by Noelle Adams
Her ankle turned. The momentum of her run flew her forward.
She landed on the ground, catching herself with her hands.
She was in a sprawl on the grass when Russ caught up with her.
“Oh my God, baby, are you all right?” He lowered his long body to the ground beside her and reached out.
“Yes! I’m fine!” Her whole body hurt from being jarred in the fall, and her hands and knees were soaking wet. As she moved into a sitting position, her butt and thighs got wet from the grass too.
To her horror, she burst into tears.
“Oh my God, baby,” he said again, his voice hoarse, breathless, nothing like the Russ she knew. He pulled her into his arms. “I’m right here. I’ve got you.”
She sobbed into his shirt, and his urgent embrace might have been the most comforting thing she’d ever experienced.
“Did you hurt yourself?” he asked after a minute, when her crying had lessened a little.
“No.”
“Why did you run away from me?”
“I’m... I’m scared. People run when they’re scared. It’s a fundamental human instinct.” She was still sniffing and hiccupping a little, but she’d pulled away enough to look at his face. There was just barely enough light to see him. It must be the moonlight playing tricks on her because his face wasn’t anything like normal.
It wasn’t composed or controlled or distanced or ironic.
It was so, so tender.
“I know you’re scared. I’m scared too.” He reached up to cup one cheek with his hand, brushing away a few tears with the pad of his thumb.
“No, you’re not.”
He huffed. “You think I’m not scared? Baby, I’m forty-five years old, and I’ve never been in love before. I’ve never even been close. I’ve always kept tight possession of my heart. It was safer that way. I wouldn’t let go. I would never lose control. It was wrong.”
Laura frowned at that, distracted from the tumult of her own feelings. “It wasn’t that wrong. You’ve always been a good man.”
“I hope so. But I’ve never let myself be fully... fully human. I’ve never let myself be who I really am. I’ve never let myself live. But I want to. I want to live. I want to be fully human.” He raised his other hand so they were framing her face. “I want to be human with you.”
“You... you do?”
“Of course I do. Why do you think I chased you out here and am getting soaked in the grass in the dark? I’ve never been in love before, and then I started working here. I started working with you. I knew I shouldn’t want you. I wasn’t supposed to want you. You were way too young and way too... untouchable. But I couldn’t help it. I did want you. I held out as long as I could, but it didn’t go away. And then a year had passed, and I more than wanted you. I knew you. I cared about you. I’d somehow learned to laugh.”
Laura’s heart was exploding, and she was clutching at his shirt again. She had to hold on to something.
“And then another year passed, and I knew it was more than just wanting you. I knew it didn’t matter if you were too young, if we worked together. I knew it was... all the way. But I never thought you’d want me back. So I stopped trying to talk myself out of it. I just held on to it tightly. Kept it inside. Kept reminding myself it would never go anywhere. It was my forbidden secret. Loving Laura Holiday.”
Her breath hitched. “Love?”
“Of course love. How can you not know that?” His eyes were so dark, so soft. He brushed away the last of her tears. “I love you, Laura. I always knew you would never love me back, so I never did anything about it. But in these past months, something seemed to change. I wasn’t sure how to identify it, but it seemed like maybe... I tried not to hope. But then last week. It seemed like you might want me a little. But I kept telling myself not to push too hard or go too fast. Never to scare you away. I didn’t want to lose control of it. Losing control was too dangerous.”
“That’s why you didn’t... why you said you just wanted to have a good time?”
“I didn’t mean it to sound that way. I just wanted to play it safe. I was afraid if I said too much and showed you how crazy I was about you that it would scare you off. You were already so skittish.”
Laura ducked her head. “I wasn’t skittish.”
“Okay.” He chuckled warmly and pulled her into another hug. “You weren’t skittish at all.”
“Maybe a little skittish.”
“Maybe.”
“But that doesn’t mean you should have told me you wanted to have a good time.”
“I know. I know that now. I was just trying to play it...”
“Safe.”
“Yeah.” He sighed. “I was wrong, and I’m sorry.”
The world had somehow transformed around her. It was still dark and cold and wet in the grass, but it felt like a miracle had happened just the same. She wrapped her arms around him.
“And I know it’s still early for us. We’re just starting out.” Russ was talking against her shoulder, his mouth not far from her ear. “And it’s totally fine if you’re not in the same place I am. How could you be? You’ve been my center for years. We can still take it slow in terms of a relationship, if a relationship is what you want. But you need to know the truth about my feelings even if it makes me seem like a creepy, obsessive middle-aged man. I love you, Laura Holiday. You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved, and I really don’t think I’ll ever love anyone else.”
He pulled out of the hug so he could meet her eyes and continue hoarsely, “I’ve been waiting for you my whole life. I didn’t know it, but I was. And now that I’ve found you, I’ll do anything—strip myself bare and lose all control—if it means I don’t have to let you go.”
She made a silly whimper in her throat. Then she threw herself back into his arms. “I knew you were secretly a romantic!”
