18 Thoughts (My So-Called Afterlife Book 3)

by Ayres, Jamie

  “Mambo madness, here we come!” He stopped and pulled me close. “Listen to my count, follow my lead, and try not to step on my feet too hard in those heels. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. You step in the two and three, pause in the one and four.”

  When I didn’t get the hang of the Mambo after a minute, he improvised. Spinning me left and right, hugging me close to his hips before twirling me away from him, snapping his fingers in the air. By the time the song ended, I panted for breath and felt like I couldn’t get enough. Laughing, he dipped me backward and kissed me.

  After we broke apart, I ducked from under his grip.

  “Where are you going?” he asked as I pushed past him.

  “To get a drink. I’m thirsty.”

  He put an arm around my shoulder. “My kisses make you hot, huh?”

  I blushed, but before I could answer with a clever retort, I spotted Conner standing at the drink table, not a trace of blue left in his eyes. His head bowed, his gaze fixed on me. He wore an untucked long-sleeved black shirt with khaki pants. His blond hair was a mess, long overdue for a cut just like the last time he’d disappeared.

  “What the hell?” Nate whispered beside me.

  My heart hitched in my chest. “Act cool. Let’s see what’s going on.”

  Nate yanked my arm. “Olga, no. Don’t go over there.”

  “I have to,” I whispered. I had to see if any part of my Conner was left.

  Nate shook his head. “Fine, but I’m calling the police.” He patted his pants before cursing silently. “I left my cell in the truck. Do you have yours?”

  I shook my head. “No, mine’s in the truck, too.”

  “Maybe the bartender has one I can borrow.”

  I struggled to make my next words come out, but no matter how spooked I was, I knew I needed a moment alone with Conner. “No—here—take my keys—I’ll be fine in here for a moment—there’s too many people around for him to try anything.”

  Fishing the keys out of my purse, I handed them over.

  Nate sighed and squeezed my hand as he took the keys. “I’ll be right back. Do not leave this room. Yell in your head if you need my help. You’ll be all right.”

  I opened my mouth to assure him I would be, but Nate had already turned away, running from the room. When I looked at Conner again, he beckoned me forward with his index finger. Long gone was the good, obedient girl who did everything Conner told her to. And fake Conner was the last person I wanted to speak with, but I owed it to my Conner to learn all the information I could about the demon possessing him.

  “Fancy meeting you here.” He stood with his back pressed against the wall.

  My lips and chin trembled, but I forced my voice to remain calm. “Yes, it is.” I gazed into his black eyes, searching for a connection to my Conner, a binding feeling that would reassure me he was beyond whatever facade stood in front of me. I felt the tiniest hint of something and prayed the real Conner felt it, too, to have at least a little piece of him here with me. “You’ve been away for a while.”

  His nostrils flared. “Didn’t have a choice. I knew I’d be thrown in jail if I stayed. Or worse, that priest of yours would’ve found a way to get rid of me for good.”

  Sweeping a hand over my forehead, I wiped off beads of sweat. “I thought he already had.”

  He shoved off the wall and drew closer. “Nearly did. The fire and baptism was disconcerting, for sure. I grew small, almost imperceptible. But every bad deed the real Conner did made me grow stronger again. I knew he felt me, was terrified of me. But his pride kept him from saying anything. Soon I’d grown big again, waiting for my moment to take over, knowing my time would come. You’re to thank for that. Conner feels this ownership over you. Seeing you with Nate again finally let me loose.”

  I shrank back. Why was he suddenly telling me everything and being truthful? It could only mean he was here because he needed something from me. “Is he still in there somewhere?”

  “Yes. I’m not strong enough to make him completely dormant like I did last time. I feel him whimpering and writhing. Quite annoying actually.”

  I wanted to spit on him. “How do I get him back?”

  “Yes, I’m doing fine.” He raised his voice a little, annoyed. “Thanks for asking.”

  We stared at each other in critical silence for a moment. Obviously, he wasn’t going to answer my last question, but I had to try for something more. This was the first opportunity I actually had to talk to him since figuring out the truth.

