Again for the First Time

by Raven St. Pierre

  I was quiet.

  “Doesn’t it bother you that she basically had… like… this ongoing emotional affair?” Aura asked, smiling, secretly eating up all the drama.

  My mother shrugged. “It’s like they say—the heart wants what the heart wants.”

  I could definitely relate to that. “It’s just so sad. Whenever I read her letters I–”

  “You still read those things?” My mother asked as she chuckled. “Lemme see them.”

  She and Aura followed me to my bedroom where I retrieved the heavy, wooden box from beneath my bed. My mother sat and held it in her hands, smiling a little to herself. She ran her hand over the engraving on the lid, which read: “Let us yield to love”. Aura and I stood by while Mom took a sheet of paper from the box and looked it over. She set it aside and took another.

  “What’s that?” Aura asked, slipping her hand down inside the box. She pulled out the silver necklace with a rose pendant dangling from it. From the look on my mother’s face, I guessed she’d never seen it before.

  “It was in there when I got the box. You think Benny gave it to her?” I asked.

  Aura shrugged. “It’d make sense, especially if she told him about the rose petal.” She stared a few more seconds and then smiled. “He must’ve really loved her.”

  “You should wear it tomorrow,” my mother suggested.

  Aura burst out laughing. “Don’t you think that’s a little tacky? Not the necklace, but… maybe a little disrespectful to Grandpa Lee?”

  My mother shrugged nonchalantly which made Aura and me laugh even harder. “It’s about what the necklace symbolizes more than anything else, but he won’t even be there tomorrow,” she reasoned. Without another word, she made me lean in so she could secure it around my neck. “There’s your something old.”

  I held it in my fingers and admired the pendant.

  My mother slid my grandmother’s box back beneath my bed and just as she stood, my door buzzed. I lit up, knowing it could only be one person. Aura rolled her eyes and smiled. “Ma, that’s our cue to get lost.”

  My mother grinned and shook her head. I hurried to the door to buzz Luke in while Mom and Aura searched for the bags they’d need tonight. They were all meeting me here to get ready in the morning anyway, so it didn’t make sense to take them all.

  I opened the door when Luke knocked. When I greeted him with a huge smile, he chuckled a little. “Seems like you had a good day.”

  I stepped aside to let him in. “The best.”

  He seemed confused by all the bags littering my floor. When my mother and Aura came in from the dining room, they actually smiled at him. Once the surprise of them being so warm toward him wore off, Luke spoke.

  “Hello, ladies.”

  Aura tried to dim the grin on her face, but if I didn’t know any better I’d say she was starting to see things a little differently, starting to see in Luke what I saw in him. She didn’t say hello back, just, “You did good with that ring.”

  Luke nodded once and smiled when she gave her seal of approval. My mother pushed his hand aside when he reached to shake hers, going in for a hug instead. From over my mother’s shoulder, Luke looked so confused that she’d changed her mind about him so quickly.

  My mother pulled away and said nothing else. She waved with a smile on her face just before she and Aura closed the door to my apartment behind them.

  Luke looked around again. “What’s all this?” he asked.

  I still couldn’t stop smiling. “Love,” I answered. “My mom and sisters, all of them, showed up today and took me to get practically everything we need—their dresses, my dress, food and decorations for the reception.”

  “Reception?”

  I shrugged. “Well, it’s more of a barbeque, but there’ll be good food, good music, and cake. So, close enough.”

  Luke shook his head and looked around, amazed. My smile faded and I remembered that he’d just come from breaking the news to his family. Taking his hand, a gesture that was beginning to feel more natural as time passed, I made him sit with me.

  “How’d it go?” I asked.

  Luke let out a long breath and I could see the stress all over his face. “Not good, but, if you don’t mind, I don’t really feel like talking about it.”

  I nodded, respecting his choice. “You okay, though?”

  He put on an expression that was so light and easy going I knew it had to be forced. “Yeah, I’m perfect now.”