He chuckled and tightened his arms around her again. “Maybe I am. Just don’t tell anyone else.”
They hugged for another minute until Laura’s back began to hurt. She withdrew and adjusted onto her knees.
“Ugh. Wet pants are really uncomfortable,” she said.
“That’s for sure. Not to mention that my back is going to go out at any minute.” Russ was smiling as he hefted himself up to his feet and then reached down to help her up too. “I’m way too old for this.”
“No, you’re not.” She was beaming up at him. “You’re just the right age.”
He smiled at that, but then his expression flickered. “So... so does this mean you want to give us a try?”
“Give us a try? You big idiot.” She grabbed his shirt with one hand and pulled him closer. “I love you too.”
Even in the dark, she saw the explosion of feeling on his face. “You do?”
“Yes. I do. So now you’re stuck with me, whether you want me or not.”
He reached for her hand and held it tightly. “You did hear what I just told you, right? There’s nothing in the world I want more. I love you. And I love Tommy. Maybe neither one of us has much practice in relationships, but I really think we can do this.”
“Then let’s try.”
Twelve
RUSS WOKE UP THE NEXT morning with absolutely no idea where he was.
It wasn’t his bed. He knew that much without even opening his eyes. The sheets felt different, and the mattress was softer, and the air in the room was much warmer than he normally kept it. He’d pushed the covers down to his waist because he was hot, and his back was sore, even lying perfectly still.
He opened his eyes to see a ceiling that definitely wasn’t his.
He turned his head and saw Laura sound asleep beside him, and yesterday came back to him in a rush.
He smiled.
Then he winced as he stretched. His back was killing him. Whether it was from having sex against the wall yesterday or spilling out his heart on the grass last night or sleeping on a too-soft mattress was anyone’s guess.
He stifled a groan
as he rolled over to face Laura.
She was sleeping on her side, facing in his direction. Her hair was spread out messily around her shoulders, and her lips were just barely parted. He could hear her breathing in the silent room.
He wasn’t sure what time it was, but it was still dark outside, so it must be early. Someone had left the light on in the hall last night, and light was streaming in from the large crack beneath the door. With that and the glow of the bedside clock behind him, he could see enough details of Laura’s face to keep him interested.
He couldn’t believe she loved him.
She hadn’t wanted to go slow after all. She hadn’t been afraid of being all in, of risking everything.
She wanted him for real.
It still felt like a dream.
But here he was waking up in her bed.
He’d been planning to go home last night, even though it was very late by the time everyone left and Laura had cleaned up enough to satisfy her need to put everything in its place. But Laura had told him she wanted him to stay.
Of course he had stayed.
Fortunately, Penny and Kent had gone to spend the night in Kent’s cabin, and Scott and Olivia had gone to spend the night in Scott’s apartment. Otherwise, this floor of the house would have felt far too crowded for Russ’s comfort and need for privacy.
But he would have stayed even if all the rooms along this hallway were taken.
He wasn’t going to refuse a night with Laura. Not for anything.
They hadn’t actually had sex. They’d both been too tired, so he’d just held her for a while before they’d gone to sleep. But still...
It was the best night Russ could remember.
He was smiling about it when Laura opened her eyes.
She blinked a few times and then smiled back, her expression softer than almost anyone ever saw it. “You woke up early.”
“It’s Christmas.”
“I know it is.” She scooted closer to him, so he wrapped his arms around her.
“It feels like Christmas this morning.”
“Do you think so?”
He brushed his lips against her hair. “Definitely. More like Christmas than any other Christmas morning I’ve ever had.”
She laughed softly and pressed a soft kiss at the base of his neck. “Is that right?”
“Yes. That’s right.” He paused. “Does it feel like Christmas to you too?”
She pulled back and peered at him in the dim light. “Yes. Of course it does.”
A little clench in his chest released. “Good.”
“You didn’t think I was going to change my mind about... about us, did you?”
“I didn’t think so. But I’m happy for the affirmation.” His tone was very dry.
It made her giggle, but her expression sobered as she explained, “I was scared before because I didn’t think it was real. I was afraid it would dissolve into nothing like all my other dreams of romance. Now that I know it’s real, I’m not scared anymore. This is what I want. It’s what I always wanted. I just didn’t know... I didn’t know I wanted it with you.”
“Well, I’m glad you figured it out.”
“Me too.”
He found her lips and kissed her slowly. He was just getting into it when she pulled away. “Sorry,” she said with another laugh. “I’ve got to pee before we do any more of that.”
He groaned and rolled over on his back, smiling as he watched her hurry across the room to the connecting bathroom. She was only in there for a few minutes, and she came out smelling of toothpaste, so he hauled himself out of bed to pee and borrow her toothpaste.
“Why did you wince when you got up?” Laura asked as he returned to bed.
He stretched out beside her. He was wearing nothing but his underwear since he hadn’t had anything else to sleep in. “Just a sore back. No big deal.”
“How sore?” Laura was wearing red flannel pajama pants and a white tank top, and she looked absolutely scrumptious.