  Biting my lip, I blurted out the next question that came to me. “How did you find me tonight?”

  “I’ve been tracking you since yesterday. Couldn’t let that little punk get you all to himself on the most holiest of pagan holidays.” Even though Valentine’s Day was yesterday, we waited to celebrate tonight because of Nate’s birthday; Nate had been out of town until late last night anyway.

  I pressed my elbows into my sides, wishing I could disappear. “What do you want from me?”

  “Come on. They’re serving dinner. Let’s not be rude, darling.”

  “I’m not hungry.” Nate, where are you? Hurry up!

  “That hardly matters.”

  As Conner pulled me to the nearest seat, I cringed. He pulled my chair out for me with the courteousness of a perfect gentleman. Others sat down at the table, too, but they weren’t within earshot and hardly seemed interested in introductions. Candles flickered around the rose centerpiece, the light dimming in the room as waiters delivered Caesar salads and dinner rolls. I took a sip of water, wishing I had that drink from earlier. I scanned the room for Nate but didn’t see him anywhere. What’s taking you so long?

  “Looking for your boyfriend?”

  I glared at him. “What did you do?”

  He turned his chair to face me. “I paid the bartender to give you those drinks, but first I spiked Nate’s with a little concoction of my own creation.”

  Tears sprung into my eyes, and I tried to sprint from my seat, but Conner was faster. He yanked my arm and pulled me back down.

  “Relax, sweetheart. The effects were almost immediate, probably the minute he stepped out of this building, but he’ll be okay. On the other hand, you won’t be if you try any funny business.” He pulled up his shirt to reveal a gun stashed in the waistband of his pants.

  I swallowed hard before unfolding my napkin and placing the cloth in my lap, keeping up the show. “Fine. Where is Nate now?”

  “How should I know? Effects include slurred speech, inability to concentrate, poor coordination, dizzy feelings, lack of inhibition, and amnesia. He’s probably wandering around like the babbling idiot he is. But don’t worry, he’ll come around in thirty minutes or less when it wears off. Though I doubt he had the presence of mind to make that 9-1-1 call. Pity. But that gives us just enough time to plot our next move.”

  Raising my eyebrows, I stared him down with a fierce intensity. “And what if I had drank the spiked cup instead?”

  He shrugged. “I would’ve found another way. Once we begin our work together, you’ll discover I don’t give up easily.”

  I leaned forward, my anger fueling some courage. “Together? I’ll never work with you. I’d sooner kill you first.”

  He tangled a hand in my hair. “You silly girl. I can help you discover everything you want to know if you’ll come with me.”

  My body went rigid. “To?”

  “My house of worship.”

  An involuntary shudder passed over me. “Which I assume is some sort of satanic cult?”

  “Dingdingdingding! Yes, I believe Lucifer will answer all our questions if we call upon him directly. You see, the truth is, I’d been having trouble even remembering who I was before possessing this body.”

  I paused, debating whether I should tell him what I’d found in the cabin. Closing my eyes, I wished Nate were here for me to talk to him telepathically. But Nate was gone for the moment, and I hadn’t even clued him into e
verything yet. “I found what you left in the cabin.”

  “You’ve been reading my diary.”

  My hands fidgeted, turning over the butter knife on the table. I wondered if I could stab him with the knife and wrestle the gun away without hurting anyone. Unlikely. “No, the autopsy reports. You keep a diary?”

  He shrugged. “Maybe. Those reports are quite curious, aren’t they? When I arrived on Earth, I had nothing. No memories. Just the knowledge that I’d fallen and needed to possess bodies in order to stay alive. I was all the way in L.A., so I picked an actor to possess for a while. Great fun. But then I got an anonymous envelope in the mail with those three reports in them. Intrigued, I made my way to Michigan to investigate, possessing different people for the journey, never staying in one body for long so I wouldn’t raise too much suspicion. When I finally arrived in Grand Haven, you can imagine my surprise at seeing the three of you alive. Since Conner was unconscious, he seemed like the easy target for me to possess. Plus, Nate and you were already believers, very difficult to control for me. As they say, ignorance is bliss.”

