In Between

by Beca Lewis

  Theo straightened his suit jacket even though it didn’t need it. Tailored suits costing thousands of dollars fit without adjustments. But that movement too was something he had seen done by the head of a fortune 500 firm. He adopted the look and the move.

  Then he shot his cuffs, so they peaked out just enough to show off the subtle glow of his onyx cuff links. From shining shoes to his blue eyes fitted with blue contacts he didn’t need but wore to make his eyes pop, to his smooth unlined skin with the laugh lines in the right places, Theo was perfect, and he knew it. He made sure of it.

  His look perfected, Theo moved on to making faces. Not weird faces. Faces that would look like an emotion he wanted people to think he was feeling.

  A slight smile of amusement. A wide smile of delight. Then an understanding look. The “something has moved me” expression. Then a look of profound understanding that perhaps included an unshed tear.

  The practice didn’t take long. Theo could move through the range of emotions within minutes. He had been practicing those emotions every day since he was a young boy, since the day he had overheard his nanny whispering to his mother that there might be something wrong with the boy. He was vacant. He never showed emotion.

  His mother, Virginia, didn’t care. But Theo did. Even then, he knew that he was different. Not that he cared either. But he was an aware child, so he acted on what he heard.

  Now that he was older, Theo knew that he registered as a genius. He was reading by the time he was three. Being smart had made things so much easier. School was useless, but he did it because it was necessary to move on in life. But the smarts that he also had was the awareness that being different could get him in trouble, and that was not something he wanted. Because as long as he could remember, he had desires that he had to hide. And the best way to hide them was in plain sight.

  So he couldn’t appear to be different. Grateful for what he overheard, Theo did two things.

  First, he began studying people’s faces, in actual life, on TV, and in movies, and then he copied what he had seen. The result was his father, Joseph, who had mostly ignored him to that point, began to pay attention to him.

  Theo knew that it had disappointed his father that his son was so strange. So when he appeared to be getting better, he included Theo in more of his life. As Theo got older, he joined his father at work, which Theo loved. It gave him a chance to study other adults and how they acted and to emulate their actions and emotions. It also gave him a training ground for getting whatever he wanted when he wanted it.

  Because the second thing Theo had done after he overheard the nanny that day was get her fired. It wasn’t hard. In fact, it disappointed him that it was so easy. All he had to do was make it look as if she had stolen a piece of jewelry from his mother’s jewelry box. The nanny had denied it, but Theo said he had seen her do it, expressing sadness that he had to tell on her.

  It was his first taste of control. And he loved it. At his father’s workspace, he was the ideal adolescent boy learning his father’s business. He showed kindness, intelligence, and smiled at all the right times. The women working there fawned all over him. The men wished their sons were more like Theo.

  He didn’t rebel. He didn’t talk back. He hung on every word that they said. He shook hands like a man and didn’t chase after girls—the perfect son.

  Yes, Theo thought, as he took one last look in the mirror, the perfect son for a cold-hearted bitch of a mother, and a vacant—and in Theo’s eyes—stupid father. Neither of them had seen past the front he had put on since overhearing the nanny. His mother didn’t notice because she didn’t care. She just wanted her wealth, a husband who didn’t embarrass her by flaunting his outside activities, and a son who didn’t bother her.

  The only thing she had said about his wedding to Edith Warren was that she wasn’t good enough for him. Why not marry a rich girl?

  If he had answered her instead of walking away, Theo would have said he didn’t need a rich girl. He could make all the money he wanted.

  What he needed was the perfect wife. The woman all men lusted over, but could never have because she was a principled woman. The woman who would give him the child he needed to prove his manhood. The woman who would not notice, or if she did not tell, his own outside activities.

  Activities so much worse than his father’s. His father’s affairs paled in comparison to what he had already begun to do.

  Yes, he needed a wife, just like Edith, to be the perfect front for what would only look like the perfect boring and safe life.

  And she would be. Today he would marry her in front of all his parent’s friends, and after that, he would own her. He would give her all the love and attention she craved for a few months.

  Well, not really, Theo thought. But he knew how to make it look that way. He had wanted a short courtship and fast wedding because he knew he couldn’t keep it up for long.

  The first day he had seen Edith in the H.U.B. on campus, he knew she was the one. All the men stared at her shining dark hair, sparkling blue eyes, round-in-all-the-right places body, and wished she was theirs. But what made her perfect was the women liked her too. She made friends wherever she went. She was the ideal wife.

  But her friend Connie, that was another story. He knew Connie didn’t like him. Somehow she had seen past the facade. But that excited Theo. Connie’s wiry thin body and ambition made her much more attractive to him. She was dangerous, and that meant he needed to control her. He liked that he needed to rein her in, and he knew exactly how he planned to do it.

  However, in the past month, Connie had changed, become warier of him. He saw her flinch when he came near. He didn’t know what that was about, but after he finished with her, she wouldn’t be flinching anymore. She would be too scared.

  His excitement made his face flush, bringing an even healthier look to his complexion. Yes, he would look the part of the perfect groom. A prince. Theo loved that his last name was Prince. So ironic. Yes, he was a prince of a man.

