ROCK F*CK CLUB (Girls Ranking the Rock Stars Book 5)

by Michelle Mankin

  “She was with Tyler. They were fooling around in the back. Where I’m headed.” He pointed with his phone before returning it to his ear. “Already tried to get to them the other way.”

  “I’ll help you.” Releasing me, Gale hurried to keep up with Ivan.

  While they continued toward the back, I stutter-stepped, stopped, and then turned. The way the bus lay on its side in front of where I was standing, I could see a space underneath it. An opening, a gash in the metal. It was a small gap, but maybe it was enough for a person to squeeze in.

  I started to call the guys, but they’d already disappeared around the back.

  Rain pelting my skin, I didn’t hesitate. I hadn’t been able to get to Joey. I’d crawled toward him. I remembered trying to reach him, but I’d lost too much blood. The paramedics had found me passed out several yards away from him. He was dead. It was my fault. I’d failed him.

  But I wouldn’t fail Dolly and Tyler. I would find them. We’d get them out.

  The metal was jagged around the gash. It looked thin and fragile. I thought I could bend it, but it was sharp. As I tried to peel it back, I sliced my palm. Swearing under my breath, I took off my hoodie, draped it over the metal, and widened the opening, just enough to slip inside.

  The chaos of metal and debris littering the road was nothing compared to the interior of the bus.

  Windows, slippery and wet, were beneath me. The leather couches had come unbolted and were stacked on top of each other. Broken glass, papers, and plastic were strewn everywhere in the front lounge. But I could see a dark space on the other side of the couches. It had to be the sleeping compartment, and beyond that was the back lounge.

  I quickly scrambled over the lumpy leather hill.

  “Dolly!” I shouted, shoving aside a guitar case. “Tyler! Dolly!”

  Using the frame openings of the individual bunks like a stepladder, I climbed closer to the darkness.

  “Please, Dolly!” I shouted. “Please answer me.”

  She was my best friend. My heart beat so fast, and I was so scared, I couldn’t even think straight.

  “Tyler!” I tried again, my voice raw with fear. “Please, Dolly! Please answer me!”

  A cough came from beneath the debris, then a weak voice.

  “Jo . . .”

  It’s her!

  “Dolly, I’m coming toward you. There’s a way out behind me. Can you move? Are you okay? Where’s Tyler?”

  Her voice came again, a little stronger this time. “I hit my head, Jo. I must’ve passed out for a while, but I heard you. Tyler’s right here, but I can’t wake him.”

  As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I saw her sitting on top of what looked like the wardrobe closet, and stretched out my hand. When she clasped it, I sobbed with relief, pulling her toward me, and wrapped my arms around her.

  “I love you.” I hugged her tight. “I thought I’d lost you. Like I lost Joey.” Tears burned as they slid down my cold cheeks.

  “It’s okay, Jo. I’m okay. But Ty . . .”

  Light spilled inside the cabin, cutting her off and blinding both of us. We raised our hands, shielding our eyes.

  “Josephine!” Gale cried out. “Thank God!”

  I couldn’t see him. My eyes still needed time to adjust, but I knew that voice. I knew him.

  “They’re here, Ivan. Jo and Dolly. I’m looking right at them.”

  Gale made a sound like he was choked up with emotion, but that couldn’t be right.

  “Where’s Ty?” Ivan asked, and when my eyes adjusted, I saw that the lead singer’s expression was as ravaged as the twisted metal around him. “Where the motherfucking hell is Ty?”

  “He’s here, Ivan,” Dolly said. “With Jo and me.”

  She turned, and when I did too, I saw Tyler. His eyes were closed, and he was wedged behind us in a space much too small for his big frame, between a crumpled piece of unrecognizable furniture and the wall.

  The wail of sirens approached.

  “Medics are here,” Ivan said.

  “Looks like he’s stuck tight.” Standing up on the bumper, Gale shook his head sadly. “I think they’re going to need the Jaws of Life to get to him.”

  “Not waiting for that shit,” Ivan said, climbing toward us.

  Gale followed his friend. “I agree. We can do it.” He looked at me, his eyes bright and shiny like a star-filled night. “We can get them. We can get them all out.”

