Again for the First Time

by Raven St. Pierre

  “Well… when the conversation shifts to women’s accessories that’s my cue to make a run for it,” Nick interrupted with a heavy sigh. I still hadn’t figured out how to take him, leaving me confused as to whether him shutting down my chat with his sister was intentionally rude or just his way. Either way, I was beginning to like him and his snobbish fiancé a little less as the night wore on.

  Without protest, Mel stood to her feet and rushed to the foyer, almost like she couldn’t wait to leave either. There was definitely something up with this chick.

  “We hate for you two to go so soon,” Mrs. Valente said as her son and future daughter in-law made their way to the door. And continuing in true fashion of a good hostess, she followed them to see them out safely.

  Luke stood as well, shifting his eyes to me for a moment. “Yeah, I actually think we’re gonna head out, too. Work in the morning,” he explained. His mother’s frown deepened. Luke held out his hand to assist me as I got to my feet. Next, he made his way over to his mother, smiling a little at the look of disappointment on her face as he placed a kiss on her cheek. The small woman was dwarfed by the height of one son after the other when Nick and Matt followed Luke’s lead, showering her with hugs before making their exits.

  “I’ll call and check in with you guys tomorrow,” Luke promised.

  “Sounds good, Son,” his father replied. “Drive safely.”

  “Will do, Pop,” Matt answered, although he wouldn’t be the one behind the wheel.

  Luke’s grandfather slowly made his way over to us, too, nodding as he took my hand to shake it. “It was a pleasure meeting you, young lady. Will we be seeing you around again sometime soon?” he asked.

  I smiled at him. “Yes, I’m sure you will.”

  Finding satisfaction in that answer, he moved on to his grandsons and shortly after that, we were outside in Luke’s car preparing to back out of the driveway. In the silence, I reflected on the evening as the knot in my stomach finally untangled. We had the first meetings with our families out of the way and that took a huge load off… for now.

  Luke tapped the horn when Nick gave a short wave as he and Mel backed out of the driveway. By coincidence, she and I locked eyes with one another and her lack of even a cordial smile or any semblance of a friendly expression confirmed what I suspected; for whatever reason, she had an issue with me. I decided to keep my thoughts about it to myself, though. Inquiring with Luke wouldn’t change anything, and for all I knew, time would fix the situation anyway.

  From the backseat, Matt’s loud, jovial voice startled me as he placed his hands on Luke’s shoulder and mine at the same time. “That was pretty easy, right?”

  Luke pressed the brake just before inching out onto his parents’ street, shooting his brother the same exact look I did. If I had to guess, we were even thinking the same thing. Matt really didn’t have a clue as to how gut-wrenching all of this was. We couldn’t tell anyone about the documentary or the truth behind our relationship. Once we finally did make the wedding announcement to our families, it’d seem like we kept them in the dark about our relationship, but would then expect them to all just jump on board and be happy for us.

  The icy glares that we gave Matt made him retreat.

  Luke shook his head at his brother’s attempt to downplay what we were doing here. A few days ago this all felt like a game, like it was just some spontaneous thing to do that could either end very well or very badly; however, there was something about meeting one another’s families that made it all seem real. For me, Luke was no longer just some insane guy who’d asked me to marry him; he was someone’s son, someone’s grandson, and brother. I wasn’t just marrying him; I was marrying into his entire family, linking myself to all of them for however long this thing lasted. There would be expectations on their part concerning my involvement in Luke’s life, just like my family would have for him concerning his involvement in mine. Over the past two days, it became very clear to me that it wasn’t just our feelings on the line.

  Theirs were, too.

  *****

  Matt came up to gather the last of the equipment he’d left behind the night before. When he announced that he needed to do my first impromptu, solo interview, Luke stayed down in the car. After setting his bags by my door, Matt powered up his handheld and aimed it at me. It was one thing for him to film us all from a distance, but something totally different with that camera all up in my face, just me this time, sharing my personal thoughts and feelings.

  “And… ok, yeah… we’re rolling,” he said from behind the lens.

  I tried to loosen up. “I’m not sure what you want me to say,” I admitted. “Can’t you ask me questions or something?”

  He snickered a little at the request. “Ok, how about we start with this: it’s been four days since Luke’s proposal, still think this idea is as crazy as you did on day one?”

  He came right out the gate with a heavy hitter. Knowing the answer already without giving it much thought, I shook my head. However, I intentionally dialed my answer down a bit to keep him from thinking I was feeling too much too soon. “No, I’m not as skeptical as I was when this all started. I guess I see how people could make this work.”

  Matt kept the camera aimed at me while I fidgeted. “How ‘people’ could make this work… or how you and Luke could make this work?”

  The probing question forced me to admit more than I initially intended. A deep breath preceded my response. “I mean… yeah, I could see… I could see us making this work.”

  “Why the change of heart?”

  Without words, I thought back over the last few days with his brother—how sweet he’d been, how much I enjoyed his conversation. “I think it’s just because I’m getting to know Luke a little better, seeing that there’s more to him than I thought.”

  “What do you mean?”

