On the Edge

by Parker Hudson

  Unknown to Richard, as he sat at his desk, he had two invisible visitors at his side. If he could have seen the dark forms or smelled the abominable stink, he would have recoiled in horror. Nepravel and Zoldar were right next to him, and Nepravel was spinning up the voices of Uncertainty and Worry, which were having an immediate effect on Richard.

  “Good work,” Zoldar congratulated Nepravel, smiling and moving over to Janet, who sat reading a novel in her armchair. Zoldar expected to strengthen her voices of Disbelief and Doubt as a defense against the Word, but he was shocked to find that there were no voices of deception playing in Janet that evening at all! They were all gone! She was defenseless and completely open to hearing the Truth.

  Zoldar knew Nepravel had been maintaining the voices in this family for years, and he moved quickly to Susan, who was sitting on the floor, her back against the front of the sofa, watching television. No voices in her either! How could this be? Was the situation worse than Balzor and Tymor had imagined? Where had these people been, and what had they heard? And who had been praying for them?

  “Nepravel,” Zoldar exclaimed, “there are none of our voices in either of these women. They could be told the Truth about God right now, and they would in all likelihood believe and be lost to us! This isn't just maintenance. We have to rebuild this entire family!” He was obviously annoyed.

  “I can't imagine,” answered Nepravel. “I knew we would have to start over again with Richard after the prayer breakfast. But what has happened to the others? How could one man—even a husband and father—already have so much effect on his family? They must have gone to a real church. Or there must be many people praying for them, for our voices to be completely silenced…. Well, you try to start them again in Janet, and as soon as I finish with Richard, I'll move over to Susan.”

  Zoldar angrily agreed and settled in behind Janet to replant the voices inside her, while Nepravel returned to creating more worry and despair in Richard.

  Richard started to feel even worse about the coming meeting with Kristen and about what might happen to his family in the future. Sitting at his desk, he put his head in his hands. But the voices of deception were not the only supernatural forces now residing in Richard. He had been touched by the Holy Spirit, and the flicker of Light inside him gave a glow which both Nepravel and Zoldar could see—and hate. As he sat with his head in his hands, Richard remembered what both Court and Bob had told him about spiritual warfare, about how he would be attacked, and about the solution. “If you rely on your own power, you will be easy prey,” Court had said. “But now you have the power of the Holy Spirit inside you to help you fight.”

  Without moving, his head still in his hands, Richard began praying for guidance in dealing with Kristen, and protection for his family from the powers of Darkness. Nepravel, right next to Richard, was surprised to see the Light in Richard grow suddenly stronger, and the voices he was rebuilding simply stopped dead. “He's praying!” screamed Nepravel.

  “Blast it all!” screeched Zoldar, as the voices he was trying to plant in Janet stopped as well.

  As the demons saw the light from Richard's prayers fill the room and then head outward, Nepravel cursed, “He's even praying for that Holloway woman! And you know that angels usually follow up on prayers like these. Come on, we better get out of here before they turn up.”

  Zoldar spewed out a string of vile curses in frustration as he and Nepravel left the Sullivans’ home, their mission unaccomplished.

  Ninety minutes later, Richard and Janet had prepared for bed. Richard, in his pajamas, had been in the kitchen, setting up the automatic coffee maker for the morning. He closed the door to their bedroom just as Janet was emerging in her nightgown and robe from their bathroom. He had been agonizing over something for two days, and he finally summoned his courage, walked over to her in the middle of their room, and embraced her in a hug. As they began to part, he looked into her eyes and asked, “I know it may seem strange at first, but would you pray with me?” For some reason he felt more nervous than when he had asked her to marry him.

  She smiled. “Of course I will, Richard. What do we do?”

  “I'm not sure, but let's kneel here together by the bed.” He took her hand in his, and they knelt together on her side of the bed. “Dear heavenly Father, Janet and I come to You tonight to thank You for the many blessings which You have given us…Uh, we thank You that by Your grace You have promised us eternal salvation through belief in Your Son, Jesus Christ. We thank You for our marriage and for so much love over so many years. And, uh dear Father, I admit to You, before Janet, that I have not been the best husband I could have been and that there is much for which I must ask your forgiveness. In these times, which have been so difficult for us, I pray that Your Holy Spirit will envelop us and that we will focus on the positive in each other while trying to correct the negative in ourselves. I…I love Janet very much, Father, and I ask that You please show me how to make that love grow.

  “We thank You for our two wonderful children. Lord, we lift them up and give them to You. We cannot possibly raise them as they should be raised relying on our own strength. So, Lord, we give them to You, trusting Your mercy and Your protection for them, and asking for Your guidance to raise them only in ways that will be pleasing to You. And we pray especially tonight for Tommy, who seems to be going through a difficult time. Please, Lord, fill him with Your grace and Your peace, and give us the knowledge and the patience to lead him back into the family.”

