Heart of Hope: Books 1-4

by Williams, Ajme

  When I got home from my run, I showered, and poured a stiff drink. The sleeping pills never seemed to work, but maybe getting drunk would. I was sitting on my couch, eyes closed as I sipped my drink after downing the first two fingers, when a knock came on my door.

  Normally I’d say, “It’s open,” but for all I knew it was a mob ready to drag me to the square for my execution. I stood, and went to open the door.

  “Mia.”

  She gave me a smile. “Hey.”

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I wanted to check on you. Peggy is worried about you.”

  “Peggy?” She was in the lawsuit as well. That was on me too.

  “I am too. We can all see that this lawsuit is—”

  “It’s not the lawsuit,” I snapped.

  “Ms. Mason’s death has been hard on you. I’ve been through the reports. You acted just as any other doctor would have.”

  “She’s dead, Mia.”

  She sighed. “Can I come in?”

  I opened the door. “Want a drink?” I held up my glass. “It’s dinner tonight.”

  “Sure.” She sat on the couch while I went to the kitchen.

  “What do you want in your vodka? I’ve got tonic, OJ, and cola.”

  “What are you having?”

  “Straight.” The goal was to get drunk.

  “Tonic.”

  I mixed her the drink and brought it to her, sitting next to her on the couch. Not long ago, we were here and she’d let me get lost in her body. I wondered if she’d let me do it again. Not that it would help. Chances were, I wouldn’t be able to keep a hardon anyway.

  “So, did Dick send you over to get my confession?”

  She turned her body to face me. “I’m here as a friend, Nick. Not for the hospital or Dick. For you.”

  I looked down into my drink, feeling like an asshole.

  “What’s going on? Peggy says you seem anxious at work.”

  I looked to Mia. “I’m not sure you’re the right person for me to talk to.”

  Hurt flashed in her eyes. “I’m your friend, Nick.”

  “You’re also in a position to use what I say against me to protect the hospital.”

  She nodded, and I was glad that she understood. “Have you considered talking to someone else about all this?”

  I scoffed. “Talking won’t fix what’s ailing me.”

  “You might have PTSD. You should talk to someone.”

  “PTSD? No.” I knew some doctors had it, but compared to them, their work environments were much more stressful than mine.

  “It’s under reported among doctors. Especially emergency room doctors, where there is a higher incidence.”

  I took a gulp of my drink. I knew I was weak, but I didn’t want to air it out to the world. That would make it too real. “I can see it in big city hospitals. I was once nearly stabbed and another time shot, plus the volume of patience. But here?” I shook my head.

  “You were once nearly stabbed and shot? When?” Her pretty blue eyes shone with concern.

  “During my residency.”

  “You never told me that.” Now she looked incensed. Perhaps because at the time, she and I were together.

  I shrugged. “I didn’t want to worry you. I was a young invincible man.” Who’d been scared of his wits. My pride hadn’t let me share just what those incidents had done to me.

  “Stress can build up. You keep pushing all this down and it builds until you can’t hardly function.”

  I glared at her. “My work has been spot on.”

  “No one is complaining about your work right now. What Peggy sees is a man who is doubting himself.”

  My jaw tightened. I finished my drink.

  “Talking with a professional can help you deal with all this. It’s like wellness for the mind.”

  “It’s bad enough that I’m seen as incompetent. I don’t need the town wondering if I’m weak in the head as well.”

  “Come on, Nick. You’re a doctor. You know better than to dismiss therapy.”

  “I don’t need it.”

  She reached out, putting her hand on my cheek. “I’m worried about you.” Her touch was like a balm, and my head tilted to sink into it.

  “I just need a break. To have a moment when it’s not weighing on me.”

  “Talking can help.”

  “No, talking is bringing it all up. I want to forget. You made me forget before.”

  She looked at me for a minute, but I couldn’t read her expression. She leaned forward, pressing her lips to mine. A new rush of sensation flooded through me. It was a welcome change from guilt. I reached to pull her against me, but she eased back.