  TWO DETERMINED FRONT MEN. Rockers versus twisted steel.

  Of course they got Tyler out without the Jaws of Life.

  At the hospital, after riding in and getting very wet on the back of Gale’s bike, I drummed on the plastic chair’s armrest in the Bakersfield ER’s waiting room, desperate for news. Equal parts tired and stressed, my brain was in loops. The alternative was a complete meltdown, and that wouldn’t do anyone any good—Dolly, Tyler, or any of the Enthusiasts who had lost one of their own.

  A flash of red caught my eye as Lark stepped through the automatic doors to enter the ER. She saw me and made a beeline to where I sat.

  “Is it true?” she asked, her expression ravaged.

  “Yes.” I nodded and watched the hope die in her eyes. I’d told her about Nicholas already on the phone, but I knew, I fucking knew, how hard the heart fought to deny the finality of death.

  “Okay.” She bobbed her head. The rest of her body—bones, muscles, and sinew— was stiff, holding the hollowness inside.

  No matter what she said, Lark wasn’t okay, but it was a process. Denial was the first step. We would make it through that first step, and all the rest of them together. If nothing else came out of the pain of losing my brother, I could at least comfort my friends, just like they’d comforted me.

  “Where’s your sister?” I asked.

  “Paying the Lyft driver.” Lark turned her head as Linnet stepped inside, looking just as beautiful and tragic.

  Like her twin, Linnet sought confirmation, but not from me. She moved straight to Lark.

  Before her sister could ask, Lark shook her head. “He’s gone, honey.”

  “No. No.” Linnet sobbed, and they clung to each other.

  Lark looked at me over her twin’s shoulder. Her copper eyes shining, she curved her fingers into fists. She was holding it together for her sister. “Where’s Jagger?” she asked, her voice as raspy as if she had a two-pack-a-day cigarette habit.

  “He’s in the back with the others,” I said. “Marsha has remained by his side. Ivan, too. They only had minor scrapes and bruises.”

  Lark stiffly nodded again. She was obviously fighting not to cry.

  “There’s a crisis counselor talking to all of them.”

  “And Dolly?” Lark asked.

  “She has a mild concussion. The nurses have been updating me, but I’m still waiting to see her. She’s been in the back with Tyler since they rode in together in the ambulance.”

  Though I’d come in on the bike with Gale, he’d left me here and gone in the back with the others, and I hadn’t seen him since.

  Linnet’s brow creased. “What’s Ty’s diagnosis?”

  “He has a concussion too, more significant than Dolly’s, I think. They’re waiting on the CT scan to confirm that there are no other injuries.”

  “Okay.” Linnet lifted her head, and I watched her pull in a breath. She suddenly looked older, years older. “Jagger will need me.” She straightened her shoulders. “I need to get back there.”

  “They’re being strict about the family-only rule,” I said, shaking my head.

  “They’ll just have to break it.” Turning, Linnet marched to the front desk.

  When the nurse’s voice rose in response to Linnet’s measured words, Lark and I exchanged a glance.

  I looked back to the desk, and Linnet beckoned to her sister as the door beside her buzzed. They were letting her through. Lark zipped across the space and slipped inside the door with her twin just before it closed.

  Only a few moments late
r, the door slid open again, and Dolly stepped out. Her ponytail was askew and her pink dress rumpled. She was missing an earring and had a developing bruise on her right temple, but she was alive.

  Grateful beyond measure, I stood and went to her. “Is everything okay?” Grabbing her hands, I searched her eyes.

  “No internal injuries.” She met my gaze, her green eyes bleary. “But they’re keeping Ty overnight. He’s pissed about that, of course.” Her eyes focused and began to glisten.

  “Then he really is okay.”

  Dolly frowned. “None of the Enthusiasts are really okay.”

  “I know, doll. I know.”

  “You do.”

  She threw her arms around me. I hugged her right back, trying not to hug her too tightly in case she had any bruises I didn’t know about.

  “I’m so glad it wasn’t worse.” I was the first to ease back, and shook my head while looking at her. “When I think of what could have happened . . .” I let down my guard, allowing her to see my fear.