  I smiled when he did. There was such magnetism between us, pulling me in his direction, but I made myself refrain from hugging him like I wanted to. To quell the feeling, I clasped my hands together in my lap.

  “How was your day?” I asked. “I mean, aside from this evening.”

  Luke sat beside me and breathed deep. “Just like any other really. I was more preoccupied than usual so I probably wasn’t all that productive,” he laughed.

  “Preoccupied with what?” Deep down, I was hoping he’d say me.

  He leaned deeper into the couch and smiled before replying. “You. Us. This.” He reached for my hand again. “I’m in shock,” he added, laughing.

  “That we’re really doing this?”

  He shrugged. “That. And…” Silence filled the air when he paused. I had a feeling he’d done so to rethink whatever he was about to admit. Instead, he simply added, “…and by the fact that I actually feel something for you.”

  I laughed and pretended to be offended. “Gee, thanks.”

  “Not like that. When Matt came at me with his idea, I was dead-set against it. I never thought I’d actually be looking forward to marrying some girl I’d just met less than two weeks ago.” I got trapped in his stare and couldn’t seem to look away. His green eyes smoldered, leaving me pleasantly uncomfortable when I stared into them for too long. As if he’d heard my thoughts, he smiled as I weakened just a little more. Right when I thought I might give in and kiss him, Luke slipped his hand from my grasp and stood to his feet.

  “You’re leaving?”

  He stretched and yawned. “Yeah, I dropped my tux off to get pressed this morning—the one I already have for Nick’s wedding. My brothers did the same thing, so they’re meeting me at the dry cleaners in half an hour to pick everything up before the place closes. After that, we’re going for drinks.”

  I prayed that his time with his brothers would be just as comforting as my time had been with my sisters. Even though Luke hadn’t yet revealed everything concerning the talk with his parents, I could tell he needed that. I smiled at him reassuringly. “Ok.”

  When I stood beside him, I prepared myself for yet another awkward goodbye. He watched me sway back and forth anxiously, folding my arms over my chest.

  “Ok. You know what? Just get ready for it.”

  “Ready for what?” I asked, confused.

  He spread his arms apart and stared at me. “I’m gonna hug you whether you like it or not,” he joked.

  I burst out laughing and inched my way to him until we embraced. He squeezed me tighter than necessary, which forced me to let him all the way inside my comfort zone. I wrapped my arms around his waist and my cheek pressed into his chest. When he didn’t let go right away, I closed my eyes and reveled in the moment.

  “This isn’t so bad, is it?” he asked, still holding on.

  I smiled and shook my head. “I suppose it isn’t.”

  We separated ourselves and I followed Luke to the door, hoping my face wasn’t as red as it felt.

  “Oh. I almost forgot.” I watched as he reached inside his pocket and pulled out a silver key. “It’s to my apartment. I had it made for you today.”

  He placed it in my hand casually, as if this moment wasn’t pivotal, and then turned to leave. I slid my fingers over the cool metal, letting the seriousness of the gesture rest on my heart before walking off toward my bedroom in a moment of pure impulse.

  “Wait one sec,” I said, halting him. I kept a spare in my top drawer. When I came back to the liv
ing room and handed it over, Luke looked at me.

  “You know you don’t have to do this just because I did, right? Not if you aren’t comfortable.”

  I nodded and kept my eyes trained on the key in my hand. “I know. I want you to have it, though.”

  And I did. There wasn’t too much of anything I still saw the need to hold back from Luke at this point.

  He smiled and I found myself wishing that Thursday had passed already so we wouldn’t have to say goodbye at night anymore. Either he’d be here with me or I’d be at his place. I watched him walk down the hall to the elevator before shutting my door. I stood there thinking of him for a few minutes after he’d gone.

  Would all of this—the spontaneity, the kind gestures, the emotional intimacy—wear off after he’d gotten used to being with me?

  Lord knows I hoped it wouldn’t.

