On the Edge

by Parker Hudson

  Bob thought for a moment while Richard took the first bite of his sandwich. “Richard, I'm sorry this has happened to you, to Kristen, and to Janet. I know it's an awful situation, and I respect your confession and your resolve to change. By way of some reassurance, let me first assure you that only Christ was perfect, not we Christians. There are some other big-time temptations that the devil knows are my weaknesses, and he hits me with them pretty regularly. Paul gave us the best advice concerning temptations like this: He said not to try to fight them, but instead to flee in the opposite direction. Trying to convince yourself that you can stay close to your favorite sin without actually giving in to it is like a moth convincing itself that it can hover safely around a flame—simple flight, tail down and admitting that you are no match for your strongest temptations is absolutely the best defense.

  “On those rare occasions when you do have to get close to your temptations, for some unusual reason like this one, then the next best defense is to rely on the Holy Spirit and never on your own powers of determination or rationalization. One trick I have used in a couple of very close situations is that I find it very hard to commit a sin when I am praying to God. So when all else fails, prayer is the last line of defense. I believe God hears those prayers and that his angels react quickly. One last biblical principle to apply in a situation like this one is not to try doing it alone.

  “So let's pray here, now. Then I'll tell you what I think, and we'll try to find a solution together.”

  As he walked down the hall at the end of classes that Monday, Tommy was continuing the debate he had been having with himself since Sunday morning. His experience Saturday night had been so intense, so overwhelming. All the boys had eventually participated together in a group, just like on the video. It had been wild, and he couldn't take his mind off it.

  But he had also seen and heard the transformation in his father. And then on Sunday he had been to both youth group and the service at Morningside Church. None of those latter experiences had yet focused him on any specific course of action, but they did remind him that there is a higher standard of living than “if it feels good, do it.” And he was feeling slightly less interested in hurting his father, since his father had already admitted his shortcomings to Tommy, in front of their family. And, finally, unknown to him, the deceiving voices that otherwise would be running at a fever pitch in him were almost silent, stilled by those same experiences and by the continuing prayers of believers, including his father.

  As he closed his locker, Roger suddenly appeared next to him. “Hey, big guy. The same bunch is going to get together over at Derrick's house this Saturday night. Do you think you can figure out a way to make it?”

  Tommy looked at Roger, and the debate raged on inside him. “I'm not sure,” Tommy said. “I'm not sure. It seems to me I'm doing something next weekend. Let me check with Brent and my parents, and I'll let you know.”

  “Well, OK. But I hope you'll be there because we sure did have a lot of fun,” Roger concluded.

  “Yeah, sure. A lot of fun,” Tommy repeated, but he was not smiling.

  The meeting over the city that midnight, conducted by their new sectorleader, Tymor, was a reflection of the mixed results the demons had achieved since the prayer breakfast.

  On the plus side for Tymor's forces, bent on the destruction of humans, they were successful in beginning to isolate some of the men who gave their lives to the Lord at the prayer breakfast, particularly those who had not yet found a way to join with others in the Body of Christ. Some, despite the Light now shining within them, tried to fight their earlier temptations by themselves, usually were unsuccessful, and then became confused and discouraged. For others, the easiest deception for the demons was simple: busyness. By immersing them in the cares and worries of their daily lives, and spinning up the deceptive voices to remind them of their own importance and of their critical need to help solve problems, the demons kept many of the men from any follow-up activity, which severely limited any effectiveness they might have in leading others to the Truth.

  But other reports that night infuriated Tymor and his lieutenants. The initial secondary impact of the prayer breakfast had primarily been on families, given the fact that the prayer breakfast had only been a few days before. Many believing wives, who had been praying for their husbands for years, were brought to their knees in joyful thanksgiving that their prayers had been answered. Strained relationships, which the demons had been pushing, were suddenly healed. Church attendance went up that Sunday, and worst of all, seven additional men who had attended the prayer breakfast without a commitment, had, that Sunday, asked the Son of God into their lives. And the prayer breakfast follow-up program had not even yet begun!

  Nepravel let Zoldar report that night, hoping that his status would deflect some of the heat they would receive. While they, too, had experienced some mixed results, the negative report on Richard was particularly upsetting to Tymor and the others. Because his heart was prepared by other believers many years before, and believers around him prayed and were involved, Richard's faith, like that of several other men at the prayer breakfast, was putting down strong roots and already affecting the members of his family.

  “We had great plans for Richard Sullivan, as you know,” Tymor bellowed at Nepravel and Zoldar. “He seems to be lost to us now, and that is most disturbing, particularly given his potential for affecting others. But he can still be brought down. Concentrate on containment as you have, but also work on those around him, like the Holloway woman, and business associates. He is still new in his faith, while we have been at our work for thousands of years. Find a way to cause him to fall!”

  * * *

  Janet knocked once on Bill Shaw's door after checking with his secretary. She went inside and took the seat to which Bill motioned her while he finished his telephone conversation.