“Not that sore,” he said.
“Is it too sore for more of what we started before?”
“Definitely not too sore for that.”
She was smiling—both fond and sultry—as she pushed herself up onto her knees above him. “Maybe I should be on top. To spare your back, I mean.”
He couldn’t keep from laughing, even as his body began to respond to her closeness and the look in her eyes. “I have no complaints about that arrangement, but only if you want it. My back can manage any position you have in mind.”
“This is good for me.” She leaned down to kiss him, her hair falling over him as she did.
It was so warm, so sweet that Russ was momentarily dazed by emotion, affection. So much so that it took a minute for him to start moving his hands. When he did, he found the bottom of her tank top and started to pull it off over her head. She broke the kiss to get it off but then immediately started kissing him again.
Her legs were straddling his lower belly, and all her lush curves and firm muscle were pressed down into his chest.
He was surrounded by her scent, her weight, her warmth. Her tongue was in his mouth, and she had wound the fingers of one of her hands into his.
He was hard in almost no time, the tightness at his groin a delicious ache.
She pulled her mouth away and raised herself up. He stared at her firm breasts like a teenage boy, arousal pulsing even more strongly.
She was smiling down at him as she reached toward the drawer in her nightstand. “We’re going to use a condom this time. And as soon as Christmas is over, I’m going to get a doctor’s appointment and go on birth control.”
“Sounds like a reasonable plan.” He reached for the condom packet and tore it open as she pushed down his underwear and wrapped her fingers around his erection.
He groaned as she stroked him.
“Is your back hurting again?” she asked.
“No,” he choked out, torn between arousal and amusement and indignation. “I’m not groaning because of my back.”
“Oh. Good.”
He checked her face and realized she was teasing him. He chuckled again and then realized how dangerous it was. When she was touching him like this, laughing might be all he needed to lose it completely. “Don’t make me laugh, or this will be over before it’s even started.”
“I don’t think so. You’re a man of iron control.” She was teasing him again, even as she took the condom from him and rolled it on.
“I’ve always thought I was. But then I met you.”
Her face broke slightly at his words, and she leaned down to kiss him before she pulled off her pajamas and straddled his hips again, holding him in position as she lowered herself over him.
He sighed in pleasure and reached up to cup her face. “Oh fuck, baby, I love you so much.”
Her expression twisted, and he wasn’t sure if it was from pleasure or emotion. “Love you too.” Then she started to ride him.
She moved slowly, rhythmically at first. Her motion was leisurely enough that he could stroke her face, her arms, her hips, her breasts. He could touch her all over. He could watch her body as she rocked.
But eventually she accelerated, and the coil of pleasure at his groin tightened, grew, shifted his focus to his need to claim her.
He was making soft grunts as he pushed up into her, and she was panting and biting her lip as her hair swayed and her breasts jiggled.
She was sexiest thing he’d ever seen in his life, but she was so much more than that.
She was everything.
Giving him everything.
And he was finally allowed to let go of everything too.
He fumbled down her body until he could find her clit and then rubbed it as best he could—given his distraction and limited coordination. It seemed to work. Her head fell back and her mouth opened in a silent cry as her body shook through an orgasm.
Then he arched up and came too, letting go of the last thread of his restraint.
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He was hot and relaxed and perfectly sated as she leaned over to kiss him a few times before she pulled off him and got up. She took care of the condom, went to the bathroom again, and must have washed up before she came back to the room and pulled her tank top and pajamas back on.
She found the black T-shirt he’d been wearing under his shirt yesterday evening and handed it to him as she climbed back into the bed. “Do you mind putting this on?”
He did as she asked without questioning and then pulled his underwear back up as she nestled against him. “I guess I’m too much of a temptation to you without my shirt on.”
She laughed and stroked his chest. “You are a temptation. But mostly I’m imagining Tommy waking up early because it’s Christmas and busting into the room. If he does that, I’d like for you to be wearing a shirt.”
“Ah.” He ran a hand down her messy hair. “How would you like to handle that? I’m happy to leave now, if that would be easier for you.”
“It would be easier, but I don’t really want you to leave.” She paused. “I don’t know. I’ve never had to deal with this before. He’s still really young, and he doesn’t understand a lot of stuff. But he’s not a baby, and he’s going to... I don’t know.”
Russ adjusted his head so he could see her face, trying to read her expression. “It really won’t hurt my feelings if you send me away early. I don’t want to complicate things.”
“I am going to tell him that we’re dating now, that we’re... together. He needs to know that. It’s just the... the spending the night stuff I’m not sure how to handle. How do other single parents deal with such things?”
“You’re asking me? When have I ever given you reason to think I know anything at all about kids?”
She stretched up to kiss his jaw. “You’re good with kids.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Well, you’re good with Tommy.”
“Tommy’s different. I love him.”
“You know, that makes me almost as happy as hearing you say you love me.” She nuzzled his shoulder.
“I love you both.”
“If you keep that up, I’m going to have to take off your shirt again.” She slid a hand across his abs and held on to his side.