  Chapter Ten

  Lissette

  The thought crossed my mind that I might feel ridiculous when I saw myself in this dress. I thought maybe I’d feel awkward because I hadn’t been through the traditional rigmarole that’s supposed to accompany a wedding. However¸ as I stared at myself in the mirror, that’s not what I was thinking at all. I was thinking of how right this felt and also that I’d never made a better decision in my entire life.

  My mother walked up behind me and there was so much emotion in her eyes. “You look absolutely amazing.”

  I smiled at her and looked myself over again. “Thank you. I feel amazing.”

  She reached in front of me and grabbed my grandmother’s necklace from the dresser. While latching it, she asked, “Nervous?”

  “Not about the wedding, per se. Maybe a little for Luke, though. I don’t know if his parents are coming and I can’t imagine how I’d feel if I didn’t have all of you supporting me. You’re not supposed to get married without your family around you.”

  My mother nodded. “Well, he will have his family around him,” she corrected. “He’s marrying my baby; that makes him my baby, too.”

  I kissed her hand when she placed it on my shoulder. “Thank you. Thank you for everything you’ve done to make today perfect. Thank you for accepting him. Thank you for allowing me to follow my heart without making me feel like I have to choose between having Luke and having you all.” I stared at her reflection in the mirror as she swiped at a tear. “Don’t start, Ma, ‘cause you’re gonna get me started.”

  “I know and I’m trying to keep it together,” she said, laughing as she pulled me into an embrace. My parents and sisters had been so good to me. Not just yesterday when they put their personal feelings aside to help me with the wedding; they’d always been good to me. I should’ve known better than to think they would’ve let me do this alone.

  “We have a wedding to get to. Break it up,” Aura announced when she entered the room to gather my purse and bag. “Miss Lady, grab your shoes please and be out in the living room in the next thirty seconds.” She gave a smile to soften her bossy tone.

  I stuck my tongue out at her playfully and then did as she commanded.

  When I came out of my room, all my sisters stopped and stared. I stared back at them in their dresses, hair all done up, and felt my chest get tight. Bean’s eyes started to water, but she quickly fanned her face to keep from messing up her makeup.

  “Oh my God, Lissy. You look beautiful,” Brooklyn said with a smile.

  “I need y’all to quit tryna make me cry!” I said laughing.

  “Okay, okay, I’m done, but you do look gorgeous,” she added.

  Aura made sure we all had everything and then we left my apartment, heading for the elevator. Delia was on dress duty which meant it was her job to make sure I didn’t bump against anything that would stain or snag it. Once she got me into the elevator safely, we were on our way. As fate would have it, the doors opened when we reached the lobby just as Gerard and Robyn were coming into the building. He stopped. I stopped. My sisters all turned to look at me. Gerard closed his mouth when he realized it was agape and swallowed hard enough that I could see the movement of his throat from where I stood. Slowly, he approached as my sisters, my mother, and I all stepped into the lobby.

  He forced a smile. “Today’s the big day, huh?”

  I nodded. “Yeah… it is.”

  He looked me over slowly and gathered his thoughts. “Well, you look… really pretty,” was the compliment he decided on.

  “Thanks.”

  “You do look absolutely beautiful,” Robyn added politely.

  I smiled and nodded a “thanks” in her direction, too.

  “We need to go,” Aura chimed in, sounding annoyed. She never did pretend to like Gerard and the way he broke up with me gave her even more reason to be nasty to him.

  “Right, well, congratulations again,” he added.

  I nodded and kept it moving, sighing heavily as I shook off the negative energy that accompanied thoughts of how he’d hurt me.

  Not today.

  “Oh my God!” Bean said in a hushed tone, snatching me from my thoughts. My eyes had been focused on the ground to be cautious as I walked in these high-heeled shoes, so when I looked up through the lobby doors, I stopped dead in my tracks.

  “You all did this?” I asked.

  My sisters shook their heads ‘no’ at the same time as my mother. I looked at the shiny, white limousine parked along the curb. We stepped out onto the sidewalk and the driver came around to open the door for us.