  “Now, Janet, what can I do for you?” Bill asked, as he put down the telephone.

  Janet explained to him the conclusion she, Connie, and Tom had reached that morning.

  When she finished, Bill raised both his hands from the desk and smiled. “OK, OK. That's perfectly fine with me. You and Connie can stay here and watch the input in the control room. But I still want to go out to see what it's like firsthand. And I think Bob Grissom will want to go too.”

  “Then I'm sure Tom Spence will join you. And we'll pray”—Janet noticed the quick turn of his head towards her when she innocently used that term—“that everything goes well and safely for you.”

  “Janet, when you say ‘pray,’ have you joined Tom and Connie in their overreaching religious fervor?” Bill asked, somewhat derisively.

  Janet was flustered by his question and didn't know how to respond. “It's…it's hard to explain. I said ‘pray’ just then without really thinking about it. I just meant that I hope that everything goes well …”

  “OK, fine,” Bill smiled. “I just wanted to …”

  Now it was Janet's turn to hold up both her hands. “But…now that I think about it, yes, I probably will pray with them. And with my husband, Richard. He's been renewing his faith, and his searching has already had an effect on me. And so,” she continued as she stood up to leave, “I probably will be praying for you and Tom and everyone else who is out there that night, if that's all right with you?”

  “Yeah, yeah, sure. That's just fine,” Bill finished their conversation and picked up the next papers from his “in” box. “That will be just swell,” he concluded, as Janet closed the door behind her.

  TUESDAY, MAY 9 – Richard set his alarm and awoke half an hour early Tuesday morning. At Bob's suggestion, without waking Janet, he slipped quietly into their den and read his Bible for fifteen minutes, then knelt on their carpet and prayed for guidance, protection, and the Holy Spirit's indwelling for what would happen that day. And then he prayed for Kristen.

  Torgo, the demon for Kristen's neighborhood, happened to be in her apartment early that morning, spinning up the voices of
deception that Nepravel had requested. He saw the incoming light from Richard's answered prayer diminish slightly the Darkness of the planted voices, but he was right there to spin them up again.

  After Kristen awoke and had her first cup of coffee, she reflected again on her weekend. She had had a wonderful time with Peter, but she frankly had no idea about his love life back in San Francisco. He told her he was still single, but he didn't volunteer any other information, and she didn't ask. When they parted on Sunday afternoon, he encouraged her in a general way to come visit him in San Francisco, but there was nothing specific.

  Now it was Tuesday, and she had not seen Richard in over a week. A voice inside her told her that her weekend with Peter had been a great fling, but Richard was right here in her hometown. She loved him, and once he left Janet, she could make him very happy. She replaced her mental images of Peter with those of Richard, and after her bath that morning, she selected her favorite spring outfit, which was both businesslike and strikingly feminine, to wear for him.

  Tommy and Brent were walking together from English class to lunch in the cafeteria late that morning when Brent said, “Aren't these videos they're getting just fantastic? Do you think there's any way we can get over to Derrick's house this Saturday night?”

  “I like the videos,” Tommy replied, kicking an imaginary soccer ball on the hallway floor with a sweep of his foot, “but I can't say I'm interested in getting any further involved with those guys.”

  “What do you mean? That's half the fun! You don't suddenly think there's anything wrong with it, do you?”

  “No…Well, I guess I mean I don't know. I know it's supposed to be great and just another lifestyle. But I guess I'm not sure it's right, at least for me. So I just want to cool it for one Saturday. Why don't you spend the night with me, and we'll go to a movie or a ball game or something halfway regular?” Tommy asked.

  “I'll think about it. I'll think about it,” Brent said as they entered the cafeteria line for their trays and silverware.

  “You've got the car keys, Richard,” Bob said, handing them to him in the parking garage at Kristen's apartment building. “So Anne and I can't leave until you come back. We'll be here praying for you and Kristen. Take as long as you need, but not too long!”

  Before leaving for her first appointment that Tuesday morning, Kristen had placed a new bottle of white wine in the refrigerator in case Richard, whom she would see at lunch, was in the mood. But now, as she touched up her make-up a little before noon, she thought back to Richard's call to her car phone only an hour earlier. He had confirmed their date, but he had told her the first thing they had to do was talk. That had sounded ominous to Kristen. But he didn't want to go into any details on the car phone.

  As she continued to question in her mind what Richard had meant, her doorbell rang. Who could that be? she thought. Richard has a key. I hope this isn't a problem. She walked to her front door and looked through the small viewer in the door. It was Richard. What on earth could this be? He must have lost his key. And she opened the door.

  “Hi, Kristen,” Richard began with a smile. “I decided to ring the doorbell because I want our time together to be different from all our other ones, so I wanted to start differently. May I come in?”