  I shrugged when I started explaining. “I don’t know… I guess I just thought he’d be different than he is. He’s nice… just a really nice guy.” I smiled by accident when I added, “Some of the things he says are really sweet.”

  The grin on Matt’s face let me know he was getting ready to pry. “Sweet? Like what?”

  I couldn’t help but to laugh. “I’m not answering that. It’s bad enough we barely have conversations without you sticking your nose in our business.”

  He chuckled. “Fine, fine… at least tell me your thoughts on having met our family tonight. Think you’re gonna mesh well with everyone?”

  I thought back to the dinner we’d just left and reevaluated my interactions with everyone. Their granddad was by far the one who made me the most comfortable, but the others were all pretty cool, too—aside from Nick and Mel. I still hadn’t figured those two out yet. Nick, I was pretty sure was just a douche in general, but Mel… there was something else there that I was missing.

  “Yeah, I think we’ll all get along fine,” I lied, nodding a little to convince him that what I’d just said was the truth.

  I sat waiting while Matt thought of another question. “So… this is gonna sound like I’m just being nosey, but when this film comes out people will wanna know what makes you tick, what makes you, you,” he explained. “With that being said, how does being with Luke compare to your last relationship so far?”

  That one made me uncomfortable, but I gave a response that was both truthful and helped avoid talking about this painful subject matter. “Well, it’s still kinda early to tell. It’s been, what, four days? Everyone still seems perfect this early on.”

  Matt snickered. “You sound like my brothers. They said basically the same thing when I first came to them with this idea.”

  “Don’t get me wrong, I think you might be on to something with all this, but I couldn’t possibly predict the future. This early in the game my ex seemed like a great guy too, you know?” I revisited my breakup with Gerard, how he distanced himself when certain issues came to the light, ultimately leading to our split and his new engagement. “You just neve
r know with people. We’re a fickle species.”

  Matt nodded, agreeing, but also thinking hard about what I just said. “So this last guy… things were pretty bad.”

  This was not what I wanted to talk about. “You know what? Can we just move on, please?”

  Matt saw how flustered I became, watching as the frustration on my face increased. “Sure,” he said before pausing to think of another question. “Ok, going back further, like all the way back, what were you like as a kid?”

  There were so many answers to that question. I racked my brain for a starting point. “For the most part I was a happy kid. At home anyway.”

  “At home? Why just at home?”

  That wasn’t exactly what I meant, but I suppose that answer came out the way it did for a reason. “You know… kid stuff. Bullying or whatever.”

  He cocked his head to the side. “You were bullied?”

  My eyes left his and I looked down at my hands as I thought back. All through school, the other girls, well… one in particular, picked on me because I wasn’t wearing the same stuff all the other kids were wearing. I was different. I accepted it, but for some reason they couldn’t. She couldn’t. I wouldn’t say I was the weird kid or anything, but I just always marched to the beat of my own drum.

  Did then.

  Did now.

  “It’s not that big a deal now,” I added, dialing down that phase of my life. Being tormented like I was had actually been a big part of my life; it’s one of those things that just sticks with a person, but I chose to not live in the past. “It was kid stuff,” I repeated.

  “Was it one person in particular, or were you just like… a target in general?”

  Our conversation kept going from bad to worse, going deeper into territory I didn’t want to venture into. “One person. One girl,” I admitted. “But I don’t really wanna talk about that either.”

  He stared at me through the camera for a moment, but then dropped the subject. “So, ok… you came from a happy home. Tell me about that.”

  My shoulders relaxed a little. “Well, with three older siblings, I was kind of spoiled growing up, especially on Christmas and birthdays, which I rather enjoyed,” I smiled, thinking about my sisters. “I’m almost the youngest—Brooklyn is the only one under me, so we were never lacking for attention.”

  Matt’s posture changed and his interest piqued all of a sudden, almost like he became just a little bit more intrigued by what I had to say.

  “How old is she, by the way? Brooklyn?”

  He tried to pass the question off as casual, but I saw right through him. A smile touched my lips.

  “Why you wanna know?”

  He shrugged, feigning nonchalance. “Just asking… you know… for the sake of the film. I mean, you can give me all you guys’ ages. So I can document it,” he added.

  Giving him the side-eye for a few seconds longer, I went down the list. “Brook is twenty-two, I’m twenty-four, Aura is twenty-six, Delia’s twenty-nine, and Bean is about to be thirty-three in a couple months.” I had a feeling he didn’t hear anything beyond me telling him about my baby sister.

  “Cool… I’ll make a note of that,” he said, still trying to convince me that he’d only asked for the sake of the film. “I think that’s it for now.”

  Once he stood to leave, I relaxed a bit. “So, what’s next?”

  Sliding his duffle bag with the previous night’s equipment up his shoulder, Matt shrugged. “Not sure. It’s up to you and Luke from here on out. We’ve gotten the family introductions out the way. Now, I guess you guys just plan the wedding and do whatever comes natural.”

  He said that like Luke and I were just your average couple moving into marriage. It made me smile, but also put a lot of pressure on the two of us.

  “All right, I’m out. If you guys make plans, count me in so I can film.”

