by S. Nahar
He scratched his beard, a habit of his when he was thinking, and shook his head. “I can’t let you go. This university is so far away from us. I refuse to let my daughter move into a dorm, where she could have a male roommate. I’m not letting you go,” he repeated with finality in his tone, leaving no room for arguments.
“Baba, please. Rethink this decision. There are all girl dorms or I could rent out an apartment. Please let me do this,” I begged him. Oh Allah, please let there be a way.
He opened his mouth to say more, but Tanwir cut him off. “I’ll graduate in a couple of months. My friend’s father has a big company for electronics and he needs full time cyber security majors. I could rent out an apartment with the money I have saved and watch over Amira,” he explained.
“Tanwir, she’s just our little girl. We can’t let her leave us and go into a world like that,” Mum said softly as she wrapped her arms around me.
“Mum, I’m almost eighteen! I would have to face the real world eventually. Please let me go with Tanwir.”
My parents exchanged glances with each other. I gazed at Tanwir with a face full of panic. He nodded at me, our sibling bond speaking louder than words.
“Baba, can I talk to you, privately?” he asked.
Baba nodded and followed Tanwir to a separate room upstairs. I waited in agitation as Mum tried to convince me out of my decision. I shook my head. I had to do this.
When I was little, I promised Allah I’d become either a doctor or medical researcher to help those in need, and use that money for charity. I wanted to complete that dream and promise of mine. I wanted to follow my own ambitions, and I was determined to accomplish this one. If I went to this university, I’d have the best chance.
After, what felt like several hours, Baba and Tanwir emerged from their “private talk.”
Baba smiled at me. “I will give you one year, Amira. If you don’t get mostly A’s in that year, I will make you come back here. You will stay with Tanwir, call us every day and visit at least once a month. If not, we can use skype. Is that understood?” he asked, seriously.
I gulped, straight A’s for one whole year. I barely got a 4.0 GPA every quarter in high school. Could I really make it in college? Well, it was a risk I’m willing to take. “Understood, Baba.”
Mum looked warily at the two men in the room, but then sighed in defeat. “Don’t you ever stop being my little girl,” she whispered into my hair as her arms around me tightened.
“I won’t, Mum. I promise,” I whispered back and rested my head on her shoulder. I felt her tears on my left shoulder.
I will always be your little girl, Mum.
Chapter 42
Break Ups
Damon Winters
“Damon! Wake up! Wake up!” a voice squealed.
I groaned and buried my head in my pillow. “Go away,” I grumbled.
“Damon! You promised I’d meet that pretty girl you talk about!” Jade exclaimed.
I lifted my head up and looked at the time. It was only eight in the morning. Oh, great! I’m sleeping. “Jade! It’s so early go away. Let me sleep in peace!” I groaned as I fell back against my pillow, tugging the covers over my head to ensure darkness.
Jade was staying with Dad for a while since her mom was visiting family in Canada. Dad moved out of the house and I was visiting him this weekend. I felt a little body jump onto my back.
“Damon, stop being a jerk! I wanna see her,” she pouted.
Her ginger colored bangs covered her forehead as she looked at me with wide puppy dog eyes. Her curly hair bounced on her shoulders as she jumped on my bed, flopping on it with a small giggle. I felt the mattress shake underneath me, thus ruining the last bit of sleep I had left in my eyes.
“God damn it,” I muttered as I gently pushed her off. I sighed as I rubbed a hand over my face.
“Damon?”
“What?” I asked impatiently, looking for decent clothes.
“What did you say?”
I froze. Dad is going to kill me if he finds out! I quickly turned around and gave her a nervous smile. “Never ever say that word again, understand?”
“But you just—”
“Jade,” I sent her my pointed glare.
Jade looked down, ashamed at getting scolded. I saw tears glazing her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she said quietly.
I sighed, realizing I hurt her, and embraced her to my chest. Her tiny arms spread around my waist, pulling me closer. Her small face buried itself in the fabric of my white shirt.