  “I’m not a sex therapist. You can’t use sex to hide from your problems.”

  Why did she kiss me then? My dick was hard and needy in my pants. She did that, and now she was backing off. Fuck it. I didn’t need her.

  I shrugged, wanting her to think I didn’t give a shit what she did. I set my glass down and stood. “Fine. I’ll take care of this myself.” I nodded down to my erection.

  Her gaze latched on to the tent in my pants.

  “Unless you’re willing to help?”

  “I can’t. It’s against—”

  “Then you’ll have to excuse me.” I considered dropping my pants and stroking myself right then and there, but thought that was a little too pervy. I strode to my room, pushing the door closed, but it didn’t shut all the way. Didn’t matter. Odds were, she was going to leave anyway.

  I stripped naked, and lay on my bed, closing my eyes as I reached down and cupped my balls. It felt a little pathetic to jack off as a way to ease my pain for a moment. Or to do it because the woman I wanted didn’t want me. But I pushed that aside as I wrapped my hand around my cock and began to stroke. I took my time, not wanting to come in a rush. I wanted to think about nothing else except the erotic sensation of stroking my dick.

  I heard a creak outside my door. Lifting my eyelids slightly, I saw Mia just outside my door, watching me touch myself. My dick thickened and I moaned as the idea of a voyeur heightened my pleasure.

  “Ah fuck, Mia. If you’re going to watch, come watch.”

  She entered the room. “Do you do this often?”

  I swirled the precum on my dick’s tip around the helmet. “Since you returned to town, yes.”

  Fire flashed in her eyes. “Me?”

  “Touch yourself too,” I said. If I couldn’t touch her or fuck her, the next best thing would be watch her get off touching herself.

  “Nick, I can’t.”

  “Why not. Don’t you ever touch yourself?”

  Her cheeks flushed.

  “Want to know what I think about when I jerk off?” I asked, gripping my dick in my fist to slow down my ascent to pleasure.

  “What?”

  “Sometimes I think about you sucking my dick. Other times, I’m fucking your tits.”

  Her brows rose. “Really? How does that even work?”

  I flicked my thumb on the rim of my dick, hissing at the sensation. “Mostly, I’m straddling you, with my dick between your tits. Other times you’re on your knees or sitting.” I gripped my dick hard again as I felt myself creeping closer to orgasm. I wasn’t ready. Not yet. Not until I saw Mia touch herself.

  She started to unbutton her blouse, and for a moment, I thought I was going to get my other fantasy. She sat on the edge of my bed as she pulled her blouse off and then her bra.

  She held her tits up. “Show me.”

  Ah fuck. It was a wonder I didn’t come then and there. I rose from the bed, moving in front of her. “You have the most fantastic tits, Mia. Did you know?”

  “Better than Joyce’s?”

  “Joyce’s are fake. These beauties are real.” I held my dick, making circles on her nipples with the tip. My precome smeared over them, but I’d need more lubrication to fuck them.

  “He needs more lube. Will you suck him?” She’d never sucked him before. Lik
e her not wanting me to go down on her, she hadn’t wanted to give me a blow job. “Just to get him wet. I won’t come in your mouth.” I'd at least I’d try not to. I was so fucking hard that I might come any moment.

  She looked up at me with hesitation in her eyes.

  “Too gross?” I asked.

  She bit her lip. “No.” She leaned forward, opening her mouth. Electricity shot out along my spine as her mouth took my dick inside.

  “Ah fuck … so good, Mia.” I moved my hips back and forth, loving the feel of her hot, wet mouth. For a moment, I thought I’d stay there and come like that. But I remembered I told her I wouldn’t come in her mouth, so I pulled out and pressed my dick between her breasts. “Hold your tits together.”

  She pushed her tits around my dick, and it was a fucking sight to see my dick swallowed by those magnificent globes.

  “So hot. Fuck …” I rocked, sliding my dick between her tits. It didn’t have the friction of her mouth or pussy, but there was still sensation added with the sight of fucking her tits and I was near the edge. “Tighter,” I groaned out as the pressure built in my balls.

