The Taste of Her Words

by Candace Knoebel

  I tried to see through the sheets of rain to assess what happened, but only caught the taillights to a dark car pushing past us.

  “They saw my damn blinker. They even slowed down, I thought to let me out, but I guess they changed their mind. Nearly took the side of my car off.”

  I grabbed Charlie’s hand and prayed we’d make it to The Hollow Boot in one piece. It was only a few blocks away. We passed by the spot where the homeless woman usually sat, and I breathed a small sigh of relief when I realized she wasn’t there. Storms… the bad kind… were the only reason she went to a shelter, and that was because the local police forced her to.

  “You want me to make a U-turn so I can get you right up on the curb?” the driver asked as we neared the bar.

  “If you could, there’s a back-lot entrance. The front will be packed,” I said.

  I pointed him to the back and then gave him a five-dollar bill before getting out of the car. Charlie and I rushed toward the back door, only to find it locked. I turned to the driver, but he was already gone.

  “Shit,” I shouted as I banged on the door.

  I knew Cami was helping Sandra up front, so the odds of her hearing us were not in our favor.

  “Here,” Charlie said, a force of calm among the chaos. He put his umbrella over both of us as I dug through my purse for my phone. It took me a few tries to get to Cami’s number because my fingers were wet, but once I did, I hit call.

  “I’m at the back door,” I said the moment she answered.

  A few short seconds later, the door swung open and refuge was granted.

  “Holy hell,” she said, looking between us. “You look like two miserable soaked puppies.”

  “Charlie,” I said, brushing past Cami. “I’m going to find some towels to dry off. Can you sit in Aunt Cami’s office for me until Dean gets here? You’re not supposed to be here, so I need you to stay put, okay?”

  He nodded and trudged past me, barely looking me in the eye. I had to force myself to look away from the way his head hung low. The way his feet dragged. He was a walking advertisement for the way I felt inside. My emotions personified.

  “Is he okay?” Cami asked, pulling towels out of the stockroom.

  I couldn’t tell if the blur in my eyes was from the rain or not. “I don’t know. He hasn’t said anything since he found out about Julia.”

  “Kids are resilient,” she said, handing me a towel.

  “Doesn’t mean they hurt any less.”

  She stopped me up by putting her hand on my arm. “Hey,” she said, her eyebrows dipping in concern. “Listen… I’m sorry to bring you in given everything. You know I wouldn’t if it wasn’t for—”

  I faked a smile. “It’s okay, Cams.” I shrugged my shoulders. “Life, right?”

  She twisted her lips, and I knew she was feeling it also. When one hurt, so did the other. Her arms folded around me as she pulled me in for a hug I hadn’t known I needed. I melted against her, a bucket of tears pouring from my eyes.

  “I know I suck at being good with words. Especially when it comes to something like this. But you know I love you and I hate to see you and Charlie hurting. If there is anything I can do for you, I’m there. All the way.”

  “Can you kick my landlord’s ass?” I asked, voice muffled from the fabric of her shirt.

  “That wasn’t the request I was expecting,” she said through a small giggle, “but sign me the hell up.” She pulled back and searched my face, bending a little to be at eye level. “There’s more, isn’t there?”

  My throat went tight. “I had to walk away from him. Matt showed up, and everything went downhill. I just… everything is falling apart.”

  It was all I had to say. She pulled me in for another hug, refraining from using words.

  The door behind her barreled open, Sandra storming through. “A little help would be—”

  She stopped when she saw us.

  “Look, if you two are going to make your friendship more important than this bar, then I’m going to have to report this to Rick, because I’m about sick of—”

  I pulled away from Cami, ignoring the fear in her eyes as I pushed past her and stormed up to Sandra. “Look, I am nowhere near in the mood to listen to your shit today, so if you could kindly take your ass back out there and give me a second to dry off, I will gladly help you with the rush.”

  Her mouth hung open.

  “Go.”

  She didn’t leave right away. She stood there wearing a thin smile and hard eyes—a clear warning I’d crossed a line I couldn’t uncross—before she turned from us, pushing back through the door.