  Theo heard a soft knock on the hotel room door and knew that it was Edith’s queer brother, Bill. He didn’t know why others didn’t see it, but it gave him leverage because he did.

  Theo also knew that Bill didn’t like him; he just pretended to. Theo had seen how Connie and Bill whispered together, and he knew some of it was about him.

  He might have to do something about Bill, too. Maybe the same thing he would do to Connie, although doing that to a man would be a novel experience. Perhaps a pleasant one.

  He’d have to try it out. But not now. For now, he would be the perfect groom, and his best man, Bill Warren, was waiting to take him to the church.

  Theo was ready to begin his perfectly planned life, and no one could stop him.

  Forty

  Eddie hovered about the ceremony. He wasn’t sure it was the wisest thing he had ever done, but the compulsion to see the event made him break his own rule of not getting too emotionally involved with a mission.

  How could he not be emotionally involved? He had resulted from this union. He needed to see all the pieces of it. Of course, he had not been there the first time. It was strange, even to him, that he was here now.

  His father was standing at the altar, waiting for his mother to walk down the aisle. Standing beside his father was his Uncle Bill. Standing beside Bill were some of his father’s friends from school.

  Eddie knew that his father would never speak to any of them again. They had nothing to offer him. He had gotten what he wanted. He had only acquired them so he could appear to be the perfect frat boy, the ideal student. Now that school was over, Theo would become the perfect businessman. On the surface. As always.

  When he was alive, Eddie had never seen both sets of grandparents together. Not that Lorraine and Ralph hadn’t tried to get together with his father’s family. But Virginia and Joseph would never lower themselves to come to Dovel
and and visit that tiny hovel, as they called it. It would mortify them, or so they said.

  Eddie knew that there was more to it than that. He knew Virginia and Joseph didn’t want anyone to get close enough to see what was really going on. The cracks in the facade. The lies about their lives.

  Even now, so many years later and so many lessons in gratitude and humility, Eddie still felt angry at what had happened.

  But he couldn’t let it take over his thinking. Because if he did, Connie wouldn’t succeed, and he would not get to leave the in-between. But more than that, he refused to let down his mother.

  Eddie drifted over to sit beside Lorraine. He laid his head on his grandmother’s shoulder and held her hand. She smiled. That she didn’t even know him yet, and he was only a spirit watching her now, and still she smiled, made him want to weep knowing what was to come. His beloved grandparents would die of broken hearts.

  He sighed and straightened himself. He had work to do, and they would all reunite if he and his little team of Connie, Bryan, and Rachel pulled this mission off.

  The wedding was beautiful. Although Edith ended up in the expensive dress that Virginia had insisted on, it fit her perfectly, and she looked stunning as she walked down the aisle on her father’s arm. Both Lorraine and Ralph were beaming.

  Eddie thought Connie looked beautiful too. It was interesting to see her as a youthful woman. He had never met her when he was alive. He only saw pictures of her that his mother kept in her purse. Theo didn’t believe photos of Edith’s family, or past friends, belonged in their home.

  But even though this was Connie, it wasn’t the Connie from the past. It was Connie from the future, the one who knew things.

  So although she was smiling and looking at Edith with love, there was a hardness in her eyes when she looked at Theo. She forced herself to look away, and in doing so, saw Eddie sitting beside Lorraine, and stumbled.

  Righting herself, Connie smiled. Eddie knew that she was not just smiling at Lorraine but also at him, and a little of the anger he felt faded away. He nodded at her, and she nodded back—both of them acknowledging why they were there.

  Eddie watched as his parents exchanged vows and became husband and wife. This had to be the last time he could come directly into the past. From now on, what happened was not something he wanted to see. Besides, he might try to stop it somehow, and that would be disastrous.

  Before leaving, Eddie found Connie standing alone outside watching the newly married couple get their pictures taken. Those pictures would only ever be seen in Lorraine and Ralph’s house. He remembered staring at them, thinking how beautiful his parents were. Now here they were, in the past, and he was watching them take the pictures he had stared so long at as a child.

  Eddie stood beside Connie and whispered that she was doing an impressive job being present in the past. He whispered because he could see other in-betweeners, drifting through the crowd. Some of them even nodded at him, as if they knew him. There were always people like this in gatherings of all kinds.

  They would wander through looking for people they knew. Some of them could not accept that they had died and would get frustrated, angry, or break down in tears when no one answered them.

  Others refused to leave, looking for loved ones, or waiting for them, or the violence of their death still bound them to the physical realm.

  Not everyone had someone like Eddie to assist them. He used to try to help them all but had learned to let it be. He couldn’t help everyone.

  Connie only saw Eddie, at least for now. Edith and Jillyan thought seeing others in the in-between would be too distracting, so they had blocked that part of her vision. She hadn’t seen them when she was alive, so there was no reason to have her deal with them now.