  As Richard prayed, holding her hand, Janet was drawn to him. She could not help it. Although in all their years of marriage they had never prayed together, it seemed to Janet to be the most natural thing to do. She was attracted to the simultaneous declaration of his submission and of his authority. He was putting himself in submission to their common Father, yet he was praying for his family from a position of authority, as the father and husband. Janet couldn't explain it, but it just seemed the way things ought to be.

  When Richard finished praying, he remained kneeling. Janet realized that she should now pray. “Father…I…I thank You for the transformation of my husband. Please forgive me, too, for not doing my best to help our marriage and our children. Please help me understand more each day what has happened to Richard. And let me experience it, too. We thank You again for all of Your blessings on our family. Please, Lord, don't ever leave us. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

  When they finished praying, Richard squeezed Janet's hand, smiled at her, looked her directly in the eyes, and said, “I love you so much. I've made a mess of a lot of things. But I want us to be together, and with God's help, we will.” He squeezed her hand again, rose, and went into the bathroom to finish getting ready for bed. Janet took off her bathrobe and slipped into their bed. Instead of picking up her book, she folded her hands and thought about the last several days, particularly the day just ending. She could never remember feeling so loved and so secure as she had when Richard finished praying. Not because Richard told her that he loved her. But because Richard told God that he loved her.

  Her husband was laying himself bare in front of the Creator of the universe and praying for their marriage. What would it mean to have God involved in their relationship? She realized she could not imagine the future. But she recognized that if God's involvement meant the strong commitment she had heard from Richard tonight, then she could be at peace, for the first time in a long time, about Richard's commitment to her and to his family. Her body shuddered involuntarily with that thought, and she silently thanked God again for all that had happened in the last four days.

  When Richard finished brushing his teeth, he looked at himself in the mirror. He realized that he actually looked happier, or somehow better, than he had for weeks, and that made him smile again. It occurred to him that a great question mark had been lifted from him, which had been burdening him terribly for years.

  At the beginning of their marriage, he had just assumed that they would always be together. He was yo
ung and in love, so it never occurred to him to ask whether they would split up. But then came the bad years, the constant temptations. So many of his friends had affairs or were divorced. And then Janet's job, and her partial focus outside of the home. And finally, Kristen. During all that period he had more and more sensed that perhaps their marriage was not permanent. And thoughts of leaving and of hurting Janet, and not living with Susan and Tommy, and of guilt, had weighed him down simply and slowly over the previous months, almost causing him to bend physically.

  But now, closing the medicine cabinet, he realized that as a result of the last four days, he had taken a step that was completely new to their marriage. He had consciously chosen to stay with Janet permanently, no matter what. It was not the simplistic assumption of twenty years ago. It was much stronger. It was a conscious decision and a commitment, made, he knew, with God's help, and needing God's support to maintain it. But what a blessing! What a relief from the pain of the previous months. The guilt over Kristen still was there. He still had to deal with her. But he knew in the bottom of his soul that in choosing God he had also chosen Janet and his family. He knew there were still many problems to work out; and he knew there always would be. But the issue of whether he would leave or not was settled forever. And he felt like a new person.

  As he turned off the light in the bathroom and made his way toward their bed, it suddenly occurred to him that if Janet and his whole family became believers, then they would spend eternity together in heaven. He had never thought about that before, and it was an incredible revelation. Whatever problems they might have here on earth, he could be with Janet and Susan and Tommy forever in heaven, praising God! And in the next instant, as clearly as any thought he had ever had, he realized that God was looking to him to help bring his family into the kingdom. Suddenly the phrase spiritual head of the household had tangible meaning to Richard, and he actually had to sit on the side of their bed for a minute and consider the implications.

  “What are you thinking, dear?” Janet asked. Richard slipped under the covers, turned toward her, and told Janet about the two realizations that had hit him just since they had prayed: that he was completely committed to making their marriage work, through good times and bad, and that the four of them could, through God's grace, spend eternity in heaven together.

  Janet smiled and put her hand on his shoulder. “Richard, I don't really know how this has all happened, but I am so thankful. I…I…feel loved and wanted for the first time in a very long time. And I want you to know I love and want you, as well. I'm going to try to be a better wife and mother. But I think I've also heard the message that I can't do those things very well in my own strength. And so I've decided that I'm going to start praying for God's help with our family, too.”

  Richard smiled as he reached to turn off the light. “Isn't God just amazing? What have we missed all these years?”

  In the immediate darkness he turned back to her and put his arm around her shoulder. She snuggled up close to him and in a moment they kissed. He rubbed her back, then her arm, then he moved to her front. Janet moved into him and felt herself giving herself to him in a way she truly had never before experienced.

  Richard, for his part, was touching Janet almost as if it were for the first time. He knew now what it was like to be loved totally by God, and he wanted her to know that he loved her in the same way. He knew it was a miracle that their marriage was still together, and he was so moved to be loved by this beautiful, patient woman.

  They made love that night with a power and a simultaneous tenderness that was new to both of them—because they really loved each other and had committed their marriage to God, permanently. Janet wanted to please Richard, to give herself to him, because she felt the security of his permanent love. Richard wanted to please Janet and to give himself to her, because he wanted her always to be with him. When their shared release finally and lovingly came, Richard could see the tears in Janet's eyes, and they lay still together in each other's arms, with her tears on his chest.