  Cami was the first to break the weighted silence. “Andy…”

  I moved past her, not wanting to hear it. I was finished with being bullied. Matt and Sandra both could go screw themselves.

  “Here you go, buddy,” I said, handing the towel to Charlie as Cami followed me like a looming shadow. He had the radio set on the weather station while he watched a movie I downloaded on his iPad.

  “Thanks.” He barely looked up from the screen when he took it.

  I leaned against the doorframe, knowing the pit in my stomach wouldn’t ever go away. “If you need me, I’ll be out front. Just… you can’t be out there, so only get me if it’s an emergency, okay?”

  “Mom, I’ll be fine,” he said.

  The way he called me ‘mom’ was so short and unlike him it almost buckled my knees.

  Cami squeezed my shoulder. I fixed my hair as best I could, and then followed her to the bar area. The difference a door could make was astounding. One second, we were standing in near silence. The next, I was dumped in the middle of madness. The bar was so crowded people were leaning sideways, all shouting in Sandra’s direction. I had half a mind to leave her there when I saw her scrambling, but then kicked myself for thinking so negatively.

  Even she didn’t deserve that kind of hell.

  “Here we go,” I said, diving head-first into the mess.

  Time flew as I took order after order, dancing between Sandra and Cami to try to get a handle on the agitated, soaked crowd. I barely had time to move from the square inch of space I stood in, let alone get to the back to check on Charlie. It wasn’t until a little later that I could check my phone. There was a message on the screen from Dean.

  I’m running behind. Traffic on the main highway is slow, but I am on my way. Should be there within the hour. Let me know if you need anything.

  “Shit,” I said as I typed back: No worries. Charlie is watching a movie in the back. Just be careful. See you when you get here.

  “Miss? Hello? I need a drink,” a man in front of me said.

  I looked up. “Sorry. Babysitter problems. What can I get you?”

  “A Jack and Coke, please.”

  I turned for the Jack only to have the bottle snagged by Sandra. “Oh, sorry, did you need this?”

  I glared at her.

  She produced a fake, sympathetic pout. “Oh, damn. This is the last one. Looks like you’re going to have to go to the back to get a new case.”

  Inhaling sharply, I forced my hands to remain at my sides and turned back to the customer. “One second. We just ran out.”

  He rolled his eyes and I pushed through the doors to the back, heading for Cami’s office. My stomach bottomed out when I rounded the corner.

  Charlie wasn’t there.

  “Charlie?” I called out, hoping he just went to the bathroom. I took a few steps back and realized the bathroom door was wide open, the light off. “Charlie?” I called again, checking all the open spaces. He wasn’t anywhere. I turned back for the bar, pushing past the row of customers as my eyes preyed over every inch of space.

  Sandra stopped me before I could make it around the corner. “Looking for your boy?”

  She was pointing in front of her. Charlie sat at the bar, a beer glass in his hand as some drunks laughed about how a minor got in and was drinking a beer without anyone noticing.

  I snatched
it quicker than he could take a sip. “Charlie!”

  “It’s not alcoholic, Andrea. Sheesh,” Sandra said, pulling the glass from my hands. “It’s just Sprite with a little coke to make it look like beer. Kids need a little laugh here and there.”

  “This is my kid, and joking about drinking alcohol is not funny,” I said in a low tone, fingers digging into the palms of my hands.

  She leaned forward, not missing a beat. “Then maybe you should think twice about bringing your kid to a bar.”

  “Charlie, let’s go,” I said to him. His eyes were wide as he hopped off the barstool and tried to make his way through the crowd.

  “Andy?” Cami said as she rushed over to us.

  I spun, knowing I was one more incident away from losing my damn mind. “I’m sorry, Cami, but I can’t stay. If you have to fire me, then so be it. I need to take him home.”

  Her face fell. “It’s okay, Andy. Go.”

  “Go get your things,” I told Charlie, ushering him to the back.

  His little shoulders slumped as he walked away.

