18 Thoughts (My So-Called Afterlife Book 3)

by Ayres, Jamie

  Yeah, well, the best-laid plans.

  But for whatever reason, Sam seemed bent on acting normal inside Olga. She showed up for work on Saturday, then spent that evening catching Conner up on some schoolwork. I guess even possessed Olga preferred his presence to mine if he was around, but I wasn’t giving up. All day and night, I scoured websites, looking for anything that would help me rectify the situation. I even went to the hospital, hoping to speak to Dr. Judy, only to learn she’d left town for another position. Another dead end. At this point, I came to expect those.

  On Sunday, I made Conner go see Father Jamie with me. He prayed over Conner and gave the all clear that Conner was free from evil spirits. Then I told both of them about hearing Olga’s thoughts within her possessed body.

  “You can’t cast a demon out of someone who has invited the evil spirit into them freely,” Father Jamie had explained.

  “So there’s nothing we can do to help?” Conner asked. To his credit, he actually puked when I told him I could hear her trapped thoughts. The guy was as sick over this as me.

  “I’m afraid that even as a man of the cloth, I’m ill-prepared to offer any answers in this particular area.”

  Still, I went on to tell him about the files we discovered in Sean’s cabin, figuring he was our best chance at receiving any help, but he didn’t know how to interpret those, either.

  “Stick to what you do know to help you. We know from Conner that demons can read the minds of the ones they possess, can acquire the knowledge and manors of their hosts. Imitate them. We know that the holy water and baptism only made the demon recede a little, not fully leave Conner. It didn’t leave until he had another place to go. In this instance, Olga’s body. Not all demons have a body, and that’s what we seem to be dealing with. In the Bible, Jesus once cast a demonic spirit into a herd of pigs.”

  “But you said we can’t cast the demon out of Olga if she willingly invited it in,” I reminded Father Jamie.

  “That’s correct. So use what else you know. You know you can read her mind. You know you shared waking visions with her when you meditated, which she once explained to me seemed like memories. Maybe those memories happened in a spirit realm you were together in called Limbo. Maybe Conner spent time in a realm called Camp Fusion. Could Leo and Real be the angels or demons in charge of the realms? Could they work with angels that walk among us? Dr. Judy, perhaps?”

  That was forty hours ago. And forty hours after leaving Father Jamie’s office, the one thing I knew was I knew nothing. I stared at the computer screen, wondering what I’d missed, wondering if Father Jamie had been right about Real being an angel. For a good hour after I got home yesterday, I contemplated meditation to call upon him or Leo, but not knowing for sure what I was dealing with stopped me. No way was I willingly calling what could very well be demon spirits into my home.

  A soft knock interrupted my thoughts.

  “Nate?” Mom’s voice. “Are you going to get ready for school?”

  With nothing else left to do, I shut my laptop and hopped off my futon. “Be right out.”

  A half hour later, the bell blared. My Adidas scuffed against the hard floor of the classroom as I made my way to an empty chair. I sighed heavily, slumping into the cold seat, then stashed my book bag between my feet as someone approached and passed me a handout. Looked like we had a substitute today. Awesome. Maybe I could get away with sleeping through class.

  The sub clapped his hands together twice, calling the class to attention. “Good morning! Your teacher is running a little late today, so I’m filling in until she arrives. My name is Riel Taanach.” He pointed to the board behind him. “That’s spelled R-i-e-l, but pronounced Real as in, can this professor possibly be so freakishly young and good looking? To which the answer is, for real, which is my cheap trick of making you laugh by using an idiom that will hopefully make me seem younger than I am.”

  My head jerked back. This had to be the same guy. It wasn’t a common name. At least, he was the first “person” I’d met named Riel. For one moment, I stared with bulging eyes toward the board, disbelieving. Had I wandered into some freaky episode of The Twilight Zone?

  “Now the question I want to postulate today is this: if you only had one day to live, what would you do?”

  Riel’s question jolted me, causing me to sit up straighter.

  “Whether you like it or not,” Riel continued, “you’re all just a pawn in this chess game called life. Today we’ll be discussing the novel you’ve been reading for class, Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll. Then you’ll write a personal essay, answering that question about what you’d do with one day left to live.”