“I’m sorry, little one. It was my fault. Don’t cry,” I whispered.
How could something so precious be my little sister? It all seemed almost surreal. As I looked down at the little figure, I realized how my dad couldn’t have just abandoned her. Jade was so innocent. She needed someone there for her, especially with her mom being a drunken drug addict, not to mention a pain in the ass.
I hated to send Jade back to her. It wouldn’t be long until her mother started to take her anger and frustrations out on Jade. Her home was unstable. Jade told Dad about how her mom whipped her as a child.
The fear I had for Jade’s well-being was immense. She’s my little sister. We may be half-siblings, but she was still my sister, my own flesh and blood. I couldn’t leave her defenseless like that. As an older brother, it was my job to protect and cherish her when our families were falling apart.
I felt Jade push me away from her, and I raised my eyebrows at her.
She gave me a disgusted look while pinching her nose with her two fingers. “Your breath smells,” she gagged.
I chuckled and rose to my feet. “Of course it does. I just woke up.”.
She laughed. “So what? That’s no excuse,” she playfully scolded.
Jade was eager to meet Amira. I talked about Amira and her hilarious moments in class. Jade loved her. She even asked me how beautiful she was and I responded with no words to even describe her beauty. She was drop-dead gorgeous.
Unknowingly, Jade pushed me into the bathroom, slamming the door on her way out. I couldn’t erase the smile that graced my lips. Once I had accepted Jade as my sister, another sibling didn’t seem cruel.
Maybe Mom and Amira were right. I really did have to seize the opportunity to be optimistic whenever it was possible.
***
“Damon! Thomas is at the door!” Dad yelled.
“Coming!” I hollered back.
I slipped on a shirt and some jeans. As I walked to the living room, I was drying my hair with the towel. Jade was eating cereal and watching My Little Pony, while Thomas sat next to her going off about how lame the show was.
“It’s the best show ever!” Jade exclaimed.
Thomas chuckled deeply. “Nah fam. It’s so girly,” he retorted.
“Says the one who played with the merchandise with his sisters as a kid,” I smirked as he quickly turned to me horrified.
Jade giggled.
“We promised not to talk about that!” he glared at me as a faint tint of pink coated his cheeks.
“Dude, I don’t make promises I can’t keep,” I shrugged, a look of mischief crossing my eyes.
“Whatever,” Thomas mumbled as he rolled his eyes, which earned him more moments of humiliation from Jade and I.
Thomas and I left Jade alone in the living room and joined my dad for breakfast at the dining table. Thomas and I were talking about the latest promposals. I thought they were lame. I mean it was just prom, not like the guy was actually proposing.
“Speaking of promposals, Damon aren’t you going to ask out your girlfriend?” asked Dad as he sipped on his coffee and continued to look at newspaper.
Thomas choked on his milk. “G-Girlfriend?” he sputtered as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “I thought you were gonna break up with her.”
I shot a warning look at Thomas. My father liked Kaylie like his own daughter. I didn’t know how he would react if he knew I liked a Muslim girl. He wasn’t very fond with Musl
ims due to all the negativity in the media and the Luqmaan incident. His brain was brainwashed like the average American.
Then again, he was an average American, so that would make sense.
Dad’s head quickly snapped up to meet my sheepish expression. He narrowed his eyes, placing his paper down slowly. “You were going to break up with her?” he asked, carefully. I could already hear the masked anger in his voice.
Thomas was looking anywhere else but at Dad and I. This is going to be a long conversation. I slumped in my chair, sighing.
“Dad, I… I don’t like Kaylie like that. I’m thinking of breaking up with her cause I can’t keep leading her on. I already hurt someone. I can’t hurt another,” I said sadly as I diverted my gaze to the floor.
“What did you do?” he asked slowly.
