On the Edge

by Parker Hudson

  Then Michael Andrews spoke from the podium, thanking all of them for attending and asking them to fill out one of the cards in front of them at their tables.

  Richard looked down and saw that there were four lines on the card, below a space for his name. The lines read:

  ——I accepted Jesus as the Lord of my life for the first time this morning.

  ——I rededicated my life to Jesus this morning.

  ——Please let me know about future prayer breakfasts.

  ——Please keep me on the mailing list.

  Richard almost did not fill out a card, but since all the other men were doing so, he elected to place a polite check on the last line and turned his card over.

  Rising, Richard took Bob's hand and thanked him for inviting him to the prayer breakfast.

  “We're going to have some follow-up sessions for a small group at my office, if you would like to attend, Richard,” Robert Meredith said.

  “Well, I'll think about it,” said Richard. “Why don't you give me a call?” Bob nodded that he would. Then the mechanical contractor rose and shook Richard's hand, his own hand still moist from wiping away his tears. Richard suddenly felt vaguely uncomfortable around this man, as if he had taken a step which was denied to Richard. He just wanted to leave and get back to his office, where things were familiar. So he bade farewell to Robert and the men at his table and made his way towards the exit, shaking hands with several of the other men whom he knew.

  Balzor was ecstatic. Yes, they had lost a few. In the darkness, he could see the spark of light begin to flicker in ten or twenty men, including the mechanical contractor sitting across from Richard. And he knew that seeds had been planted in many others which, if left unattended, might also grow and cause problems for them. But he had one of the best teams around, and he knew that they could choke off most such seeds before they did any real damage. Balzor felt great that they had lost only about twenty out of an audience of hundreds. At tonight's rendezvous he would have to be uncharacteristically strong in his praise for his demons. They had turned back the Light and had kept his sector intact. He waited for the “all clear” that the angels had departed, and then he and his people haters went back to their normal duties, glad that the prayer breakfast was over.

  Nothing Richard heard that morning affected him enough to keep him from his luncheon with Kristen, particularly since they had missed their date on Tuesday. But as he walked toward her apartment, Ben Fuller's words about his own wife and marriage rang in Richard's ears.

  Since their intense weekend in Atlanta almost two weeks before, he and Kristen had settled back into their previous routine of Tuesday and Thursday rendevous in her apartment. Richard knew, although he wasn't exactly sure how, that eventually his relationship with Kristen had to end. From the partial reconciliation with Janet two weeks ago, to their pleasant relationship during this same period, to Benjamin Fuller's words that morning, Richard knew that, ultimately and in the long run, he would have to figure out a way to make his life work with Janet. It now seemed to him that she wanted that, too, and was willing to try—though it was not clear how hard. Could they both give in some and make their marriage work? And what, more pressingly, to do about Kristen?

  Those were his rational thoughts. But the tugs of his heart and the lust of his body were not quite ready for logic. Yes, he knew that ultimately he would have to make a break. But it was just so pleasant and convenient to spend each Tuesday and Thursday afternoon with this delightful, beautiful younger woman. If only Kristen would let it stay this way…and Janet never found out…and he could still be a good husband and father while having his affair…and he could keep these two situations in separate slots. How nice it would be…

  Kristen greeted him at the door in only a teddy, which she had bought in Atlanta, and high heels. It seemed incongruous for meeting at noon, in broad daylight, but he definitely liked it. “I wore the teddy because we haven't seen each other for a whole week, dear, and I didn't want you to forget what I look like!”

  “Well, I better have a look then,” he said, as he reached for the top snap.

  An hour later, lying in bed together, watching a soap opera which they had, for some reason, begun keeping up with in this way, Richard said to Kristen, “The most extraordinary thing happened this morning at the prayer breakfast I attended.” And he went on to tell her about the mechanical contractor and his reaction to Benjamin Fuller's testimony.

  “It was really strange. Here was this grown man, sitting across the table from me, having just heard the same thing I heard, crying like a baby. And he really, somehow, seemed to have changed. His facial expression was different from an hour before. Have you ever seen or heard of anything like that?”

  “No, not for a long time. Back in Texas when I was a little girl, my parents sometimes took us to revivals, and people had all sorts of reactions. Some seemed real, some didn't. But I haven't seen anything like that since junior high school. Of course when I talk to my mother, she says that she prays for me every day, ‘to get saved,’” Kristen smiled. She snuggled up and traced patterns through the hairs of his chest with one fingernail. “Now don't you go getting religious on me. It would probably be bad for our relationship!” And she pressed herself against him.

  “Oh, I don't think you have to worry about that,” Richard said, as he reached for her again. A voice added silently, “I think our relationship may be coming to an end, anyway.” And then he kissed her.

  FRIDAY, MAY 5 – That Friday night, much to Susan's delight, Drew invited her to the movies. It was their first real date, and, with Drew's permission, Susan arranged to meet Bobbie, Amy, and their two dates at the movie. Then all six planned to go together after the movie to a Chinese restaurant in their neighborhood.

