On the Edge

by Parker Hudson

  Oh great, Richard thought. “San Francisco!” Richard said, “Nice to meet you, Peter,” extending his hand. “What sort of story are you working on?”

  Turning to Janet, Peter answered, “We think-there may be a link back this way to a financial scandal that seems to be brewing, and I'm here checking with some local sources to see whether the pieces and the characters fit.”

  “I see,” was all that Richard could add.

  “Oh, Peter,” Kristen said, “Richard is a lawyer who does a lot of financial work. Maybe he could help you,” she smiled, appearing to Richard to be enjoying herself.

  “Yes, maybe so,” said Peter. “Would you mind if I called you? Does Kristen know how to reach you?”

  “Sure, that would be fine,” said Richard, thinking to himself that it wouldn't be.

  “Tell me, Janet,” said Kristen, changing the subject but still directing the conversation, “do you have any children?”

  “Yes, two. A girl who will be seventeen next week, and a boy who is fourteen,” Janet smiled.

  “Well,” Kristen smiled, speaking to Janet and then turning towards Richard, “you are certainly very lucky. I hope that one day I can get married and have nice children, too…”

  Richard could feel the anger rising inside, that Kristen was playing double entendre with him in this way, and he hoped that he was not turning red enough for Janet to notice. He worked hard to keep his emotions in check.

  Trying to end the conversation, Richard nodded to Peter and said, “Well, I wish you good luck with your investigation. Do call me if I can ever be of assistance to you,” he lied. With a nod and a slight squinting smile toward Kristen, the Sullivans bade them farewell, and Richard maneuvered Janet by her elbow toward one of his partners, who was standing nearby with his wife.

  After ninety minutes of almost uninterrupted hard-core sex coming through his eyes, and the urging of the voices turned to a fever pitch by Nepravel, Tommy was still physically in his chair, but his mind was no longer able to control his body. At this crucial juncture, the scene on the video changed, and it was four men together. At first Tommy was surprised and uncomfortable, “grossed out” might be a better phrase. But the other boys there in the basement seemed to be just as interested as they were in the previous videos, and Nepravel whispered in his ear to relax and to enjoy it. After all, he had just learned in school, this was a legitimate alternative lifestyle.

  Ten minutes later, the pressure and the tension just became too much. One by one, the boys sought relief. At this point, as Tommy was most vulnerable, Roger got up, walked over to him, leaned down and whispered in his ear, “Can I help you?”

  Tommy knew that he should say no. He tried to fall back on what he believed, but there was little there to help him, and other voices encouraged him to go ahead and to try anything once. It was all just too much. The boys on the screen certainly seemed to be enjoying themselves. Why shouldn't he? Unable to think or to control himself, he simply nodded.

  6

  SUNDAY, MAY 7 – The next morning, Sunday, the two girls awoke at Amy's house, and Amy pulled the pregnancy tests out of her drawer, while Susan remained in bed. “Well,” Amy said, holding the tests up in front of her, “wish me luck.” And she headed for the bathroom.

  It occurred to Susan that she should try praying, and so she said quickly, “Dear God, please don't let Amy be pregnant.”

  But it was not to be. Within an hour, as the girls dressed, both tests confirmed that Amy was, in fact, pregnant.

  When the first test turned positive, Amy sat on the bed, staring at it. Her first emotion was a genuine thrill, that a new life was actually growing inside her. How incredible! But then, like a pump evacuating water, the reality of her situation pushed the momentary joy right out of her and kept it out, almost completely. “I can't have a baby now,” she heard a voice screaming inside her. Soon she began to cry. “Susan, what am I going to do? My parents will kill me if they find out. How could this happen to me? We only did it one time! I wonder what Billy will say!” she laughed derisively, sensing his answer. Turning to Susan, she said, “You can't tell anybody—and certainly not your parents—until I figure out what to do. Do you promise?”