Thomas cleared his throat, interrupting us. “I’m gonna go watch TV with Jade,” he smiled nervously at my direction. Even my friend felt pity for this conversation.
Well done.
“I broke her heart.”
He leaned back against his chair and crossed his arms. “Wait, so you broke a girl’s heart, decided to date Kaylie and now you’re going to break her heart too? I’m clearly missing something,” he wondered out loud.
I face palmed. “No, Dad. I used Kaylie as a way to get over someone. I don’t like Kaylie,” I bluntly stated as if it was obvious.
Dad’s eyes widened. “Damon Hayden Winters! What’s wrong with you?!” he yelled as he stood up.
I huffed. “What? I didn’t do anything wrong,” I mumbled. Kaylie offered it, and I already told her I liked someone but she didn’t care. She just wanted to be with me.
Dad paced back and forth as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “Damon,” he sighed. “That girl really likes you and you’re just using her?! I thought you got over this phase,” he said, disappointedly.
I felt the anger rising within me. What the hell is he talking about? “I’m not playing her, Dad. I told her what I really felt and she was okay with it,” I gritted out as my fists clenched.
Dad gave me a blank stare. “You cannot be that blind,” he denied as he shook his head.
“I told her my intentions,” I mumbled.
“Damon! She’s a girl! Come on. You lived with your mom for eighteen years. You should know that they hide their feelings!” he exclaimed.
I paused. “Kaylie actually likes me?” I muttered as realization took over.
“I need to talk to Thomas real quick,” I rushed out as I walked to the living room and grabbed Thomas by the collar and pulled him into my room.
“What’s wrong, dude?” he asked as he shook me off him.
I sat down on the bed with my face buried in my hands. “I’m such a retard,” I muttered.
“Yeah, we already knew that,” Thomas lightly chuckled. I lifted my head up to see his hands in his hoodie. “So what you gonna do?” he asked, casually.
I leaned back against my arms. “I don’t know man. Fucking hell! How did I not see that Kaylie actually liked me? I don’t need that drama in my life.”
“Just break up with her already! It’s so simple!”
“No, it’s not! What if I hurt her more?” I asked, terrified. I was done hurting people just because I was hurt.
Yet you keep hurting the ones you care about.
“You need to stop this nonsense and get yourself together. It’s either Kaylie or Amira, Damon. I suggest you make the right choice because one of them will be hurt in the end. It’s inevitable,” he told me seriously.
“I know. I just... don’t want to hurt anyone,” I confessed as I directed my gaze to the floor.
Thomas sighed and sat down next to me. He put a reassuring hand on my shoulder and squeezed it as a way of comforting me.
“Listen dude, life is about hurt. You can’t avoid that in every situation. Hurt isn’t always a bad thing. People learn from it. It’s okay, man. It’s all going to be okay,” he said softly.
In that moment in time, I realized what Amira had meant all those months ago when she told me to be grateful. Family and friendships kept a person’s sanity. Here I was, afraid to hurt another person, and he was trying to guide me towards a good decision. No matter what happened in life, people like Thomas, Tye, Jacob, and Sean would always stick by me.
These friendships I had were a blessing, and I had taken it for granted for too long.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
Thomas raised his eyebrows at me in a questioning glance. “For what?”
I smiled. “For not realizing how important our friendship means to me until now. Thank you, Thomas. I’m grateful for everything you’ve done for me, even if you had to beat me up sometimes,” I chuckled as I recalled the memory of Thomas yelling at me after school once for dating a girl like Kaylie like all my other friends in our little group.
He laughed. “Well someone has to beat the hell out of you when you’re being an ass. I like to call it balance. I’m just maintaining it,” he smirked.
I rolled my eyes. “I hate you.”
“But Damon, weren’t you just confessing your love for me?” he asked with his smirk still perfectly painted on his lips.
“No, I was expressing my gratitude for your lameness because it makes me seem cooler,” I retorted.
“Well damn then. Be a dick about it,” he pouted.