  I scoffed. If the past months taught me anything, it was that ignorance was not bliss.

  Conner patted my hand, and I had to fight the need to break out the sanitizer from my purse. “You and I are in the same predicament. We both have memories missing. But I need a solid link back to Conner’s life for the priest to perform the ritual to summon a greater demon from the Underworld to give us the answers we seek.”

  My breath caught. Grace told me he’d already summoned a greater demon to remember who he was. Why did he lie? Um, because he’s a demon! I didn’t think I should rat Grace out, though, so I played dumb.

  “Are you kidding? Demons are destructive beings! How do we know the demon won’t just kill us and a bunch of other innocent people if he’s unleashed into the world?”

  Conner snorted. “Demons have already taken over the world; humans are just too arrogant to notice. The truth is, when those people you see on the news go on killing sprees in the mall or drown their babies or drive their cars off bridges and tell the police the devil made them do it, they’re telling the truth. But humans don’t like to think about what they don’t understand, so they ignore the occurrences and chalk it up to crazy talk.”

  “So you’re not afraid of this ceremony you want to do at all?” I asked heavily.

  He shook his head. “Why be afraid of the truth? Doesn’t the truth set you free? Besides, my priest has ways to keep us safe.”

  I thought about calling him by his name to see what happened but decided against it. The less he knew about what I knew, the better. “Your satanic priest has ways to keep us safe?”

  “Yes. I’ve been staying in a storage room in his church over in Battle Creek. He’s been like a father to me. Much more than that God of yours has ever been to Conner.”

  “Don’t pretend to know Conner just because you’re possessing his body at the moment.”

  He rested an arm on the back of my chair. “Just so you know, I’m the one giving the orders.”

  “But you can’t make me go.” This was a guess, but I figured if he could, he would’ve used the gun to kidnap me already.

  “That’s correct. For the spell to work, my priest said the blood of the anchored soul linked to Conner must have free will intact.”

  “Blood? Meaning you’ll need some of mine?”

  “Only a little cut on the hand. Don’t sound so afraid. Fear is weakness.”

  Fear is the path that leads to the dark side. Never had Yoda’s words of wisdom seemed more true. “I’m not afraid,” I lied. “I’m just having trouble understanding the rules of the supernatural going on here. Are you saying Conner’s soul isn’t anchored to Earth but to me? And if so, how do you know this if you don’t know us? You don’t even know yourself.”

  From the corner of my eye, I saw the bride and groom making their way around the tables, greeting everyone. I’d forgotten that we were even at a wedding reception. At least we were far away from the happy couple, far enough away from everyone else at our table for them not to hear us as they happily chatted away with one another.

  He looked at me for a moment like he actually felt pity for my cluelessness. “I may not know who I am, but after possessing Conner for so long, rest assured I do know him quite well, and I know what makes him tick. And what makes him tick is you, my dear. I can sense the powerful recognition and exchange of energy that takes place every time you’re around him. You two are like a magnet with two polarities, one positive and the other negative, but the magnet is whole within itself.”

  “And if I don’t come?” I felt like crying, but I knew I needed to hold myself together. I could cry later.

  “Well, that would suck for me, since God designed all these soul things to begin with a free will choice, and there’s no way to change that. But unless you have any ideas on how to save Conner yourself, then I’d say you’re stuck with me.”

  I sighed, looking at Conner. His eyes were flat, unreadable, and I realized even though a small part of Conner writhed inside of this body, the best friend I’d known since childhood was gone. And time was running out. I really only had one chance to save him. “Yes, I am stuck with you, but I do have another way of saving Conner. Possess me instead. I won’t fight you. I’ll freely invite you in. And then we can find our answers together.”

  Conner’s face twisted. “You really do love him, more than yourself?”