  “No could haves or what-ifs, okay? What we have is bad enough.”

  She was right. It was terrible.

  I nodded in agreement, then swallowed hard. “Did . . . Did the cops talk to you?” That hadn’t been a pleasant experience for me. Alone and being questioned by them.

  She nodded. “They’re talking to Ivan right now. If he had lived, they would have charged the driver, Jeeves—I mean, Richard Douglas—with a DUI.”

  “And vehicular manslaughter, I bet.”

  “Yes.” She nodded again. “They found prescription stimulants on his, well, in his pocket. If toxicology confirms—”

  “It’ll be hard on the guys. They liked him.” Like would turn to hate, but having someone to blame wouldn’t bring Nicholas back.

  “It already is. Ivan’s furious. But I think a lot of his anger is self-directed.”

  “He pushed for the extended drive hours from Dallas.” I remembered Gale mentioning getting into an argument with Ivan about it.

  “Pointing fingers at himself or anyone else won’t be a comfort to Jagger or any of them.”

  “I know.” I took Dolly’s hand, staring down at it as I interlaced our fingers before I glanced up. “You look beat.”

  “So do you.” She tried to smile. It wobbled, but I loved her and appreciated her trying to lighten the mood.

  “Yeah, I haven’t slept much in a couple of days.” I held up my phone. “I have the address for the tour hotel and a room number for us. We don’t even have to do the check-in drill. There’s supposed to be a key waiting for us at the front desk. The tour manager called me. I seem to be the only one they could get ahold of. Everyone’s being really nice. I have a ton of texts from other band members asking what they can do to help.”

  “That is nice,” she said softly.

  “Nice goes a long way when your world gets turned upside down.” Or even years after your world gets turned upside down. Thinking of Gale, nearly always thinking of Gale, I squeezed her fingers tight. “Tonight really showed how as musicians, we’re small families within a larger extended family.”

  “A silver lining,” she said.

  “Suzanne even called, offering her condolences and to ask me how you were doing.”

  Dolly scoffed. “She just doesn’t want to be sued because I got hurt out on the road doing WMO-related business.”

  “Don’t be a cynic, doll. That’s my role.”

  “I don’t like her, and I’m tired, Jo.”

  “I don’t either, really, and I’m tired too. I want to get a bath, get in bed, and hug my bestie.”

  “Me too,” she said.

  “It’s a plan, then. Let’s go pick up our key.”

  Gale

  “CAN I COME IN?” I knocked on the door frame of Tyler’s hospital room.

  “Sure.” He looked up from his phone. His face was busted to shit, but his eyes were soft.

  “Dolly okay?” I asked, taking a guess whose text he was reading.

  There was definitely something between them. I remembered the way she wouldn’t leave him while inside the wreckage. Then later, inside the ambulance, she’d insisted on going with him. Before the door had closed, I’d seen him reach for her hand. Things that were complicated got uncomplicated fast in life-and-death situations.

  “She’s been released,” he said as I stepped inside the room and stopped beside his bed. “They’re keeping me overnight, but I made her go. With Jo.”

  Tyler watched me closely. I knew he was looking for clues to see what I would reveal.

  “They’re very close. The wreck shook them both up badly.”

  It had shaken me to my core, and I’d seen that same shakiness in Jo’s incredible but sad and panicked sapphire eyes. Seeing that panic, feeling it myself, but knowing she would never admit she was barely holding it together, I’d made her wait in the emergency room.

  Jo didn’t need to see Jagger. That shit was terrible. To think of her as an underage girl going through something similar with a brother, injured herself, her neglectful family abandoning her and then dealing with feeling responsible . . .

  Damn. Curling my hands into fists, I shut down that thought. I couldn’t imagine the horror that Jo had gone through.

  This world wasn’t a good place, or a fair one. Guys who drank six beers walked around after a wreck with barely a slap on the wrist, but little girls who made a solitary wrong choice paid a price—a terrible one—even before their conviction.

  And Jo still paid it, punishing herself day after day.

  But sometimes, if you were lucky, even when you made a mistake, you found a pocket of grace. Redemption in the most unlikely of places.

  Jo was it for me. Could I be it for her?