“Shut up, you big baby. Now toss me my phone.”
“This is why you and Amira are perfect for each other. Both bossy as hell,” he muttered as he passed me my phone.
I ignored his comment as I dialed Kaylie’s number.
“So, who are you choosing?” Thomas asked.
I turned to him with a ring. “The girl I went to a mosque for,” was my simple reply. Before he could say anything else, Kaylie answered.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Kaylie. We need to talk,” I said nervously. I saw Thomas give me a thumb up.
Wait for me, Amira. We’ll be together soon.
Chapter 43
Promise Me
Amira Sarker
I smiled at my neighbors, waving at them as I walked to the lake. Children were running around throughout the neighborhood while their parents were hosting family gatherings. The sun’s radiance sparkled in their eyes and everything seemed so perfect.
No one was judging each other. No one was yelling; no tears and no heartbreaks except happiness. Smiling faces and gentle voices greeted me as I walked down the street. My neighbors were congratulating me for being accepted at the university.
As I approached the lake, I frowned. Where is he?
Damon told me to meet him here and I realized I might as well tell him the great news. I nervously bit my lip. How was he going to react?
He won’t care, I thought.
I saw a spot underneath the shade of a tree, so I walked over, settling myself on the bed of grass that enveloped me. The wind bristled through my peach-colored hijab, gently shaking the branches, and allowing a few leaves to fall on my lap. The birds sang their song around me, calling out to their own children and family. I was mesmerized by the call of nature and all its glory from the small daffodils at my feet to the soaring birds above.
Memories of the past flooded me as I found myself desperately trying to relive those times again. Her smile was forever in my mind. It seemed as if time had frozen. Suddenly, I felt intense longing weigh down on my heart as I remembered Aisha.
***
I giggled as I ran into the forest. “You won’t catch me!” I yelled.
“Amira! Be careful!” Aisha yelled as she picked up her pace.
I stopped running as I came across a wondrous sight. The trees gently moved with the wind. The sun beamed down upon the crystal clear water. It looked like diamonds were underneath the clear sheet of water. I slowly walked closer, kneeling beside the lake where my reflection greeted me. Small colorful fishes swam around in a hurry.
I swirled my finger around the water as the underwater creature
s scurried away from me. Curiosity strained against me, and I wanted to catch the pink fish, but of course it was too fast for me.
“There she is,” I heard a familiar voice pant out.
I quickly turned to see Tanwir and Aisha holding onto a tree as they caught their breaths. Tanwir looked up and glared at me. “Amira, you know you’re not supposed to run off like that,” he scowled.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled quietly as I looked to the ground, ashamed. I felt tears brim my eyes. I didn’t mean to get in trouble. I thought we were just playing.
Tanwir opened his mouth to say more, but Aisha elbowed him. He winced and chose to be quiet. Aisha pulled me to her chest, lifting me onto her hips. My arms instinctively wrapped around her neck, burying my head in the floral scent of her hijab.
“Shh, he didn’t mean it. We were just worried. It’s okay, sweetheart. Don’t cry,” she whispered gently into my ear as she stroked my hair.
I tucked my hair into her scarf covered neck. “I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to,” I cried.
I felt another presence loom over me. I looked up. Tanwir smiled at me reassuringly and brushed my tears away. “Amira, it’s okay. Stop crying now. Let’s go look at the fishes, okay?” he asked softly.
I eagerly nodded my head and Aisha put me down. I was only seven years old and I began to realize the importance of family. My parents and siblings would never leave me. They reassured me thousands of times that they would always stick by me. Baba used to always tell me how Islam made family a priority and that we should never take it for granted because one day we might just lose it.
“Aisha, why do some people not like the way we dress?” I asked her, referring to her abaya and hijab.
Tanwir scoffed. “They’re all just racist scumbags,” he said bitterly.
Aisha slapped his arm.
“Ow! What was that for? I’m just telling the kid the truth,” he grumbled.