  Nodding, I said, “I already watched him almost die once.” Memories flooded my thoughts, of holding Conner on our tiny sailboat, his face the color of death. I remembered the elation I felt at hearing he was awake after being in a coma for so long. Sam had brought him back to life the first time, but now it was my turn. Between Conner and Nate, they’d find a way to rescue me before Sam could permanently possess me. I was buying us some time. I only wished I would’ve told Nate about Grace’s visit and Dr. Judy’s conversation with Riel earlier.

  Sam smiled and studied my face for a long time, and I studied his, realizing I didn’t even think of this person in front of me as Conner anymore. Whatever Sam was testing me for, I seemed to have passed because he held out his hand. “You promise you won’t fight me on this? Because if you do, I’ll go right back into Conner.”

  I took a deep breath. “Go ahead. Take my body. I promise I won’t fight as long as you promise to leave Conner alone.”

  His whole body shifted toward me. “Open your purse so I can drop the gun in. We may need a weapon at some point.”

  I did as instructed, fighting back tears.

  Sam grabbed my wrists with both hands, his dark eyes focusing on me. Something in the space between us shifted, and then I gasped. The moment he entered felt like a kick in the gut and made me double over. Looking up, I saw my Conner’s eyes again, confused and conflicted. Then my head involuntarily jerked backward.

  “Olga,” Conner whispered. “Nononono. What have you done? Sam, get back in me right now.”

  “Too late.” The words sounded like my voice, but I had no control over the movement of my mouth. The little comfort I felt was that Conner knew the demon’s name was Sam, too. My head throbbed, and I felt light-headed as I stood, clutching my purse.

  Conner stood, too, taking a step toward me. “I mean it. Get out of her now, or I will—”

  “You’ll do what, lover boy?” I threw my head back and laughed. “Honestly, you don’t know when to quit, do you? So I’ll spell it out for you. You’re quitting now. Otherwise, I’ll shoot you in the head, and even if someone does discover how to rid Olga of me, it won’t matter because she’ll be sent to prison for life. We already went over the whole bit about humans not believing in demon possession. I do hope you paid attention.”

  Conner’s hands clenched into fists at his side, and his whole body shook like he might explode, but he gave a slight nod of understanding.

  “Good boy. Now you’ll wait ten minutes before leaving the reception, or I’ll fire.�
�� I lifted my hand and brushed a piece of hair off his forehead, then pressed my lips to his.

  Something sounding like a strangled sob escaped him, and when I pulled away, his eyes shone with tears. “Olga, I wish you wouldn’t have done that.”

  At first, I thought he meant the kiss, and I wanted to tell him that Sam did it, not me. But as I walked away, I realized he meant letting Sam possess me in the first place.

  “That is love,

  to give away every single thing,

  to sacrifice everything,

  without the slightest desire to get anything in return.”

  —Albert Camus

  “The solution to a problem

  changes the nature of the problem.”

  —John Peers

  Conner

  fter five minutes were up, I bolted from the reception area, unable to wait any longer. I couldn’t believe what Olga had done. Did she really think inviting Sam in to possess her would be better for me than being a prisoner in my own body? Every good memory I had was tied to her existence. I couldn’t live without her. I wouldn’t.

  My fists slammed against the inn’s door, and I stepped into the cold night. From the elevated porch, I searched for that punk Nate. Olga’s Dad’s truck wasn’t parked across the street anymore. Since Sam didn’t take my keys, it stood to reason I still had my car here. The car I couldn’t care less about. It’s Olga I wanted back. I looked toward the harbor. The lake’s surface looked like shards of broken mirror catching the moon’s glow. Awesome. Matched my breaking heart perfectly.

  The stomping of feet from behind distracted me from my thoughts, and I turned to see Nate racing toward me. His fists were clenched, ready for battle. I put out my hands to stop him, but the combo of the wind and adjusting to being in control of my own body knocked me off-balance. His kick to the ribs is what knocked me into the railing, though.

  “I don’t want to hurt you. I just want Olga.” He stood over me, his hands held in surrender.