ROCK F*CK CLUB (Girls Ranking the Rock Stars Book 5)

by Michelle Mankin

  Gale’s head jerked back, and his eyes widened. “That’s not true.”

  “It is true. Think about it.” Sighing, I said, “I’m going to get some food. Rehydrate. See if they have Wi-Fi, a computer, anything so I can try to connect with the outside world.” I frowned and started to slip past him. “But what I won’t do anymore is reconnect with you like this.”

  “You don’t get it.” He grabbed my arm, stopping me.

  I tried to yank free. “Don’t grab me.”

  “Don’t walk away.” He pulled me to him, bringing his handsome face close to mine. “I’m not finished talking to you.”

  His lips were so near, tempting me. I knew how firm they felt and how he tasted. Crisp like a tart apple. New like a fresh start. His gray eyes were aglow again, but not reflective like they’d been under the stars when I’d seen myself the way I wanted to be.

  I wanted that back. I would get it back, even if I had to fight him for it.

  “So, talk,” I said, but what I meant was So, kiss me.

  God, I needed him to do something. I’d been dismissed too many times. By my father, then by a boy who’d said he loved me but didn’t stand up for me at my trial. I couldn’t stomach being ignored by Gale, or worse, cast aside.

  “It’s not that I want you to be her.” Gale’s appalled expression fled, leaving him looking angry and upset, but I wasn’t afraid. “In so many ways, you’re better for me. You’re a survivor. You’re less self-involved and more committed to those you care about. You’re unforgettably beautiful. If I’d met you first, before her . . .”

  He blinked hard, shaking his head. His hair was so long, and we were so close, the satiny ends stroked my cheek like a lover’s caress.

  “What, Gale?”

  “I want you, Josephine. I want to have you again and again. I want you now.” His eyes blazed with flames. “It was you I made love to in the desert. You I wanted to fuck in the shower. I knew what I was doing. I wanted to be unrestricted with you, not thoughtful, controlled, and careful. I feel incredibly alive when I’m with you, after being numb for so long. I feel like if I let go, we could burn down the sky between us.”

  Taking a half step back, he said, “But that kind of intensity ricochets. I also feel guilty and unfaithful to her for having such strong feelings for you. What you did does matter. It was the very thing that took her away. If I forgive you, I betray not just her memory, but I absolve myself of failing her. Don’t you see?”

  • • •

  I did see. And I understood. It was a lot like how I felt about my brother.

  Changing my position from drummer to lead in the band, I’d compromised his legacy to achieve a modified version of his dream. Was my asking Gale to forgive me that dissimilar? Did I have a right to ask that? Was fighting to win us back a win for both of us, or was I just being selfish?

  Waiting for my call to go through to Dolly, I stared at Gale across the length of the fast food restaurant attached to the truck stop. The place had everything—fuel, showers, drinks, lunch, and the newly discovered Wi-Fi. It seemed to have become our second home, though it was definitely a divided one. But even separated from him, I couldn’t look away.

  “Hey, where are you?” Dolly said in lieu of a greeting when she picked up. “And why are you calling me using Messenger?”

  Tears sprang to my eyes. I missed her. “I’m at a truck stop. I’ve got no connectivity out here, so I’m using their Wi-Fi to call you. Probably picking up all kinds of viruses on every app on my phone while we’re speaking to each other, but I wanted to check in. Figure out what’s going on with you guys, and the logistics of rejoining you.”

  On his phone like me, I noticed Gale rake his hand through his hair. He glanced over at me, catching me staring at him.

  My breath caught, and my heart raced. Whoever he was talking to was probably saying something about me. He glanced away, and I resumed breathing again.

  “About damn time you called,” Dolly said. “Though, I will tell you, I got updates through the Anthem guys. Apparently, their lead singer’s cell provider works better out there than yours. By the way, Suzanne is capital P pissed at you.”

  “Yeah?”