  I smiled with a slight eye roll. Who could forget that he’d have to be there to spy on us? “Will do.”

  The next second he was gone and I plopped down on my couch, staring down onto the street where Luke sat waiting in his car for his brother. As if he felt me sitting there, felt me watching him, his eyes drifted up toward my window and found mine. A smile touched my lips when I waved. He did the same and at the feel of my heart fluttering, I revisited Matt’s question regarding whether I still thought this whole thing was insane. The butterflies Luke was starting to give me whenever I was around him were undeniable. I wondered if most women who were on the cusp of marriage still felt this way about their soon-to-be husbands, or if these feelings had long since passed them by, giving way to more even-keel emotions toward their significant other. Marrying someone at such a high point in the relationship was beginning to seem like an ingenious idea if I’d ever heard one. There was so much potential. This may sound strange, but I was actually starting to look forward to next Thursday… or at least I wasn’t dreading it as much.

  Chapter Seven

  Luke

  I undressed, threw on a pair of sweats, and got my laptop off the dresser before hopping in bed. Already, our late-night conversations were something I found myself looking forward to—even if that didn’t make a whole lot of sense to me. Lissette and I had just spent the entire evening together at my parents’ house, but it didn’t matter; I still wanted more of her time. Admitting that to myself, I pause after signing in to video chat.

  I wanted more of her time, enjoyed her company, her conversation.

  My head rested against the headboard as I questioned everything that happened over the last few days—the proposal, her accepting, meeting one another’s families. It was all so unbelievable. However, even amidst the fast-paced craziness, there was something about this girl, something that forced me to see beyond the adrenaline rush and haze of surrealism. For some reason she felt real, tangible, even if this situation didn’t always.

  A notification popped up in the corner of the screen when Lissette got online. I completely lost my train of thought as I hurried to send her a chat invite. She accepted right away and greeted me with a warm smile. I looked her over. Tonight her lips shined a bit with a thin layer of gloss and she left her hair down. The sleeveless, cotton nightgown she wore was more cute than sexy.

  Well-played, I thought to myself, unable to keep from smiling at her.

  “I swear you’re always laughing at me!” she said, casting a playful glare my way. “What’d I do now? You gonna make fun of my glasses again?”

  “Actually, I was just thinking about how different you look from last night. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were trying to look good for me.”

  Her cheeks reddened a bit, but she denied my accusation all the same. “Whatever. You working tomorrow?” she asked randomly, I assumed because I’d inadvertently complimented her again, which always seemed to make her uncomfortable.

  The thought of work made me yawn. “Half a day. I’m going in late. I have a couple things I need to do in the morning. What do you have going on?” I asked.

  “Mmm… I have an order I’m planning to work on at least part of the day, and I was thinking I’d try to get some stuff done for Thursday… for the wedding,” she added flatly.

  I smiled. “Why’d you say it like that?”

  She didn’t answer.

  “Do you feel awkward about taking this seriously? Is that it?”

  The look on her face led me to believe I was right, but also that I’d embarrassed her by asking. That wasn’t my intention. For a few seconds she appeared to be thinking of a way to explain her feelings. “Usually, when I’m involved with someone, I’m extremely guarded and I prefer to take things slowly. Believe it or not,” she added jokingly. “Present company aside, I don’t just let strangers in, you know? I guess I’m just a little… uncomfortable.”

  I watched her body language for a moment. She’d transitioned from being cool and confident to unsure of herself in a matter of seconds. Her shoulders slumped some and she crossed her arms over her body a
s if she wished they would hide her.

  “Why are you uncomfortable?” I asked thoughtfully.

  She took a deep breath and then finally met my gaze. “Because I think I’m starting to feel something for you—definitely not love or anything like that, but, you know, something. And I’m not sure if you’ve ever ‘caught feelings’ by yourself, but it’s not a fun place to be. If the other person isn’t on the same page you start to feel like a bit of a tool after a while.”

  I laughed when she threw the word ‘tool’ out there. “That’s what’s wrong? You don’t want to take it seriously because you don’t think I am?”

  Reluctantly, she nodded, confirming my suspicion. “Maybe, but I don’t wanna talk about this, though.”

  “Lissette,” I paused and just watched her for a moment. There was definitely a fair amount of insecurity she was fighting to conceal, which I hadn’t noticed before. Until now, she always came across as being so self-assured. “I want to know what’s on your mind. Not just tonight. Always.”

  Some of the tension eased from her brow, and along with it, some of the uncertainty dropped off as well. However, she still didn’t respond.

  “Well, for the record, if it makes a difference, you’re not feeling what you’re feeling alone,” I added truthfully.

  Her cheeks tinted red and she bit the side of her lip to keep from smiling too hard. She was so beautiful, even though I was beginning to believe she didn’t know it. After staring at her a few seconds longer, I asked what she was thinking.

  “Just wondering how any of this possible,” she said, unclamping her lip from between her teeth. “Like how is any of this real? The wedding? These… feelings?”

  I shrugged nonchalantly, deciding to just accept the fact that I may never understand it all. “I’ve been asking myself the same question and haven’t gotten an answer,” was my response.