  “Yes, of course,” Susan answered, sitting beside Amy and putting her arm around her shoulder. “You, Bobbie, and I will figure out what to do.”

  “Do you think we should tell Bobbie?” Amy asked Susan. “She will be so disappointed, and I know she'll want me to have the baby. And I just don't think I can do that.”

  “Yes, I know. But she already knows what you've done, so I don't think she can be any more disappointed. And we've been best friends for so many years. I think we should try to work this out together.”

  Amy nodded her acquiescence and wiped her tears with the tissue Susan offered. “Now we better go downstairs for breakfast,” Susan concluded, smiling as best she could, “or your parents will think that something strange is going on.”

  When Tommy arrived home after lunch on Sunday, he seemed to be so withdrawn that even Richard noticed it. Smiling, Tommy offered a grunt of a hello to his parents and went immediately upstairs. Richard and Janet exchanged glances over the Sunday newspaper. Their relationship had healed a bit. Last night at home after the symphony had been particularly happy and enjoyable for Janet. It made Richard feel good too, but it also made him feel more like a heel, particularly remembering the way Kristen had behaved at the symphony. At any rate, he was able to accept Janet's next statement without any hostility.

  “Richard, Tommy has gotten to be like someone in another family. You've really got to spend some time with him,” she said quietly.

  “You're right,” Richard readily admitted, putting down the newspaper. “And I guess I'll start now.” He rose and headed upstairs.

  Richard knocked on Tommy's closed door and thought he heard a mumbled “come in” over the loud rock music, which had begun only seconds after Tommy had come home.

  “Hi, son,” Richard said upon opening the door. “How's it going?”

  “Huh? Oh, fine, Dad. Just fine. But I've got to study for this English literature exam we have tomorrow.”

  “Well, would you like to take a break and go throw the baseball in the backyard? Or maybe we can get Brent and hit some down at the park.”

  “Well, Dad, I'd like to. Maybe later. But right now I've got to study for this test, since I haven't even read two of the stories yet,” Tommy said, pleased to be able to disappoint his father for once, in the same way he had been disappointed so many times.

  Dismayed that anyone would wait until the day before an exam to read the required stories, Richard felt his pulse quicken a bit, knowing as he spoke that it was a mistake, “OK, Tommy. But how can you possibly study for an exam with this loud music playing?”

  Tommy just shrugged his shoulders. “I don't know, Dad, but somehow I get it done. Maybe my brain is just different from other people's.” And he looked back into his book, signaling that he had to study.

  Richard closed Tommy's door and retreated down the stairs to the den.

  “I blew it,” he said to Janet. “I went upstairs trying to spend time with Tommy, and instead we managed to make each other mad. I guess I've lost my touch as a father.”

  “At least you tried, dear,” said Janet, sympathetically. “I admit that I've lost touch with you. None of us can replace all of those lost hours in a twenty-minute baseball toss, or, in our case, one great night together. But the good news is, you tried. Maybe that will register with Tommy. You've got to keep trying. He's probably going to test you, to see if you really mean to spend more time with him, and in the beginning it will probably be rocky, just like us, perhaps. But please keep trying. And also don't forget Susan and me. We like having you around too.” She smiled encouragingly.

  Richard knew that Janet was right, and the positive events of the last two weeks combined to keep his possible anger in check. Instead, he accepted her criticism in the constructive way it was o
ffered and resolved that he would try harder.

  “You're right. I'll keep trying, and you keep reminding me,” he smiled back. “I'll even give Tommy an hour and then ask him to play ball again.”

  Richard meant well, as did Janet. Unfortunately, Nepravel, who had been listening from the ceiling, had different plans for them and for their family.

  * * *

  Amy called Bobbie on Sunday afternoon and told her the news about her pregnancy. Bobbie was very concerned and told Amy that she would pray even more diligently for her. Amy smiled and suggested that she pray for a miscarriage. Then, more seriously, Amy asked Bobbie to meet her and Susan at lunch on Monday, which of course Bobbie agreed to do.