  Is this guy for real? Well, yeah, I guess he is. But this is really kicking my butt. Good or bad, here’s the guy with all the answers to my questions, and he’s come to lecture me on Alice?

  “Alice ponders what life would be like on the other side of the mirror. Have you ever stopped to think about that? What lies on the other side of this life when it’s all done? Alice thought if she poked just behind the wall-hung mirror above the fireplace, there would be an almost real house filled with beautiful things. To her astonishment, she was right. She finds her alternative universe. There she meets Tweedledee and Tweedledum.”

  A.K.A. Conner and me? Is this some sort of analogy he wants me to understand?

  “They tease her that she’s only an imaginary figure who will cease to exist the moment the King wakes up. Many would connect the Biblical parallel Lewis, who served as an Anglican deacon, tried to make. The King is much like God, and we can be taken from this world whenever he decides. But no matter, Alice proceeds. She wants to get to the top of the hill so she can see the garden better. There’s a path leading straight to it—at least it looks that way, but no, it doesn’t at all—but she supposes it will at last. But how curiously it twists, more like a corkscrew than a path. Another path goes straight back to the house. Still, she keeps trying, keeps holding on to faith. Eventually, she must walk backward to get where she needs to go.”

  He hopped on the desk, smirking. I wasn’t sure why, but even though it was an inappropriate time to have that completely asinine smile on his face, I felt like I could completely trust him.

  “Now she meets the Red Queen, who asks two of the most important questions one can ever be asked. One, where did you come from? Two, where are you going? Think of all the things you’ve accomplished to get you to this point. High school will soon be a distant memory for you seniors.”

  Heat tore through my chest at the thought. I wondered if I’d manage to hold on to Olga when our time here was up.

  “As you think of where you came from, and move on to the place you are going, you’d be wise to remember life is meant to be lived in the past, present, and future at the same time. You’re no longer children. But we must be like Alice, willing to chase that white rabbit down the hole with childlike faith. To be brave enough to step through the mirror into the unknown and then take part in it. To believe in six impossible things before breakfast.” Riel glided over to me, standing directly in front of my seat. “If you can, then your life can be a wonderful adventure, no matter what stage you’re in. You have forty-five minutes to complete your essay. Turn them in before the end of class.”

  The door flew open, and our regular teacher stepped in, surveying the classroom with a confused expression.

  “Ah, Mrs. Lory, just in time. The students were just getting started on their assignment.”

  With that, Riel left. My hands shook as I gripped the pencil. Then I jumped up, letting Mrs. Lory know I had to use the bathroom. But Riel was nowhere to be found in the halls. No tinkling of bells, no flash of light, no trace he was ever here left behind. He had simply vanished. What was the point of all that? I guessed some answers could only be found when you were brave enough to search for them on your own. And I was ready.

  “God grant me the serenity

  To accept the things I cannot change

 
; The courage to change the things I can,

  And the wisdom to know the difference.”

  —Serenity Prayer

  Conner

  here was nothing worse than wasting another afternoon spending time with Nate. Well, I guess I could think of a few things I hated more. Being possessed by a demon and then having the girl I love sacrifice herself to that demon to save my sorry butt definitely topped the list. Which was why I found myself at Nate’s house after school today.

  I pulled my hair into a mini ponytail. With all the crap going on this year, haircuts were the last thing on my mind. “So to recap, you’re saying Riel, the same person you heard mentioned in Olga’s thoughts, showed up to sub for half your English class this morning and gave you a lecture about Alice in Wonderland?”

  Nate nodded. “That’s correct.”

  I snorted. “What the hell does that even mean?”

  He twisted a cord bracelet on his wrist and looked down at his laptop. “I don’t know. But he seemed legit, like he was one of the good guys. I’m leaning more toward angel than demon.”

  “Oh yes, I can see how you’d be so certain after one little confusing lecture.”

