Heart of Hope: Books 1-4

by Williams, Ajme

  “I’m not feeling very well. The pregnancy …”

  “Yes, of course.”

  “I … need to leave.”

  “It would be better if you could stay.”

  I managed to look him in the face. “I’m sorry, I just …”

  He nodded. “I’ll make your excuses.”

  I felt like I was in a fog as I walked down the courthouse steps toward the parking area. I got into my car, but didn’t know where to go. Should I go to Dylan’s? Was I supposed to continue this ruse? If I went to his house, would he toss me out? I felt so alone and broken, and I couldn’t do it anymore.

  I decided to go back to my parents’ home. I wouldn’t tell them about the fake marriage, but I would tell them everything else. I couldn’t do this alone, and they were the only people in the world I knew would forgive and help me.

  Before I headed home, I decided to pick up my things and maybe see Maisie since I was in town. Pulling myself together, I headed back to Dylan’s.

  I parked in the driveway and was barely out of the car before Maisie was rushing over from my old house.

  “Tessa!” She launched herself into my arms. “You’re home! I’ve been waiting for you.”

  Corrine followed her over. “Sorry. She’s fast.”

  I held Maisie close. I was going to miss this kid. “Hey, honey. Did you have fun with Corrine?”

  “Yes. I showed her how to make big bubbles.”

  “I bet she loved that.”

  “Since you’re home—” Corrine started.

  “Actually, I can’t stay. I’m just grabbing a few things and heading back to my parents.”

  She quirked a brow. “Everything all right?”

  “Just some things going on at home.” That wasn’t a lie, even if she thought I meant at my parents’ home instead of here.

  “You have to go?” Maisie’s face dropped. She wrapped her arms around my neck. “Don’t go, Tessa.”

  I squeezed her tight, feeling like a heel for messing things up so badly for us. “I’m sorry honey, but I have to.”

  “When will you be back?”

  “I … don’t know.”

  “Come on Maisie, let’s go make that picture you said you wanted to color for your dad.”

  “Can you come too?” Maisie’s little eyes filled with tears.

  “I’m sorry, Mais, I can’t.”

  Her lip quivered. “Don’t you want to be with us anymore?”

  How was it possible my heart could break even more? “Oh honey, I do. I want to be with you always. I just can’t right now.” I squeezed her tight again and kissed her cheek. “I love you baby. Don’t forget that, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  She looked so sad as Corrine led her back over to her place. This was all my fault.

  I entered the house and went to Dylan’s bedroom to pack up the rest of my clothes. I hadn’t brought a suitcase, so I used large garbage bags. It was a little sad how all my stuff fit in a couple of plastic bags. I loaded them into the back of my car. I took out Maisie’s booster seat and left it in the living room. The next babysitter would need it. I was jealous of her being with Maisie and Dylan already.

  Two hours later, I was back in Brooklyn and parking at my parents’ home. My dad was working, but Mom was home in her sunroom, painting.

  When she first turned to see me, she was smiling, but the minute she saw me, her face dropped. “What happened? Did the judge order against Dylan?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know. I left early.”

  She frowned, until I burst into tears. “Tessa, what is it?” She dropped her paintbrush and rushed to me, wrapping me in her arms.

  “I’ve messed everything up.”

  Thirty minutes later, I’d told her everything, except that the marriage was fake. If she was interviewed by the court, I didn’t want to put her into a position that she needed to consider lying.

  “I don’t understand why you wouldn’t tell him about the baby.” She held me as we sat on the couch.

  “He said he didn’t want more kids … I know that’s dumb and not a good reason. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

  “Do you love him?”

  I looked up at her. “Yes. More than anything.”

  “If he loves you too, it seems like this is something he can forgive you for.”

  I rested my head back against her shoulder. “He’s not a very forgiving sort.”

  “So, he’s willing to sacrifice the love of a good woman and hurt his child because he’s not a forgiving sort?”