  “You bet. Don’t know who spilled where you are and who you’re with, but you’re not supposed to be off the tour bus without the crew to video it all, if you get my drift. She said it’s specifically detailed in your contract. She repeated that in my ear several times. Loudly.”

  “Got it.”

  But what Gale and I shared in the desert didn’t count as an RFC fuck. What we’d done in the shower? Maybe. But after our last conversation, it and everything else between us remained to be determined.

  “Did you get it from Gale?”

  “Yes, I got it several different ways.” My body went shivery at just the thought of it.

  “Was he good?”

  “Better than good.” My voice dropped to a telling low octave.

  “Wow, Jo. I can tell. It’s suddenly hot in here. Where’s the fan on the Enthusiasts’ bus?”

  “Taking some clothes off will cool you down,” Tyler said near enough to her phone that I heard him.

  “You’re on the Enthusiasts’ bus with Tyler?” I asked.

  “Yes. I got lonely,” she said, and I could picture her pouting her lips.

  “What’s your location?”

  “I think we’re in California. We just pulled into a rest area to wait out some weather.”

  “What kind of weather?”

  “Some lightning. Mostly rain.”

  “It’s raining where you are?” I asked, unable to fathom the weather difference. Their bus had to be traveling fast to be so far away from us.

  “It’s pouring,” she said.

  I sighed. “It’s totally sunny where I am. I think we’re a long ways apart.”

  “Everyone’s stopping in Bakersfield overnight. Can you just meet up with us there? You’re still with Gale, right? Nothing’s wrong?”

  “I’m with him. But he knows, Dolly.”

  “Knows everything?” she asked, and I could hear the shock in her voice.

  “Yes, because I told him everything. He even knows who my father is.”

  “Double wow. Sex god and conjurer of all hidden truths. For a nice guy, Gale has some major game.”

  “He does. But don’t tell him I said so. We aren’t in a good place anymore.”

  “Because you hid the truth about your past from him?”

  “Because of that, yes, and a lot of things.”

  The answers for any possible future for Gale and me certainly seemed to involve coming to terms with our past.

  “THERE’S NO CHANCE WE can catch up to them,” Gale said.

  I glanced up at the sound of his voice as if surprised to see him standing next to me, but truthfully, I’d been surreptitiously watching him through my lashes. I’d known the moment he ended his call. I’d practically felt every thud of his boots on the linoleum, my body quickening with each step that brought him closer to me.

  “Yeah.” I nodded, acting casual. “Dolly said as much.”

  “You got ahold of her finally.”

  “Uh-huh. I used the Wi-Fi.” I shrugged, continuing to pretend I was calm, when actually, my heart was going haywire.

  After all he’d said before we’d gone to our separate corners, and not knowing really where all of that left us, I couldn’t help but wonder . . . was there an us? Or only a new, more defined line between us?

  “Apparently, you’re in a bit of hot water with your boss at WMO.” He rubbed the back of his neck.

  “How do you know that?”

  “I got on Suzanne Smith’s bad side defending you. She had a word with my label. I just had a few words with them back. Now I’m looking for new representation.”

  “Really? I thought Anthem was solid with Lesowski Entertainment.”

  “Was. I spoke with Noah and Arthur, and we’re agreed. We’ve been doing this too long to put up with tha
t kind of bullshit from a company that’s supposed to have our best interest in mind.”

  “Right.” I wondered if I was part of his best interest. “So, a change is probably good. My band isn’t to the level of calling our own shots. We’re not to any level, actually.”

  “So you’re calling it your band now?”

  “It’s a figure of speech.” I frowned at him.

  “A personal pronoun in reference to a band named after your brother that you only recently agreed to lead.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You and your definitions.”

  I stood, avoiding clarification. The changes I made with the band seemed too intertwined with the expansiveness unresolved with us.

  “So,” he said. “You and me.”

  I scooped my phone off the tabletop. I’d cleared the surface of my lunch trash after my conversation with Dolly, but I think the surface between Gale and me was as cluttered as it had ever been. “I guess we’re back on the motorcycle all the way to Bakersfield.”