  Ignoring my jab, he scrolled through research on the Web, trying to decipher Riel’s cryptic lecture. Some people thought Lewis Carroll was trippin’ on drugs when he wrote his stories about Alice, but others theorized he had a near-death experience he pulled from when writing. Maybe that’s what those autopsy reports meant; Olga, Nate, and I all died, but then we were brought back to life.

  “Man, when did life become pure fantasy?” I rubbed my forehead, fighting a headache.

  “We can discuss that later. Right now we need to figure out what Riel was trying to tell me.”

  “No dip, Sherlock.” I groaned. “I just have no clue how to do that. Olga’s the smart one.”

  Nate leaned back in his computer chair. “When Olga and I meditated, we shared those visions. Father Jamie thought that was a clue, and I agree. This article says we can leave the physical realm to enter the spirit realm. Maybe those visions were like a bread crumb trail God gave us. We’re supposed to use meditation as a vehicle to enter the spirit realm and get some answers. Riel was there today to help push me along.”

  Shaking my head, I walked over to the magnetic dart board on his wall, took a few steps back, then tossed one of them. Bull’s-eye. “Holy crap, man! Did you see that? I hardly ever even hit the board.”

  “I think that was a sign we’re on the right track.”

  Laughing, I said, “Or maybe this is all, and I quote Han Solo, a lot of simple tricks and nonsense.”

  “Maybe I’m just hoping out loud. But it’s all I have to hold on to right now.”

  After throwing two more darts, both landing just outside the actual circle, I went back to lingering over Nate’s shoulder. “So what now?”

  He clicked on the mouse. “Google stuff about entering the spiritual plane.”

  After reading over some more crap for an hour, Nate pushed out of his chair and paced his room. “Seems like all the research generally agrees on one principle: the spirit realm is here with us, anchored to Earth, but not usually seen by humans, although angels and demons there always see us.”

  “The whole concept seems totally absurd.” My voice cracked, every inch of me falling apart trying to figure this out. “I mean, this whole time, I’ve been surrounded by angels and demons and never gave it another thought. But I guess, given the last year, nothing else makes more sense. Man, it’s just so crazy.”

  Nate stopped pacing. “If I had a dollar for every time I thought that this year, I wouldn’t ever have to work a day in my life. Question is, are you man enough to try meditation with me?”

  I had to hand it to him. He knew how to get to me. On the last site we were on, it said the first step to entering the spirit realm was to achieve a state of total meditation and prayer to achieve an expansion of consciousness that would let us in. Once we achieved the state of consciousness needed, we could ask for angel help. Angels were always there, wanting to help, but with free will intact, they had to actually wait for us to ask. So, we assumed Riel would be there somewhere, waiting.

  Scrubbing a hand over my face, I wondered how people ever solved problems before the Internet was invented. “I’m definitely man enough, but this is serious stuff. We’re not talking about light meditation.”

  He dropped down on the floor. “Don’t you want to get rid of this evil spirit once and for all, though?”

  “I’m just trying to make sure this is the best way before we do anything stupid.”

  Nate rolled his eyes. “You have any better ideas? Because I’d love to hear ‘em.”

  That would be a hell no. “Fine, then let’s hold hands and get this party started.”

  He laughed. “We won’t need to hold hands. At least, I hope not. Just sit across from me and take your shoes off.”

  “Shoes off?”

  “Just do it. It helps you to become centered for deep meditation.”

  Now I fought the urge to roll my eyes as I slipped off my Vans. “Groovy. What else do I need to do, hippie? Don’t tell me I need to get naked.”

  His mouth twitched; whether it was from irritation or fighting a smile at my little jabs I couldn’t tell. “Shut up, close your eyes, and start to inhale deep breaths. Find your happy place to help you relax.”

  I forgot all about giving him crap and did as he said, ready to get down to business. Putting my palms on my knees, I searched for a happy place and quickly found one with Olga. I imagined I walked with her along the beach, the blue sky and colorful rays from the sun soothing me. She wore this strapless sundress that barely reached the end of her fingertips, and I admired her smooth, creamy skin. I wished she’d show a little more flesh sometimes. Then…

  Nate is there. He leads us to a patch of sea grass concealing a small sailboat. “You ready?”