  She pushed her tits together more, sliding her hand over one to grip my dick.

  “Yes … ah fuck, I’m going to come on your tits.” My hips moved faster as I reached down to cup my balls. And then I was there. Pleasure blasted through me like white lightening. My cum shot out landing on her neck and chest.

  “Don’t stop,” I gasped as I continued to fuck her tits, wringing out the orgasm until I could barely feel my legs. “Jesus … that was so fucking good.”

  14

  Mia

  The fact that I was breaking rules that could get fired didn’t matter. I was so intrigued and turned on by the idea of Nick masturbating that the wisdom of watching or participating hadn’t factored into my decision. When he’d stalked off, I had every intention of leaving, but like the cat, the curiosity was too much. I tiptoed up his hallway. His bedroom door was slightly ajar so I peeked in.

  He was stretched out on the, his magnificent hard body was like a marble statue. As he stroked his dick, his muscles bunched and tensed. Watching turned me on even more, my panties getting wetter with each stroke.

  “Ah fuck, Mia. If you’re going to watch, come watch.”

  My brain told me to leave. But my body was hot. My hormones were raging. So, I entered his bedroom. He wanted me to touch myself, but I wasn’t like him. The idea of having him watch me while I masturbated made me blush.

  Then he told me his fantasy, and I was too aroused and curious not to give it to him. I’d even sucked his dick, something I’d never done before. He’d asked me to back when we dated, but I worried about doing it wrong or being grossed out.

  I looked down at my chest, were Nick’s cum slowly dripped down. It was thick and milky. I ran my fingers through it, and brought it to my lips.

  “Ah Christ, Mia … you’ll make me hard again.” He reached for a tissue from a box on his bedside and handed it to me.

  I used it to wipe my chest.

  “It’s your turn now. I want to watch you touch yourself.”

  Heat scorched my cheeks. At the same time, my pussy was throbbing for attention. I widened my legs.

  “You’re so wet,” he said as his green eyes immediately went to my pussy. He dropped to his knees like he was worshiping me.

  I ran my finger though my pussy lips, closing my eyes as sensation radiated through me.

  “Do you use toys when you touch yourself.”

  I shook my head.

  “What do you think about? Do you ever think of me?”

  I opened my eyes and looked down at him. His gaze drifted to mine.

  “Yes.”

  His smile is a mixture of smug and naughty. “I want to eat you again. Can I?”

  I moved my hand away.

  He slid his hands up my thighs as he moved in between my legs. “I love your pussy.” He lowered his head, blowing gently on my center.

  I tread my hands through his hair. “Don’t tease me, Nick. Make me come. Hard and fast.” I was too needy to let him draw it out.

  He pushed my legs open wider, then used his fingers to spread my pussy lips. “Hold on, baby. You’re about to go off like a rocket.” Then his mouth was on me. It was an onslaught of sensation, licks, bites, thrusts … all of it, locking and loading until I peaked, and my orgasm blasted through me.

  I cried out as pleasure flooded to every nerve ending. “Yes, yes, yes,” I chanted as he continued to suck and thrust and draw out my pleasure. Eventually I was a boneless heap laying back on his bed. He kissed my belly, each nipple, and finally my lips, letting me taste myself. It wasn’t gross. It was erotic.

  “Let’s take a shower,” he whispered in my ear. He helped me up and into his bathroom. The shower wasn’t huge, but that was okay. It meant I needed to be close to his sexy hard body. His dick was at full mast, and I wanted to suck it, to taste his cum. How interesting this change in my attitude!

  “Have you ever had shower sex?” he asked as he used soap to wash his cum off my chest.

  “No.”

  His eyes studied me. “You’ve been with other men though, since me.”

  There was something in his eyes that hoped I hadn’t. I wanted to lie but didn’t. “Yes.”

  “I hate them all,” he said with a cocky grin.

  “I suspect you’ve been with more women.”