  “I think he had a difficult childhood and then everything with his ex … I don’t think he trusts others … or even himself. It’s him and Maisie against the world.” I gave a soft laugh. “It was one of the things that made me love him.”

  “That he’s damaged from his childhood?” My mother gave a tsking sound.

  “No, the him and Maisie against the world. You saw him at the wedding, Mom. He’s devoted to her. For all his faults, his utter devotion to Maisie isn’t one.”

  “Fathers who love their children are attractive, but so are men who love their wives. Marriage isn’t easy, Tessa. As big and tough as Dylan looks, it seems he’s weak on standing by his wife.”

  “I hurt him.”

  “And he never hurt you?” She looked down on me with sharp eyes.

  I turned away, not able to let her know just how many times Dylan had hurt me. I’d let it go, because while his words had hurt, they weren’t unexpected. He’d been honest about his feelings and intentions from the beginning. I was the one who had lied.

  “Tessa.” My mother gave me a little nudge until I did look at her. “Have you and Dylan talked … I mean really talked about all this?”

  I shook my head. “Not since he called and told me he found out.”

  “Today at the courthouse, you didn’t talk?”

  “No.” I held back the information about the lawyer handing me some sort of paperwork regarding Dylan’s parental rights to the baby.

  “In the twenty-five years I’ve been married, the only time your dad and I have had trouble was when we didn’t talk. At the time, withholding information seemed like a good idea. We didn’t want to make waves or hurt the other person. Maybe we were afraid the other would get mad, but in the end, things were worse.”

  “What is there to say, Mom?”

  “How about how you love him and his daughter? How about how you feel to have his child growing inside you? How about why you didn’t say anything right away and how you regret that? Just tell the truth and how you feel.”

  I understood what she was saying, but I couldn’t imagine how it would change anything.

  “Then he needs to tell you what he’s feeling, and eventually, you will come to an understanding. Maybe that means you don’t stay a family, but once you have an understanding, hopefully you can move forward amicably, because your baby will need that.”

  I nodded. “I’ll try.” I had an appointment for my sonogram next week. Maybe I could talk to him then. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. Now, am I allowed to be excited about becoming a grandma?”

  I smiled up at her. “Yes. You’ll be the best grandma ever.”

  “I will. I could be one to Maisie, too. Perhaps you can tell Dylan that as well.”

  26

  Dylan

  When court resumed, Tessa wasn’t there, and it worried me. Was she sick? Had she run off? “Do you know where she is?” I asked my lawyer.

  “She wasn’t feeling well after I gave her the papers.” He cast a glance with the same judgmental expression as he’d given me when I asked him to make them up.

  “I have to protect my rights,” I defended my actions.

  “Yes, you do. But that baby isn’t born yet, and you’re in the middle of a custody case. The timing is bad.”

  I turned my head away and rolled my shoulders. I wasn’t going to feel bad about this.

  “She’s a young woman hopeless
ly in love with her husband. Enough so that she married him to save his other kid. She’s in the early stages of a pregnancy, which can be tough if she’s having morning sickness. Her husband is planning to divorce her and served her legal papers while she’s here helping him fight for his other kid.”

  I swallowed down the guilt.

  “Seriously, Dylan. Why she came to help you I have no idea. This probably won’t be over today. Will she be here for the next hearing?”

  “She will.”

  He gaped at me. He was probably wondering if I was delusional or narcissistic. “Why? Is she a sadist? A glutton for punishment?”

  I shot him a scathing glare. “She sticks to her commitments.”

  He nodded. “At least someone does.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “Have you stuck to your commitment to her? You treat her like shit, and yet she keeps her word.”

  I hated feeling like an asshole. She was the one who didn’t tell me about the baby, but somehow I was the bad guy? Fuck, I was. Everything he was saying was right, which made me the world’s largest asshole.

  “One more thing,” he said.

  “You’ve said enough,” I ground out.