  Richard knew, in one final personal revelation that Sunday, that no previous sexual experience with Janet or anyone else had ever come close. Like a blinding light in the near darkness, it struck him that he had, for the first time, experienced what God meant for the physical union between a husband and wife to be. Everything before had been counterfeit, not even close. For the first time, they had experienced “one flesh,” and there was simply no comparison. He lay with his arm around Janet, as she snuggled even closer to him, and he silently praised God, as a single tear escaped the corner of his eye.

  24

  MONDAY, MAY 8 – Riding into work on Monday morning, Richard had still not decided how to handle his “lunch” with Kristen on the next day, and it finally occurred to him that he was in over his head and needed help. Upon reaching the office, he smiled a warm hello to Mary, glanced through the messages on his desk, and picked up the telephone.

  “Bob, this is Richard. I know you've seen a lot of me in the past four days, but I've got a problem that's really gnawing at me, and I wondered if I might buy you lunch today.”

  Bob Meredith heard the pain in Richard's voice and said, “Sure. In fact, I was going to call you later to tell you about the follow-up meetings for the prayer breakfast. So lunch will be fine. Say noon at the Terraces?”

  “That will be perfect, Bob. And I really appreciate your help.”

  Amy had struggled the night before with lack of sleep, cried a lot, and made her list of people to see about her problem. That day she would have lunch with her two best friends, Susan and Bobbie, and together they would lay out the strategy for deciding what to do about her pregnancy.

  Janet asked Tom Spence and Connie Wright to stop by her office for a cup of coffee that morning. When they came in and shut the door, Janet motioned them to the two comfortable chairs in front of her desk. She took the fresh cup of coffee Tom offered, walked around her desk, sat down and leaned forward. “Listen. I thought we ought to get together this morning because Richard and I have been talking at home about Bill Shaw's plan, and it has made me think. I definitely want to participate in this upcoming ‘911 Live’ test. But I'm not so sure that any of us, and particularly Connie and I, ought to be chasing police cars on a Friday night in this city. Can't we evaluate the show just as well by watching it in the control room?”

  “I guess I never really thought about it,” said Connie, “but you may be right. Actually, we may be able to get a broader picture from the station than we could experience in any one isolated situation.”

  “Well, if it's all right with you both, I'm going to suggest to Bill that we monitor the test run from here,” Janet concluded, looking for their approval.

  Connie nodded. Tom said, “I'll do it either way. I'll stay here with you and watch the incoming feeds. Or, if Bill still wants to hit the streets, I'll certainly go with him.”

  “Fair enough,” said Janet. “I'll let Bill know. Thanks for coming by.”

  * * *

  Richard and Bob met at the Terraces Restaurant and were shown to a quiet booth with a view of the river and of the eastern half of the city. Richard began, “I bet when you invited me to breakfast you didn't know you wouldn't be able to get rid of me.”

  “I'm pleased to help you in any way I can,” Bob smiled, “particularly since we are new brothers in Christ. We're now one body, with all of the parts trying to work together.”

  “Thank you. You obviously have meant a lot to me and my family in a very short time,” Richard said, and he glanced down at the menu.

  “Think nothing of it. And before we discuss anything else, I want to let you know that starting next week we'll be having several men meeting at my office on Wednesday mornings, as a follow-up to the prayer breakfast, for the next three weeks. We'll start at 7:30 and be out by 8:45. I think you'll learn a lot, and you'll probably be able to share some of your own experiences with the other guys. What do you think?”

  “Count me in. It
sounds great, and I look forward to joining you. But if the next week is anything like the last few days, I just hope I won't burn out on you,” Richard smiled.

  Bob returned his smile. “God renews us every day with His Holy Spirit, if we ask Him.”

  “I know, Bob. And I prayed that very prayer this morning,” Richard replied, as the waiter came to take their orders.

  After ordering, Bob looked at Richard and asked, “Now, how can I help you?”

  “I'm going to tell you about something I've never told anyone, and I think you'll understand why in a minute. It goes without saying that I hope this conversation will just be between you and me, at least for now.” Bob nodded his assurance. Richard then spent almost fifteen minutes quietly telling Bob about his affair with Kristen. How it had started, how he had let it continue. How he had been torn and trapped in rationalizations until Thursday. And how he had now made a complete change and commitment to his marriage to Janet, except that he still had to break off with Kristen.

  “Bob, I know this has all been my fault. I blame no one but myself. I've asked God for His forgiveness, and I want to go on with a new life. But I must make the break with this woman, and of course I don't know whether or how I should also confess this sin to Janet. I really need help with both of those, but I feel like I've got to say something to Kristen at lunch tomorrow. Until these two issues are resolved, I can't really be in a position to start over. As strongly as I feel about all this, I'm frankly afraid to see her by myself tomorrow. But I certainly don't feel like I can explain to Kristen on the telephone. Judging from my recent track record, I'm not very good at maintaining my resolve to keep my distance from her, once we're together. So it's really just a mess.”