  If I extended my forgiveness—my love—again, would she take it? And would she return it? I needed her absolution as much, if not more, than she needed mine.

  “It’s a fucking nightmare.” Pain darkened the gold in Tyler’s eyes. “Dolly just texted me that she and Jo both made it to the hotel safely.”

  “Relieved to hear that,” I said carefully. I hadn’t spoken to Josephine since I’d left her in the waiting room.

  Tyler gave me a firm look. “Tonight’s made me grateful for the things I have, not the things I don’t.”

  “Jo was with you first.” I dipped my head to acknowledge that fact. But she wasn’t his anymore.

  “Not regretting her,” Tyler said, shaking his head. “She wasn’t for me, man. I see that now. But is she yours, Gale?”

  “We really doing this here?” I raked a hand through my hair. “Now? After all that’s happened?”

  “Should’ve done it before. Got things clear sooner. But I can make now work.”

  “But Nicholas—”

  Tyler swung out his arm wildly. “Arrow’s fucking gone, man. I just fucking talked to him a couple of hours ago. Gave him shit about those stupid protein shakes he likes to drink. I mean, what the fuck? If I’d known . . .”

  He drew in a harsh breath, and I noted his hands on the thin white covers tightening into fists.

  “How many more people I care about do I fucking have to lose?” he cried out. “Why didn’t I get a chance to tell Nicholas what an amazing guitarist he was, or how proud I was to be in a band with him, or how honored I was to have him as a friend? And now I fucking can’t. I hate fucking death. I hate it.”

  Tyler swiped at his eyes, and I pretended not to notice the tears that had fallen. It was what I’d done before I came to see him, only the tears I’d pretended not to see had been my own, Ivan’s, and Jagger’s.

  Shit. Jagger was messed up, but not talking about it. Not saying anything.

  It was what guys were supposed to do. Pretend the shit that was serious didn’t fuck us up and put us on a bike for eighteen months. Alone in our misery, we avoided conversations, interactions, families, children, nice food, pretty women, happiness—anything and everything that made life worth living. It was better than admit we were s
ad, hurting, lost, and scared. Vulnerable.

  “Okay, Ty.” My voice came out rough, as rough as I felt.

  Accidents. Hospitals. I wanted to get back on my bike and just ride and ride. But I couldn’t do that anymore. Josephine was here, across town now. That was good, of course. But across town was too fucking far away.

  “How do you want this to go?” I lifted my chin. “You tell me.”

  “First, you tell me what she is to you. Then I’ll share my thoughts on the matter.”

  “She’s my chance to live again,” I said firmly. “To get it right this time.”

  At least, I hoped so. But it was up to Jo to decide. It was her half of a two-part equation, mine and hers. Not Tyler’s or anyone else’s to decide, to point fingers, or to judge.

  “You love her?” he asked.

  Regret spiked through me hard and swift, robbing me of my breath for a long moment.

  “Not talking about it with you when I don’t have things straight with her yet.” I stared at him, my eyes blazing with my desire to claim her, along with all the responsibilities that would go along with that claiming for both of us.

  “Fair enough.” Tyler’s gaze on me was steady, holding acknowledgment, a grudging respect, and more than some regret. “I wasn’t the guy for her. I wanted to be. I think you know that, but she wouldn’t give me that play.”

  “Yeah.” I shook my head. “There’s no taking from Josephine what she doesn’t want to give.”

  “You know her pretty well.” His head tilted to a considering angle. “Took me a long time to acknowledge that I wasn’t holding the cards with her in our relationship. I wasn’t holding anything, really. Not even her. But it was too late by the time I realized that. By then, I’d already fallen for her.”

  I nodded. I could see it unfolding that way.

  “I wanted to give her care and consideration, but all she would accept from me was scraps.”

  “Because scraps is all she’s ever had,” I said.

  Tyler’s eyes narrowed. “So she told you about how it was for her growing up? About her parents and the neglect?”

  “She did.” I nodded.

  “In a short time with her, you’ve gone a very long way.” His brows drew together. “She never told me much, but I pieced together bits and pieces, enough to know her background is a lot like Ivan’s.”