  “We are.” He put his hand on my back.

  I pretended my body didn’t react to the contact, and that I didn’t read more into the you and me and we stuff. No matter how I tried to spin it in my mind, nothing with Gale and me had ever felt casual.

  “This way.” He gestured to an exit from the restaurant I hadn’t noticed before.

  “I didn’t see that door. I was just going to leave through the entrance to the convenience store.” It was the way I knew.

  “This way is more direct,” he said.

  “Yeah, I can see that now that you pointed it out.”

  “The best path to get to where you need to go isn’t always a familiar route.”

  I glanced at him sharply. Gale’s advice sounded like a reference that could apply to all the unfamiliar and unknown relationship stuff between us. But he wasn’t looking at me.

  “Those clouds don’t look promising.” He held open the door for me, but his gaze remained on the dark sky in the distance.

  “Dolly said it’s pouring where they are.”

  His brows drew together. “Then we’re probably going to get wet.” He led me to where he’d parked the motorcycle and handed me my helmet.

  Taking it, I glanced down at it, turning it over in my hands. “Does it have wiper blades like on a car?”

  “No.” His mouth curved. “If it rains too hard, we’ll have to pull over.”

  “And get wetter?”

  “Yeah, unless we can find shelter.”

  “Don’t you have any rain gear in your luggage?” I gave the hard-shell compartment a skeptical look.

  “I do, but only for one person.”

  “Oh. All right. I see.” I put on my helmet and fastened the strap.

  I knew the drill now. Well, I knew not to argue with him about wearing protective headgear, at least.

  “I wasn’t prepared for two.” His gaze softened. “I wasn’t prepared for you, Jo.”

  “I wasn’t prepared for you either. We’ll just have to take the path in front of us. Unknown, unfamiliar, and all. See where it leads, I guess.”

  His gaze hardened again. “It leads to Bakersfield. You go to your bus with all your obligations, and I go to mine.”

  “Right.” My throat tightened.

  And then there was the concert in Napa. After Rock the Vine, we’d be further separated. I knew that, but it hurt to hear it spoken about so definitively. It hurt in the same place where all the sharp arrows he slung went.

  “But if we get into bad weather, you take the rain jacket, okay?” I gave him a firm look.

  “Why, Josephine?” His gray gaze sharpened as it homed in on mine.

  He had his helmet on too, framing his handsome face in black. I tried not to think of it as an omen.

  “Because you’re the driver. Even if you don’t know the road all that well, I trust you to get us where we need to go safely and in one piece. That’ll be easier to do if you have on proper gear. Whatever you packed would be too big for me anyway.”

  “You trust me after today?” he asked. “With me mad at you? With me acting reckless? With all I told you?”

  “I do trust you. You hurt me, then you make me mad. I don’t necessarily agree with all your decisions. But I certainly understand them, and I understand you. Survivor’s guilt is something we share, even though you have absolutely no real reason to feel that way like I do.”

  “You’re wrong,” he said, his voice low. “I actually do.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Never mind.” He glanced away. “We need to get going. We have a long way to go, and less time than before to get there.”

  “Okay. You first.”

  When he didn’t move, I glanced at the bike, then back to him. His posture was stiff. His arms were straight at his sides, and his hands were clenched into fists. His eyes were unfocused, as if he’d forgotten where he was.

  “Gale.” I touched his arm, and he glanced down at my hand.

  “Right.” He took my hand and squeezed it. “Sorry. I got lost for a moment in the past.”

  “It’s okay. It happens. I understand.”

  He nodded once and turned to mount the bike. I watched him, getting lost too. But not in the past . . . in the sight of him. His wide shoulders, narrow hips, long legs, and that sexy ass of his.

  Once on, he turned his head toward me. “You coming?” His right brow inched up.

  “Yeah.” I hooked a thumb backward before I put my hands on him to get on. “I never knew how much you could find at a roadside truck stop.”