  Surprised, she nodded, and without saying a word, she opened her door, and stepped back. He walked in, went over to one of the armchairs by her coffee table, and took a seat. She sat down in the chair opposite him and folded her arms across her chest. Leaning forward and putting his hands together, he began “This is probably going to be one of the most difficult conversations of either of our lives. I ask you to listen to what I'm going to say with as much understanding as you can muster under these circumstances. I don't expect you necessarily to be happy today, but I hope you will at least understand me, so that perhaps you can be happy later. And I want to ask you to forgive me.”

  As Richard continued, he simply couldn't help thinking how beautiful she looked, even in her uncertainty about his intentions. He asked God for the power to overcome these thoughts and to continue without hindrance. “First and foremost, I am not the same man who shared your bed here with you ten days ago.

  “You may or may not be able to understand this, but last Thursday morning, before you and I were supposed to get together at lunch, I went to that prayer breakfast I told you about. There, for reasons that really stretch back many years and that I will be happy to share with you in detail some day, but probably not right now, I committed my life to Jesus Christ, asking Him to come into my life, and He has made me a new person.”

  Kristen frowned and folded her arms more tightly around herself. A voice inside her said, Oh give me a break!

  “And the days since last Thursday have been some of the most genuinely happy days of my life. I have felt the Lord's presence in most things that I'm doing; and I really, truly want to do His will.

  “As you can, I think, imagine, I don't believe that having an affair is His will for me, or for anyone else. I have asked Him to forgive me, and I am trying, with His help, to begin healing my relationship with Janet and with the children. I now know our affair has crippled that relationship.”

  Kristen pulled her arms even a notch tighter, and her frown hardened into a scowl.

  “Janet doesn't know about our affair yet. I'm grappling through prayer over whether to tell her or not. You could, of course, pick up the telephone and tell her, which I hope you will not do. I recognize that you could. But the first and main step is for us to break off our affair immediately. I know it's the right thing for both of us. It may not seem that way to you now, Kristen. You still mean a great deal to me, but what we have been doing is just wrong.

  “And if I were to tell you that I love you, I would now also have to say that in loving you, I must also want the best for you. You're a great person—bright, talented, and generous. And I'm absolutely certain the best thing for you is not to be having an affair with anyone, but instead to be married to a good husband. And my own marriage means that your good husband will never be me.”

  Kristen's first words since he started speaking were, “That's not what you said a few weeks ago,” as a tear formed in her left eye and threatened to run down her cheek.

  “I can certainly imagine how my words and actions could have led you to that conclusion. I would also have to add that your own imagination has underscored whatever I may have said or done. But again, I totally admit that I was wrong and that it was my fault. The overriding point now is that the man who said and did those things is no longer me. I don't want that kind of life. I want to try to make my marriage work, and I honestly feel God is already helping me do that. There just is no room in His will for us to be having an affair. And I mean that as being best for both of us.”

  She could tell that Richard was being honest about his feelings, and he believed what he was saying. But then a voice kicked in and reminded her of how he had used her as an agreeable plaything and was now discarding her when he became tired of her, hiding behind some make-believe story about finding God!

  “Well, hallelujah!” Kristen exclaimed sarcastically. “You find God and then have to dump the woman you've kept on the side. That's great, Richard. How do you think that makes me feel?!? I don't appreciate being jilted.”

  Richard looked down at the floor, feeling terrible.

  “And I may just call Janet this afternoon, or this evening, or tomorrow. Who knows when it will be, Richard? But you can bet that I will!”

  Richard finally spoke again. “Kristen, again, I appreciate that this is my fault and that you have every reason to be angry. But I ask you to think for a few days about all that I've said. I even ask you to imagine to pray about it. I also ask you not to call Janet until you do those things, because you may feel differently. But whatever happens, I will be praying for you. And to repeat what I've already said, I want nothing but the best for you, as well as for Janet, me, our children, and our futures. And that's the simple reason why
I'm doing this.” Rising from his chair, he concluded, “So I urge you not to call Janet, but instead to move into dating some good man, who might lead you one day to a marriage as happy as mine once was, and now I pray will be again.”

  Kristen remained seated. Her countenance was almost dark. “You know the way out, Richard. How about leaving my key behind, so I won't have to make another copy to give to the next guy I go out with, when he wants to come over to my apartment to pray with me? Which church are you going to this afternoon? There are several in the neighborhood, any one of which I'm sure will be pleased to have a righteous soul like you walk in the door!”

  As Richard removed her key from his key chain, he was cut deeply by her remarks, but he tried his best to ignore them. He said, “I'm anything but righteous by my own actions. All of us sin, and I've tried to tell you that I understand how sin ultimately leads to one sort of pain or another. In this case, I'm trying to do the right thing, and to minimize the long-term pain. Despite how you feel now, this is the right thing because it's in God's will. I genuinely wish you the best and hope that one day you will understand.”

  “Thanks, Dr. Sullivan. I'll remember that. Now will you please leave?”

  That same Tuesday afternoon, the three teenage girls began the investigation Amy had decided upon to help her consider what to do about her pregnancy. Their first meeting was with Billy in the park.