  I pulled out my phone, ordered us a car, and then moved to Dean’s messages, about to text him not to come, when Charlie made his way back out, his bag slung on his back. I couldn’t see past my own mania. Past the bullshit that had piled in front of me until I was surrounded by it.

  I grabbed his arm and moved him through the crowd, trying to keep my shit together. “Why?” I asked him the moment we found a small open space near the front door. People were huddled together, puddles collecting around their feet.

  He shrugged guiltily.

  “I told you to stay in the back. You had to have walked right by me. Why?” I demanded.

  His eyes were big and sad. “I tried to get your attention, but you were busy with those people. Sandra waved me over, so I thought it was okay. I was thirsty. She said she’d make me something special.”

  I forced myself to take a deep breath through the blood boiling in my veins. It wasn’t his fault. None of this was. It was all my—

  “Bringing our kid to a bar?”

  Ice poured down my spine as Matt clucked his teeth, the sound cutting through the bedlam of voices.

  “I have to say… it’s not a good look, Andy.”

  Not today. Not today.

  “Charlie, let’s go.” I moved him toward the door, pulling my phone from my pocket so I could call the police. Today wasn’t the day. Charlie had already been through so much, revealing who his father truly was would only make it worse.

  I should have known that wouldn’t be good enough for Matt. He grabbed me by the arm and squeezed, pressing his mouth against my ear. “You think you can just push me out of your life? I told you nothing would keep me away from you and my son.”

  My father’s warning drummed inside my head, pounding through my heart.

  I turned just enough so only he could hear me and put every ounce of threat I could into my tone. “Unless you want your son to watch you hauled off in cuffs, I suggest you let go of me right this instant.”

  Something changed in his gaze. There was a manic disquietude I hadn’t seen before. Like a lion poked awake from his sleep. His lip twitched at the corner as the lines in his forehead deepened, shadowing his whole face.

  He looked past me to Charlie. “Son, do you want your mother to go to jail?”

  My heart thumped hard as my stomach swooped, a mixture of rage and fear boiling over. He was going to bring him into this?

  Charlie looked to Matt’s hand on my arm, and then up to me, his confusion and unease spreading across the innocence of his face.

  I smoothed a hand over his cheek, forcing my features to calm as I tried to wriggle free from Matt’s grip. “Don’t listen to him, honey. Your father is being silly.”

  “Is something wrong, Andy?” Mark, the bouncer, asked as he took his spot on a stool near the door. His burly arms were folded across his large chest as he stared Matt down.

  Thank you, God, I shot up to heaven. I snatched my arm from Matt. “We’re good, Mark. Thank you. We were just leaving.” I turned back to Matt, confidence returned to my words as I tucked my phone into my purse. “If you follow me, I will call the police no matter if Charlie sees or not. I’m done playing games.”

  Matt smiled in a way that made my insides crawl.

  “You want me to get you a car?” Mark asked as he held the front door open for me.

  “I already ordered one. I think that’s it.” I pointed to the blue sedan that had pulled up along the curb, and then guided Charlie through the door at a clipped pace, my heart living somewhere inside my throat. I didn’t want to be there a second longer. Charlie was right… we should have stayed home. We should be curled up together, watching a movie and reminiscing about Julia.

  We both took in a sharp intake of air from the degree of cold that hit us the moment we left the dry comfort of the bar, but it only took seconds until we were huddled in the backseat of the sedan.

  “It sure is wet out there,” the man from the front said as he adjusted his rearview mirror. He had a slight Spanish accent. Eyes that seemed kind.

  “It is.” I leaned forward. “You have my address?”

  He nodded, and then pulled onto the main strip.

  We needed to move, and we needed to move fast. There was something off about Matt… an unhealthy desperation. I knew I needed to put as much distance between us as I could. All I had to do was get Charlie home where he was safe, and then I could call my dad and get a game plan together.

  “Mom?” Charlie said as the rain assaulted the car from all sides.

  I pointed to his seatbelt and waited until he buckled in before I glanced through the heavy, gray sheets of rain. There was hardly anyone out. It was like the rain had washed away all sign of human life.