  I help Olga into the boat, then shove off shore before hopping on. The three of us float on glittering waves, letting ourselves relax as schools of neon blue fish dance in the current. Seagulls swoop through the sky. Boats drift across the water in the sunset. I don’t feel anything except a sense of lightness and serenity. I fill myself with the smell of the fresh air, the sound of the water gently slapping against the boat, and the sight of Olga’s beautiful curls blowing across her bare shoulders in the wind. I look back at Nate and notice he’s admiring Olga, too.

  “It won’t be long now,” he says.

  The sun disappears behind the horizon, and a moment later, moonlight flickers against the water and a shooting star shoots across the sky. My heart aches for more of Olga, but when I think about kissing her, she points to a bottle bobbing in the water. Stretching my arms past the boat, I grab it and take out the tiny piece of paper inside.

  “Faith is as simple as taking a breath,” Nate reads over my shoulder. “Commit your cause to the Lord; let him deliver—let him rescue the one in need.”

  Our eyes flew open, my breathing anything but relaxed.

  “Wow,” Nate said, looking about ten shades of white. “That vision was intense.”

  “My body feels all tingly. Does your body feel tingly?” I leaned back, examining my hands.

  “Here, have something to drink.” He reached for a water on his desk and then handed the bottle to me.

  After I took a few long swigs, I felt a little more normal. “So, did you see everything I saw? You were on the beach and on the boat with Olga and me the whole time?”

  Nate nodded. “The vision felt real again to me, like the distorted form of a memory, except distorted because you were there. Being with Olga on the beach is your happy place, too? I guess I should’ve thought about that before we started.”

  I slid my shoes back on. “Yeah, what’s up with that? You two have never even gone to the beach together, have you?”

  “I thought you knew… about us sneaking out together?” He wouldn’t even look me in the eye.


  My gut clinched. “Right. Moving on.” How could she think she’s better off with him? “I noticed we didn’t even make contact with Riel or any angels. How do we move from visions to entering the spirit realm?”

  He sighed and sank back on the plush carpet. “Not sure. That paper in the bottle said it will take faith. We didn’t pray before starting. We should probably pray next time.”

  Jumping up, I went over to the corner where my book bag was stashed and slung it over my shoulder. “Olga told me that sometimes, at her church, Father Jamie asks them to fast because some things can only be accomplished through prayer and fasting. Something about spiritual discipline being indispensable for accessing God’s power. I think that should be our next step.”

  He reached back and grabbed a pack of gum off his desk before popping a piece in his mouth. “Fasting… You mean you don’t think we should eat?”

  I checked the time on my phone. “It’s almost eight. I told Olga I’d give her a ride home from work.” Nate’s eyes bugged out of his head for a moment, and I knew my announcement bothered him, which to be honest, is sort of why I mentioned it. “But, yeah, you can fast one meal or not eat until we do this again tomorrow. It’s up to you. I’ve seen Olga do it for twenty-four hours before, and she was fine. Drank plenty of water, obviously. I can give you a lift home again tomorrow, and we’ll give it another try.”

  “Can’t wait.”

  I’d have to be an idiot to miss the sarcasm in his voice. “Cool. Don’t forget to say your prayers tonight like a good boy.”

  “Life is made of ever so many

  pairings wielded together.”

  —Charles Dickens

  Nate

  eat ripped through my body. I knew I was being a moron. Knew a demon possessed Olga. Could hear her faint thoughts of apology to me inside her somewhere. But seeing her legs draped across Conner’s lap, her arm around his neck, drove me crazy.

  I narrowed my eyes at Conner, assigning the blame to him. He knew we started dating while he was gone. So he should respect some boundaries, but instead, he took full advantage of the situation. Pissed me off. But I also couldn’t do anything. I wasn’t going to play into the demon’s hands and risk Olga’s soul by causing a scene. Deep down inside, part of me knew Conner probably thought the same thing. That playing along was best for Olga. So I bit my tongue from across the lunch table to prevent myself from saying anything stupid and imagined my fist connecting with Conner’s face multiple times when this was all over.