  “Ms. James,” he said, greeting me with a smile as I stepped inside the vehicle. My mother and Aura sat beside me, and then Delia, Bean and Brooklyn climbed in behind us.

  This had to be Luke’s doing. A smile crossed my face as I looked out the window and watched traffic pass. He was just full of surprises.

  “I should’ve waited ‘til a random stranger asked my hand in marriage,” Aura whispered, making me smile even bigger.

  In fifteen minutes, we were pulling up to the gazebo by the river and the first thing I noticed was who showed up for Luke—aside from his brothers, his sister, and his granddad, his parents were nowhere in sight. Mel, Nick’s fiancé, wasn’t either, but I wasn’t expecting her to show anyway. Next, I took in all the work my mother and sisters had put in this morning before coming to my place to get ready. There were white chairs set out for the few guests that we had, white tulle lining the aisle, and a beautiful arch that I remembered from Aura’s wedding, now decorated in beautiful white roses with pink detail. I almost started crying again. And if I wasn’t already emotional enough, Luke, Matt, and Nick came from behind a tall, white tent and walked toward the archway as it neared time for the ceremony to start. He looked so handsome standing there in that tux. His beard was freshly trimmed and so was his hair. My heart thundered inside my chest at the sight of him—at the sight of my soon-to-be husband.

  “You ready?” Aura asked, touching my arm to get my attention.

  I sucked in a breath and nodded. She smiled and opened the door to the limo so she and the others could all climb out. Because of the setup, there wasn’t anywhere for me to stay hidden until it was my time to walk down the aisle, so I stayed put inside the limo. Through the dark tinted window, I watched Luke greet my sisters. His eyes shifted toward the vehicle where I waited and a smile graced his lips. He couldn’t see me, but he knew I was inside. My stomach fluttered like it’d filled up with a million butterflies.

  The violinist from my parents’ church played softly while the groomsmen walked my sisters down the aisle. When Matt came to get Aura, my father began to walk toward the limo, standing beside the driver until my mother cued him. Once Matt walked Aura to her place beside Bernadine, he resumed his dual role as our officiate, standing beneath the arch. My mother nodded once at my father.

  When the door opened, the driver reached for my hand. I stared at it for a moment, then at my father who stood there waiting, and then at Luke who looked so calm and so sure that he eased my nerves. When I met my father’s gaze, he smiled and motioned wit
h his head for me to get out of the vehicle.

  The driver didn’t let me go until both of my feet were planted firmly on the ground. I took my father’s arm, and with his hand covering mine, he ushered me around the limo and over to the lace runner I’d selected the day before, dotted with pink flower petals that matched my shoes. I still hadn’t made eye contact with Luke yet. I wasn’t ready; wasn’t ready to let it sink in that this was real, that this was all happening.

  As my father and I stood at the end of the aisle, I touched the flower pendant on my grandmother’s necklace and thought of her. I thought of the unfinished love story between her and Benny and, in that moment, I felt like she was there with me. In a way, I felt like she’d been with me all along, somehow ushering me in Luke’s direction. Thinking of her gave me the courage I needed to look up. When I finally did, Luke was staring in awe.

  “Ready?” my father whispered when the violinist began playing a slow rendition of The Wedding March.

  I took a breath and nodded. Daddy smiled down on me and took the first step. I followed his lead and kept my eyes on Luke the entire time. He looked so handsome today; even more than usual—the shade of stubble on his chin drawing my attention to his lips. With each step, I imagined what the upcoming years could hold for us. What if this really worked? At the thought of it, I smiled and so did Luke.

  My father halted and Luke came closer. Before handing me off, my father kissed my hand and looked me over, overwhelmed with pride despite how upset he’d been with me a couple days ago. None of that negativity was present now. Not today. When he was finally ready, he placed my hand in Luke’s. There was a moment where my father eyed him, as if to let him know he’d be watching his every move. It was sweet in a way and I was glad to see that Luke didn’t take offense. He simply nodded to reassure my father and then waited for him to let me go.