  “We’re fine, Charlie. We’ll be home soon.” I was so enthralled with calming Charlie that I didn’t hear the engine roaring behind us like an unleashed breath from a disturbed dragon. Didn’t prepare as the tires squealed a high-pitched scream of warning.

  A moment later, I caught a blur of black from the corner of my eye and reached for Charlie as a large sedan barreled over the sidewalk in front of us, cutting our driver off.

  The brakes were slammed, seatbelts catching us before we were heaved forward.

  “What the hell?” The driver put the car in park as Matt came stamping around the driver’s side of his sedan, fists at his side and an alarming grimace on his face.

  “Charlie, get down!” I fumbled for my phone, lost somewhere inside my purse.

  The driver opened the door, yelling at Matt to get out of his way, but Matt wasn’t listening. He was a grenade of pent-up anger, the pin just seconds away from being pulled.

  With one solid, swift punch from Matt, the driver went limp, hanging over the edge of his door.

  Nightmares, I thought numbly, are only supposed to exist in dreams…

  As I watched Matt stare in through the window, a murderous gleam sharp in his eyes, it felt like he was dragging a knife through the barrier of my imagination, stepping into a reality I didn’t want to be a part of anymore.

  I vaulted forward and locked Charlie’s door before Matt could open it. Black, bottomless eyes found mine as he sneered at me.

  “Momma?” Charlie’s voice was a quiver.

  “It’s okay,” I said as I dug furiously until I saw the car’s dome light reflecting off the screen of my phone.

  With one hand, Matt reached inside the driver’s door and flicked Charlie’s lock.

  Rain poured in as he yanked the door open, nearly pulling it from the hinges. I shoved at Matt as he reached in like an angry bear clawing for its prey. He was quick and rough, wrenching Charlie from my grasp. Right out of the car.

  “Momma,” Charlie shouted as his hands flew up in my direction.

  My lungs were collapsing under the weight of shock and fear. Desperation clawed at my insides. Scratched at my brain, begging me to get my boy.

  �
�Leave him alone, Matt,” I shouted as I crawled after him and tried to pull Charlie from his slippery grasp.

  Before I could figure out what was happening, I was thrown against the car from the force of his heavy hand across my face. Two steps, and Matt stood over me. He yanked the hand I cradled my cheek with away, and then belted me across the other side. The blow was so hard I bit through my tongue.

  A bitter, coppery tang flooded my mouth as my ears began to ring.

  “Momma,” Charlie screamed as he rushed Matt, trying to knock him back.

  He wasn’t strong enough. Matt grabbed him by the arm, hauled him up on his tiptoes, and then shook him hard. “Do that again, and I’ll do more than just hit your momma. You hear me, boy?”

  No.

  Charlie struggled against Matt’s grip as the world swam in and out of focus. I bent forward, palms gripping my thighs as I spit blood onto the street.

  Pull it together, Andy.

  Hands shaking, I turned and searched for my phone. It had spilled from the contents of my purse onto the floorboard of the backseat, and I shielded it as best as I could as I tried to dial nine-one-one. My fingers slipped and slid over the glass, making it impossible to dial.

  “Who do you think you’re going to call, Andrea?” Matt said as he kicked me in the side, and then yanked the phone from my hand. It landed with a hard smack somewhere behind me. He kicked me again, hard enough I felt a violent pop on my side, white-hot pain searing through my skin as I keeled over.

  Charlie screamed so loud it stabbed through the veil of darkness looming over the edge of my vision. Adrenaline stained my blood, dulling the fiery throb in my ribs as I gasped for air. I reached for anything to help me up as water splashed against my face like tiny bullets from the sky.

  “You stop it right now,” Matt yelled into Charlie’s face as I scrambled to pull myself upright. My fingers scraped against the road, teeth gritted against the stabbing pain. Charlie was hitting and kicking where he could, trying to get to me. Struggling, Matt opened the back door to his sedan and pushed Charlie in. It was then I recognized the car—the same one that cut us off earlier on the way to the bar.