  Drew and Susan were in several classes together, besides biology. She enjoyed both his intelligence and his natural sense of humor. Among Susan's friends, Drew had developed a reputation as a “sweet” boy, good at tennis but always polite and pleasant. Amy and Bobbie shared Susan's joy that she had snagged Drew, at least for a first date.

  Amy's situation was a little different. After some debate, Amy had finally convinced her mother that since she was almost a senior, it was OK to date a college freshman. The previous weekend, before she had begun to worry about her situation, she and Billy had gone to a professional baseball game. He had wanted to leave the game early, to spend more time with Amy, as they had done the Saturday night before.

  Amy had resisted leaving the game early, and as they parked outside her house that same night, it was obvious to her that Billy now expected their relationship to include fairly regular sex, but she was not willing. The resulting tension strained their relationship, which became obvious when they talked on the phone during the week. This Friday night she was happy to go out with him, she said, and genuinely meant it. But she insisted that they join a group activity with her friends. Billy had reluctantly agreed, muttering that he was now in college and could not make a steady diet of high school-type events. But he went along.

  The six young people arrived at the theater almost simultaneously. Bobbie was dating Thomas Briggs, who attended a different high school. She had met him through their church youth group. They had gone the previous summer on a mission trip to build a church in Mexico. The thirty kids on that trip had come to know each other quite well, and Bobbie very much enjoyed going out with Thomas. His one drawback was that Thomas loved to talk about airplanes, something Bobbie knew almost nothing about. He was working hard at school and hoped to apply to the Air Force Academy in the fall.

  Since the three boys did not know each other, the girls had agreed that it would be OK to go to one of the “action” movies, which they figured the boys would like more. Susan had to close her eyes a couple of times as blood and brains ricocheted across the screen; and she was a little uneasy sitting next to Drew during the extremely graphic love scenes. Why do the leading women always have to take off all their clothes in the
se movies? Susan thought once to herself. But, at any rate, they survived the movie and went on to the Chinese restaurant in three separate cars.

  As they ordered their dinners, Susan was sensitive to the tension between Billy and Amy, who had shared her concerns about him with her two best friends. The girls did their best to be pleasant and friendly. Susan was glad to see Thomas again. She knew that Bobbie really liked him. And she was surprised to learn that Drew had more than a passing knowledge of fighter aircraft. Where do boys pick this stuff up, anyway? she wondered. So Drew and Thomas were soon discussing the nuances of the combat differences between two naval and air force fighters.

  There followed ninety minutes of pleasant conversation and a wonderful Chinese meal. At one point, watching her friends have fun, Susan thought how much saner this was than her earlier Saturday night at the fraternity house, and she was glad to be able to relax.

  Billy kept a somewhat aloof attitude, being a “college man” among high school students. At one point Bobbie, looking at Billy and Amy together, wondered what his reaction would be if Amy were, God forbid, actually pregnant. Bobbie was opposed to abortion, but she had never had to confront the possibility so personally. She had been praying for two days that they would not have to discuss it further.

  After dinner, the boys drove their dates home. Susan had plenty of time before she had to be in, and Drew seemed to be in no hurry, so they sat and talked in his car outside her home. She was delighted when, just before getting out, he leaned across and kissed her, smiled, and said “I've had a really wonderful evening. I hope we can do it again soon.”

  Just down the street, near the park, Billy had stopped a couple of blocks from Amy's home. He was obviously interested in more than just a goodnight kiss. And Amy had to tell him explicitly again that she was not.

  “And what about two weeks ago?” asked Billy with an edge to his voice. “What about then?”

  “I don't know, Billy. I had a lot to drink, and I guess it seemed right at the time. I don't know, maybe it will be again, but not now, not tonight. I'm just a little confused. I like you very much, but I don't want to do that now.”

  Billy acquiesced but was obviously distraught. The thought occurred to Amy that her mother had warned her. Oh, how many times had she lectured her that “once you give it away, that's all they will want, no matter what else they say.” Could it be possible, it suddenly dawned on Amy, that her mother had been right?

  Thomas chose this evening to kiss Bobbie for the first time, after their several dates, and they liked it so much that they kissed again. Bobbie realized that she might really like Thomas as they kissed for the third time and he hugged her tightly. She felt in her stomach the tension between human desire to do more than kiss, and her faith, which told her not to. She knew that Thomas shared her faith and that he was probably feeling exactly the same tension. After the third kiss, they looked into each other's eyes, and each could read the other's thoughts. They simultaneously broke into laughter, relieving the tension for the moment and making Bobbie like him even more.

  “I'll see you Sunday at youth group,” said Thomas. “And I hope we can go out again soon. Maybe next weekend.” She nodded and smiled.

  SATURDAY, MAY 6 – That Saturday was a normal weekend day for the Sullivans. Richard spent the morning at the office, catching up on his contract files. Janet had to do “big shopping,” and she coerced Tommy into joining her for the trip to the grocery warehouse. Susan studied in the resulting quiet for a big math test. That evening Richard and Janet were scheduled to attend the last performance of the winter season at the local symphony. Tommy was to spend the night again at Brent's, and Amy had invited Susan to spend the night next door at her home. Janet, realizing that she and Richard would be home alone that night after the concert, hoped that their budding romance might continue.