  “That thing about Leo cheating on his wife and Veronica’s plan to take Maisie out of the country? Tessa discovered that. She called me and the PI.”

  I turned to him in confusion. “What?”

  He nodded. “Apparently she brought Maisie to her visit and that’s when she saw Leo with his hand up the nanny’s dress, and found the passport for Maisie.” He pulled out his phone and opened a picture. “She even had the common sense to snap a picture.”

  I looked at the photo of a passport with Maisie’s picture. “Why didn’t she tell me this?”

  He looked at me incredulously. “Seriously? With the way you treat her?” He shook his head.

  I thought back to the day Maisie went to Veronica’s for the weeklong visit. That was the day I learned Tessa was pregnant. I yelled at her and then hung up. She could have called me back, but I knew I wouldn’t have answered. Jesus, I was a dick.

  “You don’t deserve her,” my lawyer said as he stood when the judge appeared.

  Hadn’t I said that all along? I stood as well until the judge told us to be seated. I looked over at Veronica who was sitting stoically, but I could see the anger and pain etched on her face. Had she known about Leo? Was she going to stick by him? I wanted to feel bad for her, but then I remembered she’d planned to take Maisie out of the country, and all sympathy dissipated.

  “I’ve reviewed the evidence from both sides on their charges. The first that Mr. and Mrs. Hyatt have a marriage of convenience in order to retain custody, and the second that the Baskins sought sole custody to take Maisie out of the country.”

  “That’s not true,” Veronica blurted out. Her lawyer turned to quiet her.

  “I don’t know how to prove or disprove a marriage is real or not. The social worker’s report didn’t give any indication that there was something off in the marriage. Of course, there was no indication of infidelity on Mr. Baskin’s part, although these photos suggest that’s indeed the case.”

  Leo cursed under his breath.

  “I don’t care what any of you do in regards to each other. I care about what you do as it impacts what is best for the child, Maisie Hyatt. To that end, the most concerning to me is the possibility of taking her out of the country.”

  “Your honor, Mr. and Mrs. Baskin would be well within their rights to do so if you’d granted them sole custody,” Veronica’s lawyer said.

  “You’re right, but you’ve been in my court enough to know that the chances of me granting sole custody to the Baskins is nil. Mr. Hyatt has provided a safe, loving home to Maisie since her birth, and as a single father over the last three years since Mrs. Baskin left the family. Up until the last few months, her visits with the child were far and few between.”

  The iron tight grip on my heart loosened slightly at the judge’s comments. Veronica wouldn’t be getting sole custody.

  “The idea that her mother would remove her indefinitely from her father, the one constant in her life, bothers me.”

  Veronica opened her mouth, but her lawyer put his hand on her arm.

  “As far as I can see, Mr. Hyatt has always been accommodating to visits with Mrs. Baskin, and yet it doesn’t appear she was going to provide that same accommodation to Mr. Hyatt.”

  “We wouldn’t live there all the time—”

  “Mrs. Baskin, you need to stay quiet,” the judge said. “It doesn’t matter how long you lived there. It’s not like Mr. Hyatt could have weekend visits if you lived in Europe.”

  “I think she’s about to render a decision,” my lawyer murmured next to me. “This could be over today.”

  My heart stopped as anticipation filled me.

  “I do believe Mrs. Baskin loves her child and could provide a loving, stable home.”

  Wait, what?

  “But at this time, the child, Maisie Hyatt, will remain in full legal and physical custody of Mr. Hyatt—”

  Yes!

  “No, your honor—” Veronica cried out.

  “With regular visitations with Mrs. Baskin. The Baskins are ordered to surrender the passport they have of Maisie Hyatt, and for six months, visitations will be supervised to ensure there is no attempt to leave the country with her.”

  Veronica started to cry.

  “In six months, we’ll meet again and can reassess the situation. However, Mrs. Baskin, I suggest you consider amending your request to joint custody. Court is adjourned.” She banged the gavel.