  That night Amy had a hard time sleeping. She felt like such a fool. What had she been thinking? And why did this have to happen to her? And on her first time? It was so unfair…her father would be so disappointed in his only daughter, if he ever found out. Nepravel had the voices spinning loudly in her head. After crying quietly for more than an hour, she decided that crying was not going to solve her problem. She had some tough decisions to make, and it occurred to her that she needed some specific information. To get some peace, she finally got up and wrote down the steps she would take and the people with whom she wanted to talk. Putting those concrete thoughts in her notebook at least let her get a few hours of sleep.

  MONDAY, MAY 8 – Richard had not been in his office very long the next morning when his private line rang. “I enjoyed meeting Janet,” Kristen said into the receiver, the strained enthusiasm in her voice obvious. “And I hope you enjoyed meeting Peter.”

  “And just who is Peter?” Richard responded too quickly, realizing as he spoke that his voice sounded as jealous as he felt.

  “Oh, I think we're a little jealous, Richard…Peter happens to be an old friend whom I dated years ago at the end of college. Is there anything wrong with that? After all, I've only got one man, unlike you, who shares his bed with two women.”

  “Have you…have you and Peter…been…?”

  “No, Richard, not for many years. He was a good boy Saturday night and went home to his hotel room. Why? Does that bother you?”

  Richard knew he was trapped and that he sounded stupid. But the feelings were still there, and his male ego had been working in overdrive where Kristen was concerned since Saturday night. “No, well, I know you must have another life, but I guess I never really thought about it. And we've never talked about your past or present boyfriends,” Richard added, fishing a bit.

  “I'll be delighted to reveal my complete, sordid past to you, anytime you like,” Kristen said, lightening her tone. “And…” Richard could feel her smile through the telephone. “I don't have any real boyfriends now except you, which is why I want you all to myself so much. What's going on with you and Janet? When are you going to leave her? She doesn't make you happy. We are getting together tomorrow, aren't we?”

  Richard had firmly resolved the previous evening, after spending a wonderful weekend at home with Janet, to find some reason for canceling his luncheon appointment with Kristen on Tuesday. But now he had been trapped by his own conversation. “Of course, I'll be there, now that I know there won't be three of us,” he returned her levity, and wondered for just a second how he was ever going to change having two women.

  The three of them found a table in the corner of their large high school cafeteria and put down their trays. They were joined for lunch by Pitow, the demon in charge of their school, who had been alerted by Nepravel.

  “Well,” began Amy, “the main thing I've decided to do is not to panic. Not to make any decision for a few weeks. And to try to think through what my options are.”

  “How do you feel?” asked Bobbie. “Do you feel any different? Are you hungry all the time?”

  “I have noticed a few differences. I get tired easily. My breasts are a little heavy, and my stomach feels fuller than normal. And, yes, I have a pretty good appetite. But that's about all, other than a little queasiness sometimes in the morning.”

  Susan had such mixed feelings. Obviously it was awful what Amy had been through and was about to go through. But she nevertheless could not help feeling a little bit jealous, in a strange way, of Amy's experiences. Amy was already living what she did not expect to experience—had not even imagined to experience—for several—no, many—years. Susan felt both intrigued and hopelessly inadequate that Amy was sharing her experience with them and looking to them for advice.

  “And I'm definitely not going to tell my parents, at least not now. Not until I decide what to do. They would go crazy, especially my father.” Pitow nodded his dark, smoking head in agreement.

  “So far, I've thought of the following things…” and Amy ticked them off on her fingers. “I've obviously got to talk to Billy and find out what he thinks. Then I'm going to talk to the school nurse about what's involved with an abortion.” She glanced at Bobbie, who looked back at her but did not otherwise change her expression, other than to make a slight frown. “And, Bobbie, I want to talk either to your priest or to your youth leader or whomever you think best, so long as they'll talk with me confidentially.”