  He looked down. “That was just …” His gaze returned to mine. “I haven’t had a relationship since you.”

  That surprised me. “Why not?”

  He shrugged. “You’re a hard act to follow.”

  I was surprised by his candor.

  “I bet those high-powered lawyers in L.A. had a few moves.”

  Was Nick Foster jealous? Worried he didn’t measure up against them. “None of them fucked my breasts.”

  He flashed a grin. “I bet they wanted to.”

  For some reason it was important to me that Nick knew he was special to me. “They weren’t you.”

  He smiled. “I guess it’s true what they say about never forgetting your first love.”

  Was that all this was? Intense feelings from the past? “I wasn’t your first.”

  “I wasn’t a virgin, no, but you were the first I loved.”

  I wondered if his shower was some sort of confessional. There, with the steam and water, we could be open. The rest of the world was gone. Eli’s venom. My job. Ms. Mason’s death.

  I smiled.

  “I know that this … thing between us can’t go on.”

  The warm fuzzy bubble in my belly burst.

  “I don’t want you to get fired,” he said.

  Oh yeah.

  “But I’d do anything to initiate you into shower sex.”

  “Anything?” I asked looping my arms over his shoulders.

  He grinned, pressing his erection against my belly. “Anything. I just need to get a condom.”

  I slid my hand down his chest, over his hard six-pack abs, and lower, cupping his balls and loving how he hissed. “Would it make a difference if I told you I was still on the pill?”

  Heat flashed hot and erotic in his eyes. “Do you trust that I’m clean?”

  I nodded. “You’re a health professional. And a responsible man. Do you trust me?”

  He backed me into the tiled wall, taking my hands and pressing them over my head. “Yes.” He dipped his head, sucking one of my nipples into his mouth. I moaned, as the sweet erotic zap traveled straight to my core.

  His fingers slid to my pussy. “Are you wet for me, Mia?”

  “Are you hard for me, Nick?”

  He laughed. “I’m always hard for you.” He lifted my thigh, hooking on his hip. “Hold on, baby.”

  I gripped his shoulders and looked into his eyes as the head of his cock slid between my thighs. Slowly, with our gazes holding, he pressed in.

  “So fucking hot,” he said. He gave a final thrust, until he was seeped inside
me, then he kissed me, hard. His tongue worked my mouth, as I knew his dick was about to do to my pussy.

  He withdrew his cock, and thrust back in, eliciting a moan from me. He did it again, and again, each time a little harder, a little faster. Our breathing quickened. Moans filled the shower stall. Soon there was just me and him, racing to ultimate bliss.

  “Are you there yet?” he said on a harsh breath.

  “Close … so close …” I was teetering on the edge, wanting release and at the same time, wanting to stay right where I was. On the verge of bliss with Nick.

  He growled. “Fuck, I’m gonna come.” He lifted my leg higher, and thrust, sliding even deeper, hitting that one perfect spot that sent me spiraling into sweet ecstasy.

  “Nick!” I cried out as every cell in my body sparked with pleasure.

  “Yes … fuck yes …” He plunged in, grinding his hips against me, once and again. Warm liquid filled me with each thrust. I remembered four years ago, the first time we’d had sex when I’d finally gone on the pill. When his semen filled my body, I’d thought he and I were truly one in that moment. He was a part of me, at least. That same feeling swept through me now, only this time, I understood it was fleeting. He was right. What we had before was gone, and we couldn’t rekindle it now even if we wanted to because it would risk my job.

  I pushed all that aside and focused only the physical sensation of Nick being inside me. Of leaving a part of himself inside me.

  “Are you hungry?” he asked.

  “Is there a hidden meaning in that?”

  He laughed. “No, this time I mean do you want food?”

  “I could eat.”

  “Do you mean me or food?”

  I waggled my eyebrows. “Both.”

  “Both it is then.”

  He fixed me dinner, and we sat on his deck overlooking the lake to eat it.

  “You got your cabin on the lake,” I said as I finished my meal and sat back to enjoy the view.