  My tone was light. I felt like lightening the mood was what Gale needed, and giving him what he needed was high on my list of priorities lately.

  Shrugging, I rolled my eyes and said, “It’s just a little hard to leave a place where you’ve made so many memories.” I meant the truck stop. I was trying for sarcastic humor.

  “It is, Jo,” he said sadly. “It truly is.”

  I knew he meant something much different, and thought about that as he started the engine and got us going again. My arms around him, I thought further back to what we’d been discussing as he steered us to the entrance ramp back onto the freeway.

  Gale had admitted to being lost in the past, and as one mile bled into another, the headsets remained silent. It seemed he remained lost in a place where I couldn’t reach him.

  Time rushed on. An hour became two. The sun disappeared, and we sped toward the ominous clouds.

  We rushed on too, yet the tension from earlier didn’t ease. We were certainly making progress, narrowing the gap that separated us from the others. But the gap between Gale and me seemed to be widening. Not talking about what had upset him wasn’t helping. His tension was mine now too.

  As it began to drizzle, I opened my mouth to try to broach the subject, but closed it as we came around a sharp curve, and he suddenly slammed on the brakes and shouted.

  “Fucking hell!”

  I hugged him tight as we decelerated quickly. Burning rubber, he brought us to a skidding stop. My heart rose to my throat as I took in what he’d seen.

  It was hell—total and complete hell.

  Twisted metal. Burning gas. And a bus—a tour bus—turned on its side in a water-filled ravine on the other side of the road.

  IT WAS THE HEAVY Metal Enthusiasts’ bus.

  I stepped on the soggy card with the band’s name printed on it that had once rested on the dashboard, but the dash and the front windshield were gone. The place where the driver should have been was now a tangle of metal.

  “Don’t look over there. Jeeves is gone.”

  Ivan climbed up from the ravine, his expression grim. His clothing was torn and bloody, and he had his cell to his ear.

  “Did you call 9-1-1?” Gale asked him, his tone gruff.

  His hand was on my upper arm, his fingers wrapped tightly around it. He seemed not to want to let me go, and I certainly wasn’t complaining. My mind spinning, and my legs had gone weak the moment I’d re
alized whose bus it was.

  “EMTs and emergency personnel are on the way,” Ivan said. “They told me to stay on the line. So I’m on the motherfucking line with them. On hold.”

  “What happened?” Gale asked.

  “Don’t know exactly. I was in the front with Mars, and all of a sudden we slammed into the canyon wall. Jeeves must have overcorrected. It was raining harder then. The bus tipped onto its side and skidded into the ravine. He . . . Jeeves, our driver . . . he’s dead. But most of us in the front lounge made it.”

  “Most?” My eyes widened in horror.

  “Jagger won’t leave Arrow. I tried to reason with him, tried to get him to leave the body and come help me pry open the rear emergency exit. We can’t get inside the bus through the main door. But Jag won’t listen. It’s his best friend. Those two are—were—like brothers. He’s in shock. Mars is down there with him.”

  “Nicholas is dead?” Gale asked.

  Ivan nodded once, his expression bleak. My stomach clenched, hard, and I held a hand to my mouth, afraid I was going to be sick.

  “You’re sure?” Gale asked.

  “Yeah, I’m sure.” Tears filled Ivan’s red-rimmed eyes. “He got crushed underneath everything. If I thought there was a chance . . . He’s gone, man. He’s gone. And I gotta get to Tyler. I gotta get my buddy out.”

  He shook his head, looking as panicked as I felt.

  “Yes, I’m still here!” Ivan shouted into his phone, responding to something that was said on the other end while he moved along the road next to the bus. The wind whipped his dark brown hair around, and the drizzle turned to rain.

  Dolly. No one had mentioned her.

  I grabbed Ivan’s arm. “Where’s Dolly?” My voice sounded so high and tinny, I hardly recognized it.