  That evening, Tommy and Brent drove with Zane, Brent's older brother, to pick up Roger and the videos and to have a quick dinner at the food court in the mall.

  With Janet's approval, Brent's parents were going to a movie that night. Tom and Mary Holcombe regularly left the younger teenagers by themselves, so they thought nothing of leaving them in the “care” of the older boys.

  As soon as the boys returned to the empty home after dinner, they headed straight for the basement and the VCR. Just then the doorbell rang, and Roger returned upstairs to welcome two more of his friends, whom he and Zane had invited to the showing. Tommy only vaguely knew these older boys, Derrick and Paul. He had always seen them together, kind of like himself and Brent. Derrick had two small earrings in one ear, and Paul wore clothes that looked like the hippie pictures from his father's college days. “I can't wait to see these flicks,” announced Derrick, as they positioned themselves in front of the basement television.

  After dinner at the Bryants’, Amy told her parents that she and Susan were going to get some frozen yogurt. Once they were beyond Devon Drive, Amy turned in the opposite direction and headed east across town. “Hey, where are we going?” asked Susan.

  “We'll get some yogurt in a little while,” answered Amy. “But first I want to buy one of those pregnancy tests, and I don't want to go to a drugstore where we might be recognized. I thought it might be good to have you with me tomorrow morning, in case it turns out to be positive.”

  The girls drove on in silence for several minutes, each considering the gravity of Amy's possible situation.

  As Richard and Janet took their usual seats at the symphony, he was surprised to see Kristen and another man moving across the rows of seats, two rows in front of them. Kristen had not noticed him yet, but he was appalled to see that she and her date were going to sit directly in front of them. As Kristen turned to take off her coat, she saw Richard, and she involuntarily smiled and waved. He nodded politely in her direction and raised his hand in acknowledgment, as the houselights went down and the conductor entered the hall.

  “Who's that?” whispered Janet in his ear.

  “She was the real estate agent on the Drucker home purchase several months ago. I think her name is Kristen something. I don't know who he is,” Richard replied, as the symphony began.

  The girls had no trouble finding the pregnancy tests in among the condoms and other personal hygiene items. Amy decided, after reading them all, to buy two different types of tests, just to be sure, since each one appeared to work differently.

  They purchased the tests at the counter, and the cashier paid no more attention to the teenagers’ purchase than if they had been buying candy bars.

  * * *

  Roger had come with new videos in his bag this time, and soon Tommy was once again virtually unable to contain himself because of what he saw on the screen. Given all of the hormones normally running around inside a fourteen-year-old boy, it was just too much for him to watch these graphic videos without short-circuiting inside. After viewing Come Along with Me, Roger reached again into the bag, and this time he triumphantly pulled out a sixpack of beer. “There's only one for each of us, so nurse ‘em along,” he said, as he handed out the tall cans. Tommy, who had never before had more than a sip or two of alcohol, popped the top on his beer and felt very grown up. And then Roger inserted Four Play. As this video began, Nepravel and two demons who had tagged along with Paul and Derrick arrived in the basement. Nepravel took up a position near Tommy, urging him to relax and to enjoy all of his feelings with his new friends.

  Roger announced, “You guys are really going to like this one,” and they settled back to watch the first segment, which featured four women together.

  Even Richard knew that his emotions were bizarre. He and Kristen had never run into each other socially, and he realized that she had never mentioned dating any other men. On several occasions, in fact, she had told him that she had no time for “normal” dates, since she worked so often on the weekends. He knew that it was crazy, but now he actually felt somewhat jealous of the unknown man sitting next to her. How ridiculous, he thought, especial
ly since he was thinking about ending their relationship. Nevertheless, there it was. Is this guy going to go home with her, too? Then, suddenly, he thought, What about AIDS? Who exactly is this guy, and with whom has he been sleeping? Even in the dark symphony hall, he turned pale. His mind started to race. What if he himself now had AIDS and had given it to Janet? What have I been doing? he thought.

  Just then the first half of the performance ended, to loud applause. The Sullivans and the rest of the audience headed for the large theater hall, for champagne cocktails.

  Given their previous greeting, Richard knew that he could not ignore Kristen. As he collected two drinks for Janet and himself, Kristen arrived with her date.

  “Hello, Richard, I'm Kristen Holloway. Do you remember me from our real estate closing?”

  “Yes, of course, Kristen. This is my wife, Janet.” Janet extended her hand warmly, and Kristen shook it, smiling broadly.

  “And I'd like you to meet an old friend of mine from San Francisco, Peter Dowling. He's a reporter out there, in town this weekend doing a story. We haven't seen each other in years, and we were able to get some last-minute tickets to the symphony,” Kristen finished, looking directly at Richard and smiling.