  Susan was again struck with Amy's sudden maturity. A seventeen-year-old who only the day before had been weeping on her bed, now was explaining a reasonable plan of action for determining what to do about her own life, as well as the life of an unborn child. Susan marveled at the transformation.

  “And, when I talk to Billy, I definitely want one or both of you to be there,” said Amy, looking at each of them in turn. “I have no idea what his reaction will be, but I doubt it will be very positive.”

  “Of course,” said Bobbie. “I certainly agree with what you're planning to do, but I think you should consider telling your parents now, instead of later. I'm sure they will be upset for a day or two, but eventually they will have to help you. They know so much more about these things than any of us does, and they will want to help.”

  “No way,” replied Amy, tapping her finger on the cafeteria table. “And if you are even thinking about telling them, or your own parents, then please don't, and please just leave and forget about all of this. I mean it, Bobbie.”

  The emotional flare-up was short-lived, but it registered with Susan. Amy was going to have to be handled with kid gloves, she could tell.

  “Oh, no,” said Bobbie. “This is your call. I just thought I'd let you know what I feel. Please don't get mad when I do that. I love you and just really want to help you, but maybe there are others who can help you more.”

  “Yes, the school nurse and a priest,” said Amy. “But not my parents. They will be so disappointed. I just cannot face them right now, OK?” The other girls nodded.

  “Now I'm going to call Billy and tell him I want to meet him somewhere this week. Then I'll call you guys, and hopefully at least one of you can be there.”

  Susan and Bobbie looked at each other and again nodded. “You know that we'll do everything we can for you,” Susan said, as they picked up their trays and headed for their afternoon classes. Pitow would report that night that the hellish plans were progressing as they had expected.

  As he walked down the hall at the end of classes that day, Tommy was continuing the debate he had been having with himself since Sunday morning. His experience Saturday night had been so intense, so overwhelming. All of them had eventually participated together as a group, just like on the video. It had been wild, and he couldn't take his mind off of it.

  He had liked it so much. Did that mean he was a homosexual, part of the alternative lifestyle that his sex education class had studied only last week? Or was this just an aberration, something that happened once, perhaps as with other boys his age, but then would never happen again? He actually smiled when he thought of what his dad would say if he knew. “Boy, that would get him.” Hey, his dad had thrown the baseball with him, after asking twice, yesterday afternoon. Big deal! What about all the times he had stood him up? All of the unfulfilled pro
mises, all of the games he had missed? The voices were winding up inside Tommy when Roger suddenly appeared next to him. “Hey, big guy. The same bunch is going to get together over at Derrick's house this Saturday night. Do you think you can figure out a way to make it?”

  Tommy looked at Roger and a voice, planted by Nepravel and spun by Pitow, said “Why not? It's fun, it feels good, and it sure beats sitting at home and doing homework.”

  “Sure,” Tommy said, smiling. “I'll talk to Brent, and we'll see if we can figure a way to get there. Thanks.”

  TUESDAY, MAY 9 – On Tuesday, shortly after Richard had his usual date with Kristen, his daughter Susan and her two friends waited for Billy at the same table in the park from which Jeff had flown his kite less than a month before. It was a beautiful afternoon, and Susan could not help watching the mothers with their young toddlers playing in the nearby sandbox and on the climbing toy, imagining that Amy could be one of those mothers while she was still a teenager.

  Billy parked his car and walked up to join them a little after four, surprised to find Susan and Bobbie sitting with Amy.

  “How ya doin’?” He waved to all three with a smile. Their set expressions and the lack of movement out of Susan and Bobbie told Billy that this was not going to be a happy occasion.

  The three girls waved politely as he walked up. He awkwardly bent down and kissed Amy on the cheek, like a husband returning home from work. Susan felt that was strangely out of place in the park, but perhaps more appropriate than he imagined, she reflected.