in the dining room.

  Later that night I went home to my unpacked apartment. I emptied one box of books onto my bookshelves just to feel like I was making progress on setting up a home in Goldrush Lake, but the truth was, the place didn’t feel permanent. I was going to be here for my father, but I was resistant to making this place my home. I didn’t want all this drama with my brother. I didn’t want this crazy pull toward Nick.

  I changed into my pajamas, cotton shorts and a t-shirt, and got into bed, wondering what to do about the men in my life. I knew I’d need to work harder to avoid Nick, but I wasn’t sure how to help Eli. Did he really believe Nick took everything from him? What did that mean?

  Unable to make sense of it, I went to sleep.

  The next day, I had a new resolve to avoid Nick, which was made easier by the fact that he was off. It was good that he’d have a day to process and get himself right. It also gave me some time to go through the records to see what happened to Ms. Mason. As far as I could tell, everything was done correctly. Nick kept detailed notes, not just on Ms. Mason’s complaints, but a timeline and even a few personal notes, such as her grandson had driven her to the hospital.

  Later that afternoon, the preliminary autopsy was in indicating that Ms. Mason died of a pulmonary embolism. I went to the pathologist to ask a few questions since I wasn’t a doctor.

  “Would the tests Nick that ordered have identified an embolism?” I asked her.

  She nodded as she looked over the report at her desk. “Yes. He seems to have suspected it or some sort of heart issue.”

  “Had the test been done sooner, would there have been time to help her?” I asked.

  The pathologist shrugged. “It’s hard to tell. Had she come in earlier in the day, for sure.”

  “Dr. Foster was called away to deliver a baby. Had he been there, would he have been able to help her?”

  “I’m not all-knowing. Maybe he would have noticed something sooner, but you can’t know. She doesn’t appear to have said anything about chest pain or difficulty breathing initially. When she did, it was too late,” the pathologist said.

  I returned to my office, feeling confident that Nick and the hospital staff had done what they could. The diagnosis hadn’t been missed so much as they hadn’t had the time to work through it, partly because Ms. Mason’s complaints didn’t include some of the telltale signs of an embolism and partly because she came to the hospital too late. Nick was working through his differential diagnosis that seemed to include heart or lung issues. When he came in tomorrow, I’d have to ask him.

  In the meantime, I headed down to the emergency room to talk with Peggy, who’d been the attending nurse.

  “God, I’m sick with wondering what happened,” she said sitting with me in the lounge as she had coffee. “I keep going through it, but can’t figure out what I couldn’t have done differently.”

  “What about Dr. Foster? Is there something he could have done differently?”

  Her eyes narrowed. “Are you thinking he made a mistake? Is the hospital being sued?”

  I shook my head and smiled wanting to alleviate her concern. “No legal action has been taken. I’m just wanting to get a full report for the record.”

  “To cover the hospital’s ass.”

  “To cover your and Nick’s asses too.” I got annoyed at how lawyers were often viewed so cynically.

  She sighed. “Nick had to go deliver a baby.”

  “Wasn’t there another doctor available?”

  “Dr. Balding was with a patient … I can’t remember what the procedure was, but it wasn’t something he could simply drop. Nick had ordered tests, and so we were waiting on them. She wasn’t in distress. In fact, she hadn’t said anything about chest pains or difficulty breathing until about thirty minutes after he left.”

  “Did you request he return or to another doctor at that point?”

  “Nick was delivering a baby, but I did request another doctor. By then Dr. Balding was available, but it was too late.”

  I wrote down Peggy’s account on my legal pad. “As far as you’re concerned, was there anything that could have been done differently?”

  “We did everything as usual. If she’d come in sooner or told us she had trouble breathing, maybe we’d have done something different.”

  “If Dr. Foster sus
pected an embolism, why not start treating it?”

  “Because maybe it was a heart attack or the flu. You don’t want guess in medicine. Treating her for something she didn’t have could be deadly too.”

  I knew this, but I wanted to hear Peggy’s assessment.

  “We still didn’t know what the problem was until it was too late.” She wiped a tear. “I’m sorry. It’s not like we haven’t lost someone before, but Ms. Mason, she was such a part of all of us.”

  I reached out and put my hand on hers. “I know this is hard, and I’m sorry for having to put you through it again.”

  She shrugged. “I get it. The hospital needs to protect itself. But from where I stand, we did everything right.”

  The truth was, sometimes people couldn’t be saved. My mother couldn’t, and not because the hospital messed up. Her injuries were too severe to overcome. It appeared that Ms. Mason waited too long to come to the hospital.

  I hoped my report would help alleviate any guilt Nick had over her death. Not that it wouldn’t still linger. It couldn’t be easy to lose a patient, especially after doing all you could to help them. But I hoped that if he worried that he might have done something differently she’d have survived, that it wasn’t likely the case.

  9

  Nick

  Even with the sleeping pill, I had a long night. It had been a while since nightmares had invaded my sleep as much as they did now. As wrong as it was, I wished I had erotic dreams of Mia instead of the nightmares. But instead of seducing me in my sleep, Mia had become a part of the horror, telling me I messed up and how she shouldn’t have fucked me.

  The next day, I vowed to enjoy my day off because when I went on rotation again, I would be on long shifts. First, though, I called the pathologist to see if there were any results on Ms. Mason’s autopsy. Pulmonary embolism. It was on my list of possibilities during her evolution. It was why I ordered the tests. Tests that hadn’t been done. Why not?

  I showered and dressed for a day outdoors. There was nothing like clean mountain air to help cleanse the mind and soul, and get into a mindset that allowed clarity. I was glad that I had the day off to spend getting my head and heart right again.