  Connie whispered back, “Thank you. But this is so much harder than I thought it would be. I am so angry now, and I wasn’t then. Back then, I was just disappointed that Edith had chosen Theo. If I had known then what I know now, I would have tried to stop it.”

  “Well, you couldn’t have stopped it then, either. This would have played out the way it had to. And must now, too. You know that, right?”

  Connie nodded. Bill glanced her way and came over and put his arm around her waist.

  “Talking to yourself, Connie?” he asked.

  Connie waited for a beat, listening as Eddie said goodbye and touched her hand. It surprised her that she could feel it. But technically both of them were dead, so that must have been why.

  “Yes, I guess I am,” she finally answered, looking up at Bill.

  This time around, she loved him even more than she had the first time. Hindsight could do that, she thought. This time she could see clearly that Bill was a kind, generous, and brave man. He had stood by her after what happened, and even when she pushed him away, he kept trying to help.

  “I was thinking about how beautiful Edith looks.”

  “And you were also thinking that you don’t trust Theo, weren’t you?” Bill added under his breath.

  Surprised, Connie turned to look at Bill.

  “You see it too, don’t you?”

  When Bill nodded yes, she backed up into his arms, and they stood there together. Her head resting just below his shoulder. They could have been the perfect couple. But it was not meant to be. She knew that then, but she never told him enough how she felt about him.

  “Bill,” Connie said, turning to face him again, “I meant it when I said that I love you.”

  “I love you too, Connie,” Bill said, leaning down and kissing her on the forehead.

  Then both of them turned back to watch the gathering of people, waiting to get their picture taken, both afraid for Edith.

  But it was more than that for Connie. She knew this was the beginning of a nightmare. She hoped she had enough courage this time.

  Not to stop it. That she couldn’t do. But to stay in it.

  Forty-One

  “Are you ready to work now?” Eddie asked Bryan.

  When Eddie returned from his parent’s wedding, he found Rachel and Bryan walking in the woods. Eddie had watched as they stopped to look up through the branches of the apple tree, and Rachel pulled a branch down so she could better see the small bud of the future apple.

  Bryan and Rachel had looked so happy and peaceful that Eddie almost hated to break it up. But he did, giving them a few minutes to get back to the house.

  Bryan shook his head and said, “I don’t know. I’ve barely done anything with Connie this past month. I check in with her every night, but sometimes she barely acknowledges me.”

  Rachel returned with coffee, put her hand on Bryan’s arm, and smiled at Eddie.

  She had spent the last month learning more about guides and angels. She had asked Grace and her friends what they knew and grilled Bryan about what he was experiencing when he was out of his body and helping people. She wanted to know how many people were around her she couldn’t see, and no one was giving her a straightforward answer, so she had looked forward to talking to Eddie about it.

  “Before you tell us what is happening next, could I ask you about guides?”

  Eddie had been expecting this. Maybe hoping for it. Hoping that Rachel would step into her reason for being part of this mission. She provided grounding for Bryan, but not just for him. Yes, his mother and Jillyan had asked Eddie to help Connie, but they also asked him to help Bryan and Rachel. Bringing them together for this mission was one way to help them both find their work in this lifetime.

  And Rachel’s work was not just with Bryan. It was also for many of the guides and spirits that needed someone to work with in the physical plane. She could do that for them. So, although he pretended to be annoyed that Rachel asked, he wasn’t.

  “I mean, how many kinds of guides are there? How do they work? Are there different kinds? Eddie, you are a guide for people in the in-between. Bry
an is helping people who live in this physical world by going out of his body. Is that considered a spirit guide, an angel?

  “I thought spirit guides were beings that lived in the spirit world that helped us. Not people like Bryan who live in the physical world too.

  “And what am I? Am I doing anything useful other than being here for Bryan? Not that I don’t want to be here for him. I just feel as if I could be more in life. Like I have more to do, and somehow I am missing it.”

  Rachel had to keep reminding herself to keep her hand on Bryan’s arm because if she unconsciously gestured with it, she would find herself talking to empty space. She wanted to fix her hair, to pull it back off her face, but she needed two hands to do it. Instead, she waited, her green eyes flashing, for Eddie’s response.

  “It’s not a simple answer, Rachel. Everyone calls all the beings that they can’t see by a variety of names, like ghosts, angels, spirits, spirit guides, and entities. How they are seen and what we call them is always based on the belief system of the person looking at them.

  “But yes, they exist, and they have jobs, missions, and purposes, just as you do. You have a job or work that you do every day. You can see it as a job, or you can see it as a mission.

  “Everyone in the physical dimensions has a purpose, a mission. The tool they use to accomplish it doesn’t matter. Your mission, Rachel, is to help ground yourself and others in the heart space of love. You are doing it with Bryan, and whether or not you know it, you do it with your friends and the people you help find homes in your real estate business. You also do that for some of the invisible people around you.

  “So yes, there are invisible people. Some are living in the in-between. Some are spirits who keep a connection with those in the physical planes who are able to see them. Some assist others in need. It’s easiest to understand if you first accept that there are infinite dimensions, many filled with beings just like in this physical dimension you call Earth.