  I sat in stunned silence, while around me Leo barked out obscenities, Veronica cried, and my lawyer patted me on the back.

  I won. So why did I feel like I’d also lost? Because after all this, the one person who’d believed in me and had stuck by me wasn’t here to share the victory.

  I cursed at myself for letting my situation with Tessa get in the way of my victory. This all started by wanting to keep Maisie, and now I had won. That’s what mattered.

  “I’ve got to get home.” I shot up from my chair.

  “Give your daughter a hug. And fix things with your wife,” my lawyer said.

  When I arrived home, I swung Maisie around and held her so tight. I had the same feeling I’d had when she was born. Like I was given a chance to be a better man. To make a difference in my child’s life.

  “Daddy, you're crazy.”

  I remembered that she hadn’t known her mom and I were in court, so to her, it was just another day.

  “I’m just so happy to see you.”

  She looked at me but I didn’t see the happiness I’d have liked.

  “What’s wrong honey?”

  “Tessa came home and then left again. Why won’t she stay with us, Daddy? I miss her.”

  “What did she say?” I asked.

  “She has to be with her family.”

  “Well then, that’s what she has to do,” I said.

  “But we’re her family, daddy. Make her come home.”

  I closed my eyes as guilt rose. I needed to tell her the truth: that Tessa and I were done. But today, I just wanted to celebrate finally getting what I’d wanted; Maisie would stay with me. That’s all that mattered. If only my heart would agree.

  27

  Tessa

  I lay down to rest, and when I woke, I saw a text from Dylan’s lawyer saying that Dylan had custody for now. We won. I wanted to be happy about that, but it was hard with the weight of everything else hanging over me. I did manage to text Dylan that I’d heard what had happened, and congratulated him. I reminded him of the sonogram appointment, but didn’t say anything about the paperwork his lawyer gave me or that I anticipated he’d divorce me.

  The following week, I drove to my appointment thinking about how to proceed with my life. My parents said I could stay with them as long as I needed, and my mother even recommended a doctor in Brooklyn. Finishing
graduate school was out until after the baby was born, but I could find work and a place to live near Dylan so that we could share the responsibility of the baby.

  I was in the waiting room filling out the paperwork when Dylan entered. My heart swelled and then broke at the sight of him. I wanted so badly to hug him and tell him I loved him, but I knew I couldn’t.

  His expression was impassive, which I decided was better than angry.

  “Thank you for coming,” I said when he sat next to me.

  “I wouldn’t miss it.”

  “No, of course not.” I wanted to ask how he was. How Maisie was. But all the words were lost in my throat.

  We were called in to the examination room for the sonogram, which broke the awkward silence. I lay on the bed as the woman performing the test talked us through the procedure.

  She squirted some heated gel on my belly and then used a wand to rub over my belly. I cast a glance to Dylan, whose eyes were on the screen.

  I looked at the screen too, but couldn’t discern anything.

  “Ah … there it is,” the technician said. She pointed to a fluttering on the screen. “That’s the heartbeat.”

  Emotion welled through me like a tidal wave, and I gasped at the power of it. Tears came to my eyes, and I was transfixed. There was a life inside me.

  “I’m going to take some measurements so we can see about getting a better idea of how far along you are.”

  “Can we hear the heartbeat?” Dylan asked.

  I looked to him, wondering if he was feeling all this emotion as I was. I couldn’t read his expression. I decided he’d been through this before, so it probably wasn’t the same. In fact, it might be a burden. With Maisie, he and Veronica had still been in a happy phase of their life. This moment probably didn’t have the same joy and awe as it did for him with Maisie.

  I turned back to the screen, not wanting to see his lack of emotion.

  “Yes. Here.” She pressed a button, and the steady sound of thumping echoed in the room.

  My breath hitched. “Oh God.” Tears ran down my face.

  The technician smiled. “That’s your baby.”